A/N- EDIT; I sketched some pics of Kisame and Kakuzu and how I imagine them in this story. :3 They're on my deviantart if you'd like to take a look after the chapter. Enjoy!
FOLLOW YOUR ARROW
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There was nothing to be done about the weather, much to Kakuzu's dissatisfaction. But then again, he was rarely ever pleased with it. Fall was admittedly his favorite, though he despised all the damn leaves, he appreciated the fact that the annoying children around his neighborhood had to go back to school. It rarely affected him during the day, seeing as he was at work before most people even woke up, and didn't come home until the younger ones were already in bed.
He just liked knowing the fact that they were forced back into what many of them liked to refer to as prison, as if they had any clue. That, and when the weather cooled down he didn't find so many frisbee's and balls and other miscellaneous toys on his property.
Summer was by far his least favorite. With the warm weather and everyone out getting plenty of Vitamin D and exersize, well, he rarely had a full schedule during the day but for random, sometimes uneccesary checkups he scheduled just to keep himself busy.
Winter... Winter sat in that gray area in his conflicting feelings. Bad weather brought customers and therefore money flooding in, but it was so damn cold! The snow caused just as conflicting feelings as well. In the right setting it certainly set a melancholy but serene aura to the small city, he appreciated the sound buffer it caused against the various sounds of daily life too. But the ache that the cold caused in him, well, it was just another irritating reminder about his increasing age. He was not old, absoloutly not, but he could not honestly admit that he was young anymore either...
The kids were still in school during this season, another plus, but most of them still played outside when they weren't, which was aggrivating. Just in the stretch of time between returning home and then going back out to meet Kisame, a snowman had spontaneously appeared in his front yard.
He hadn't wasted time in punching it's head right off it's body.
Damn kids... Why did they always make those abominations of art smiling? Life wasn't all shits and giggles, in fact it was the opposite. Fooling themselves with such a delusion would only make it harder when they suddenly found themselves dangerously nearing 50 with no actual life to speak of, except being a slave to the pursuit of the dreams you spent your childhood fantasizing about.
.
Damn, he really was in a sour mood today...
.
Maybe Kisame was right, maybe he needed to get out of his normal routine.
Hah. And maybe pigs should sprout wings and be processed into 'lightweight' bacon. This was a one-time thing, he was only giving it a chance for the fact that Kisame was always cheerful, even when he was being mercilessly berated by the Doctor, even when he was upset; he still cracked jokes and used heavy sarcasm. Hearing the man sound uncharacteristicly uncertain was concerning juuuust enough to make the Doctor willing to humor him.
And besides, he knew better than to ask the older man to associate with him outside of their respective careers unless there was a damn good reason behind it. They had not "hung out" since Kisame had first landed that job at the courthouse some 6 years after Kakuzu opened the clinic and their friendship shifted more to an occupational partnership.
.
Damn, that was a loooong time ago... where did the years go?
Perhaps it was time to have a small chat that didn't relate to work.
.
Surely their relationship wasn't the problem. Kisame was getting reasonabley close to his forties, he acted perfectly his age if perhaps a little too laid back for Kakuzu's tastes. Something so rediculous couldn't be bothering the man so much to prefer the Doctors company over that Uchiha boy he obsessed over.
He came to a stop at a red light, eyes squinting as he considered this and chased down that train of thought.
What if The Uchiha was the problem? It could very well be a possibility. He had mentioned his dissatisfaction with the boy for the catastrophe at work yesterday. Judging by the way- what was his first name? Itachi? Judging by the way Itachi had defended Hidan against Kakuzu, he would probably take the albino's side against Kisame as well. After all, you'd have to be loyal as hell to let someone with all the problems Hidan had stay in your home with you. Well, that or insane.
The light turned to green and he continued on his route as if on autopilot while his mind worked to solve this strange predicament.
No, even if those were true circumstances, Kisame was not that kind of person to go complaining to other people about someone else. He was far more polite than Kakuzu on most occasions, but the two shared a common opinon of people like that. Attention-seeking imbeciles is all they were.
If he was a little put-off about it though, it stands to reason he may feel the need to have a few beers and get it off his mind.
But inviting Kakuzu?
Bah, he concluded with a growl that this mystery was best left alone until he could simply ask his friend what the hell was going on. He'd already consented to the man's offer, there was no going back now anyway.
.
At long last his destination came into view. There seemed to be a quite a few other people there as well, and this fact only made his scowl deepen as he turned into the parking lot.
At least he was granted one mercy, it seemed. Kisame's white, old-school, Cadillac sat in a corner stall, with an open space directly beside it. The coincidence of this concerned him only slightly, as he was too busy calming his sudden irritation at his friend and his recent streak of bad luck alike for putting him through this.
Doctor Hoku, at a bar among the common drunks and whores of the town. Disgraceful.
The only bright side was that no one of value would see him here, and if perchance anyone of such standings were here to witness, then they most likely would keep their mouths shut to prevent the knowledge of their presence at the place from getting out as well.
At least he hoped so.
He exited the car, locked it, and made sure the alarm was set. You can never be too careful with your investments, after all.
Then, with a deep breath and heavy following sigh, made his way inside.
-o-
"Ugh, you ass!" Itachi's voice said loudly from the kitchen. Hidan raised a brow, looking over his shoulder and outstretched arm laying across the back of the couch towards the outburst.
"What the fuck did I do?" He shouted over the uneccessarily loud volume of the T.V., which was currently eliciting a glass-shattering scream from a woman being sawed in half.
"Not you!" Itachi replied, coming to stand just barely within the man's view. "Kisame."
"WHAT?" The albino called out, making his roommate wince and then stomp angrily over to him, snatch the remote from his hands, and click the mute button.
"Hey! I'm watching that you bitch!"
"Well at least turn it down, I can't even hear myself think."
"Tch. You think too much anyway." Hidan grumbled, twisted to swipe the remote back and unmute his movie. He did turn it down to a reasonable level though, mainly for the fact that he thought he'd heard Itachi say Kisame was the one making him mad. And if that were the case, he wanted in on whatever shit-talking session was about to occur.
Not to say his best friend was two-faced or anything, but on the occasions he did get upset enough, he could get pretty nasty.
"Did you say Shark-dick was the ass?"
"Yes." Itachi said, coming around into the little entertainment area and throwing himself onto the open loveseat. "I need to ask a favor of him and the jerk has been ignoring my calls all day."
Hidan clicked his tongue. Jerk? Not bastard, or son of a bitch, or donkey-raping shit-eater?
Well, obviously he wasn't upset enough for this conversation to be interesting. He turned his attention back to the television. Unless it was funny, he had no interest in Itachi's relationships. He'd learned to keep himself uninvolved in those matters way back in highschool when he'd somehow not only been dragged into that stupid drama, he'd somehow become the main cause of it. Back then the two hadn't been that close, it wasn't until Itachi's crush/next target(who happened to be a teacher) started taking time after school to tutor Hidan due to his continous failing grades that the two actually started paying attention to each other's presence. This originally had been a convolouted scheme by the Uchiha designed to get his crush/teacher to notice him as well. He'd befriended Hidan under false pretenses and for whatever reason had ended up actually sticking with the friendship. Hidan could only guess that it was because he defended the Uchiha when the whole ordeal suddenly turned into some terrible sitcom when Itachi's father took the man to court for sagetory rape after discovering his eldest son had been sneaking out at night to go to his teacher's house.
Hidan had then came to the conclusion that he had stuck by all these years. Itachi was just as batshit crazy as him, just in a much more subtle, socially-acceptable way.
Upon his return to this place, (one of the many towns and cities he made friends and grew up, but certianly the one he'd had the most fun in) and his discovery that Itachi had gone on to get a degree in psychology, he'd damn near died in a fit of laughter.
"Well he does have his own life and shit to live. Maybe he wants a damn day off from you forcing yourself on him."
Itachi's head snapped up at this, giving his roommate a glare that went unnoticed.
"I do not force myself on him. And I do not bother him constantly. I've made sure to keep my visits to only twice a week, unless he requests otherwise. And you and I both know that's not the damn reason."
"Mmhmm. Okay O'master-of-the-human-mind. What the fuck's his problem then?" The albino replied, eyes still glued to the television as the random body parts of the woman were served to the mutant cannibals who'd murdered her like some Thanksgiving feast. He did keep half his attention on the man, though. He was certianly riled.
"Well maybe your boss went and gave him hell for your abhorent behavior yesterday. He is, after all, the one who convinced Dr. Hoku to hire you. If he's as evil as you both claim I imagine he got the shit end of the stick for that one."
Hidan turned now. That was two swears, and now his anger was turning direction, his direction.
"He may very well be upset with me for vouching for you!"
"Whoa, 'Tachi." He held his hands up in mock surrender. Just one more thing to hate that stupid asshole for. Some wise old doctor he was, tattling like that. "C'mon you said they've been pals since way before you came into the picture. He's probably used to that fuckin' miser giving him shit. And I wasn't that bad! Seriously! I still held my tongue more than usual. It's gotta be something else! How do you even know he's ignoring you? Maybe he's fuckin' busy!"
"Hn." Itachi relaxed back onto the cusions, stareing distantly at the wall. "Because it rings two or three times and jumps to his voicemail."
He said nothing more as a rescue group barged into the cannibals feast with guns raging on the television. Hidan's eyes flicked back and forth from the screen to his sullen friend in cautious silence.
Really, the man could be such a girl sometimes...
"Perhaps I did make him uncomfortable..." Itachi muttered, more to himself than his roommate. The albino bit his lip, wanting desperatley to finish the flick but knowing he couldn't be so much of an ass as to just let Itachi sit there when he was having what was clearly an exponential crisis as far as the Uchiha was concerned.
Hidan rolled his eyes and managed to withhold his sigh of irritation. Damn, he'd already spent a good portion of the day explaining in rediculously excriciating detail all that had occurred on his first day of work.
After his little meltdown, he'd personally thought things had gone much more smoothley. Sure, there'd been a lot of yelling, he'd been punched in the shoulder by the surprisigly strong old man a few times, and a few customers had walked in on their bickering matches only to turn around and walk right back out. But all in all he'd still accomplished every task the Doctor had given him, answered all the phone calls, sucessfully rescheduled all the clients that had skipped their appointments in favor of avoiding being dragged into the two men's fight, and thanks to his wonderful friend he'd even gotten all the extra work done that he'd been sent home with, even after he'd fallen asleep ten minutes after their little arguement and Itachi had finished the rest by himself.
Suck on that, Kakuzu, you fuckin' dick.
But, as he'd explained all these events to the Uchiha, his charcoal gaze had grown more and more accusing. So apparently he hadn't done as well as he could have.
Really though, what was he supposed to do!? Dr. Hoku told him to drop the pretenses. It definitely had lowered his anxiety, and anger, to do so. And with the way the old man had reacted, going from a stoic old tightass to a shouting abusive asshole, well how was he supposed to know that was bad!? Really, they worked together so much better that way!
"How do you figure that?" He finally said, clicking the mute and twisting on the couch. No, he certianly couldn't just let his friend sit there and mope, not with all he owed him. Even if these 'girl talks' made him want to throw up and chug down an entire bottle of Jack*... it was either do this or suffer the small tyrants wrath later for whatever reason he felt like using.
Itachi was silent for a moment, face scrunched in thought. His dark eyes flicked up to Hidan.
"Do you remember Deidara? He was only a freshman when we were seniors."
Hidan nodded. How could anyone not remember the fucking uproar that little blonde freak made at the school.
"Yeah. Everyone called him a chick. So he kept trying to screw all the girls to prove he was a dude, and they started the rumor that he was gay."
"Yes." Itachi said, smiling slightly. "But he wasn't."
"I thought that turned out being true?" Hidan almost shouted. "'Cause that fuckin' spring break party he got caught making out with a dude! I remember that much from that night. That was the day before they switched me to a new fuckin foster family without letting me tell you or Nagato or Yahiko goodbye!"
"Yes. That was me." Itachi said, smiling in a mixture of embarrasment and mischevious pride.
Hidan couldn't react right away, as his words didn't click into place just yet. Yeah, he kind of remembered getting seperated from the guy most of the night. He'd been far too fucking drunk to search for more than five minutes before he'd been distracted by joining in on the keg stand a few of his classmates were doing.
"That was you... you were the one who caught him?"
The raven-haired man chuckled and shook his head, laying his palm over his eyes. "No Hidan, I was the one he was caught with."
The albinos face twisted in confusion, then realization, and he burst into what started as a small laugh and quickly escalated into an uncontrollable fit of glee.
"NO way! BahahahaHAHAHA! Oh my God 'Tachi! You little slut! THAT'S FUCKING PRICELESS! OH MY GOD!"
"Yes... well..." His roommate replied, cheeks tinted slightly. "I think I might have done the same thing to Kisame..."
"Made out with him in a closet wasted off your ass?" The still laughing man replied.
"No! Not the same situation but the same circumstance! Deidara hated me after that, and though he rarely succeeded he often did his best to cause me to suffer the same humiliation he was put through. He spread horrible rumors about me and my family, that we were all incest and suffered from multiple STD's as well as worshipped the devil, and bullied Sasuke mercilessly for two years when he became a freshman."
Hidan stopped his laughter now, brow dropping in anger. He'd never known all this, the funny parts or the darker ones. The Uchihas were a well respected and also feared family, for someone, especially some teenager, to have the balls to stand up to them and besmerch their name like that. It couldn't have ended well.
"Your Dad didn't do anything about it?"
"Well, he'd grown tired of my sexual orientation by then. He sent me off to the farthest college he could bribe my way into once I graduated and told me to get myself help and to never show my face in this town again."
"Damn Uchiha. I didn't know you ever even left this place... HEY! You're saying you It only took you three fucking years to get your degree?" Hidan snapped. It wasn't so hard to believe, really. Itachi excelled in just about anything he did. He had always had a 4.0 grade average, before he stopped going out for sports he'd been an all-star athlete. He hadn't exactly been popular like the other jocks, but there wasn't a soul in the entire school Hidan could remember that had even been able to bring themselves to dislike the guy. If it hadn't been glaringly obvious that he was hardcore gay he probably would have had a swarm of girls following him constantly as well. Not that he wasn't still 'best friends' with every female in that place, but that was different.
Itachi sighed. "Anyway, what I was trying to explain before you threw me off track is that I'm fightened that I may have sent Kisame down the same road..."
"PFFT! Are you retarded? There's a difference between your butt-buddy and that fuckin' blonde dumbass. First of all, he obviously wants your dick. Dei didn't even really know you, you were both probably fucked up, shit, he might have even thought you were a girl."
"He knew who I was. He was the one flirting with me, initially." Itachi said matter-of-factly.
Hidan stared at him before shaking his head and holding a hand up. "Okay I don't want any more details. I officially hate that shit-eater now anyway. Fucking little bitch, going after your family because he's too much of a coward to confront you. I wish I could've been there..."
"That most likely would have just worsened the situation anyway. Your 'help' rarely ever does what it's intended."
"Tch. Fuck you. Anyway, this guy is completley different from that Idiot. Because he obviously fucking adores the shit out of you. I mean, even Kakuzu said he never shuts up about you. So I'm gonna guess that the only thing you're connecting these two together with is the fact that they don't like guys."
Itachi's eyes lowered and his face dropped. Hidan had to work to fight back the anger this caused. It was a misplaced emotion, he was fully aware, but he couldn't help it. There was no reason for the confident Uchiha to be worried. And it pissed him off that the man would show this weakness all because his boyfriend wouldn't answer his calls. He was over-reacting, like a fucking teenage girl.
"I really never could determine if he were straight or not. It's strange, I mean he always talked about women in a sexual manner and ,you know, came off that way at first, but the more I learned of him the more hopeful I grew. He takes care of his body, he goes to the hair salon, he likes pedicures, he doesn't mind talking about sensitive emotional stuff like most heterosexual men. I couldn't help myself Hida, sometime he looks at me and I feel like I'm going to die if I can't have him soon."
Hidan promptly made a rude gagging noise, and Itachi sent him a death glare.
"So what then? Did you finally ask him to fuck you or what?"
"No, you insensitive child." Itachi stated quickly, "I'm not some pimp. Maybe it was his looks that attracted me at first but I think I've really found a treasure this time. I did make a move on Friday though..."
The albino snorted, eyes back on the T.V. though the sound was still off. "'Bout fuckin' time. You've been trying to bang that guy since I've been here."
"Oh I've been at it since long before you showed up. He's almost as dense as you sometimes, I swear."
Hidan only grunted in response to this, making the Uchiha roll his eyes.
"What I don't understand is that he responded eagerly enough to it. And now he won't even talk to me. We were both perfectly sober, it's not as if he weren't aware of what was happening..."
"And you think I'm the dense one." Hidan muttered.
Itachi's brow lowered at this. "Well I'm not sitting here sharing with you because I have it all figured out. If you have something to add Hidan, come out with it."
"Fine." The pale man said, angrily stabbing at the remote and shutting the movie off completly now. "Your problem is that you're too fuckin' smart and you think shit through too much. You're like a goddamn chick making such a deal out of this. If you wanna understand the guy you gotta think like a guy. We think with our dicks, 'kay? You're hot, that's a fact, he probably didn't resist you because of that. You make youself out to look like a fuckin' girl, and it probably got his pecker all confused, y'know?"
The slightly younger man winced at Hidan's crude explanation, but listened attentively none-the-less.
"So here's this guy who's never thought sexually about another guy in all his life suddenly... wait, what'd you do to him?"
"First base." Itachi said.
"Alright so here's this straight guy suddenly making out with another guy. He's not thinking anything of it at the time 'cause his mind is in sex mode. But today I fuckin' garuntee he's confused as shit with himself. That's probably why he don't wanna talk to your ass. You got his libido all fuckin' fuckered up."
Hidan pushed himself from the coutch, rudely paused to scratch his ass, and then took off into the office space that had been converted into his bedroom. Before he was pulled any further into this touchey-feeley shit. Staying in the house all day had been a bad Idea, he was getting anxious. And so made up his mind to go for a jog. Damn the snow, he couldn't stay here while Itachi was on his man-period like he was.
"Fuckered?" Itachi mumbled to himself, looking down at his phone.
.
-o-
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"So you two are getting along now then?" Kisame said, taking another swig of his beer.
"Hardley. It's all I can do to keep from strangling the idiot." Kakuzu replied deeply, repeating the action.
He'd never been particularly fond of the taste of beer, but now that he was on his 5th one, it was getting easier. And he certianly felt less tense, though his mood had not improved only for the fact that they'd spent the last hour talking about his new employee and how rediculous his first day on the job had been. His friend has seemed particularly amused at the beginning of the story when Hidan had been acting a perfect little angel. When he'd mentioned the idiot actually thanking him for being so rude as to instruct the man not to call him by his name, Kisame had nearly fallen off his stool in his fit of laughter.
"After that boy you're always hanging around with came by to check on him, and his little temper tantrum, he's been acting more of a fool than ever. The twerp threatened to call the police if I refused to give him a ride home after that Uchiha forgot to pick him up. The nerve, I wish I'd have just kept my mouth shut."
Kisame gave him a somber smile and clapped him on the back. "See, we both needed some down time after yesterday."
Kakuzu snorted at this, "And what the hell did you do that was so stressful? Don't bother telling me it was anything close to what I endured, thanks to you no less." He took another large swallow from the glass bottle.
"Hey now! You were always such a happy drunk you old miser. Don't quit on me now!"
"As were you." Kakuzu stated, turning to regard his old friend.
The thing about Kisame is that, even though he and Kakuzu had personalities from two different planets, the men could easily pass for brothers, and had pretended such a thing on more than one occasion to escape the consequences of their shenanigans.
In fact, it was one of the things that had started this friendship, though most people assumed it had begun when the men went to school together. In truth the two had 8 years difference in their ages, not once had they ever attended the same school at the same time.
Kakuzu's skin was dark due mainly to his father's Spanish blood, while his hair remained a chocolatey brown thanks to his mother.
But Kisame was what they called an 'African-American', these days. Though his blood decended more from Carribbean descent than anything African. As far as society was concerned, if you were black, then you were just black.
Kakuzu had never thought of him that way though, seeing as the man's skin was actually a slightly lighter shade than his own. And he didn't have the stereotypical appearance that people slapped on Carribean-Americans either. His hair, a deep, deep, shiny ebony, was not a tangled, unmanageable mess at all, it was as smooth and soft as any Caucasians by all appearances. It was a little bit course and somewhat stiff when you actually felt it, but his old friend seemed to like that, made it easier to style, he often said. In fact one of Kisame's lesser obsessions was that of his hair. He was always having it professionally colored and styled. Back when they were younger he'd had the idea to have it a dark, sort of navy blue, and had kept it that way for years. But now it was back to his natural color with just a few nicely placed dark blonde highlights throughout it, and it was combed up into some sort of style that spiked up toward the front and leaned toward the left just a smidge.
His facial structure was awkwardly similar to Kakuzu's, the only difference being a narrower jaw and more pronounced cheekbones. Even their noses were identical. And as for his eyes... well... Kisame did have brown eyes, a long time ago. But due to a run-in with an angry mother shark he'd had one summer while vacationing down in the Bahama's, he'd had to undergo some eye surgery to keep from going blind completley. Kakuzu had never been able to get a detailed description of what exactly the surgeons did to cause it, but after he'd finally been able to take the bandages off, Kisame's iris's had turned to a pitch black, and remained that way ever since.
His friend had been overjoyed at this fact, He'd embraced the whole accident rather well, actually, though it had taken everyone who knew him a very long time to get used to it, seeing as he had terrible scars all over his body as well, the most noticable being three concentric triangle-shaped scars on his right cheekbone. Sometimes he liked to terrify children with the story of how he was bitten by a radio-active shark and had half-way transformed into one, and now craved human flesh.
"So are you going to enlighten me as to what you've been moping about this whole time? Or keep pretending I'm not going to notice." Kakuzu finally said blatantly.
The ocean-loving man seemed to be taken off-guard for a moment as he finished off his 7th bottle and smacked it down onto the bar. He recovered with a laugh, looking at the older man with his emotions carefully masked. "What're you talking about? You getting Alzheimers or somethin'?"
Kakuzu only stared back at him, features unreadable.
Kisame shifted, and cleared his throat. "I don't really wanna talk about it... it's stupid."
"If it's bothering you so much then it can't be your normal stupidity at work. You invited me out here for a reason, I've played along with this game long enough."
The deep pits that the man had for eyes seemed to stare longingly back at the coffee-skinned man, at war with himself whether to do what his friend was asking or attempt to shrug it off again.
"You know how I feel about being lied to..." Kakuzu pressed on, not quite sure why he cared so much to try this hard. Must be the alchohol, he didn't even feel buzzed yet, but he'd blame it on that regardless.
Finally his drunk friend reached up to scratch a spot on his head and run his fingers through his hair. It smoothed and laid flat with the pressure, but sprang back up to it's previous position as soon as he let his hand down.
"Yeah, I know. I'm not lieing though, I just... I don't know man we're getting too old to have these kinds of problems... It's embarrasing, is all."
"If you truely do not wish to speak of it then you should not have asked for my company." Kakuzu said, finishing off his beer and motioning to the bartender for two more for them both. His anger was trickling away now, since they'd finally gotten off the subject of that insufferable moron. And as uncharacteristic as he knew it was, his reminiscing had tricked his tipsy mind into actually being rather concerned for his best friend.
Hm. He'd not reffered to Kisame as his best friend since... well... since they last drank together.
"Obviously you are in need of some sort of guidance. I am a doctor. So hurry up and spit it out."
"Kakuzu, I don't think you'd understand. Really, I just wanted to have a beer and relax like the old times."
"You're lieing. I can tell. Your right eye is twitching. Do not lie to me Kisame. I have no quarrels with leaving right now."
"See this is what I mean by not understanding-"
"I would understand if you would stop dancing around the subject." Kakuzu said, twisting the cap from his beer with no assistance from the bottle opener the waitress had given them when they'd first sat down. "We are not two young girls, Kisame, though I've forgotten your tendancy to be so sensitive like one. Stop worrying about how I'm going to react and get on with it."
His friend continued to sit in thoughtful silence while the elder man swallowed down half the bottle. Finally he gave a slow blink and chuckled.
"You're such an ass, Kakuzu, old pal."
"Well someone has to be with all the whiners running around this planet."
Kisame chuckled again and opened his own beer, having to use the bottle opener after a few moments of failure.
"Just... it's embarrasing okay? Don't make it any worse.."
Kakuzu scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Just get on with it before I come to my senses and swear off this devil's drink for good."
"Okay, okay!" He said, eyes downcast as he scratched at the label on his beer. "So uh. On Friday during lunch... Itachi came by. And, you know, I jumped his ass about the kid like I said I was going to and he jumped mine right back saying he warned me of the kid's behavior and all that.."
Kakuzu held up his hand at this. "He warned you? So you knew that idiot was out of his mind before you put him in my care?"
"NO! No I swear! All he said is he doesn't do well with authority and he's been known not to hold down a job! I mean he said it in a lot nicer way but that's all he said!"
Kakuzu eyed him, growling, before taking another swig. Then he gestured with a wave for his friend to continue with his story.
Kisame cleared his throat before he did so. "Uh.. so anyway after that he said he visited Hidan and finally met you and..." He covered up a chuckle by pretending to cough into his fist. "And uh, well basically he thinks this job is perfect for the kid. Says maybe with you working with him at the clinic and Itachi babysitting him at home, he'll straighten himself out."
"I doubt that. I've never met a more oblivious full-grown man in my life. Get to the point already."
"Yeah, okay... well.. after lunch we just kinda chatted back and forth like usual and then he went to leave and I got up to follow him and unlock the front door and then all the sudden he turned around and I almost ran him over. And he looks up at me and he's got this... this weird look on his face..."
"And..." Kakuzu said, trying to hold back his smirk. He knew now what had happened, why the man seemed to tense every time that Uchiha was mentioned. He'd suspected this as soon as he'd laid eyes on the boy. No man was that feminine without a motive behind it.
"And uh... he... he uhm... you know, got up on his tippy toes and then his arms were around my neck and... everything kinda went fuzzy..."
"Oh for the love of-Kisame he kissed you, stop being so squeamish." Kakuzu said, turning away from the man to motion to the bartender to bring more beverages in order to hide his face, scrunched up in effort to keep in his laughter.
He didn't laugh, dammit. He was Kakuzu Hoku; miser, scrooge, asshole.
"SHH! Jesus, Kakuzu, you want me to shout it from the fuckin' mountiantops! I'm a little humiliated, so sue me! I don't know what the hell to make of this!"
"Well I don't see what the problem would be with it. One look at that boy tells you he's never seen a naked female in his life. You should have expected it, really."
"Yeah I know that but I didn't think he'd try anything with me! I've never given him reason to think I like him like that. You know. I mean, damn, he's sat there and listened to me talk to clients and friends alike on the phone about women and shit like that! He's smart as a damn tack Kakuzu, I figured he knew I'm straight."
"Well if he's that smart then obviously you had to have given him something that he took as affection."
"But I don't know what it is! I never paid attention, he's just so easy to be around you know, it's like he's not even there sometimes, like you're just talking to yourself with a different voice."
"That doesn't even make sense, you fool."
"Yes it does! You just need to get to know him better."
"So he can kiss me too? No thank you."
"God stop saying that word, so juvenile. And he wouldn't like you anyway. He thinks you're a judgemental ass."
"Is that jealousy I hear?"
"What? Hell no! I don't like men Kakuzu! That's what this whole thing is about. Fuck, I told you you wouldn't get it." He grabbed both sides or his head and leaned over the bar. "It just sucks you know? I don't wanna hurt his feelings, it's like telling a little kid he can't have a birthday party! And despite all that he's a damn good friend; reliable, thoughtful, patient, funny, smart, polite until you piss him off. He's so fuckin' funny when he gets to ranting, and oh God you should see him tell someone off, he reduced this one girl to tears once at the coffee shop-"
"You certianly don't sound like you think of him as only a friend, Kisame. Listen to yourself. What kind of straight man goes on like that about anyone other than a woman?"
His friend was silent at this, studying the bar as if it would magically give him all the answers.
After three minutes of this had gone by and Kakuzu had finished off his beer once again, he turned completley toward the sullen man.
"Here is the question I have. If you are so sure of your sexuality, why does it bother you so much? I've never known you to be so un-confident, Kisame. It's disheartening and frankley it pisses me off." He paused to give the unresponsive guy a small shove. "Look at me when I talk to you! You wanted a second opinion and I'm giving it to you, free of charge, which is something I never do. So pay attention."
Kisame finally turned to him, brows raised in cautious interest.
"I noticed you said that he kissed you. But what I'm curious to know is what happened after that? Specifically, what I'm asking, is if you kissed him back."
The dark-skinned man threw his hands up in the air, sliding forward off the barstool.
"YES! GODDAMIT YES I DID AND FUCK ME IF IT WASN'T THE HOTTEST DAMN THING EVER!"
Kakuzu finally did burst into laughter now. He simply couldn't hold it in. Being the borderline sadist he was, it was just too much to withhold his joy at seeing his friend so tortured by this. Especially now that he was drunk and making a scene.
He supposed it probably would be a significant concern for a man like Kisame, always so sure of who he was, content to let life play out for the fact that he had no quarrels with his own. Finding this out was almost like finding out some terrible secret that had been kept from you all your life. Kakuzu was suddenly glad he'd been as open-minded as he was in his younger days. If he'd had to deal with this now, he'd probably be acting much the same as his friend here.
The entire population of the building turned at least momentarily to look at the ranting man, a few of them letting out inebriated chuckles, before they each went back to their own business.
Kakuzu was glad for this, at least. Everyone here was off their asses, and everyone was aware of this, which made them all less inclined to care when someone did something stupid.
"IT'S AWEFUL KAKUZU YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW! This just makes everything worse! I wish I wouldn't have liked it because now I can't stop thinking about it and I can't answer his calls cause every time I even think about talking to him my throat gets all tight and I get this weird fluttery shit in my stomache and it's just aweful!" He was pacing now, waving his hands around as he explained the situation loudly.
Kakuzu was absoloutly losing it in his seat. Horrified by the fact that he couldn't stop laughing, and then laughing even harder when that struck him as hilarious for some reason he didn't understand.
Oh God if anyone saw him like this...
"I don't have that many friends, you know?! Everyone's always freaked out by my face and eyes and you and him are the only people I've got and I'm scared to lose him and scared to actually be with him cause WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I LIKE GUYS!?" He punched the elder man in the shoulder to puncuate this last sentence, rescueing him from his fit of laughter.
Kakuzu, in that one millisecond, suddenly became deadly serious again, sliding from the barstool and grabbing the ranting man by his shoulders both to steady himself and Kisame as well. Damn, he'd become a lightweight over the years.
"Stop. Acting. Like a child." He said carefully. "You are a grown man. I've dealt with enough immature nonsense for a lifetime these past few days."
He guided Kisame back to his seat, looking around the room to give the darkest glare he could muster to anyone still watching the display. Then he sat back in his own spot and pinched the bridge of his nose. Forget Kisame's rediculous relationship problems, there was now a far more important matter to attend to, he suddenly realized after not being able to stand properly.
How the hell were they supposed to get home in this condition?
"Listen closely. I'm going to tell you how to solve this problem." He said lowly, not letting the man break eye contact with him.
"You are going to stop with this hysteric nonsense, first of all. And then you're going to call us a cab. When you get home you're going to go to sleep and then tomorrow when you're feeling better, you're going to call that little weasel and explain to him everything you've just told me. Then let the rest happen as it happens."
"But he's a guy, Kakuzu. For Fuck's sake he has a d-"
"I'm well aware of human anatomy you blubbering idiot. Times have changed since we were their age. It's not prohibited for such things to happen anymore. Stop your crying and be a man."
"But I'm not a man now!"
Kakuzu promptly slapped him across the face at this, and Kisame stared back in shocked silence.
"You're embarrasing yourself by your reaction to it, there is no shame in the problem itself. I think nothing less of you, the boy obviously doesn't either, and as you said, we are your only support. The only one here not okay with this discovery is you. Pull yourself together." He growled, leaning close to his friend, who put his hands over his face.
"You just don't get it..." His muffled voice came out.
Kakuzu let out a half-growl, half-sigh and this and stood up immediatly, grabbing the drunken man and yanking him from his place as well.
He fumbled in his wallet for enough money to pay off both of their tabs, which luckily wasn't too aweful much, seeing as both of the men's tolerance for alchohol had plummeted since the days when they used to do this on a regular basis.
When he found the right bill, he slapped it down on the counter, grabbed both of their coats and dragged him through the establishment and out into the cold, nearly throwing the confused man into the snow as he shrugged into his coat.
"You are almost 40, Kisame. Two years and you are a decade away from having half your life be nothing but memories." He said sharply, throwing the man's coat at his face with more force than neccessary.
Kisame stumbled, but didn't fall, and then miraculously managed to maneuver himself into the piece of clothing.
"You have a choice now, do what you wish, and know in the end that you have no regrets, or spend the rest of your useless life wondering what could have been. Now call a damn cab. I've had enough, I want to go home."
"Yeah... damn. You're right. God, I'm sorry man I don't know what got into me..." The man finally surrendered, pulling out his phone, dropping it, nearly falling over when he went to retrieve it, and then punching in a few numbers.
"Alchohol is what got into you, you drunken fool. You had better hope nothing happens to my car overnight or you'll be paying for it."
They stood shivering in silence as Kisame called the cab company, at least until his eyes stretched to saucers suddenly.
"SHIT!" He exclaimed, tossing the phone to Kakuzu as if it had burst into flames.
"What are you doing, you idiot!" Kakuzu bellowed, fumbling with the device before looking at the screen.
'Itachi- 00:06' it said, with the number slowly incressing each second.
The elder of the two glared up at Kisame, who only stared back in horror and apology.
He rolled his eyes as the young man's confused voice called for his friend through the speaker. Why were all his associates a bunch of brainless children?
"Hello? Kisa?"
"Hello again Mister Uchiha." He sighed into the phone.
"... Dr. Hoku?"
"Yes. I apologize, Kisame is... terribley drunk. He meant to call a cab, and somehow called you by mistake."
"...Oh... I see... is he alright?"
"He is, though I imagine he won't be in the morning."
"I see. Well, Doctor, I hate to tell you this but the taxi's do not run after midnight. 'What the fuck does he want?' Shh, I'm on the phone."
The doctors eyes narrowed at the sound of the second voice. That belonged to the insufferable brat, damn it all. Couldn't that idiot ever leave him alone? God, if he ended up having to look at his face tonight, he surely would break the damn thing. At the very least that would deterr him from thinking of it all the time,the pale skin, the masculine but still gentle curve of his jawline... Damn, If the cabs didn't run after midnight, the Uchiha brat would surely offer to pick them up, and then there was no doupt in his mind dthat that idiot would follow...
His eyes narrowed, he could see where this was going. He would not take part in it, absolutely not.
"I think we'll take our chances."
"I would be happy to give him a ride, Doctor. Can you tell him that? And also that I apologize, he will know what it means."
"As do I, Uchiha. He's already slurred out an explanation for his behavior."
"I see... that's why he's drunk, isn't it?"
"He is drunk because he chose to be."
"Well even so, I can take him home, it's my fault. I'm sorry for this trouble. What is your address?"
Kakuzu was a bit slow to understand why the boy had asked him this, as his brain was drowned in beer and his body was frozen near solid. It had to be sub-zero temperatures out here.
Then he realized. Itachi must think they were at his residence. He's misunderstood the situation, thinking Kisame to have come to his place to engage in the drinking. Whether or not he realized Kakuzu wasn't sober, he didn't know. Though he'd like to keep it a secret, the only way to keep his blasted rambling mouth quiet of this fact was to simply hang up.
"You misunderstand. We are not at my house."
"Oh..." There was a silence on the other end as Kakuzu swayed in place through his violent shivers. "Doctor... are you drunk as well?" Itachi drawled. Kakuzu could practically hear the smile he was wearing, as well as the maniacle laughter in the background.
His temper flared, and he shot Kisame another deathglare, who had fallen to the ground and now looked as if he were about to vomit. Damn, this boy was sharp, though it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.
"It seems so. I apologize for the call in the middle of the night, Mister Uchiha. Goodbye."
"No wait! Doctor please, let me make this up to you and him alike. I'll come get you both, I won't speak a word, I promise."
"I don't think it's in his best interest-"
"Hidan won't be coming, Doctor." Itachi interrupted. "Only me. You have no reson to decline. 'The fuck I'm not! I'm not missing that shit!' For God's sake, give me privacy you child!" There was a noise that sounded like a hard slap, and Hidan's muffled voice shouting out complaints. This brought a grin to his own face.
Well... as long as that moron wasn't going to tag along. Perhaps it would be alright. If the cab wouldn't come, there really was no other option. Kakuzu didn't have any other friends close enough to come pick them up at...
He looked at his watch.
2 a.m.! Fucking hell! What in the name of George Washington was that Uchiha still doing awake at this hour anyway?
"Very well. We're at Trophy's bar and grille."
"That's on Quarter street, correct? South of the Clinic?"
"Yes."
"Alright. Thank you Doctor. I'll be there momentarily."
Kakuzu grunted his goodbye and waited until the phone beeped to signal the end of the call, then looked calmly over toward his drunken friend.
"Kisame."
"Whah?"
"YOU'RE A BLOODY GODDAMNED IDIOT!" He chucked the phone at the man's chest as hard as he could as he yelled. The piece of plastic collided with him and he yelped, falling backward into the snow.
Kakuzu stomped over to him and leaned over the struggling man.
"Remind me to break your neck next time you speak to me about any more of your brilliant ideas!"
"What the hell did I do?" He cried out, scrambling up to his feet, gingerly rubbing his chest.
"You drunking fool, do you not remember throwing your phone to me two minutes ago in a panic!? You called that Uchiha boy instead of the cab company! Now he's coming instead, so get your pitiful ass together before you embarrass yourself and me any further!"
"Itachi's coming!? What the fuck did you agree to that for?"
"The taxi service closes at midnight."
"Is that what he told you?"
"Yes."
"THEN YOU'RE THE DUMBASS HERE! They run 24/7 from Friday to Sunday night for occasions just like this. There was a bill passed by the mayor three months ago!"
"HOW THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT!?"
"YOU READ THE FUCKING PAPER YOU CODGER!"
Kakuzu retracted his hand to swing a punch, but caught himself just before he did. Kisame's eyes had gone wide and he had his arms thrown across his head for protection.
He stopped to look at the man, lowering his arm and growling in frustration. This had never happened before, he'd been mad at Kisame, obviously. And since they'd first met the two acted like the brothers they were often mistaken for, throwing playful or half-strength punches at each other. And of course the occasional slap across the face to reign each other in, like earlier.
But just then he'd had the intent to actually injure the man. And Kisame even seemed to pick up on that, flinching away like he did.
Kisame Hoshigaki was no wuss. Kakuzu knew for a fact that the man made frequent trips to the gym during the winter, then in the nicer seasons he had dozens of athletic hobbies he busied himself with. Kakuzu himself had his own small workout room at home, being a doctor and knowing the dangers of a sedemetary lifestyle. He was not nearly as toned physically as the younger man, but he was certianly stronger, and always had been. One perk to being tall and thick they way they both were, (though his oceanic friend was just a hair taller,) was the natural strength that came with it.
Though Kisame would live through it, he would never be victorious if Kakuzu came at him full-force, this was something they both knew without saying.
This was what irritated him the most. Why the hell would he get so angry with the man, especially over something so delinquent as having the Uchiha boy give them a ride home?
The only thing his drunken mind could decide is that it must obviously be the alchohol. Always the damn alchohol, making boys out of men since it's invention. Though he might admit something about the way Kisame had shouted right back at him so furiously had been what set him off the most. It reminded him of...
Of Hidan. That worthless little miscreant... always shouting and cursing for any reason his immature little mind could come up with..
Damn. Of all the times to be thinking of that little shit...
He sighed and closed his eyes tightly, dropping his head to massage his temples.
"Well, it is what it is now. At least in this state you'll be more likely to grow yourself a pair and actually be honest with the boy about the situation. It's not that hard to simply give him a yes or a no, I doubt he would suddenly just lose interest in your friendship. I know just from what little I've associated with him that he isn't anything if not loyal."
Kisame leaned back against the trunk of Kakuzu's car, hands in his pockets and eyes downcast. He sighed, slowly and deeply.
"I know that... but it won't be the same. I'd almost rather have him never talk to me again then have to sit there pretending like it never happened. It wouldn't be the same. It just sucks, you know, it's never going to be the same again..."
"Change is not always bad, Kisame. Usually, but not always."
"I guess so..." He trailed off, kicking at the snow. After awhile Kakuzu stepped over to lean against the vehicle beside him, too tired to have any other thought on his mind other than going home and falling into bed.
Kisame was absolutely right, they were getting too old for this shit.
A/N-
Whew! Sorry it took so long to get this one up. Stupid fucking snow has kept my entire household cooped up constantly and I can't ever get a damn extended length of time to sit and do any writing, so pretty much this entire chapter was written in little bits and chunks whenever I had time to whip out my phone and jot down a few lines.
I actually wanted to continue this chapter, but it's already decently long as it is, so there's no harm in ending it here.
I know this chapter mainly focused on Kisame and Itachi's relationship, but you have to read between the lines. Without even being around each other Hidan and Kuzu are making subtle little realizations about themselves as they each comfort their distressed friends.
And also Kudo's to VampireDoll666 for almost guessing what would happen this chapter. It would have progressed things faster, obviously, to have Itachi and Hidan just show up at the bar, but the whole idea of this story is slow and realistic plot. Besides, Kisa would have probably flipped out and run screaming into the night only to be hit by a truck and that would just throw EVERYTHING off.
. Yeah Idk, I just write what happens in my brain. I have no control.
THANK YOU EVERYONE for your wonderful encouraging reviews! I'm so glad this fic has gotten so popular so fast! I'm just as in love with it as you are, and it makes me happy to know my opinion is shared. Please keep leaving feedback, some of you have me laughing out loud like a creeper with your comments. xD
Jack*- Reference to Jack Daniels, a brand of whiskey.
Alzheimers*- A mental sort of disease, usually found in elderly folks, that causes memory loss, among other things. "The most common form of dementia and slowly destroys a person's memory, judgment, and functionality."
George Washington*- The guy on the one dollar bill. Also first president of USA, but that's irrelevant. xD
ABHC (From the last chapter or maybe one before, I asterisk'd it and then forgot to describe) -Stands for Area Behavioral Health Clinic. Itachi's place of business and also where Hidan goes to receive his therapy and evaluations/drug tests.
Love you guys! See ya next Chapter!