29. Pretense
"The worst is yet to come, my dear,
I've been fighting back for what feels like
Nearly several hundred years,
If you just let me make my own mistakes
I promise I'll behave,
Only in the worst way."
From The Worst Is Yet to Come by Motion City Soundtrack
- L.
Junon was as he remembered. The sea was still littered with odd cans and plastic bags; some dead fish bobbed up and down on the water, their dead eyes black and staring. Yuffie made a face like she did the first time. Also like he remembered, the town was dead-quiet.
"It's creepy." Barret said, unnecessarily, and shuddered.
"Where do we go? Where's the reactor?" Cid asked Cait Sith, who was sitting on Nanaki's head like usual. Cloud still didn't know what had happened while he was… asleep, but if Cid and Barret trusted the spy cat, Cloud thought he could, too. He looked at Cait Sith. Cait Sith's slit eyes drooped like an exaggerated sad face.
"It's near the cannon, or where it used to be. But there are guards… I can't see a way through."
"We can take on a few guards!"
"What do you mean, where it used to be?" Cloud asked at the same time that Barret huffed out his chest. Cait Sith looked at him, strangely apologetic.
"We, I mean, the Shinra… has taken the Great Cannon of Junon. A few days ago."
"Taken? For what?" Tifa sounded bemused. Cloud agreed that anything the Shinra could do with a giant cannon would cause a lot of damage.
"I don't know. I don't have the clearance." Cait Sith shrugged. He looked a little uncomfortable. Cloud also noted that a lot of the silliness and levity had disappeared from the cat's voice (he remembered the old Cait Sith saying there's only one me!).
"Back to the problem at hand." Cid grumbled. "How many guards?"
"At least a couple of troops, on the way to the dock. They expect you guys to show up and mess it up, you know."
Yuffie smiled mischievously. "And that we will! If only we can get there…"
"I think I know who can help us." Cloud said. He had been looking at the coarse white sand of what remained of the beach, and the almost graying tide that hit the rocks and litters alike. He was remembering how the water smelled like the inside of a fish, cold and unpleasant on his skin.
- L.
"Cloud! You're back!" Priscilla beamed from the door. Priscilla's mother smiled at them too.
"Welcome, Cloud. Prisiclla's been doing nothing but talk about you. Come in, all of you."
Barret mumbled something about being rude, but followed her in anyway.
"Mom! It wasn't like that, it was…"
"It's okay, honey, I'm sure Cloud understands." Her mother called as she went into the living room. Priscilla turned to Cloud then, and was suddenly hugging his waist – Cloud had no idea what to do with the situation. He raised his hand hesitantly and patted Priscilla on the head. Yuffie giggled. Priscilla looked up and beamed at him.
"You haven't forgotten your promise." She said.
"Right, the promise. Yeah, of course not. I said I'd come back." Cloud said. "Actually, Priscilla, we need your help again."
Priscilla smiled happily. "Anything!"
"Come in for some tea, won't you all?" Priscilla's mother called from the living room.
"I'd kill for a cup of tea." Cid said as he slipped through the narrow corridor.
Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Sometimes you're such an old man, old man." Cid ignored her.
Priscilla took Cloud's hand as she led him excitedly into the small living room.
"Why do you need my help, Cloud?" She asked, as soon as Priscilla's mom had brought out the tea.
"Well," Cloud pretended to take a sip of the tea, because Priscilla's mother was watching, smiling. "Do you know where the dock is?"
"Of course." Priscilla rolled her eyes. "Everyone knows."
"Right, well. The Shinra are there right now. Doing… some bad things."
Priscilla did not look particularly surprised. "They're always doing bad things."
"Yeah. We're gonna stop them, though." Cloud gestured vaguely at the party gathered in Priscilla's small living room. Barret tried to look reassuring.
"But we need to get to the dock, and there are too many guards on the way." Tifa continued.
"Right. So I was wondering if you knew a different way? A back way, like with the airport," Cloud said. Priscilla looked delighted, and nodded vigorously, and Cloud felt a wave of relief.
"Of course! Through the underground pipes!"
The relief faded a little. He hoped the smile on his face wasn't too forced.
- L.
"I thought I was done tunneling when I quit bein' a terrorist." Barret complained. His voice smashed against the pipes and seemed to make the darkness even smaller. Cloud wished he'd be quiet, but then the silence might actually be more terrifying. He shut his mouth and plunged forward. The shallow stagnant water lapped against his knees and hands. He wasn't too delighted to find that it still smelled like the inside of a fish.
"We're still terrorists." Cid pointed out. His spear was getting in the way, kept poking Cloud's boots.
"Eww, it smells like… like, Barret's toes." Yuffie said.
"Shut up, Yuffie. My feet ain't that smelly."
"We're almost there." Cloud said, just to say something. He didn't know where they were, but it seemed like it had been enough time. Cloud remembered squeezing his way through the air duct, all those weeks ago in Midgar. That felt like such a long time ago. He hadn't known where he'd gotten the claustrophobia from, then. He remembered it all too clearly now but knowing the reason didn't help anything. He kept smelling Mako in the air. There was a way out. There had been a way out then.
"I see the exit." Vincent said. He was leading the group, because he was the fastest. He somehow managed some sort of grace even while he was crawling in knee-deep rotten water. Cloud sighed in relief, followed by everyone else behind. They picked up the pace.
When the light reached his eyes, the salty ocean air was sweet, brushing back his hair. They crawled out of the pipes. The sky was clear and the ocean was the same color. They were standing underneath the dock, which stood tall over them like a mountain; all the guards were facing the other direction, the only way to reach the docks. Well, conventionally. Cloud didn't have time to be relieved, though, because…
"We're too late." Cid muttered darkly. "All that frantic climbing, an' we're still too late."
Cloud watched in clenched anxiety as the crane worked on the dock, lowering something into a submarine that waited below.
"Is that…" Tifa narrowed her eyes.
"That's the Huge Materia." Vincent confirmed. He sounded gloomier than usual. Cloud could just make out a flaming red head in the distance, gesturing at the group of infantrymen. He watched helplessly as the Materia completed its descent into the submarine, and the infantrymen started detaching the wires. Reno was now pointing at something, to where the half of the men started jogging. Cloud narrowed his eyes.
"Can't believe we're too late. Dammit." Barret sounded dejected.
"Wait," Cloud shielded his eyes from the sun with his hand. He watched as the group of men came closer to their location, although the angle would hide them from view if they weren't looking. They weren't. They were descending a set of stairs, into… "It's not too late."
Cloud pointed to the infantrymen. They seemed to be disappearing into water, only it wasn't water.
"There's a second submarine. Let's take that."
"What?" Cait Sith squeaked. "How come I didn't know this?"
"Mebbe you ain't that big a shot." Barret said.
"Take the second submarine and then what?" Yuffie sounded sea-sick already.
"Shoot down the first one!" Cid yelled, with all the grace of a seven-year-old boy, and then started running.
- L.
Taking over the submarine was almost deceptively easy. They waited until the last soldier was climbing the railway to disappear into the black hole, and knocked him out soundlessly. Cloud had taken Vincent and Tifa (Yuffie claimed she would be too sick) with him, then it was just a matter of a lot of sneaking around, and then later, moving the unconscious bodies out to the ground.
"Well, that way easy." Barret said as he climbed in last. The hatch began to drift closed. Cloud tried not to think how he was going to be inside a closed box – essentially – deep underwater.
"Does anyone even know how – ugh," Yuffie grasped Barret's arm, doubling over. She looked green.
"Don't puke on me." Barret said, but he held Yuffie as she lowered herself against the wall.
"I've never driven a submarine, if that's what you're asking." Cloud said, feeling a little sick himself. It was all so much better when his head was screwed up into thinking he was Zack or – whatever it was doing. He hadn't had motion-sickness then. The claustrophobia, the nausea, the exhaustion – everything was so much worse now. But he wasn't going to think about that.
"I was hoping you could." Cloud looked at Cid expectantly.
"I've never dealt with one underwater." Cid started, but hastened to change his words when Nanaki threw him a look. "That ain't to say, I can't. Of course I can. It'll be just like an airship. And I'm a genius."
"I knew you could, Cid." Tifa smiled reassuringly. She knew how to deal with people. With Cid, it was equal parts feeding and provoking his self-esteem.
"Right, let's get to it then." Cid said confidently and started walking to the control room. Cloud made to follow, but all the knowledge he had of submarines was that the windows looked out to the heavy waters, and that the machines crowded the walls and the small space of the control room.
"I think I better stay here." Cloud said. Tifa eyed him with a little concern before following Cid.
"Don't be a baby, Cloud." Barret huffed and went after Tifa, but there was no real annoyance in his voice. If anything, he sounded amused. So Cloud let it go and slid down beside Yuffie. The hallway was narrow, but it was easier to imagine they were somewhere else in here – a normal building on normal ground. Nanaki curled himself beside Cloud's feet. Cait Sith had fallen silent; the signal must be bad here. Vincent hovered between the hallway and the control room, looking uneasy.
"Wow, I've never seen you look so…" Yuffie gestured tiredly. "Out of it."
"I prefer the air." Vincent said as a curt explanation.
"I prefer land. Like a proper human being and not a fish or a… bird." Yuffie said.
"So do I, although I am not human." Nanaki said. That drew a small giggle out of Yuffie. For his part, Cloud was feeling both sick and frustrated. Now that he remembered, he had no illusion, and he knew how weak he really was. He almost wished he hadn't learned the truth. Because now… now, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to finish Sephiroth.
His head started to hurt as the pressure built, water gliding strong and smooth over the streamlined body of the ship. He could feel the slightest change in the air pressure. His senses were still that of a SOLDIER's, another accomplice to the demented act he'd made himself believe. Nobody said anything as time passed like deep-sea water and Cloud didn't think he even breathed until a delighted yelp sounded from the control room. "Ya did it, Cid! You shot it down!"
Cloud let out a breath.
- L.
He was in a hurry to get out – only second after Yuffie, who basically threw herself out like there was an explosion behind her. He didn't, therefore, see Reno until it was almost too late. Cloud supposed Reno could have shot him if he wanted to, and it did nothing to ease the troubles in his mind – the growing self-doubt. It was gathering almost as fast as a snowball rolling down a hill.
Reno didn't shoot him, though, and he looked almost as surprised as Cloud, although he must have been waiting for the infiltrators. There was no one else beside him and Rude, but Cloud supposed two Turks were usually enough for any job.
"Huh, you're alive." Reno said. Cloud didn't say anything. The rest of them piled out and the gathering was strangely silent, like a reluctant peace treaty. The thing with Reno – Cloud thought, tiredly – was that you never knew when you had to expect a fight.
"Look, Rude, he's alive." Reno pointed him out like Rude was blind. Rude raised one eyebrow, in an extremely contained expression of surprise. Reno turned to stare at him again. "Thought you were toast."
"I was, for a while." Cloud said. Reno seemed to find that funny. Cloud felt Barret glance anxiously at him. None of them was sure of what to do. Rude looked similarly confused.
"Reno," Rude chided.
"Well, we've been ordered to capture, kill or seriously hurt whoever pulled that stunt. Rufus is seriously pissed." Reno said. Cloud felt the air tense as his friends started bracing for a fight. Reno pretended not to notice. Cloud didn't miss the choice of phrase he'd used. He wondered if he was going too far, but he said it anyway.
"But obviously you're gonna let us go."
"Am I?" Reno faked a surprise. He flicked his electric rod casually. Cloud saw Vincent eyeing it like a hawk with a prey, and Rude eyeing Vincent.
"Yeah, because you do it every time."
"I don't do it because I like you." Reno made a face, as if the idea itself was revolting. Cloud knew that the tension had passed. Reno slapped Rude on his shoulder. "Because Rude here, has a…"
"Reno." This time it was a warning, accentuated with a gloved hand smacked across Reno's mouth. Reno scrunched up his face in pain as he yanked the hand off.
"Relax, I won't say." He turned to Cloud. "Because I have a mind. Surprise, surprise."
"You mean you disagree with the Shinra's idea of ramming the Meteor with lots of gun power?" Tifa said pointedly. Reno grinned good-naturedly.
"Whatever you say. By the way, Cid, your rookies send their regard."
"What?" Cid looked startled to be addressed. Cloud looked at Reno suspiciously but he carried on like he was talking to an old friend.
"Especially Jamie. Isn't he also from your home town? He was so thrilled to be back. What was the project you've been working on – was it 20349?"
"No," Cid looked bewildered. Yuffie and Rude were staring at Reno like he'd lost his mind. "It's R-348," Cid said. Reno shrugged.
"Oh, I guess Jamie was wrong."
"Reno, I don't think –" Rude started to say, but suddenly there was a flash of flaming red and Reno had darted forward, the rod coming down on metal, almost too fast to follow. Cloud didn't realize what he was doing until he felt the hard resistance on his sword, didn't even realize he'd pulled it out. He pushed, and Reno stepped back just as quickly before the arc of his sword could slice his skin.
"Well, too bad. We tried. Didn't we, Rude?"
Rude looked at Reno wordlessly for a moment, but then he nodded. "They were too good."
"Cloud Strife was back from the dead," Reno continued. "We were outnumbered by… his entire gang, and the SOLDIER boy was merciless."
"We had no choice but to retreat." Rude followed. It sounded like they were practicing for the report they would have to give to Rufus.
"Yeah, barely." Reno said. Rude then punched him in the face. "Oi! Was that really necessary?" Reno said, cradling the bruise that was starting to form on his left cheek. Cait Sith made an odd sound that was maybe a laughter.
"Absolutely." Rude said, and then they were walking away.
"That was so weird." Yuffie commented some time later.
"I don't care as long as they don't give us no trouble." Barret shrugged.
"But… but he said like the randomest things!" Yuffie said. "Reno, I mean. Rude didn't say anything except his name."
"He was trying to help us." Cloud said, what he'd realized a minute ago. "When he talked about Jamie."
Cid raised his eyebrow incredulously. "Jamie really ain't that bright. I mean, he was good enough with engine and all…"
"Reno said he was happy to be back in his hometown." Cloud said slowly.
"Yeah, and?"
"And, that means that Cid's team is back in Rocket Town. But why?" Tifa said, realizing.
"I don't know, but Shinra's up to something. In Rocket Town. And I think Reno was trying to tell us that."
"Why would he do that?" Yuffie narrowed her eyes in suspicion.
"And even if he did… why would he not just say it plainly? Is this some sort of human custom I am not understanding?" Nanaki asked. Cloud had the answer out of his mouth before he knew it himself.
"I guess he takes his job seriously."
He knew it didn't make a lot of sense, but they had more urgent things to do than discuss Reno's professional ethics. Yuffie just shrugged it off and they were running back to where Cid had stashed the Highwind, in the woods.
In his mind, though, Cloud was hearing a different voice speak of dreams – and honor. He thought he wouldn't be strong enough, but all those hours – watching him, watching them – still must have counted for something. He thought back to how he had pulled out his sword, the clash of heavy metal, and how effortless it had seemed. Well-practiced, when he was anything but. He had never had a SOLDIER training, had never dealt with a proper sword before – before Zack thrust one into his hands and asked him to finish Sephiroth.
All those months, pretending. Acting. Dreams. Honor.
Cloud shook his head. He picked up the pace, to stop thinking and concentrate on the physical friction of muscle against muscle, but his breath hardly hiked. Jenova cells, inside his body, inside his veins.