30. Monster

"I was in the mud, I was in the dirt,

Went underground and I found what I was worth

All alone and I know I can't stay

But we're walking up and down the streets to stay awake

Come up for air –"

From Miracle Mile by Cold War Kids

- L.

Cid realized that he had been missing home only when he returned to it. It might've been the smell of the air. Maybe it was no different from anywhere else in the mid-continent, but it felt different, Cid told himself. Rocket Town had ancient pine trees that had their backs bowed and heads up. Rocket Town had ivy vines reaching hungrily towards each other, like a worshipper to a goddess, enveloping the great Rocket that had come to define the town. It had moss growing out of rocks and dew on the grass blades in the clearest of mornings. Cid realized that he'd been studiously piling up those memories, one by one, with every day he lived here. It would've embarrassed him if anyone ever found out how bloody sentimental he was getting inside, but as long as it was inside he didn't mind. It felt safe, like the pumpkin pound cakes that Shera would sometimes bake.

Shera, Cid remembered, would still be working on the Rocket. Or maybe knitting, or baking, or talking to the trees again. He made a point not to ask about her as they went around the town gathering information.

"Captain Cid!" Dianna, an elderly woman who ran the only grocery store in town, greeted him. "Shera's been worried sick about you, hasn't she?"

"That's great, Dianna." Cid grunted. It seemed like everyone else had made a point to talk about Shera as soon as he opened his mouth. Barret nudged him, grinning like a fool. Cid wondered why he had to be paired with Barret, of all people. At the time Cloud had sounded like he knew what he was doing (like he usually did), so he hadn't had the mind to question it. Cid wondered how much of that self-assurance was real and how much was just leftover from the days pretending to be someone else. Sometimes he felt sad for him, when he remembered that the lad was only twenty one.

"There's nothing great about it," Dianna pouted.

"Of course not. Listen, have you heard… do you know anything about what Shinra's doing?" Cid asked without much hope. It seemed like no one even knew that Shinra was in the town. Those crafty bastards. Dianna's expression was odd, though. Cid clung to it, a sudden hope, spiced with anxiety.

"I shouldn't, he said I shouldn't…" Dianna mumbled. Barret's eyes narrowed, but Cid held him back with a hand on his machine arm.

"Dianna, I'm just tryin' to help. You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt this town."

"But you left, Captain Cid." If there was reproach in Dianna's voice, it was quiet and all the more numbing for that. Cid sighed.

"Yeah, I know. But I was always gonna come back. I was just so angry."

Dianna just looked at him for a moment. The other customers were far enough away, but she glanced at them anyway.

"Well, Jamie dropped by yesterday… said he had business."

"Lad's been fond of you, like you were his grandmother." Cid encouraged. Dianna's face lit up, something like pride softening the lines of her face.

"And I think of him as my grandson, too. Anyway he… he said I shouldn't tell anyone about this. Not even you, Captain Cid." Dianna's eyes grew cautious.

"Why's that?"

"He says he's been ordered."

"By the Shinra." Cid said, just to make sure. Dianna nodded heavily. "Where is he, Dianna?"

For a moment he thought she wasn't going to answer – but then something in Cid's eyes must have spoken desperation, some kind of sincerity. She observed him a long while, before slowly drawing out the words.

"You've changed, Captain Cid. You were like those tall trees, before." Before Cid could ask her what she meant, Dianna continued. "Jamie's in your Rocket and working on it. He says he's gonna fire it away to the space."

She looked at him like she was sorry, but Cid wasn't there long enough to be sure. He thought he managed a choking thanks before he left the store, but couldn't really remember. He was running, Barret close behind. He had often thought, in moments of inebriated pride, that the Rocket stood like a god. Today it looked like a guillotine in the middle of a bloody revolution.

- L.

Sneaking up to the infantrymen guarding the Rocket was easy. There weren't that many, to begin with. Cloud supposed that the Shinra wouldn't have expected them to follow them here. It was true that they wouldn't have thought to come if Reno hadn't given them a lead.

They reached the inner door directly leading to the control room without much difficulty. The corridor was empty and only half-painted. There was no one guarding the door. Cid picked up his pace without even seeming to realize it, like he was being driven towards something like a second heart.

Cloud and Vincent matched the speed easily. Only the three of them had come inside; infiltration was harder with many people. Vincent looked uneasy, probably because it was too easy. Cloud thought so, anyway. He felt his nerves raw like frayed ends of a dynamite coil. He wondered if he'd spent too much time at war. Cid, for one, didn't seem too bothered by the quiet and strode into the control room like he belonged. Perhaps that was why no one made to stop him. Four, five pairs of surprised eyes met them as they all looked up from their respective stations. Recognition settled in and someone gasped, breaking the silence.

"Captain Cid!"

"Captain, what are you doing here?"

"How long has it been?"

"Alright, alright, lads. Good to see you too." Cid grumbled, as he usually did, but there was a beginning of a fond chuckle hanging at the end. "I came to check if you lot weren't messin' too much with my gears, that's what." Cid said smoothly.

"Oh, nobody even wanted to go near your gears for a while," a young man with burgundy-hued eyes said with an exaggerated shudder.

"Yeah, alright, Jamie. So how's… how's it going?" Cid shrugged in the general direction of the work as if he knew exactly what it was they were doing.

"I don't know if I should…" Jamie's eyes flickered warily. Cloud realized that he was looking at him and Vincent, who were lurking behind Cid trying to pass as shadows. Cloud looked at Cid, at a loss, but that seemed to give him an inspiration. Cid looked back at Jamie and shrugged nonchalantly.

"They got clearance, don't worry. In fact, we've come here to take over."

"Take over, Captain?" said another man behind Jamie. He looked confused, this obviously going against their previous orders.

"Look, no offense, but these two are probably the best mechanics in the land. And we need all the professional help we can get for this project, right?" Cid said. Cloud tried his best to look professional and confident.

"It's just that," Jamie looked pained. "There were rumors… I mean, obviously no one knew for sure but they said… you were running around with…"

"Rebels. A SOLDIER gone rogue and everything," the other man finished.

"Yeah, and terrorists. AVALANCHE." Jamie nodded fervently. He seemed to be waiting for Cid to deny it, and that was probably what saved them; Cid hesitated long enough for it to look suspicious to searching eyes, except Jamie wasn't looking for guilt.

"What gave you that idea?" Cid managed to snort incredulously. Jamie looked relieved. "I mean… look at him, he look like a SOLDIER to you?"

Cloud frowned; Cid was pointing a finger at him. He didn't like that the men nodded and looked convinced, but kept his mouth shut.

"Well, okay, I mean, it's a big project and all. We're almost finished, though." Jamie said.

"Oh yeah?" Cid tried to sound informed. "No, I know, we're just checking up and… you know, last touch."

Jamie just nodded contentedly without offering anything further. Cloud started to get anxious that they wouldn't find out what was going on. He met Cid's eyes, only to find that Cid was also lost on what to do. Vincent was leaning against the door like he was interested in nothing but the patterns on the opposite wall. The mechanics were already starting to pack up. Cloud cleared his throat.

"We didn't mean to steal your work," he said. Jamie looked up, as if he was startled to hear Cloud talking. Cloud studied his expression change from surprised to resigned, but not without a glint of pride.

"Yeah, well, it's good to know we had a part."

Cloud was getting frustrated. He wished Jamie was more like Barret, who would've told them everything without a prompt.

"It's a great accomplishment for Shinra, of course," he tried again. Now Jamie was looking at him strangely.

"Yeah… I mean, of course, but not just for Shinra."

"Obviously. Because if it works out…" Cloud left the sentence hanging.

"We will have saved the world," Jamie said, taking the bait. Cloud wanted to say something but couldn't think of anything to say. Suddenly his throat felt tight. The weight of the words seemed almost corporeal, hanging from the particles in the air. It crushed him like giant pillars of sand, raining down in a big landslide. He found himself wishing that Jamie was right. Tempted to just turn his head and believe that the Shinra might, so Cloud wouldn't have to do it.

The feeling passed quickly, but it still left blank seconds filled with so much feeling; regret and fear, mostly. When Cloud came to focus on the present again, Vincent was looking at him like he could see through everything and Jamie was telling something to Cid.

" … all in place. So are the Huge Materia. Safe in the boiler room and everything. You'd probably want to double-check but I think the only thing left is the auto pilot, which short-circuited a while ago. Shera's been fixing it." Jamie hesitated. "You don't wanna still be here when the timer kicks in."

"Why?" Cid asked seemingly without thinking. He looked dazed. Cloud wondered if it was Shera's name, like opening a jar of apple jam and that afternoon sun from childhood coming back to life. Thankfully, Jamie seemed to think Cid was joking.

"Well, obviously, if you don't want to ram in the Meteor and explode along with the Materia and the Rocket." He laughed, good-naturedly.

- L.

Cid watched the last one go with some kind of regret. It felt like watching yourself die. For an inexplicable second he felt the trees and the moss like they were a part of him. The last lad was a new member of the team, a young blond boy who seemed to fear Cid (what kind of stories had they been telling him?) and closed the hatch without looking back. Cid wondered if that was how Cloud would have looked like years ago.

"Cid," Cloud called from behind. Cid blinked and turned his head, pretending that there hadn't been a drift. If Cloud had noticed his wandering thoughts, he didn't say anything. "It looks like we don't have much time, then. Where should we go?"

For a moment Cid didn't know why Cloud was asking. He felt the recently discarded feeling rise in his throat again, the burden of responsibility and deciding which parts of the Planet could count as acceptable losses. Collaterals. Then he remembered – it was his ship. His dream. No one knew better.

"The engine room, that's where they would have the Materia." Cid said. "And we got plenty o' time. If it's Shera working on the auto-pilot."

Cloud looked doubtful, and a little amused too. "Okay. Lead the way." He stood aside.

Cid stepped past Cloud and was descending the first step down to the engine room when the entire ship began to rumble.

He felt the air escape his lungs as he fell too fast for it to catch up. His knee hit the stairs and pain like electricity shot through his body.

"What's happening?" Cloud yelled. Cid saw through the corner of his eyes Vincent's red cloak swishing about like a frantic butterfly. As if as an answer, the speakers began to gurgle out voices that were hard to recognize as either male or female. Even through the rumbles, though, its meaning was clear enough. Or maybe Cid was just too familiar with this feeling, of something very heavy pushing down on his head. Like how earthworms must feel when a careless stranger steps on it and shrieks, it's disgusting. It's –

"We're going into space." Cid said just as he felt the first real pull. Gravity fighting against time and speed, air particles blindly stuffing themselves into his lungs in panic only to stampede out again. Cid held onto the railings hard, hoping it might be a splint to save his life. He knew how it went from the simulations he did over and over. One wrong pressure point, and…

And then it was over. A sensor beeped, informing them that gravity had been restored. Cid let out a shaky breath that sounded more like laughter. He looked over to where Cloud and Vincent stood, similarly dazed but otherwise unaffected by the gravitational forces that almost tore Cid apart limb by limb.

"Oh now, that just ain't fair." He complained, but without real feeling. Because it suddenly hit him – all it took was an accidental glance toward the window through which the top of a chapel had stood just a moment ago. Now it was – Cid couldn't find a color to describe it. Black would be too simple. It was a complicated temple of matter and emptiness and light and the absence of it.

It was space. He was in space.

"I'm in space."

"What?" Cloud wheeled around to where Cid's eyes lingered like a kid's fixated on an ice cream stand. He couldn't see Cloud's expression, but the stiff lines of his shoulders and voice made it clear that he wasn't as excited as Cid about this. Oh, and maybe Cid shouldn't be, either, but he couldn't bring himself to care about that right now.

"Oh, we're in space." Cloud said. Vincent looked equally gloomy. Cid looked at them both, at Vincent's funereal face and Cloud's silent sigh, and didn't understand.

"Lads," Cid cleared his throat. "We're in space." Just in case they missed it. Apparently they hadn't. They just didn't – see the point of it. What was so, they were in space, exciting about it. It was just another obstacle to overcome in their grand quest for world peace. Usually Cid was all about overcoming obstacles. He also happened to believe that the world could do without total annihilation by a madman.

But what did it matter now – he was in space.

He supposed that if a bird flew high enough, without burning up by the sun, to perch on the tip of a crescent moon, it might feel as he did. For there was no place higher. No sights it hadn't seen. If the world was to end, and he was looking at the stars when it burst into flames – he didn't know how to die better. Among the stars; maybe his ashes will fly up and melt into a star billions and billions of light years away. Cid almost felt content at this thought. He wasn't scared of death.

And neither, it seemed, was Cloud.

"If I take the Materia and jump out the airlock," Cloud was saying, "Wouldn't that stop the explosion?"

"The Rocket would still crash into the Meteor and blow up." Vincent said matter-of-factly. "But yes, it would cause far less damage."

"But then you two will die in the process, blow up with it." Cloud said it like a report.

"And you would die in space clutching the Huge Materia." Vincent answered. Cloud fell silent.

"I wonder if Barret can fly the Highwind," he finally said.

And that, of all things, woke Cid up like a splash of ice water in middle of January. Because he was fine with dying among the stars if he had to, but if there was no world then there would be no ice, nor water, nor January. Obviously Cloud wasn't giving up and that was saying something, because that kid was messed in the head like you wouldn't believe.

Most of all, Cid would not have that idiot Barret touch the Highwind.

He shook himself awake, physically shrugging off an invisible weight from his shoulders. He looked at the time beeping on the screen and cursed himself for letting himself wander like that. There was a reason he didn't do sentimental.

Cloud and Vincent were still talking when Cid cleared his throat.

"Couldn't you just fling the Materia out?" Vincent was asking.

"It's probably programmed to explode if nothing's touching it. That's how we – I mean, the SOLDIERS – usually did it." Cloud shrugged. "Like a self-destruct, or a bomb."

"Lads," Cid felt this was a good time to interrupt. Cloud looked at him with a flash of hope that was gone too soon to leave a print. Cid felt almost guilty, as if he was responsible for that look. For its ephemerality. "We've got escape pods." He told them. Vincent lifted his eyebrows and Cloud's eyes widened.

"Why didn't you tell us before?" He said, but didn't wait for Cid's reply. In a flash, he was running down to the engine room. Vincent glanced at Cid and followed Cloud soundlessly. Cid flinched, somehow feeling that Vincent knew the reason he didn't tell them sooner. Now that the moment had passed, he was almost embarrassed for it. Almost.

Before he followed them down the stairs, Cid threw one last look out the window. He'd imagined being in space so many times. The volatile darkness outside looked just like his imagination. And maybe that was all this was – an imagination, too.

- L.

The engine room was stuffy. The machinery kept pumping out heat, a continuous noise that ended where another began. Chiming, horrible and disconcerted, of metal against metal and heat against solid air. The Huge Materia sat in the middle of the room on some kind of an altar. The machines were a cacophony of chaotic screaming. Something shrieked, a keen sound that halted Cid mid-track. Cloud looked back, alarmed.

"What is it?"

"I think… nevermind, just hurry up." Cid looked uneasy. Cloud didn't argue. Beads of sweat were starting to form across his forehead. The air smelled burnt.

"It's protected by a passcode." Vincent – who'd scouted ahead, not a hint of a flush on his skin – called above the noise. Cloud heard Cid curse behind him. He wasn't too surprised, though, and the heavy feeling in his chest was also getting to be familiar. Of course there would be a passcode.

"Any ideas, Cid?"

"Not a damn one. Except… try my old code. Back when I was still in the team."

Cloud moved away. Cid's fingers dashed across the number pad, practiced and easy. The machine beeped red. The Materia remained shielded in the transparent cage that looked like glass. Only, Cloud knew it was Mako-enhanced. He knew that even Zack hadn't been able to break out of it.

The air was getting thick, like metal, like it was trying to push them all out of the room. A spark exploded faintly somewhere to Cloud's left. Friction of heavy air against other heavy gas, growling and screaming. It reminded him of Reno's white rod. The one that buzzed electricity and looked too innocent to be so deadly. And then – Cloud couldn't believe his luck. He didn't have to. Maybe it wasn't fate or luck or anything, just the truth, maybe some kind of justice.

"20439." He said to Cid. Cid looked at him, startled, but then punched in the numbers without saying anything. The glass slid open smoothly. Cloud unlocked the metal straps around the Materia and held it against his chest. The swirling light inside was beautiful green like life. It seemed to feel his heartbeats and hummed silently. Cid and Vincent, too, stared at it transfixed.

That was when one of the engines exploded with a disfigured hiss. The air sparkled white, and then the thickest red Cloud had ever known. He barely made out Cid's outline making his way to the heat. He wanted to yell, stop, you'll get yourself killed, but it felt like a joke, yelling to a man who was in space. Then the hissing stopped. The air didn't clear immediately, but the particles subsided into a slow whirl instead. Cloud coughed out the red and searched for Cid's back. Cid was holding the lever down. Sweat slid down his bare arm.

"Cid, you okay?" Cloud called, voice coming out thick.

"It's the Mako stabilizer. Went berserk when it lost its purpose. Should've guessed." Cid's voice was also tangled with the red fume.

"It's not your fault." Cloud muttered. "How did you stop it?"

"This lever, it holds it back … as long as I hold it down." There was a certain kind of levity in his voice. Cloud suddenly saw what he meant when he said, we're in space, that silent wonder. Something stuck in his throat. It tasted like fear.

"What do you mean?" He took a step forward. The fog was still red, alarm soundlessly flashing from somewhere. All he saw of Cid was his back and his arm, still gripping the lever tight.

"It means, the second I let go this thing's gonna blow. You gotta go, Cloud."

"But…" Cloud felt a rise of panic. This was familiar, too familiar. He didn't know what sacrifices were for, when all you were fighting for was what had be sacrificed anyway.

"This is the end for me." Cid said. "And honestly, lad, I'm okay with that." He chuckled. Cloud didn't know what to say, and stood rooted to the spot.

"We don't have a lot of time, so just…"

"You go." Suddenly a deep voice, coming out of nowhere, shoved Cid out of the way. Vincent was there the next blink and it was no longer Cid's hands pushing down the lever but Vincent's. Cid looked at him blankly, opened his mouth to protest. His palms were red from gripping the lever so tightly.

"Hey, this is my …"

Vincent cut him off with a look before Cid could finish. His glance wasn't exactly cold, but measured like a man preparing for battle. Something clicked in his mind. Vincent was looking – Cloud realized that he had never seen Vincent afraid before.

"Vincent." He called his name for the lack of a better thing to do. Vincent met his gaze, held it steadily. He wasn't sweating even though the heat had become unbearable in the room. It felt like the air might catch fire on its own.

"Cloud, there's something… I haven't told you. About me."

"What…"

"You go, I'll be fine." Vincent said. Before Cloud could ask again, the ship shook again and Vincent glanced at the ceiling regretfully. He took off his metal gauntlet.

Vincent always wore a shiny metal gauntlet on his left arm that reached to his forearm. It looked like any other gauntlet, except for the fingers that were shaped longer, like claws. Now Cloud knew why he never took it off – not even when he was sleeping. Underneath, it wasn't normal flesh but something else. Darkness, something horribly malicious. Cloud watched as the darkness with no real borders convulsed violently and formed into long claws that matched the shape of the gauntlet. It then started travelling up his arms, leaving mutation in its wake. Its form was never fixed, though. All the while it squirmed and spat and roared. Vincent looked slightly sickened, but he wasn't looking at his, transformation – that was slowly turning his body into something dark and twisted, horribly mutated – he was looking at Cloud.

"Go." He said, and his voice had changed. The battered red cloak was becoming a battered half-wing, dripping red like blood and torn in places. The ship shook, the timer was beeping red. Cloud grabbed Cid and started running.

Just as he was about to leave, he turned suddenly. Only half of Vincent's face remained. The crimson of his left eye was enveloped in gray, maybe black, hard skin. He was still watching.

"See you back on the Planet, Vincent." Cloud said.

He didn't look back this time. Cid didn't speak a word until they reached the emergency pods. They buckled themselves and flung the vessels into space. The Rocket exploded behind them.

- L.

It turned out Barret actually could fly the Highwind, much to Cid's dismay. The ship was waiting for them in a clearing in the woods where they landed. Barret grinned proudly.

"We were watchin'. We knew y'all were up there. For a while we were worried…"

"But we knew you'd make it. Where's Vince?" Yuffie chimed in. Cloud coughed out smoke from his lungs.

"I'm here." Vincent's voice came from behind. Cloud whipped around to find him walk calmly out of the woods, the faded gold of his gauntlet secure on his left hand. Their eyes met and Cloud didn't say anything. Vincent was soon distracted by Yuffie's fussing, and Tifa was frowning up at Cloud.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Cloud said. He didn't tell her how he'd been thinking about dying with the stars and how it wasn't such a bad way to go. "I got the Materia." He suddenly remembered.

"We figured. There ain't a scratch on the Meteor, although the Rocket broke into pieces like firework." Barret said.

"I wonder if we did the right thing." Cid suddenly said. He looked kind of struck, by something more than the sunlight as he stood watching the sky with narrowed eyes. Ashes and dried sweat and gray soot still clung to him.

"Whacha mean by that?" Barret asked.

"I mean, Shinra was just tryin' their best. Tryin' to save half the Planet. It was their only shot and we blew it. What if we just destroyed the half that they were tryin' to save? What if we destroyed our Planet?"

"And what if we didn't." Yuffie said furiously. Her face was scrunched up in something like pride. "What if we saved everybody?"

"Well, we don't know, do we." Cid grumbled.

"Exactly," Tifa said. She met Cid's gaze steadily. At that moment, the amber in her eyes looked as soft as Aerith's shimmering green – both something of a forest, the leaves and the soil. Then he suddenly found himself wondering what Aerith would have said. What she would have done. He felt that somehow she would have known exactly what to do. He had to remind himself that she was only a girl, as lost as he was sometimes. Not always, but sometimes.

"Awright, you lot. Back to the Highwind." Barret said, clapping Cloud on the back. His entire body shook with his voice.

"It's my ship –" Cid started to complain.

"Where're we going then?" Yuffie asked. She was frowning at Barret, who looked at Cid, who looked at Cloud. Cloud opened his mouth hesitantly but nothing came out. Suddenly everybody was looking at him. Even the trees, the muted engine of the Highwind. He wished they were here. Aerith and Zack – they would have been so much better. He felt the wind slow down to hear what he had to say. Which was nothing – he didn't know.

It was Nanaki who saved him.

"If I may say something, Cloud." The soft purr of his voice chased the wind away. Cloud breathed out the air he'd been holding.

"Yeah?"

"Where science failed, magic might yet succeed."

"Magic?" Cid contorted his face in distrust.

"You mean, your grandfather?" Tifa asked. Cloud remembered the white of his beard, the things he spoke like a puzzle. The cry of the Planet.

"Yes. I think he might be able to help."

"Well? What do you think, Cloud?" Barret turned to Cloud. He nodded, faking nonchalance.

"I think we should head to Cosmo Canyon."

"Cosmo Canyon it is. Get on board! I gotta see how much damage Barret's done to my ship." Cid said, jumping through the hatch and disappearing into the ship. Barret followed close behind, complaining loudly.

"I haven't done any damage! Yer just jealous 'cause I'm a natural…"

Yuffie and Nanaki walked in after them. Tifa turned halfway up and looked back at him. Cloud was about to step in when there was a hand on his arm. He turned to find Vincent, the crimson of his eyes dancing uneasily.

"Cloud, can I talk to you for a moment?" He said. Cloud glanced at Tifa, who nodded and walked inside. It was just the two of them left. Surrounded by thick, curvy trees of Rocket Town that looked too attentive for Cloud's liking.

"Back in the Rocket," Vincent started. Cloud realized he hadn't really seen Vincent hesitant before, either. He'd have thought it'd be more unnerving. "I… there is, I mean, it's…"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Cloud said. Vincent shook his head slowly.

"I want you to know. It's just, it's a part of me that I'm not…"

"Proud of?" Cloud suggested. Vincent looked at him a moment, then nodded. Suddenly he looked so much older than he'd seemed, closer to fifty or sixty years – maybe more.

"It's okay. I have something… you already know what I have." Cloud said.

"It's different with you." Vincent shook his head again. Cloud would have chuckled; dark humor that masked itself with sarcasm. He remembered he used to be so good at sarcasm.

"What, being Sephiroth's puppet? Whatever it is that you… well, it's not so different."

"It's Chaos." Vincent said suddenly.

"Chaos. That's –"

"What I turned into. What I… am. It's horrid." He laughed without humor, a dark sound so bitterly twisted that Cloud flinched.

"You don't look like it right now." Cloud said. Vincent held up his hand, the one clad in the metal gauntlet. Cloud remembered the darkness beneath.

"Usually I can hold it back. It used to be… I've had a lot of practice."

"So it's okay, then."

"How can it be okay? I'm a monster." Vincent turned his body half away from him, the cloak flapping like wings – they were, Cloud remembered. They'd dripped blood. And yet –

"But you saved us. We would've died. You're fighting with us. How can you be a monster?" He took a deep breath. The air he breathed was clear, not red. "You're not a monster, Vincent. But I know how you feel."

"You feel the same way?" Vincent looked at him quizzically, almost hopefully. Cloud tried to smile.

"Yeah, I do. I didn't have a mind for a long time. I almost killed Aerith. I almost killed… all of you."

"But that wasn't your fault."

"So is it your fault, then? The way you are?"

"Maybe. It is my sin."

Cloud shook his head. "It was Hojo, wasn't it?"

Vincent looked at him for a long time. It wasn't exactly mistrust in his eyes but something deeper, maybe fear.

"The place we found you. It's the same place that I – we, Zack and me – were experimented on. Hojo's lab." Cloud explained. "He used to do all sorts of experiments. To make stronger SOLDIERs, stronger warriors."

"I can't always control it." Vincent said softly. "Sometimes it speaks to my mind… Sometimes I see it in the mirror."

"You're not a monster, Vincent."

"Sometimes I see it in the mirror." Vincent repeated, like he hadn't heard Cloud at all. The wind rustled their hair. Cid yelled at them to get a move on. Cloud took a breath.

"Sometimes I do, too." He said.