CHAPTER SEVEN: SHUT UP

"It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get back up."

song recommendation: I Know I'm A Wolf by Young Heretics

She missed it.

Watching the boys play in the practice match made her utterly miss playing volleyball. And, for a moment while she was watching, her mood turned sour and she became bitter. A pout playing on her lips as her brows furrowed in aggravation, she wanted to be where they were. She wanted to play Volleyball too. But she was scared, and she couldn't really play anyway. Not like she use to. Her aggravation died down the more she watched Kuroo play, the more she watched Taketora excitedly spike the ball, even the more she watched the third years. Nearly everyone was happy while playing, they worked together and depended on each other so well that Rin's bitterness disappeared as quickly as it appeared. The pout slowly left her lips, the crease in her brow slowly eased up until her face was an expression of calm content.

Thats right.

She was suppose to be getting use to sitting on the bench, she was supposed to figure out how to help them from the bench. Nekoma wasn't Okamiyasha, they weren't her team. She wasn't the Ace, nor was she the captain - hell, she wasn't even a player. She was Nekoma's manager, she was their tutor. This wasn't her team, though, she was a part of it. Rin's eyes followed Kuroo, and she thought of a hundred different things he could do but didn't. She thought of moves she used, and thought of tactics that helped her while playing.

Rin bit the inside her cheek. She should tell him during practice, tell him the different techniques she learned and show him.

But could she show him?

Rin hunched forward from her spot on the bench, resting her elbows on her thighs and bringing her clasped hands in front of her lips.

She could show him, but she didn't know if she was brave enough. The fear of him questioning her still scared her enough that she didn't want to even touch a volleyball at times. She didn't want to explain Okamiyasha, she didn't want to explain the pants, she didn't want to explain anything that concerned her and Volleyball. And she probably never would explain, she was way too afraid. She didn't want that pity, she didn't want to hear and apology. When people found out she couldn't play Volleyball they apologized to her in the same way they apologized to her when her father died. She didn't understand it.

It was her own fault that she couldn't play, she was the only one to blame. She was careless about her body, she pushed herself too hard. She didn't give her body enough rest, she didn't wear the proper equipment... The list went on and on. Rin was more than angry at herself, she had even hated herself. The entire time she was in the hospital, the entire time she sat in the white room she did nothing but self loathe. She cursed herself and cried and even declared out loud to her brother "I hate me". Of course, Daisuke being Daisuke, was having none of it and did everything and anything he could to cheer her up. But Rin had felt that she didn't deserve it, so she avoided him and then avoided her team. Refusing to leave her bed, and pretending to be asleep anytime anyone tried to spend time with her.

She even avoided the one person she had previously called her best friend.

Again, Rin did this all to herself. In her little tantrum of self-hatred she pushed away people who mattered and now she had no way of contacting them. The team members of Okamiyasha split up into schools she didn't know, and her old best friend moved and Rin didn't even have his phone number.

She realized all too late that she had driven herself into a corner. She was alone.

But, coming to Nekoma, (being forced into) becoming the team's manager, and befriending Kuroo and Kenma, those had been the best decisions she's made in the past two years. She was opening up, slowly but surely.

"Time-out!"

Rin blinked, pulled from her thoughts. She moved her hands away from her mouth and reached over to grab the bottles of water at her side. She stood, walking towards the court and holding out the bottles to the team.

"Thank you, Rin-hime!"

"Ah, thank you."

Rin hummed, passing the last bottle to Kuroo. He grinned at her, immediately squirting the water into his mouth.

"How we doing, Rin-chan?"

Rin rolled her eyes, "You're not losing, so that's good."

"Jeez," Kuroo sighed, "Can't a guy get a compliment?"

"Not when he can do so much better, no," Rin shrugged nonchalantly.

Kuroo groaned, "Honestly, you're impossible."

"On a good day I'm sometimes possible."

A quiet snort sounded from beside the two teens and Rin snickered seeing Kenma hide his smile with his hair. The whistle form the ref echo'd in the gym and Rin grabbed the bottles back from the boys. Her eyes briefly met Saruhiko's, whose face was set in a stony and cold expression.

Rin frowned, quickly looking away and rushing back to the bench to refill the waters. She was still shaken about Saruhiko asking about her old team, she wanted to know how he knew.

But, honestly, it wasn't hard to look up her name on the internet. She was sure that her name popped up in a few articles about her old team, and once you got the name of the team you could search the web about them. But would Saruhiko actually do that? It was a little weird if she thought about it, that he would go home and look up her name and old team and read up about her. He wouldn't... right?

Rin shook her head softly, weakly trying to rid herself of the uncomfortable thoughts.

Maybe he was at a game?

No. Surely, he would have approached her by saying that he saw her play once.

Rin pursed her lips, she only hoped that Saruhiko would just drop the subject after seeing the look on her face. Any normal person would, wouldn't they? He had to have some sort of manners.

Rin sighed, placing all the waters back in the holder and then made her way back to the bench. Her grandfather was surprisingly quiet during the game, not bothering to talk to her about what was going on. Rin leaned forward again, this time resting her forearms on her thighs and clasping her hands together in front of her knees. It didn't take long for the team to win the first set, leading by 7 points. After that, it didn't take them long to win the game entirely. Leading in the second set by 3 points. Honestly, she wasn't surprised.

"Do I get a compliment now?"

"You didn't lose, good job."

Kuroo threw his head back dramatically and let out a childish whine, "You're so mean, Rin!"

The girl rolled her eyes before fixating her gaze on the Volleyball that was lost in the corner of the room. It seemed while they picked up, they had forgotten about the ball in the corner. She told herself she would get it while the boys changed.

"Are you gunna go home with Coach?"

Rin lifted her chin slightly to look at Kuroo, slowly she shook her head, "I'll walk home with you and Kenma again today. Jii-chan is staying late to talk with other coaches, probably going to call the crows team old coach to boast about you guys."

Kuroo nodded, patting the top of Rin's head. The girl lifted her lip in a silent snarl before swatting his hand away, Kuroo snickered, "Just wait here, Rin-chan. Kenma and I will be back."

Rin hummed in agreement, patting her hair down while watching as the team slowly piled into the locker room. Once she was left alone she slowly walked over to the Volleyball in the corner and picked it up. She smiled softly, spinning it between her hands. Rin glanced over her shoulder, making sure no one was around.

She sighed, lifting the ball with her right hand and pulling her left hand back behind her. She hesitated, her heart dropping into her stomach as she thought about all the times she's done this. The times she use to do this. It made her nervous and anxious, and she didn't know if she wanted to hit the ball anymore.

No.

She missed Volleyball.

Rin brought her left hand forward, hitting the volleyball with her first and sending it soaring across the gym. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips and she slowly followed the ball across the court so she could pick it up.

"Do you miss it?"

Rin jumped, spinning around to look at the person who just spoke.

Kuroo had his head tilted slightly, his eyes focused on her face - waiting to gauge in her reaction.

Her heart thudded against her chest so violently she was sure it was going to break her ribs, her palms begin to clam up and the color was probably draining from her face. Rin pursed her lips, shifting her eyes down to focus on his shoes. Her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides and she was swallowing spit in an attempt to wet her dry mouth. After a moment she looked up, releasing a long breath she didn't even realize she was holding.

"Yeah... I do."

Kuroo nodded his head, talking long strides so he could stand next her.

"You still don't want to talk about it?"

Rin frowned, turning her head away, "Talk about what?"

Kuroo snorted, "Volleyball, of course."

"There's nothing to talk about."

Kuroo put his hands in the air in mock surrender, "We don't have to talk about, don't get so feisty."

Rin huffed, shooting Kuroo a weak glare. He only grinned in response, "You're so scary~"

"Sometimes, I'm tempted to punch you," Rin grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest and turning away from him. Instead of looking at Kuroo and the gym's walls, Rin's line of vision was now focused on the volleyball net that remained up. Slowly, she untangled her arms and reached out, grasping onto the black nylon strings. Her train of though drifted, and her bad habit of speaking before she thought happened once more.

"I really do miss playing."

Rin stiffened, realizing what she said a second too late. Her face flushed with embarrassment and she quickly spun around to face Kuroo, rubbing the back of her neck nervously, "I - I mean - uh - "

"Oh? What's going on in here?"

Rin lifted her hand from the back of her neck, turning to face the door.

Saruhiko stood with one hand on his hip, the other grasping onto the strap of the sports duffel bag on his shoulder. He had his head tilted, a sardonic grin on his face.

"You know," Saruhiko spoke, taking a few steps forward. Rin took a step back, her shoulder brushing Kuroo's arm. Saruhiko stopped, the grin on his face falling into a bitter scowl, "You two are awfully close, aren't ya? Tell me, what's so great about him? I mean, he probably doesn't know anything about you."

Rin's mouth parted, her eyes widening.

"I mean," Saurhiko spat, "He probably doesn't even know much about you playing Volleyball - right?"

"Listen, I haven't -"

"Shut up when your senpai is talking," Saurhiko groaned, shooting Kuroo a nasty glare, "Seriously, pretty new girl comes to school, joins as manager and she wants to stick with trash like you? You probably don't even know why she's not playing volleyball."

"Shut up."

Saruhiko turned his attention away from Kuroo, looking at the girl who just spoke. Her lips were pushed down into an unattractive frown, her cheeks flushed pink and her eyes seemingly glossy, "What was that?"

"I said shut up," Rin's voice was low, and she attempted to sound threatening. But her fear shadowing over her anger at this point, she never realized it - why she didn't want to tell Kuroo. Not until this moment.

She wasn't scared that he would pity her or apologize to her like everyone else did, he didn't do that with her father so she wouldn't expect him to do that finding out about her knees. No, she was scared that he would be just as disappointed in her than she was in herself. A star Volleyball athlete, making rookie mistakes. He would judge her based on that.

Saruhiko scoffed, dropping his duffle bag on the floor, "Why? Why haven't you told him? Is it because you don't trust him?"

"That's not it," Rin fought, taking a singly step forward.

Saruhiko turned to look at Kuroo, the tall second year was still standing close to Rin, a blank and unreadable look on his face, "I know more about her than you do and yet she still sticks to you like glue, you see it, right? It's stupid and it pisses me off. You - You piss me off. What do you even know about her, huh?"

Kuroo didn't reply.

"Dumbass," Saruhiko spat, before looking at Rin, "Nekomata Rin. Played for a mixed All-star Volleyball team in middle school, middle blocker and Captain of Okamiyasha - "

"Shut up."

"Won their first championship, lost their second, and never finished their third - "

"I said shut up!"

Rin went to take a step forward, but an arm wound itself around her waist before she could move any farther. She struggled against Kuroo, her vision blurry from the tears she didn't allow to fall.

" - because Captain Rin was injured near the end of the second set - "

"I don't really care what you have to say," Kuroo interrupted, a smirk making its way onto his face. It was different form the one's she seen, it wasn't languid and comforting. The smirk was cynical and felt like a threat in itself, "So, you can take whatever it is you have to say and shove it... senpai."

Saruhiko snarled, "You might not care, but she sure does. She doesn't want you to know for some reason. Why? I wonder..."

Rin struggled against Kuroo once more, the urge to punch the third year in front of her was like a burning fire in the pit of her stomach.

"Honestly," Kuroo tilted his head, "You're not such a good senpai are you?"

"You know why she doesn't play volleyball anymore?" Saruhiko asked, dismissing Kuroo's question, "Because during the championship match she torn the ACL in her right knee and nearly tore the one in her left, it's - "

Rin tore away from Kuroo, and the next chain of events happened so fast Rin wasn't even sure they happened.

The girl brought her hand back and rushed it forward, ready to hit Saurhiko square in the jaw. The 3rd year easily grabbed her wrist, and before she or Kuroo could do anything Saruhiko had shoved Rin back towards Kuroo, brining his own fist back. Rin was pulled back, Kuroo tugging her behind him with one hand while raising his other arm to block the punch Saruhiko was aiming at his face.

But the punch never landed.

"My, my~"

A shadow loomed over the 3, tall, menacing and barely readable. Rin's heart was pounding in her chest, her eyes wide as she noticed that the newcomer and had grabbed Saruhiko's wrist before he could punch Kuroo.

"This is not the surprise I was hoping for."

"..Daisuke?"

{AUTHORS CORNER: The song I put in the beginning is actually what I listened to whilst writing. I had it on repeat and ugh it's a really good song. Thank you for the reviews, favorites and follows! Hope this chapter was good, I feel like my writing sucks 99% of the time (my writing is nothing compared to Bergliot senpai's) but this chapter came out exactly how I wanted it to. I like to imagine that when Kuroo's mad he's that scary kinda mad where he doesn't make angry faces. Like, when he's mad he'll smile and you'll shit your pants cause it's like oh no. But yes, review please!}

(HEAD CANON FIVE: Rin's dad taught her basics in self defense.)