AN: Hi folks, I'm updating early. I'm going to try and update again sometime in the next 12 hours because I'm babysitting overnight and won't get a chance to update at the usual time this weekend. Did any of you find the first J/Bella kiss last chapter confusing? This chapter starts with a BPOV of J's healing.

I should warn you that there is a trigger warning in this chapter as well, a memory is discussed and it alludes to sexual abuse.

S. Meyer owns twilight

CHAPTER 15

BPOV

Char had dropped a bombshell of information; J is my mate. It was a foreign concept, I'd been a 'mate' in the past, this felt different. The feelings were too strong to identify. What I'd thought was a crush was so powerful, so fundamental to my existence. It brought fear, love and longing. I needed him. "Mate, mate, mate, MATE." No matter how I said it, it felt different. I had known love with Edward and thought that was 'mate,' but it was more like an addiction. It hurt me, burned intensely before slipping out of my reach leaving my empty. 'Mate' was whole, deep, visceral. There was love, but it wasn't painful. Instead of trapping me I felt free.

'Mate' the word conjured up the feeling of a warm fluffy blanket in winter, a cool breeze in summer, the fresh air of autumn and the sweet smell of spring. It was constant. It was almost tangible.

It felt like I'd shattered to pieces when he screamed, his voice begging for me. Without thinking I ran, it wasn't conscious, it was instinctual. Protect my mate. Char held me back, I struggled. He needed me. Adrenaline pumped through me, my skin burned. The pull dragged me and I pushed myself forward as hard as I could. I could feel the muscles in Char's stone arms strain. I caught sight of him on the lawn at the bottom of the valley; they looked so small in the distance. J was lying vulnerable with Peter holding him down. A blinding bright light shined from Charlie's hands. He was no longer my father, he was my enemy and he was hurting my mate. I felt Char's grip slip, she pushed her weight forward landing on top of me. I clawed at her, the ground, anything. My fingertips burned as I struggled to get a hold.

Something moved in the light, a faint dark shade moved from J and up Charlie's arms. I stilled, watching as dad threw his head back and screamed. A column of darkness left him, dissipating quickly in the air like ash. J stilled. The light never wavered, but a faint wisp of color snaked its way into J. He grunted, his muscles taut with strain. He was hurting again.

The light grew even brighter. Peter released his hold on J's arms and moved to kneel opposite dad, anchoring my dad's hands to my mate's face. J whimpered. Then, like a sonic boom, a wave of energy left him, a wave of air flowed outwards, passing through Charlie and flinging Pete deep into the forest. Trees fell in its wake, their roots upturned. By the time it travelled up the hill towards us it lost its power. My hair lifted to the breeze. The light left Charlie and he slumped to the ground. I took my chance and ran to J. Pete had recovered and reached Charlie, checking him over. I heard J's name and realized I was calling him. I fell to my knees and gently moved my fingers through his hair.

Sometime later he responded, turning his head and nuzzling his nose into my hand. I felt the tickle of his breath against my skin as he took in my scent. His muscles grew lax. I moved my hand back to his hair, moving my fingers through his soft blond curls. Char walked close to us, gently placing a tray on the ground next to me. Pete propped up Charlie so he was sitting. Char lifted a cup of sweet smelling tea to dad, tipping small mouthfuls into him.

When dad was able to hold himself upright she handed him a sandwich. Through mouthfuls of bread dad asked Pete, "did it work?" Peter's eyes unfocussed looking at something in the distance, his mouth grew into a wide grin, his eyes sparkling "it did. He just needs some time to adjust." Pete put his arm around dad "Best. Nephew. Ever!" Dad smiled at him and said "I'm glad. I want him free from his past." Dad looked over to me and I smiled, "thanks, dad. Thank you so much." He bumped my shoulder lightly "take care of him, he'll be fine soon."
"I promise."

Char helped me drink a mug of tea, I didn't have the heart to move away from J. The tea was sweet with herbs, but I could taste mint. I felt more awake and alert. I looked to dad "did you make this?" He nodded "I think I've found something better than coffee!" I said. He chuckled at me and murmured; "nothing will replace coffee in my book."

I ate my sandwich single handed, occasionally catching a strange glance from dad, Pete and Char. "What's up, guys?" I asked them. Dad cleared his throat and responded "your power grew."
"No shit! Seriously?" I blurted out. Char nodded, "I had a hard time holding you back, it felt like something stopped me from getting a grip on you."
"Really?"
"When you got away you scared the shit out of me, I had to tackle you and was so worried I'd hurt you. Human bodies aren't equipped to handle our weight."

"Huh" I said. Pete took over from Char "we can see it now. It's like a thin film of glass that moves with you."
"But I'm touching J. I don't feel any barrier or any difference."
"Probably because he's your mate. You're powerful Bells, but nothing can get between mates, literally in your case. In fact I'd wager that as your power grows you'll start subconsciously shielding him."
"I can protect him?"
"Definitely, but that's something we'll work on later. We still need to train you in fighting and defense. When your power gets stronger we'll be able to see what your shield can do." Pete said.

"When do you think we can start working on it?" I was eager to learn, I'd never been able to protect anyone like this. I felt stronger, more confident. "Probably when you're turned." Pete continued, "The future is clear; you'll be changed soon. I can't see when, it's one of those decisions that fate has allowed some wiggle room for. It's inevitable that you'll turn, but it won't change fate if you choose it sometime in the near future."

I finished my sandwich and saw Pete lead dad into the house "don't leave yet, I want to spend some time hanging out" I called to dad.

Char handed me a thermos "do you want to feed J?"
"Is that possible while I'm still human?" I asked. She nodded, "you're his mate, even unconsummated, his instincts won't harm you." I smiled "thanks Char. I don't want to move away from him at the moment." She loosened the lids of the three thermoses sitting on the tray and headed towards the house "wait ten seconds before you start, if he thinks I'm too close his instincts could take over." I nodded.

I looked back up the hill, it had been a little longer than ten seconds. I removed the lid that rested on the first thermos and pushed the release button. I could smell the tang of blood, but it didn't bother me, my mate needed it. I tilted him over so he was lying back and saw his nostrils flare at the scent from the thermos. He lifted his head up and I tilted the thermos, letting the blood pour into his mouth. I watched in fascination as his throat moved with each gulp and smiled.

As soon as it was empty I picked up another, feeding him, watching him. His eyelids lost the purple bruises and his eyes slowly turned gold. I was pouring the third and final thermos into his mouth, his cheeks looked flushed with a very light pink. Once empty I put it aside and watched him ease himself into sitting position. I grabbed his hand and traced my fingers over his stone skin "how do you feel J?"
"Good. Weird, but good." His voice was soft and his eyes looked at me with longing. He slowly straightened, sitting on his knees. His other hand reached out to me, I moved it aside and pushed myself into a kneeling position, hugging him with all my strength.

He whispered in my ear, echoing the questions from earlier. "Are you okay, Bella?" His voice was muffled in my shoulder "yeah."
"Do you want to head inside?"
"Soon." I said, I wasn't ready to move yet. My mouth to repeat the words from before, "I love you J." I tightened my grip on him as he said "I love you too."

Two weeks had passed since J had healed. I hardly left his side; while we could handle being a part it hurt a little. We had developed a routine; Char had taken over my training and we were building my repertoire of attacks. The idea of hurting someone still shook me, but I was able to keep focus. My shield had strengthened, but it was beginning to use more energy than I had. I would have to be turned soon. The pain of the change was something that I was dreading, but what was three days of agony compared to an eternity with my family and mate?

Charlie had grown stronger too. I spent every second evening on the Res, he'd started to enjoy cooking and was having fun blending different types of ingredients together. He'd incorporated his training into cooking and had developed some super charged recipes. He was a beginning to teach me a few things.

He'd made a few breakthroughs adapting recipes he'd learnt through Oona with the knowledge Pete had passed on from his travels and the teachings from the healers he lived with. His appearance had changed drastically as well, there was a faint glow to his skin, not like the glitter of vampire skin, he was a little illuminated. His face had lost the wrinkles he'd earned and his skin looked smoother. He was sleeping and eating less, his body was losing the need for human refreshment.

J and dad grew close, they had found common ground and went to a historical reenactment. I'd planned to attend, but when I tried on the costume the layers of petticoats and thick cotton dresses were suffocating. Once a month J and dad were going to head over to a golf course dressed in the uniforms of J's human days. Dad would fight for the union and J would reprise his role in the confederates. I'd never get used to J acting so human, he'd completely lost the haunted look in his eyes. When working and talking to allies he was serious and confident; whether he was gathering intel from his friends or reporting to the Volturi Masters.

I'd almost started hyperventilating when he told me the Major freelanced for the Volturi. I was certain I'd be put to death, that La Push and Dad's tribe would be under attack at any moment. It was a shock to hear otherwise. The Volturi already knew about me, the La Push Wolves and the Spirit Walkers. I had trouble trusting that there was no danger from them.

Yesterday he made a call to the mysterious "mutual friend," they'd avoid using names incase Alice would get a vision or if the communication was compromised. I'd been on the computer emailing Sue and Leah when J sat on an armchair close by. The phone conversation had turned from intel gathering to friendly banter as he confirmed his healing. He was so different, the gentle part of him came through without the insecurity, it mixed with the confident part of him and was so sexy. He had caught my eye and winked making me giggle like a school girl. I'd become embarrassed and turned away from him, groaning. He affected me so much. I heard him explain my actions, a high feminine squeal came from the phone as he referred to me as 'The one.'

"Who is it?" I'd whispered. He mouthed 'Rose' and I cringed, he handed the phone to me without warning and flitted out of the room, laughing. 'Fuck you, J' I'd growled out and heard laughter come from the speaker in the phone. I held it up to my ear. My voice was strained with awkwardness "hi" I'd tried to speak as emotionlessly as I could and failed. "Hi" her voice sounded nervous "how are you?" She asked, I enjoyed her awkwardness. "Just dandy, how about you?" She sighed through the speaker "as well as expected."
"What do you mean?" I was expecting her to snap at me at any moment, part of me wanted her to so I could tell her exactly what I thought of her. "I hate it here" she'd said in a small voice.

She explained using the code names they'd come up with a long time ago. I wasn't familiar with them, but I could tell who she was talking about from the information Pete, Char and J had given me. "The head of the family (Carlisle) is lost, looking for guidance in two who have their own agenda. His mate (Esme)has given into the grief about the lost ones (J and I). When the twerp (Edward) was here he did what he could to shift focus back to himself by putting everyone down. The manipulator (Alice) is oblivious, flouncing around the house cheerfully and sending backhanded compliments to everyone she sees."

"Your mate's darker half (The Major) ran the show when he could. It's such a change to hear his voice now that he's healed."
"Are you going to cause trouble between my mate and I?" I asked, my tone turned hard, I wasn't going to let anyone treat me or J like shit ever again. Rose was instantly contrite, "No. Look, I'm sorry for how I acted before, really. I hated the dynamic between you and the twerp and foolishly thought you were like him; pious, judgmental and likely to backstab us."

Rose's voice picked up speed, but I could still hear her clearly. "I was also angry how your true mate (J) was being treated, it felt like I was the only one who could see his worth. When the twerp would steer you away from him you would follow blindly. Your mate was his gentler self (Jasper) and didn't know his destiny was with you. His darker half did, I saw his disappointment, but he never said anything or judged you. I'm sorry for making assumptions."
"Thanks, but you do realize back then you were acting pious, judgmental and likely to backstab us?" I threw her words back at her. I wasn't ready to concede yet, I'd put up with enough from her family. "You're right. I'm sorry about that now." She admitted.

There was an awkward pause, I pushed down the need to break it. Rose sighed and I could tell she was uncomfortable. Good. "He sounds so different since the healing." She said lightly. "He is." I agreed. "Will you tell me what happened?" She asked. Her voice sounded weak. I thought for a moment and said "You care about him, don't you?" At least she seemed to care. "He's my brother." She said fervently.

"Fine. What exactly do you need to know?" I asked. "Was he triggered?" She asked. I thought through her question before answering. "I don't know, I came downstairs and saw him still as a statue."
"Were his eyes black and unfocussed?"
"I think so. I tried calling to him-"
"What happened before that?" She cut me off. I thought back over the afternoon before our first kiss. "Nothing, we were talking outside and then went in."

She exhaled heavily and began to talk, "his past was a living nightmare. Sometimes it creeps up on him, anything would trigger him and it'd take a few days for him to come out of it. We'd have to run interference so the leader and his mate wouldn't notice."
"What do you mean?"
"The leader had caught him during an episode in the past, he made it worse. He turned all his attention on your mate, watching him like he was a guinea pig. He was so wrapped up in studying the effect of PTSD in Vampires he neglected to protect him like a good leader should. He'd do things to stimulate a response. The episode lasted longer than the one's he had after."

"What happened, what did the leader do to my mate?" My voice became a growl. [Trigger warning]"He opened up a bag of human blood. After that that he tried to get the manipulator to have sex with him. All this happened during that first flashback he had with us." Her voice turned into a growl and I could feel the blood drain from my face.
"Fuck, what an idiot" my voice broke, Carlisle intentionally hurt my mate. I would make sure he got what was coming to him.

"We were so angry." Rose continued. "The leader had no idea what abuse he was going up against, it wasn't just physical and emotional. Do you know that? She used him, FORCED him." [Trigger end] I heard her breathe deeply before she continued. "Thankfully, the Twerp and the Manipulator were on our side when it came to running interference. The Twerp was scared and neither of them liked the shift in attention-" I cut her off, I could easily guess how Edward and Alice would react. "-So when the Twerp could read an episode he and the Manipulator would bring focus back to them?"
"Yeah, the down side was that they'd use it against him. It was an excuse to monitor him and beat him down... he never believed me when I told him he wasn't really having a slip. He'd come to covered with blood, animal blood, but he hadn't slipped in the traditional sense since he joined. The darker part made sure of it." Rose said.

I'd gotten to know the Major well through the letters and talking with both him and Jasper. "I can see that. The darker part has a sweet side, he's a cocky shit but very protective and charming." I said, Rose's voice lost its awkwardness at that "his drawl is something else, isn't it?" She whispered. We laughed a little "yeah." There was that damn blush again.

We had paused and something occurred to me "I think I know what triggered him." I heard her intake of breath as I explained, "we were sitting down outside, talking, but when he stood up he gave me a hand up. I fell forward, he probably felt my body against his, I triggered him."

J walked into the room, I knew Rose would be able to hear as he spoke, "you didn't cause the trigger I did. You feel so different to me, my mate, and it's not just because you're human. It got me thinking about how much better you are for me. My thoughts turned to the past when things weren't so great... You didn't trigger me, my own thoughts did. Stop feeling guilty. You pulled me out of that episode, you got me to a point where I could be healed and you were the one to bring the healer to us. You saved me." J said and put his arms around me.

"How did you bring him out of the episode?" Rose's voice sounded tinny as I held the phone away slightly. J answered for me "she was there for me, everything about her draws me in like never before."
"You kissed me for the first time then" I said and smiled at the memory. Rose made a sound like 'awww.' I laughed and called her a 'bitch.'

"I really like the new you, you're different to how you were with the Twerp." Rose said. I grinned as J's eyes grew wide. He answered her; "You have no idea, wait till you see her, Sister." He ran his hand over my tattoo, he loved my 'make over.'

"Can I visit you soon?" She asked. J started to respond "I don't know-" but had been cut off by Pete walking into the room. I threw my arms in the air "for fucks sake, I know you're hearing is good, but could you vamps at least pretend not to listen?" I groused. Pete smirked. "Nope, get over it Little Bee." He looked towards the phone and answered for us "the Twerp hasn't returned?" he asked Rose, she answered "nope, we don't know where he is."
"Good, I don't think he'll be back for a while. He's probably still wallowing and waiting for his mommy and daddy to beg him for his return. What's the manipulator up to?" Pete asked. "Not much, there's been no change. I've notified the masters of her plan." Rose said.

"Good, I'll call the Masters and update them on things at this end. I get the feeling she'll be headed their way after you and your mate leave." Pete said, I heard Rose sigh "is there any reason for us to stay?"
"Not as far as I can see." Pete responded "how far away are you?"
"We're in the north east, about three days travel as the Vampire drives."
"Okay, if you suggest you're headed on another honeymoon you'll be able to leave without any suspicion. Will the Manipulator be a problem?" He asked. "I don't think so, she seems so unfocussed. I think she's losing touch with reality." Pete let out a breath "that's good. The fates must be interceding. Give it a week and see if there's any change. If you even suspect something's up call us straight away. Otherwise we'll see you in ten days."

AN #2; The Squeakquel

That memory Rose spoke about; the first time she saw Jasper have an episode and Carlisle's subsequent treatment, was the memory Jasper shared with the Major that caused the Major to lose control and release it. Jasper/J/It/the Major don't remember exactly what happened, but Jasper was told about what happened at the time once he recovered from that first episode. Eddie and Alice also made sure to rub it in his face, repeatedly. I've added this now because it'll be a while before we get to the confrontation with the Cullens and I wanted to let you guys know ASAP.

What did you think of how Bella confronted Rose? I'm happy to answer any questions if you have any.