AN: Sorry for the delay, MS Word made me it's bitch today. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, sorry I haven't gotten back to you.

CHAPTER 6

[Excerpt from Chapter 4

Jasper,

I'm glad you've returned my letter. We are definitely in a predicament, aren't we? I've noticed I can feel the residual effect of your emotions, perhaps you can feel mine? Our healing will happen sooner than you think, but we must keep working it is time for us to live, not just survive.

I remember the fracture clearly; it's my first memory as the person I am today. There are unfamiliar memories from before the fracture, they're fuzzy like our human memories. Did you feel the pain of the split as well? From what I remember we had been turned a month previous, there were several experiences that lead to the split, but the final straw was physical pain. We'd been starved, beaten, scarred, used and manipulated. We lived in hell all the while our gift strengthened, it added to the torture.

It was a particularly nasty battle when the break happened. My first clear memory as myself was the pain of our mind splitting, it over flowed through me and flowed across the battle field incapacitating everyone and everything. Being a newborn I reacted instinctively; biting, ripping, burning anything that moved. When the foreign emotions dwindled with each true death my consciousness returned. I remember shaking with fear and I followed our scent back to camp. My hackles rose upon seeing the handful of newborns guarding the camp, the smell of old blood and rotting humans confirmed it, we were in hell.

Maria appeared to me then, she was angry I had not only slaughtered the enemy army, but her own. I was punished severely for it, then rewarded. I was disgusted with myself, ashamed and felt so helpless, but I made a decision; if I was going to live in hell I'd fucking well survive. Survive, we did. Don't feel guilty, you did what you had to survive. We both share painful memories, but we are strong enough to heal and confront what we couldn't handle previously.

I believe we are two halves of a whole, but after what we went through the split was necessary to become stronger. When we combine we will reach a level of skill and experience that few will be able to destroy. We are one soul, broken and damaged, but the scar tissue has formed, we're close. One advantage to our condition is one you pointed out, we get to slip in to unconsciousness, to give our damaged psyche respite. We do not dream, but being able to switch off the Jasper part and the Major part of our mind allows it respite from the troubles we face. In some ways we're both protectors, I protect our physical form while you protect our humanity.

Well, my old war horse, I'd guess I see myself as the younger, battle hardened warrior. Constantly alert when inhabiting our body, calculating every defense and escape. I feel emotions like you do, but my own are stifled. That's where you come in; you suffer the emotions and feel most of ours, you work through them while they distract and cloud our mind. You're stronger than you think, you identify yourself as an old war horse, but I think you're stuck in a cyclone of emotions and they make a mess of your own, you struggle to survive emotionally, unable to see yourself through the damage. Put aside the pain for the moment and concentrate on the emotions around you. Peter and Char understand us better than you could imagine. They're stable despite the horror they've lived through, if anything its shown them to appreciate peace where you can get it.

Before we next converse I want you to consider your ex coven objectively. Ask Peter and Char to show you how to meditate, focus on the peace and think of each of the Cullens. How do their words compare with their actions? How do their emotions fluctuate when they talk? This should help you focus and work through the manipulations.

M

Letter end]

JPOV

Pete and Char had left on their errand the night before. I'd been procrastinating a little, hesitant to follow the Major's recommendations and think about my place in the Cullen coven, but I knew I had to. My thoughts were calm as I sat in the white room and contemplated the Major's words. I could feel my evolution in progress. My mind was clear and I could feel the lingering contentment from the meditation earlier in the day. I thought through the experiences I had with the Cullens, there was less pain than I had imagined there would be. I chanted the Major's words "we're stronger than we think." I pushed aside the flickers of hopelessness, oppression and self-disgust and focused on the coven.

For a long time I felt so lucky and thankful they took me in, I knew it was all down to Alice, I had thought she was my mate...at least that's what she told me. Her emotions were always so light, I had clung to them in desperation, scared to face my own emotions. Feeding from animals had been so hard, but the relief at not feeling human emotions made it worthwhile. My successes were her successes and my failures were all my own. It had been so long since I'd thought for myself, felt my own feelings and trusted myself. Even now I wear the clothes she got me, I hadn't changed. This was pathetic. I glanced at the clock, it was early enough for the shops to be open. I had to help myself, trust myself and choose what I want. The first step was getting some comfortable fucking clothes.

The Mall would be open for another two hours, I was excited and apprehensive. I hated shopping and I would be stuck around humans unchaperoned, but the thought of choosing my own clothes left me eager to try. "We're stronger than we think." The Major's words kept at me. I held onto the calm left over from meditation as I forced myself to face my worries. I drove to the mall, readying myself for the onslaught of foreign emotions and scent of hundreds of humans. I found a parking space easily and warily stepped into the Mall. I stopped in front of a store map and locked my joints. To an observer I looked like someone trying to decide where to go, but I was testing myself. I took in a small breath, several heart beats thumped around me. The back of my throat tickled, but it wasn't unmanageable. I inhaled normally, my throat flared slightly, but I was still in control. I'd definitely felt worse bloodlust over the years.

I relaxed my pose and walked to the first men's ware place I found. The jeans were torn and stained in a 'fashionable' way. Fuck that. The t-shirts weren't much better, graffiti art screamed at me. Nope, definitely not enough of a douche to carry this look off. I shuddered and moved to the next store. I found a nice deep green leather motorcycle jacket, but the rest of the clothes weren't much better than the last place.

I went from place to place and my only purchase remained the green leather jacket. I spotted a larger store, the clothes looked more subdued. I walked through aisles of jeans, t-shirts, business shirts, jumpers, blazes and shoes. Some of the clothes mimicked the smaller, more expensive stores, but there were enough plain looking clothes to hold my attention. I grabbed a few different styles of jeans in my size and went to try them on.

Skinny jeans were awful and I wondered how many men compromised their virility by wearing them. A definite no. Baggy jeans were inconvenient and slid halfway down my arse as soon as I stepped out to the corridor "dude, those pants are the shizz!" The voice of a teenage sales clerk assaulted my ear drums. I murmured my thanks to the clerk and sped back to the cubical to get out of the infernal things. I may not know who I am, but I am definitely not a dude or a shizz. I would not be taking the advice of the cretinous fetus assisting in the men's change rooms. I tried the boot cut jeans, they seemed okay.

I dumped the 'shizz' pants and the castration friendly pants on the way out of the changing rooms. I picked up a few more pairs of boot cut jeans and headed to the t-shirts. This was much easier. Solid colors, no irritating prints, long and short sleeves. I picked up a solid black long sleeve t-shirt. It would fit and it was stretchy enough to move without breaking. I grabbed a few longer sleeve shirts in dark colors. I already had a jacket, but I brought a black woolen one and a few turtlenecks. My arms were full of clothes I'd chosen. I felt proud of myself, it wasn't as irritating as shopping with my ex. I hunted down a trolley and dumped my new clothes in and heading towards the shoes. Nothing really took my eye, so I settled on a couple of pairs of motorcycle boots. They we plain and made from leather, that's all I cared about.

I decided to wander around a little; my bloodlust was under control and I wasn't irritated by shopping for once. I may as well make the most of it. I turned down the aisle at the end of the menswear section. Underwear. Okay then, let's see what options there are. I didn't like the look of the bikini briefs, boxers were made of satin and I hated the feeling of it, I sure as shit didn't wear G-strings. There were too many options. I wished they had long johns like I used to wear. Coming to the end of the aisle I spotted boxer briefs, they looked like a short version of long johns and were made from cotton. Good enough for me.

I paused in front of the entertainment aisle, shrugged and had a quick look around the CDs. Hank William the III? Well, I like the first and second Hank Williams, may as well give this one a go. Deciding I'd had enough shopping for the day I paid and headed back to the car feeling pleased with myself. In total I spent $550, it felt good.

Arriving home I put the clothes away and headed to the shower, I'd incinerate my current outfit later. The shower was good and I was thankful to get rid of the scents that clung to me at the mall. I searched through the clothes picking out a set that felt right; dark jeans, black t-shirt, green jacket and motorcycle boots. My reflection was appealing enough and I felt a little giddy at my new wardrobe.

With the clothing crisis averted I returned to the white room and kept thinking through the Cullens. My mind picked up a few extra details that I hadn't notice during my habitation with them. Esme felt so unworthy, Carlisle was uncomfortable being a coven leader; no wonder he deferred to Alice and Edward. Emmett's good people, he was worthwhile staying in contact with if I got the chance, so was Rose for that matter, although her dark emotions brought out the worst in her. She was like me; refined by pain, recovering from a past that broke her, but she cared. She honestly cared for people and listened, she may look as cuddly as barbwire, but she's worth the trust. I missed her.

Eddy could go fuck himself. Even thinking his name brought up resentment; smug little shit. I wondered why Alice didn't cause resentment, is it because she saved me? I shrugged. Edward was a pain to be around, like a small child who tried to catch you doing something wrong so he could squeal. I don't know how Bella put up with him. My stomach churned with guilt, Bella was a nice person. That seemed like such an understatement; she was kind, compassionate, opinionated and self-sacrificing. Admittedly that self-sacrificing shit had to stop, she was walked over by Alice and Edward. I would have liked the chance to get to know her, but I was a danger. Her 18th birthday proved that. I wondered what she was doing.

I shrugged and started writing a letter to the Major.

Hello Major,

Can you feel the change you've brought me? I could feel your emotional signature when I returned to the land of the living. Your first memory triggered the thoughts of the fracture, a few of our personal demons were released at that point. The past is getting clearer, the emotions aren't clouding as much. You were right when you said I held the burden of our gift. It held me back, clogging me from dealing with the emotional overload. Thinking about it now I've realizes that I haven't had the chance to really let go and be myself. Between the torture Maria inflicted on us, the depression we slipped into when Pete and Char rescued us, dealing with the emotions of our human prey and the repression and oppression of the Cullens we didn't stand a chance of healing.

Looking back at our 'salvation' I can't believe what I went through for them and for Alice. The hurt has lessened, I miss a couple of the Cullens but I feel the tingle of strength and power around me, like I've become unshackled and can move and breathe freely.

I'll admit I went shopping today. Hundreds of humans surrounded me and I remained in control, my throat didn't scorch as much and their emotions weren't as stifling. It wasn't that bad to be honest.

An idea struck me. If I hunted now and returned at dawn I could finish the letter and give the Major a day to himself. I truly trusted him now, he agreed with our diet and seemed in control enough not to slaughter all human life for miles around. I looked into the wardrobe, I had a few sets of clothes I'd taken when I left the Cullens. I couldn't bring myself to wear them again, even for hunting. No going back, I removed my jacket and left the rest of my clothes on. Maybe the Major would pick up clothes to his liking at the mall. I was excited to hear how he would spend the day.

I walked slowly into the forest around the property, letting my senses guide me to suitable prey. The smell of deer crossed my path and I followed it to the small stream that runs through our land. The calm had stayed with me, I held onto it and kept my instincts at bay. The doe's head jerked up as the breeze sent my scent towards her. She went to move, but I was quicker, snapping her neck and drinking every drop of blood she held. I tore through her skin and let her scent permeate the area, bringing scavengers closer. The stream was convenient and I ran my hands through the water, staining it with remnants of my meal. This had been a fairly neat hunt, I kept my wits about me as I fed.

I returned to the house and showered, my new clothes hadn't been damaged so I just left them in the laundry basket. I changed into a turtle neck and jeans and checked the internet. The weather this morning would be overcast, but there'd be no rain. Good weather for a vampire. I finished the letter.

Major, I want you to have a day to yourself. Explore the area, interact with humans, listen to music, read, anything you want to do. It's going to be a cloudy day, I have left my credit card. Have fun and if you want to try something very interesting the bedroom next to us is set up for meditation, Charlotte recorded instructions. It was quite an experience. No need to hunt unless you want to. Man, it feels like I'm loaning you a car, this body is as much yours as it is mine. You should be free to use it when you want until we're healed.

I hope you like the wardrobe change, feel free to augment it with your own preferences.

Enjoy.

Slipping back was much easier this time, but I felt a nudge before my consciousness receded.

MPOV

I kept my eyes closed and tasted the lingering emotions. It was a startling change, his emotional signature had change slightly, he was lighter. He'd had his breakthrough. I opened my eyes and was pleasantly surprised by our clothes, it was a definite improvement. The clothes really suited him. His wallet sat on top of the latest letter, I moved it to the side and read the letter in surprise. He wanted me to have fun? I was touched, the breakthrough had cleared the way for him to trust me. I felt around the house with my gift for Peter and Char, as expected I was alone.

A smile crept up on my lips, I'd never been truly alone before. Usually Pete or Char were nearby or I was surrounded by enemies wanting to destroy me. It was a weird feeling, slightly unsettling. I went to the window and searched through the view getting the lay of the land. I wandered around the house, exploring each room. The laundry basket in our bedroom contained recently worn clothes, I sniffed, he'd hunted in them recently.

Giving up on staying in the house, I took Jasper's advice and went to the garage. I had never driven before. I manually pushed the car out of the garage on to the driveway and rotated it so it faced the entrance of the property. 'Hopefully I won't damage it too much.' I thought as I entered the vehicle. The keys were stuck in a lock on the control center. I leaned forward and turned the key one way, the car came to life but the pedals at my feet didn't work. I pressed different buttons, but it turned on the wireless and spat hot air in my direction. It was an uncomfortable experience. I pushed the buttons again and the car stopped acting weird. I tried moving a lever behind the big circle in front of me, the car spat water at the front window, that was hardly safe, human vision was poor. Part of the lever twisted and rubber sticks glided over the front window, clearing it of the water.

Sighing, I gave up and twisted the key in the other direction to turn it off. Maybe a good walk would be better? The key clicked further from the starting point and I could feel the vibrations from the front of the car. I tested the first pedal, pressing down on it lightly, the car growled loudly. "SHIT!" I pressed the pedal next to it and the car shuddered and stopped rolling forward.

I pressed my foot lightly on the go pedal, the car rolled forward slightly but didn't growl at me quite so loudly. The car fell quiet and stopped when I pressed the stop pedal. I moved the other lever behind the large circle in front of me, a clicking noise joined the blinking light on the control panel, it was an arrow pointing left. I moved the lever in the other direction and the clicking started again, but a different arrow blinked at me, it faced the other direction to its comrade. I nodded to myself, I'd worked out how to move left and right.

I eased up on the stop pedal and moved slowly forward, there was a natural curve in the drive way. I moved the lever to the corresponding direction. The light blinked at me ineffectually and the car kept going straight. I pressed the stop pedal again, frustrated. There was a small door in front of the seat next to me, I looked through it. Hopefully there would be an instruction manual. How hard could controlling this machine be if human children could master it? As luck would have it there was a book. I glanced through it, taking in the diagram of the control panel and the various buttons.

"Steering wheel" I poked the center of the circle in front of me and a noise erupted from it. Fucking thing. I held on to the plastic circle running around the center noise maker. It turned easily in my hand and I felt the crunch of gravel beneath me as the wheels moved left. "Huh, it's like a rudder."

There was a strange lever next to my seat, it poked out of a groove and along the groove were letters. The lever was set on N. A diagram on another page explained its use. I tried moving the lever, but it was stuck. The diagram pointed to a button on the side of the lever, I pressed it and move it to D.

Turning back to the original diagram I looked at the levers behind the 'steering wheel,' the click and blink were known as 'indicators,' I guess that made sense, cars were everywhere now days. Humans were pretty smart after all, a simple solution to a problem. I liked it. I looked at the offensive button that shot water at the front window "windshield washer" ...I suppose the glass would get dirty. This machine made a strange bit of sense. The button further down that breathed hot air in my face was called a 'heater' its neighbor was called an 'air con' I pressed that button and felt cool air hit my face. There seemed to be a method to this madness, humans weren't as resilient as my kind.

Feeling confident I moved the car forward, lightly tapping the go pedal until we reached the road. There weren't any other vehicles approaching so I maneuvered on to the road and started driving a little faster. A couple of cars were approaching me fast, I pushed slightly harder on the go pedal, or accelerator as humans called it, and held it until my speed matched theirs. A sign on the road was labeled 60, I looked at the controls, it seemed I was travelling at 65, I slowed slightly. Signs pointed me to the direction of the mall, I moved the lever and indicated my movements and gently turned the vehicle into the correct part of the road.

I followed the signs at a slower pace and entered a concrete building for cars. There was a space up ahead so I steered the car into it and hit the stop pedal. I moved the lever beside me to P and turned the key to the middle position. The car turned off. The key slipped easily out of its lock behind the steering wheel and I got out of the machine. The key chain had a picture of a lock and one that looked a little like a speaker icon. I pressed the lock button and tried to open the door. Excellent, the car couldn't be penetrated by thieves. I pressed the speaker button and the car beeped at me. When I tried to open the door again a klaxon sounded, I pressed the speaker button again to silence it. I didn't want to draw unnecessary attention. The klaxon stopped, I pressed the button again and the car beeped in response. It was a simple defense mechanism.

I headed through the huge garage towards the main building. The fluorescent lighting merged with garish signs and the white noise of several hundred beating hearts and conversation. This place felt more natural to me. I looked at a map and took note of the exits then started my expedition to find suitable clothing. A bare glance into the stores was enough to dissuade me from entering. The apparel was not appealing to me in the slightest. I headed towards the end of a corridor where a large store stood. I entered smelling our scent from a previous visit. I followed it to shelves stacked with clothes. I compared the jeans I wore against the styles in front of me, I was happy with the cut of them and decided to buy a couple more pairs in black. I held a black pair in front of me, judging the size and style with the ones I wore. Boot cut. That made sense.

I made my way to the shirt section and picked out a couple of thin cotton long sleeved shirts; red, navy blue and black. Upon a search in other aisles I came across soft cotton pants. They would be ideal for hunting so I grabbed five pairs, no point in ruining jeans. A basket lay abandoned at the end of an aisle, I grabbed it and folded my new clothes into it. I looked through each of the isles, but nothing held my interest. I paused by the underwear, the boxers and briefs looked horrid, I remembered feeling the irritation of both types of underwear on hunting trips with Alice, she chose the damn things. I quickly and stealthily pulled the front of my jeans open, these were much more pleasant. I brought a few extra 'boxer briefs' and made my way to the registers.

I couldn't pick up a trail of our scent to follow so I ventured off on my own. In a smaller corridor was a group of shops, the scent of leather lead me to one of the stores. There were all varieties of leather goods. I worked my way through the store picking up three new pairs of cowboy boots and a black Stetson. Along one wall were several types of jackets. I picked out a black leather trench coat, soft calf hide. It was too tempting not to purchase. I brought the items to the shop keeper and paid with the credit card before returning to the stream of humans meandering the corridors.

A foul stench increased as I headed to a new section. The sound of conversation increased and I could hear the sound of human's feeding. I purchased a bottle of water from one vendor and sat amongst the maze of tables, watching and listening to random people and their conversations. Soon the populace of the mall thinned and I returned home. Driving had gotten easier thanks to my perfect memory. The sun dipped below the horizon as I maneuvered the car into the garage and left it turned off with the keys in the lock just as I'd found it. It had been an enjoyable day.

After packing away the new clothing I headed to the meditation room. A faint scent of magnolia lingered and reduced the restlessness of my solitude. I turned on the stereo and let Charlotte's voice guide me. I lay in peace enjoying the feel of my body sinking into the cushions. I could feel a difference in my mind, Jasper? Could I feel him? I sent my gift toward him, his emotional slate was empty, but I could feel him in stasis. This was new, this was good. We were so close to joining.

I returned back to the white room after Charlotte's voice guided me back from meditation. I felt like I'd slept, I was refreshed. Quickly reading through Jasper's letter I started my reply to him.

Jasper,

I had a very enjoyable day. Lots of new experiences. I taught myself to drive, but while it is a convenience, I'll stick to travelling on foot when I can. I took up your suggestions and went shopping, your new wardrobe is infinitely more pleasant than the clothes our ex forced us into, I added a few extra pieces to our collection.

The meditation room was as interesting as you mentioned, while in the trance I could feel your presence. Your emotions were blank, but there was an almost physical space nudging the back of my mind. I believe the gap between our personalities is closing.

Your emotional signature has changed too, you're no longer swamped in pain and sadness. Perhaps during your meditation you could try to locate me?

Major

I closed my eyes, but I couldn't find the buzzing feeling that would let me slip away into unconsciousness. Fuck, what do I do? Instead of trying to recede back I mentally prodded the black lump that housed Jasper, I felt something weird. Panic started to grow inside me, but I stomped it down, there was no time for that shit. I tried pulling the lump forward, it wouldn't budge. Shit! I need Jasper. A buzz went through my leg, I yelped in surprise before realizing it was our phone. At least Pete had taught me this bit of technology.

"Major, get to the meditation room. You'll be able to bring him forward to consciousness."
"Explain Lieutenant"
"When you reach the trance you'll be able to feel his presence. The place that hides you from each other thins out. You'll be able to break him free. It'll sting a bit, just to warn you."
"What about the black space? How will I go back?"
"You won't. It's time for you and Jasper to formally meet. It'll be ok, Major."
"It better be, if anything happens to either of us your head is mine."
"It'll be okay, Brother. We don't want to lose either of you, my gift is telling me it's time."
"Fine." I hung up and put the infernal device on the desk. We can do this, we can do this, I chanted to myself as I went to the meditation room.

I paced trying to calm myself, forcing myself to meditate wouldn't work. Meditation was a passive exercise, I needed to let it happen. I lay back on the cushions with the remote for the stereo in my hand. My body started to relax so I cleared my mind and pressed play.

It took longer to reach the trance, but I was lucid enough to keep control. The trance held so I got to work. He was here, the black spot was thin, like a plastic bag holding him in place. My mental grip held him as I started pulling him. A tear appeared in the black lining and a sharp pain stabbed through me, my teeth gritted as I strained to move him. I felt him shake, he was hurting too. 'Come on Jasper, push through the pain, I know it hurts. We can do this.' I felt his determination come through, it strengthened my resolve. Pulling harder, I felt the tear widen. A painful snap ricocheted through us as I felt him beside me. I panted in relief.

A jolt of shock went through me "Major?"

JPOV

I felt something. I was aware, but trapped. Darkness. I waited, my senses open and straining to hear, see, feel, anything. After a while I felt a pull, it started to hurt. The pain increased and I felt a rip in the thing holding me. The pain increased, as did the pull. Panic overwhelmed me and I started to shake. A whisper of a voice called me, I pushed myself forward. Another rip, more pain. This was my escape, I pushed as hard as I could and felt myself spring forward. It was agony. I felt myself in the body, I twitched my fingers and realized I wasn't alone in here. "Major?"