A/N-
Silly, silly readers... My author's notes are long enough as it is, lol, Now we have to do this;
Sooo, There was some dispute last chapter. I'm not going to get into it, cuz it seems to have been mostly solved, but I will answer a few comments to those who don't have an account so I can't speak to you personally.
1- Tayuya ; I'm sorry that some of you feel the way you do. Unfortunatley, that is her character. In the anime, she is a rude, disrespectful, know-it-all little brat, on Narutopedia* The first sentence it says under her personality is that "Tayuya was over-bearing and foul-mouthed toward most people." She's not supposed to be likeable. Which is why I like her.
2- The KakuHida ; Nope, not a lot has happened, that is absoloutly correct. But I had planned from here on out for the ball to get seriously rolling, really, for people with the personalities Kuzu and Hida have, the hardest step was the first one. KisaIta is the secondary coupling, but they are different people, and thus, their relationship develops at different rates, at this point will probably come to a standstill for awhile now that they've finally done the hanky-panky.
And about the sex scenes, Sorry, but not sorry. I apologize for being embarrassed, because you're absoloutly right, if I did not wish to do it then I would not have stated that I would. But I'm just a person. I get nervous when I try to do things I've never done before. I did it possibley in an immature way, but I was only seeking a little bit of comfort. Which basically all of you gave me, :) So thank you. I am truely inspired.
3- Arguements ; I'm flattered really. At first I was irritated because Srsly? Bickering with strangers about fictional characters and non-existant scenarios? But then I realized that it was a compliment. Some of you feel so strongly and are so attached to FYA that you will defend the honor of fake people. And I suppose in a way that just means I'm succeeding in my writing. So thank you. :)
And about the critiques. OMG YES finally! I'm sorry, I know I'm a wierd person, but I'm happy for that. There is a difference between people trying to make you feel like dirt and politley pointing out weak areas that need worked on. I like constructive critisism, so keep it coming.
Okay, enough of that crap! ONWARD!
FOLLOW YOUR ARROW
.
Hidan stood with his back to Kakuzu, his arms held stiffly down to his sides, palms facing forward with fingers splayed. His head was tipped every so slightly up to the sky, and though the doctor could not see them, he knew his eyes were closed, and that he was smiling that sort of smile that doesn't show on the face so much as just in the general language of the body.
He knew it just like he knew that 400 feet directly below the face of the cliff Hidan was standing on were jagged, evil-looking rocks that remained sharp and deadly despite the years and years of ocean washing up over them, chiding them in differing voices, both rough and soft to quit being so wicked, so wrong, never to any avail.
A bit of the ledge crumbled beneath Hidan's bare feet, but he did not move, and Kakuzu did not move.
"What do you think it takes to live forever?" Hidan asked him, his voice pinging through the old man's soul, loud and resonate, despite being 20 feet away from him and having the sound of the crashing waves and humming wind between them.
"There is no such thing." He replied, not sure why he said it, but not disagreeing with his own words.
"I know..." Hidan said back sadly, though not sad at all. As if he'd known the answer, but had been hoping for something else anyway. "There's no such thing as 'special'. We're all just people..." He paused to let out an airy sort of chuckle. "Isn't that the most fucking depressing shit ever?" He turned around, wearing that smile-but-not-smile and faced Kakuzu, his silver hair touseled by the salty air, those damnable peony-pink eyes looking at him and past him, like he was subconciously aware of some great truth, but his concientious self had been struggling for years and years to find it, never able to.
Why is he so captivating? He thought without thinking, Just a voice that mimiced his own that fluttered through his head. It's the crazy ones that speak the most truth...
"Are you scared to die?" Hidan asked him suddenly, taking a step back toward the cliff, which crumbled a little more. Kakuzu wanted to lurch forward, he felt his heart jump up into his throat, he wanted to pull Hidan away from there and tell him to be careful, but his body refused to move, his panic was far and distant as he stared at the pale man, as if not really feeling it, trying only to convince himself too.
"I don't know." He answered honestly. I'm scared for you to die...
"I am. Even though I want it... I don't know what it is though." He said, eyes never leaving Kakuzu's. "I want it, but only because I have no other choice but to accept it. If I could reject it I would, though I don't really have any reason to live past my expiration date. I want to be special, even though I kind of don't."
The Doctor only stared back at him, trying repeatedly to say the words that buzzed in his head, to give his opinion, to scold the idiot for his ideals, to comfort him, to harangue him, to offer what little wisdom he had. But he could not seem to do anything of his own will at the moment. He understood this, for some reason, but it frustrated him never-the-less. Hidan was getting closer and closer to that edge. If he wasn't careful, he would die. And Kakuzu was powerfully disturbed by how much this thought petrified him, and how he could see no future for himself beyond Hidan's existance.
"I don't know what I want, Kakuzu. Is that wierd? I only know what I don't want. And that doesn't help at all..."
Doesn't help what? He tried to say, again to no avail. You can want me. His thoughts said again without approval. You can want me because you can have me.
"What the hell is life anyway, huh? Is it just not-death? We're all just in not-death? Damn sobriety... Why is it that everything that kills you helps you live? Everything good for you just...hurts."
Hidan took a step back and this time Kakuzu finally moved toward him, his hand slowly raising and stretching out toward the younger. "What are you doing?" His voice said, though he would much rather have said many other things, most of them in a much louder volume and followed by insults.
"I'm gonna find out... I think..." Hidan replied, another tiny step backward, his heel dangled over the side. "Are you good for me, Kakuzu?"
Of course I am, you idiot. I saved your life.
"No."
What!?
"That's good. And bad. But mostly good... So you can come with me?"
No.
"Yes."
WHAT!?
Hidan smiled a real smile now, one that crinkled the edges of his eyes and made those dimples that were childlike and so very grown up at the same time stand out. He held his hand out, his fingernails a shimmery sort of forest-green, a ring on his finger that the Doctor couldn't read, as the inscription faced away from him. And he wondered why Hidan had painted his nails, he'd never done that before. His own hand reached out, slowly, and Kakuzu thought to himself, I will grab him and yank him back and beat the bloody hell out of him.
But like with the rest of the thoughts and actions he wanted, it did not happen. He took Hidan's hand, and he took the steps up to him, and he grabbed the smiling fool and drew him close and he kissed him as long and hard as he could.
Because oblivion and death and the unknown were terrifying. And he didn't want him to go alone. Hidan didn't like to be alone, he somehow knew, just as he somehow understood the cryptic words Hidan spoke and the significance of those damned rocks and that crumbing cliff. And so he wouldn't let him be. He couldn't seem to save him, to fix him, so he would just go with him. That made sense, right?
What more surprises awaited him anyway...?
The cliff fell away beneath them, his stomache lurched as they began to fall. He opened his eyes too look at Hidan's, afraid for the fact that he was so unafraid. And he realized that they weren't falling. Hidan was staring at him with that mischevious grin as they stood there in the air.
"It's all about perception..." Hidan said, and kissed him again.
And then he woke up.
.
"Bloody goddamn dreams..." He mumbled, after he'd smoothed out his clothes, swallowed 5 aspirin pills and drank ten of those irritating little dixie cups of water from the cooler at the back of the clinic. Why did he even get those stupid, tiny things? Useless...
Goddamn realistic dreams... He said in his own mind. More useless than those aggrivating paper cups. He'd never had a dream quite like that one, usually they were random, obviously containing no sort of hidden meaning. Why did that one feel so significant? It still buzzed around in his head like a damned fly. Usually he couldn't remember them after waking up, usually they did not linger in his memory, confused as to the fact that they were dreams and not real memories.
Whatever. It meant nothing. Just a useless dream, life's way of pushing him into a bad mood right off the bat. His mind still trying to process the thoughts of Hidan's most recent 'episode.' He'd just blame it on the alchohol, always blame the alchohol.
He glanced at the clock as he moved past it, the inanimate object rudley explained to him that it was just past 10 A.M. and he growled under his breath. The sun had been peeking through his heavy blinds in his office, but he hadn't thought it would be that late in the day.
Why don't I ever listen to myself? He thought for a second, receiving flashes of his dreams and how he'd been unable to control himself at the reminder. He shook his head to push it from his mind, thinking instead about how irritating it was that he'd just spent 4 hours sleeping at his desk, unable to go home and get proper rest once again because that damned idiot had got inside his head and wreaked havoc again.
Last night, the events following that heated kiss had not been pretty. He had been completley off track in his assumption that Hidan would be okay with just water to flush him out. The man was apparently very tolerant of pain, as anyone else in his shoes would not have been able to put up nearly as convincing of an act that he was fine. He was impressed, and also perturbed. What kind of idiot goes on acting like nothing's wrong when they're in such crippling pain like that?
Kind of like what you did for the last 3 months?
He shook the thought from his head with physical effort and grit his teeth.
Kakuzu was angry at this scenario, for one. He was always angry, but he was especially angry now, at Hidan's phychiatrist for instigating that rediculous combination of drugs, knowing Hidan's history of drug and alchohol abuse. Why on earth would he balance the idiot on such a precarious scale like that? Sure, the medications did their job well enough when there wasn't any other sort of influence to offset their intended purpose, But add alchohol to them and suddenly you had an instant recipe for death. And the sheer amount of alchohol Hidan had ingested, dear God, the night could have gone so much worse if he had not shown up. The insufferable idiot would have died in his sleep, without a doupt.
Miracle or coincidence?
He was mad at Itachi, though much less so, Even though really, that didn't make sense. Surely he had to know how terribley dangerous that combination of medications was, he had to realize how bloody stupid it would be to let Hidan drink without the drugs being completley out of his system. He understood that the Uchiha seemed to hold Hidan in the highest regards, he understood what he was trying to do, but the fact is that despite being the man's friend, despite trying to help him find happiness, he should not give into the man-childs whims like the parent of some spoiled child just to make him happy, especially when you know damn well the risks.
That's like letting your child run out into oncoming traffic to retrieve their favorite red ball when there were a million identical red balls at the store.
He was not an idiot either. He knew why neither the Uchiha or Kisame were answering their phones. He was not really mad at them because of that, but he was still blown completley away by how oblivious they could both be. How could they have not seen this coming? Honestly! Some people...
He had thought long and hard about this just before he'd apparently dozed off. The only conclusion he could seem to come to is that obviously, every single interaction that had occured that had pushed He and Hidan together, had been some sort of scheme between the two. And he could conlude that this must fall under the same pretenses.
Really, acute liver failure isn't all that horribley serious as far as medical emergencies go. It's easily treated on most occasions, and as a result, easily recovered from. The only way he could come to any sort of conclusion as to how Itachi Uchiha, who in all instances appeared to be an incredibley bright person, could have been so utterly stupid as to let this happen was to rationalize that he'd done it on purpose.
Yes, get them to announce their feelings for each other, walk in on them to appear to keep the damage controlled, send them home together knowing that Hidan was going to have this reaction. Kakuzu would save Hidan's life and they would develop some sort of unbreakable bond that would ignore reality completley and somehow miraculously solve each and every one of their problems.
Indeed, surely that wouldn't be nightmaricly traumatic for the both of them, it wouldn't expose an ugly, vulnerable side of Hidan that would humiliate him and for some reason sort of make Kakuzu's chest hurt a little bit. It wouldn't make the Doctor want to crack their skulls open for playing with Hidan's life like that, and surely it wouldn't piss him off even more to wonder why the hell he was so defensive of the loud, vulgar, little idiot.
It did sort of make him realize though, how very little he knew about this man. And also in turn, how very little Hidan knew about him. How could someone feel this obsessive possession over someone and not even know who they are?
There was a very loud snoring that drifted halfway drown the hallway as he shuffled up toward the examination room. The high-pitched sound of it led him to assume it was that pink-headed brat, and indeed, as he peeked into the darkened waiting room, he found her draped in a terribley uncomfortable looking position across some of the waiting chairs, squeezed in between the arms so that she could stretch out. He hmph'd and turned into the room where he'd last left Hidan, hooked to an IV line on his right arm, a pulse moniter on his right index finger.
The insufferable bitch had most likley not been a part of the Uchiha's plans, but damn if she didn't make everything worse, and also slightly better. Her mouth was enough to drive anyone over the brink of insanity, always talking, talking, talking, 'fuck' this and 'bastard' that and 'bullshit' here and 'assfuck goddamn balls' over there. Good lord, He'd take Hidan's shouting idiocy any day over that annoying drabble. It only stood to reinforce his belief that women were mostly useless but for bearing children and driving you crazy.
Unfortunatley, she had helped. Trying to wrestle Hidan and talk him down out of his barely-concious frenzy and treat him at the same time all by himself would have been excruciatingly difficult. She wasn't really strong, but she was forceful, and unafraid to literally use every single ounce of her weight to push the struggling albino down. And he could at least give her credit, she had not shed one single tear, and aside from the endless questions, she had not broken down and over-reacted like females so often did. In fact she repeatedly called Hidan a fucking idiot for acting the way he did. 'Jesus fucking hell he thinks he's dying...' She'd scoffed after he'd woken up and struggled against them for the final time. 'I'm assuming 'Kuzu' is you. That's adorable, but fuckin' really, he's such a goddamn drama queen.'
He glanced at the man, still sleeping soundly as he moved directly over to the counter to scoop up his stethoscope and dinamap. Hidan's heartbeat and pulse were just fine, and so he took the chance, while the albino was still unconcious and wouldn't burst out with his incessant complaining, to prick his finger, take a swatch of blood, and transfer it back into the lab to check his billirubin levels.
It was still higher than he'd like, but there was a very significant decrease in the blood levels. Until the man woke up and relieved himself by either traditional means or vomiting and got the stuff completley out of his system, it wouldn't be able to clear up completley. But at least his body wasn't being poisioned any longer.
He disposed of the blood sample, blanked out the machine and left the room to return to Hidan's side. Hidan's dream-voice echoeing through his head much to his disapproval. "What do you think it takes to live forever? There's no such thing as 'special'. Isn't that the most depressing shit ever?"
It was, Kakuzu thought. He was a doctor, his life was dedicated to keeping people alive and healthy, despite the fact that everyone on this earth was doomed to die slowly from the very moment of birth. He was a smaller version of God, changing people's fates, altering their destinies by extending their life when they were dealt the card of death. It always caught them eventually though, such was a fate everyone shared, and no one escaped.
But, Hidan was wrong about one thing... He told himself as he came back into the room, pretending to make sure the moniter was working correctly so that he could stand beside him and look at him.
If there were no such thing as special, then Hidan would not be here right now. He would not have managed to survive all his near-death experiences. He would not have made it this far despite trying to intentionally sabotoge his life, to bring about his early death. This particular instance may have been a true-blue accident, but each and every one similar to it that occurred previously in his life was nothing more than a side-effect of the lifestyle he signed his soul away to. By purposeley ingesting narcotics you ignore the waver to claim 'accident'.
"Are you good for me, Kakuzu?"
He had said no, even though he wanted to say yes. Because everything that is good for Hidan hurts him. And Kakuzu did not want to do that... He realized suddenly. He did not want to be a drug, he did not want to kill him slowly just to make life worth living, to give it meaning. But he certianly did not want to make him hurt. Why could he not be both? Was there no such thing as something good that doesn't cause harm?
Hidan didn't seem to believe so... Kakuzu somehow knew this without knowing, without asking. More side-effects of realistic dreams. They imprint themselves upon you, make you believe that you are wiser to the subject than you truely are.
It didn't matter, he supposed... He couldn'd not come to his own conclusion anyway, that damn depressive nonsense was stuck in his head. Technically speaking, there was not anything really good for you. There are measures you could take to prolong death as long as possible, things that keep you 'healthy'. But... nothing is forever.
He knew this personally. 46 years old and what was there to show? Yes, he helped people. They were most likley grateful, perhaps it was just the depressants in the alchohol that suddenly left him so unsettled, or maybe it was that damnable dream. Either way, he found himself unreasonable angry with the world around him, at all the opposite, sedimentary things that he usually took comfort in knowing they would always be there.
"You are not good for me either..." He mumbled aloud, staring down at the unconcious man, his chest rising and falling steadily, lips parted slightly, head tipped to the side. This had so many different meanings behind it, both literal terms and this theoretical dreamscape logic. Kakuzu had always done what was good for him, and he was no farther from death than anyone of his age and circumstance. His life had always followed one straight and narrow path, and he had walked it willingly, knowing well that he was missing out, and not careing, for the fact that he sort of knew this too- this ultimate obvservation that Hidan made. We are all going to die, no matter who you were or what you did or how you lived your life. You leave this reality and become nothing but a memory, and that's only temporary too, until those who remember all follow your lead.
He supposed maybe it had made sense to him up until now, when he'd accepted that there were no more surprises left in store, or at least none that he cared to discover, seeing that he was going to just die anyway... But for some reason it was suddenly unacceptable. Despite his success, despite doing what he had been informed by society he was supposed to do, every single year of his life still felt like it had been uselessly wasted.
He stared at Hidan, feeling the urge to reach up and touch his face. He started to resist it, and then, considering the thoughts that had only just flit through his head, he resisted his resistance, and let his hand reach up. He ran his knuckles from Hidan's forehead down his cheek, and down his jawline, and then, suddenly feeling self-concious, pulled his hand away quickly and returned it to his side, trying and failing as usual to fathom why on earth he'd just did that.
"Follow your Arrow." A feminine voice said, making his body freeze stiff and the realization that he hadn't heard Tayuya's snoring for the last five minutes zing through his head.
He jerked around to her, not hiding the humiliation at being caught doing what he just did as it converted to seething anger. She'd obviously just seen that affectionate display, and likeley had been watching him stand here and stare at him for the last 5 damn minutes while he was lost in thought. So he wouldn't be so stupid as to act as if it hadn't happened. Who was she to judge anyway, she'd just spent half an hour over a cup of cheap, bland coffee explaining how much easier it was to be with women then men.
She was leaned against the door that led into Hidan's little office area, her arms crossed across her chest, one foot crossed casually across the other. She had a sleepy sort of smirk, with heavy dark circles hanging under her barely-open eyes. "I thought there was something supicious going on between you two. Lucky you I know how to keep my mouth shut."
He raised a brow, and began to tell her that she clearly could not be more wrong about that statement. But she laughed lightly and looked to the unconcious albino. "Kacey Musgraves. Hida doesn't like her 'cuz she's borderline country, and also a chick, he 'doesn't like chick singers', even though I know for a fact he does.. It lessens his masculinity, don'tcha know." She laughed again in a sarcastic but still fond sort of way. "Fuckin' men... But that's one of my favorite songs... Follow your Arrow, I mean."
She leaned forward, giving off the intent that she was going to fall on her face before recovering at the last second and swinging into a sort of saunter, coming over to the other side of the cushioned table-bench that his employee rested on. "She's just got this really honest, depressing fucking air about her, but her songs are still happy and inspiring, despite most of them basically teling you that you're fucked and gonna die no matter what you do. Follow your Arrow is my favorite. There's a million songs out there that tell you to tell the world to fuck off and do what you want, but I like hers... The way she words it, it's not so much 'Do whatever you feel like doing with wild abandon'. It's closer to 'You're a person, and you need things. Don't be ashamed of that. Do what you need to do to die happy.'" She mimick'd the action Kakuzu had just done, stroking her small, feminine fingers across the other side of his face.
His own face twisted in a grimace, though he didn't know why. She could not touch him like that, to hell if she claimed to be strictly homosexual, that was an intimate touch and Hidan was his and she could not touch him.
"It reminds me of him, Ya know. Something he'd say. You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, so you might as well just do whatever you want. So Make lots of noise, and kiss lots of boys, or kiss lots of girls if that's something you're into..." She sang lightly, glancing up to give the doctor a light-hearted smile. "When the straight and narrow gets a little too straight, roll up a joint, or don't, and follow your arrow wherever it points." She said, nodding her head at the last toward Hidan.
Kakuzu glared at her for a long while, irritated when she said nothing more and continued to stare calmly back at him, unaffected completley by the flames he was trying to force her to burst into. Why is it women always had to try and give their own spins to everything? As if men were incapable of emotion, they have to make everything obvious, splurt it out and let it hang there in the air like some sort of decoration. Just because one didn't wear their heart on their sleeve didn't mean they were ovlibious to how they felt.
Or was this some sort of childish competition? I know him better so I love him more. Bloody juvenile, bloody child. Oh, look at you, you're a woman and you're emotional about a man though you claim to not be attracted to them. How fucking surprising...
"He said once that he was really upset that he couldn't seem to die..." She mumbled softly, letting her eyes fall back down to focus on Hidan. "It was the first thing I ever heard him say, while we were at group therapy at Prarieview*. They asked him why he thought he was here, and he said 'Because I fucking suck at dying.' And I laughed, because I thought he was just being a smartass. But then he glared at me and the therapist asked him to explain a little more, so he rolls his eyes and makes that little irritated sound he always makes and continues.
"'I keep trying to fucking die and for some goddamned reason I keep waking up the next day, alive. And that's why I'm here.' And the therapist asks him why he wants to die. And most of the people that go to places like that say the same kind of stuff, you know. I mean, that's pretty much why they're all in there, 'cuz they tried to kill themselves. And so when the bitch asks him that of course I'm expecting him to look at her all stern and deep and mysterious and say something to the likeness of 'Well what point is there in living?" But he doesn't, he shrugs and tells her that he's 'desperatley afraid of his own desires.' And at this point I'm thinking, this guy is one of those people that's either completley out of his fucking mind and useless to society, or he's one of those special people that's gonna have some crazy, profound effect on every single person he encounters. And you can probably guess which one it turned out to be."
Kakuzu had finally managed to drop his glare, only for the fact that he removed his eyes from her irritating face and focused on Hidan.
"We ended up being friends, because that's how he is, you know. You either love him or hate him, but no one can just be indifferent about him. No one can meet him and just be like 'my life and mind and soul are still exactly the same.' Even if he doesn't fucking do anything extravagent, you still remember the crazy swearing shouting guy running around half-naked. I think it's significant, and I think he knows that he really is a special kind of person, and I think it scares the shit out of him."
"Your philosophies are wasted on me." Kakuzu finally said, despite his strange interest in what she was saying. He did not like this fondness in her voice as she spoke of him, he did not like that she knew these things about him that he didn't, and he certianly did not like that hidden little message. You either love him or hate him. Indeed, that seemed true. And this woman obviously did not hate him...
He just wanted her to shut up. He didn't like the idea of Hidan existing before he'd met him, as ludicrus as that was. He had a history, obviously, he wanted to know about him, but he did not want his view of the man to be affected by anything other than what the albino himself did or said. Other peoples opinions and thoughts of him made no difference, he wanted no other influences, especially from people he couldn't care less about. And it irritated him that he was actually listening so intently to her words, it irritated him that they resonated so ironically deeply with the damned realistic dream he'd just had.
Tayuya only rolled her eyes and smiled a sad sort of smile. As if genuinely happy but also genuinely sad at the same time, like being told Her mother just died but from her blood they'd managed to create a cure for cancer. "Yep. You two are definitley pointed to each other. Stubborn, thick-headed bastards."
She suddenly reached out and swatted the albino three times on the cheek. "Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey, BIITCH!" She said, Hidan snorted and jolted in response, his eyes fluttering open for only a second until they were clenched tightly closed again. He rolled his head away and mumbled some inintelligable tangle of words.
Tayuya looked at Kakuzu again, her eyebrows arched high in amusement. "Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine. And life, makes, love, look haaaard..." She half-sung, before winking at him and turning around. "Taylor Swift, This love is ours. He doesn't like that one either." She laughed, waving as if to help make the thought stay in the room as opposed to following her back to the waiting area.
"What the goddamn hell is she talking about..." Hidan moaned, his eyes still not open. "And also, I need a fucking trashcan, 'Tachi..."
-o-
The room was spinning fiercley, in a jerking, frantic sort of motion. He wanted to open his eyes, but it felt like they had weights tied to every single one of his eyelashes, and that he was blindfolded, and at the bottom of the ocean, though that last one didn't even make sense, for some reason he was thinking about it.
A hand wrapped around the junction of his shoulder and neck and pulled him to an upright sitting position, he tried to tell them not to do that, that if they did that he was going to vomit all over himself. But at the same moment as he opened his mouth he did just that, cringing at the pain that shot through his abdomen when they flexed and sent the disgusting bile spurting out his mouth violently. Simultaneously, something plastic and cylindrical was placed on his lap, and he was able to bury his face in it as his body emptied itself.
"Oh fuck..." He whined when he had half-way control of himself. "My mistress is a fickle bitch..." He gagged, unable to catch his breath.
"I think I'd like to meet this mistress..." A deep voice responded, a voice that definitely did not belong to his roommate, dissolving the weights on his eyelids and stopping his quest for oxygen and giving him the strength to jerk himself upright. He stared directly into the face of his boss, and with a rapid series of blinks, the foggy memories of the night came rushing back to him.
"And wring her neck." The doctor added, not making any sort of expression to explain his confusing words. Hidan's face twisted and burned as he suddenly realized where he was and what was going on.
"I was talking about alchohol, dumbshit." He croaked, feeling rediculously self-concious along with the sweeping waves of nausea.
"As was I." Kakuzu said, grabbing his arm with the IV in it and holding it out straight. "Maybe." He pulled a cottonball seemingly out of nowhere, and in one smooth motion he ripped off the tape holding the tube in his vein, pulled out the needle, pressed the cottonball to the pinprick of a hole and slapped another piece of tape over it. He pulled the wierd clamp-thing off his finger and draped it over the still-beeping machine beside the little table-bench thing he was sitting on. Hidan made a face, he'd been working here for nearly 4 months now and he still didn't know the names of all this medical shit.
He watched the doctor whirl around and move to deposite the needle into a red, plastic box, gaze absently drifting down the mans broad back to his ass, lingering there without him really registering that he was staring at it as he tried to logically process last nights events and think of something intelligent to say. Right, they'd made out, Kakuzu liked him, then he'd had to go and fucking almost die again, even though this time he hadn't even been trying. What the hell was that about? Fucking liver failure... seriously?
His brows dropped and he tore his eyes away from the man's extremley-attractive backside, (He really liked seeing him without a damn lab-coat or duster on, then he could actually see him) and glared at the contents of the trashcan-like object he'd thrown up into. It looked mostly just like alchohol, a sort of golden-brown translucent color. He knew it wasn't that though, as he'd been in this situation before. That was the shit that had almost killed him, filtered back into his stomache from his bloodstream and then expelled via the fastest route possible. He was actually and literally holding his own liquid death in his hands right now, pulled from him by the man who was once again standing beside him, staring at him in stoic silence.
What is this shit? He asked inside his head. Is it some fucking stupid sign?
If so, what kind of sign was it? Because he certianly didn't want to die any longer. Why that discovery surprised him, he wasn't sure. But he felt kind of lighter. He was confused, a little bit, that he still seemed unable to die, but at least this time it felt like he was making some sort of progress. While it had always been thanks to a doctor each and every previous time this happened, it seemed much more relevant to him that Kakuzu was the one who saved him. What relevance it had, he wasn't exactly sure, but he was satisfied with at least making that one small step.
"I, uh... I'm glad..." He said, wishing he could take the words back as soon as he said them. Kakuzu didn't say anything, and so he looked up to see his reaction, getting only a questioning brow raise in return. He grinned sheepishly and shrugged. "Right? I don't know either. It's wierd. Usually when I wake up in situations like this I'm all like 'Well fuck...' But now I'm speechless because I'm kind of happy about it."
"You're happy about nearly losing your life?"
"No, fucker. I mean just waking up afterwards."
Kakuzu sighed and shook his head. "You're an idiot."
"Aha, but you are too. You admitted it last night, I remember." He said, laughing and tapping on his forehead. His smile disappeared quickly though, as Kakuzu remained where he was, still stareing. Memories of the doctors hands all over him, pinned against a pounter and then strapped to this table, Grabbing his ass then checking his pulse, pushing against him, pushing on his stomache, reaching for a zipper, feeling for a vein, expertley pushing the needle through but still getting squirted by Hidan's toxic blood.
He looked down the man's shirt, thank God it was black, you could hardley see the dried specks on them. There was more than he'd thought there'd be, and he recalled how ferociously he'd fought against him, confused about what was happening, thinking he was just some random doctor who would save his life and then condemn him to the hell of a mental institution that would only re-instate the terrible, depressing, bleakness of his life and destroy everything he'd managed to build in his short stay in this little town. That would give Kakuzu legitamate reason to fire him, and imagining His boss and Itachi shaking their heads in dissapointment as they turned and walked away and out of his life, done granting him favors only for him to screw up time and time again. "I thought I was... in a hospital..." He admitted sheepishly.
"I know." Kakuzu replied in an even voice, crossing his arms.
"Yeah. I didn't meant to like, almost kill myself..."
"I know."
"And make you take care of me... again..."
"I know."
Hidan's brow furrowed. "Would you shut the hell up! I'm trying to fucking tell you thanks for saving my goddamn life you fucking old bastard!"
"I know."
His face twisted in anger. "You're such a fucking ass."
Finally the old man's mouth crooked a little. "I know."
Hidan smiled too, at this, remembering his internal declaration last night. He made Dr. Satan smile again. "You fucking know everything huh?"
"No. If I knew everything I would not have hired you."
"Aahh, but you don't regret it do you, old man? Don't deny it, you want my bod. You like me."
"...I know..." He said softly, taking the container full of the expelled toxins from him and setting it on the ground. "Go to the bathroom and clean yourself up, you child. I'm going to call another bloody cab to take us back to my car, and then I'm taking you home and get you the hell out of my hair."
Hidan clicked his tongue, but did as he was told, twisting himself and not preparing his body to support it's own weight before attempting to take an immediate step toward the bathroom. His knees buckled under him again, and he prepared himself to hit the linoleum floor and listen to Kakuzu's insults and mentally kicked himself all at the same time for once again embarassing the shit out of himself. Then getting mad at the fact that he could even still get embarrassed. He should be more than used to it by now, seriously.
But he didn't hit the floor, and Kakuzu didn't insult him, because he had spontaneously appeared right in front of Hidan, slipped his hands under his arms, and lifted him with ease back to his feet, like a father trying to help their crippled kid learn to walk again. A wierd simile, but that was what came to mind.
Hidan's hands reached up out of instict again to grip the man's stunning biceps and steady himself. And for a strange moment of insanity he always wanted to burst into laughter. Honestly, he had no idea why, just a random wash of happiness that fluttered by, landed on his shoulder for a moment, and left again. He looked so different, even though he was exactly the same. He was standing here holding him, and it felt to right, so natural, though literally just one day ago being in any kind of position even remotley similar to this one would have him blushing like a pre-pubescent girl and scrambling to get away.
It didn't feel like only a day, what with all those damned events that had all packed themselves into one fucking thrillride of a night. But then again Hidan had always had a terrible sense of time. Everything felt ages longer, until events had passed and then suddenly he couldn't understand where the time had gone. It didn't make sense that it had only been a few hours since he'd even learned that Kakuzu harbored these secret affections for him. And now it was like... he should have just known all along. What the hell had he been so scared about? What was it about the older man that had made him feel so intimidated, so positive of rejection. Was that all part of having a crush? Did this normally happen? He'd have to ask Itachi...
Oh fuck... Itachi. Did he know what had happened? Where the fucking hell was he? Why hadn't he called?
"You didn't take me to a real hospital..." He mumbled suddenly, not exactly sure why he'd said that when he'd actually wanted to voice his questions regarding his roommate and best friend.
"I had everything I needed to treat you here. Don't think I won't be billing you though ."
"You always tell people who call you with emergencies to dial 911, you never treat people like that here... But you brought me. Why didn't you just shove me in an ambulance?" He said, once again meaning to ask where the hell Itachi was and why he wasn't sitting here freaking out like he most likely would. Hidan could only assume he didn't know, or, like he said, he'd probably be here doing some rediculously over-dramatic woman-like reaction and blaming himself and all that stupid kind of shit.
"I believe I've already explained that."
"No, not really." He said, looking up at the man. Oh well, he'd burn that bridge when he came to it. No one else was freaking out, seeing as he'd done more than enough of that for the entire population of earth. So he wasn't about to go making another scene when it could so easily be avoided. He was curious though, as to why Kakuzu had treated him himself, and so he pressed on. "Anyone else would have shoved me in an ambulance."
Kakuzu finally withdrew his arms, letting Hidan stand of his own strength, and moved to step around him, making the albino twist to keep him in his sights. "You're awefully speculative for having just been balancing on a very thin precipice between life and possible death."
"Yeah, that'll happen."
Kakuzu grunted in some sort of acknowledgement and dismissal alike. Hidan's brow furrowed as he forced himself to stay patient. "You didn't answer my question, old man. " To which Kakuzu stopped and stared at him so deeply and intensely that for a moment Hidan was a little frightened. Of what, exactly, he didn't know, and as he stood there and stared resolutley back at him he wished desperatley that he could see the thoughts running through his head, or at least have some sort of clue. Goddamn stoic old bastard.
"I am not 'anyone else'." He finally admitted, in his normal voice but also not in his normal voice. Hidan blinked at the warmth that spread through him at this, doing his best not to let it reach his face, lest the awkwardness return between them. He liked being casual with the normally up-tight Kakuzu Hoku, it made him feel sort of... special, that this guy who was a world-renowned asshole and somehow liked him, Hidan San, of all fucking people. And even though the old man was still kind of a prick, it was in a different kind of way. Itachi had told him on that very first day, when they'd both had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Satan for the very first time; "He doesn't know how to properly convey his feelings, so it converts to anger."
He could see that, kind of. Obviously he wasn't as big an asshole as he attempted to be. Really, he was a fucking doctor for fuck's sake. But he didn't really think it was so much that he didn't know how to convey his feelings. That was kind of like an insult, really. Kakuzu wasn't stupid, he wasn't some goddamn little kid that bullies the person he likes because he doesn't know how else to get their attention. No, it was more like he didn't want to convey his feelings.
Which begged the question of why?
And so in that moment, Hidan came to another decision. He would just have to learn everything about him. It would take time, and effort, and probably patience, which kind of sucked. But he was a zealous man, and he had the inspiration to do it. He had the Doctor within his grasp now, and he'd damn his own self to hell if he did something so stupid as to let it go. It was as he'd told his rommate after taht first night, God put that man on this planet and in his life for a reason, maybe not for the reason he'd assumed. Hell, maybe he was just supposed to keep him alive for this one night and then disappear from his life forever, though he sure as fuck hoped not... He felt that mild sort of panic at that thought, and closed his eyes into a slow blink, trying to take subtle, deep breaths to calm himself.
It was wierd, Kakuzu had caused that attack randonly on the first day, sort of. It was the same kind of panic he had felt then, every time he thought about the possibility of not getting to see the old bastard again. It was exactly the same, actually...
Kakuzu recovered quickly from the admission, bending to retrieve the industrial strength sanitizing wipes from beneath the sink that Hidan always used to clean with. "Get your ass out of my sight and prepare to go home. Tell your friend to get ready as well." He growled.
Hidan blinked to whirl around. Oh right, Tayuya was here too. She'd been yelling at him and calling him stupid the whole damn time he'd been in his wierd delerium, holding him down and explaining in her own rudely caring way that he was not going to die and that he was embarrassing the shit out of himself.
His face burned and he quickly shuffled out the door and to the bathroom. He should really listen to other people more often...
The door was closed and locked, however, and the sound of running water coming from inside made him reason that his crazy friend must be in there. So he leaned against the wall just outside the door, pressing his back flat against it and letting his head rest on the cheap, ugly wallpaper. He was still gripped by nausea, but this felt much more similar to the dehydration that always follows alchohol abuse. He could only assume his lack of a headache was due to the drugs Kakuzu had pumped through his veins... and on that note, wouldn't the IV have cured his dehydration as well?
Well shit, maybe there was still some toxic waste waiting to be vomited out. He didn't fucking know these things, he was just the damn secretary.
"Hurry the fuck up in there bitch, I'm gonna hurl." He stated loudly, weakly pounding on the door. It flew open an instant after he did so, and Tayuya popped out, looking extremley exhausted in both her expression and her rumpled clothes and hair that was even more poofy and wild than usual, though she had at some point removed the ugly braided pigtails and currently wasn't wearing her hat.
She smiled softly at him, and he noticed for a second that her eyes were kind of bloodshot. Had she been crying?
"Well, welcome back to the realm of the living, fucker." She said, sniffing heavily and then following it with a dramatic yawn. "Toldja you weren't anywhere near dying." She said, stepping out of his way so he could get into the bathroom. He stayed where he was though, giving her a quizzical, teasing look.
"Uh huh, that's why you were bawling your eyes out in there huh?" He smiled as he said it, honestly meaning it to be just the normal ragging they always gave each other, but for an almost unnoticeable second a look of intense pain flashed across her face, gone already in the time it took him to recognize it as she rolled her eyes.
"You wish I'd cry over your stupid ass. Try puking my life away. Fucking liquor..." She laughed, giving him a playful punch. "That's for putting me through the torture of spending the night in a damn clinic for your sake though. You're right, your boss is the fucking asshole king."
Hidan huffed out a laugh and shoved himself from the wall with some effort, every muscle in his body feeling as if he'd done some sort of hardcore workout last night. Oh wait... he had sort of danced for hours on end and sang on stage and then nearly been screwed on a counter in the kitchen and then briefly passed to another life...
He grinned to himself. That was one hell of a party. Shenannigans.
"He's not so bad once you figure out his wierd fucking double meanings for every goddamn word he says."
"Oh yeah? What's the hidden message in 'Shut the hell up or I'll put you in a coma as well!'?"
"Well obviously it means he wants to have a fucking tea party with you and ask you about all that you fancy." Hidan somehow managed to say seriously, his spirits rediculously skyrocketing now as he held up a pinkie and pretended to drink from a miniature tea cup. "Geez, pay attention, seriously."
"Oh my god you're such a dipshit." She said, turning away before she finished the sentence. "Hurry up in there so I can go sleep this hangover off on your couch."
Hidan stared after her for a minute in silence until she turned around to make sure he had heard her. He gave her another questioning look, catching on that something was obviously bothering her, but not exactly sure if he wanted to go so far as to ask, or if he even cared really. Most likley it was what had just happened, damn chicks and their over-emotional bullshit. He was alive, dammit, so get the fuck over it.
"Yeah, Kakuzu is going to get a cab I guess and drive us home in his car..." He said, to try and cover his akward stareing while his mind tried to settle on some sort of conclusion as to her subtle strangeness.
She only grunted in response, then gasped and flipped around, her hair swirling around behind her. "OH SHIT! We left your guitar there!"
He blinked, "Oh yeah huh? Ah well, Itachi probably got it. He's good at being my mommy and picking up my messes." He waved off the concern and dissapeared in the bathroom as his stomache gave a large growl to remind him it was still harboring unwanted deadly matter.
-o-
"And I'd give up forever to touch you...'Cuz I know that you feel me somehow."
"OH FUCK YEAH!" Hidan shouted suddenly, lurching forward to turn the volume dial up on Kakuzu's car radio. "Fuckin' love this song!"
"Are you serious?" Tayuya said, leaning forward between the seats to scoff at her friend while Kakuzu seethed behind the wheel. Dear Benjamin, he almost felt like these two's father, chauffeur-ing them around town like this. How the hell did people do it?
"You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, and I don't want to go home right now..."
"What? Don't fucking tell me you don't like this song. Because you're a goddamn liar."
"No shit, everyone in the history of history likes this song."
"So what the hell are you bitching about?"
"And all I can taste is this moment, and all I can breathe is your life."
"It just pisses me off you know. I get that it's relatable to like everyone in the fucking world but people have to go act like it was made especially for them, like it holds some special meaning to them alone, even though literally everyone feels the exact same way."
"'Cause Sooner or later it's over, I just don't want to miss you tonight..."
"Tch, you over-evaluate music, ya know? It's just a good fucking song." Hidan said, turning the dial up more to drown out her continued explanation. Kakuzu narrowed his eyes, knuckles turning white as he gripped the steering wheel.
The two had been bickering back and forth like this since the moment they were reunited. Brother and sister, they could certianly be. In fact it was hard to believe that they weren't. He was lightly disturbed as how similar they were, and though it angered him to think it, he couldn't help but wonder why the hell these two were only 'friends.'
Hidan, he could read rather easily that he really had no sort of romantic interest in her at all, the oblivious fool. For all the world he was just like a big brother. But the girl, he didn't know. Women were tricky, they never just displayed their emotions, they hid it behind layers and games andhalf-truths. She said they were just friends, she had informed him while they'd both drank a cup of coffee in the back of the clinic while waiting for Hidan to wake up again that she did not think of Hidan in that way though she would gladley admit that she still thought he was attractive. She had stated her preference to women over and over again, unneccisarily so, the Doctor thought, and then continued to go on and on about Hidan.
That's all it ever was with women, mixed messages and cryptic signs.
Kakuzu was so very glad that he had finally gotten over himself and stopped acting like that. How humiliating.
"And I don't want the world to see me! 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand!" Hidan sang along with this, loudly and unashamed, bringing Dr. Hoku out of his thoughts, as if last nights little concert had filled his confidence meter up and squashed each and every insecurity he'd held about himself. Though he didn't grin, Kakuzu sort of wanted too, which irritated him, just like everything else. For some reason he couldn't understand, it was adorable, seeing Hidan be shy was one thing, itwas sort of cute and all that, but seeing him excited and confident, it was much more natural, and he liked it.
It didn't help that the old man was still somewhat mezerized by his voice.
"When everything's made to be broken, I just waaant you to knooow who I am..."
Hidan poured emotion and meaning into the words, just like with every other words the Docter had ever heard him sing. It made it hard not to listen, hard not to feel something too, however dull the feeling was. It was a popular song indeed, and he'd heard it many times before on the radio, but never before had he ever really paid attention to it. Hidan made it new and interesting, just like everything else. Tayuya was right, the song had a sort of broad spectrum, easily relatable to everyone. That what all the kids wanted these days, right, to be 'understood'. Bunch of whiners...
Hidan was no different, he supposed. But he wasn't some sort of attention whore. In fact in his oblivious nature it was almost like he was the one ignoring the world. Hidan was not focused on humanity understanding him, he was trying to understand the world, life and all her cruel ways... And perhaps that's the reason society deemed him insane... Why this idea seemed so satisfactory to the Doctor, he did not know. Since when had Hidan spontaneously transformed from an infantile moron to some sort of rebellious genious in his mind?
His irritation came flooding back into him suddenly as Tayuya forced herself forward between the seats to turn the volume back down. "Yeah, yeah, we get it, you fucking showoff. You're not half bad at singing."
"Tch. That's not what you said last night. You were fangirling all over my shit."
"Please. I was showing you off as my student. I'm obviously one kickass fucking hell of a teacher."
"I'm pretty sure God gave me these golden vocals, you fucking heathenous blasphemer."
"Oh here you go again with this imaginary person in the sky. And is 'heathenous' even a fucking word?"
"Bitch, I just lived through a near-death experience. I've seen some shit. Don't question me."
"Yeah, thanks to your boss." She snorted. "He's your fucking God, not some goddamn fairy-tale."
Hidan's pigment-less eyes flicked to Kakuzu, who stayed staring at the road despite the nagging knowledge that Hidan was staring also, despite wishing desperatley to see his expression as he thought this over. He didn't look though, as he didn't want to give away his extreme pleasure at the pink-haired bitch's words. For one, he hated her, and didn't want to give her the satisfaction. The only reason he hadn't done everything in his power to make her want to kill herself was because she'd been moderatley useful, she was a close friend of Hidan's, and because on the off chance that she didn't make some sort of hilarious episode like the majority of his previous female employers, he didn't want to listen to her foul mouth screech at him about he and Hidan's wierd relationship for the rest of the drive, which, thankfully, was almost to an end.
The Uchiha's apartment was just a few blocks ahead.
"Are you God, Kakuzu?" Hidan asked, making him stiffen in his seat only for the fact that that question was frighteningly similar to the question Hidan had asked him in his dream, and the tone in which he asked was identical.
"If there were a God, he certianly would not use me as a medium." He said flatly. He did risk a glance now, forcing his eyes immediatly back to the road when he discovered those damned eyes boring holes into him with a thoughtful expression.
"Damn. You're such a downer..." Tayuya mumbled, flopping back into her seat. "Being too fucking serious all the time should be a goddamn crime."
"Seriously..." Hidan mumbled, now looking somewhat sullenly out the front window as his residence came into view.
The car pulled up to the curb after a few moments of only the radio sounding in the heavy air. Kakuzu pulled the shifter into park, though he wasn't exactly sure why as he didn't plan on staying after the two children removed themselves from his vehicle. Tayuya immediatly got out, grabbing Hidan's birthday gift which had been left in Itachi's unlocked car (one more thing to scold the boy for, as far as Kakuzu was concerned) and carried it with her out onto the lawn, turning around to glance at Hidan with an eyebrow raised when he didn't follow. They exchanged some kind of look that made a strange bit of concern filter into the elder man's chest before she turned away, lighting up a cigarette while she waited.
Hidan turned to him.
They stared.
"Liar." The albino finally stated, to which Kakuzu raised a questioning brow.
Hidan just rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his dishevelled hair. "I know everyone thinks it's fucking weird and stupid for someone like me to start spouting religious bullshit. And I'm not about to go fucking explaining myself to you. But you're wrong, just so you know. You can argue all you fucking want, but it doesn't change the fact."
"If you're trying to make a point, Hidan, get to it. I'm tired."
"You are a God. I mean, technically speaking, every doctor is like a miniature God. But you, you're special. 'Cuz you're mine. You can be my God. I'd be okay with that."
Kakuzu raised a brow, resisting that damned tightness in his chest and that intense burning need to shut the imbeciles mouth with his own. "I don't believe I ever signed any contracts that deem me 'yours'." He said, more or less scrambling internally for the words so he didn't appear to be as thorougly stunned as he was. Hidan really didn't seem to have any sort of humility at all, now that things were out in the open. Making a declaration like that, when they barely knew each other past their own names... You can be my God. The idiot, did he even realize what an enormous statement that was?
Hidan flashed him a grin that made his stomache lurch in a way that was good but not good merely for the fact that it was so good.
"It's all about perception, old man." He said, almost like reading the Doctors very mind, looking up and down Kakuzu's features, his thoughts flashing themselves across his face as the elder man remained there in an even further stunned silence.
There is no way in hell he just said that. Was all he could think, over and over again, even as Hidan leaned over to him and pushed their lips together in a lingering sort of kiss. Dr. Hoku did not miss the tinting of the man's cheeks as he pulled back and quickly worked to get out of the car. He was aware of what was happening, just unable to react properly.
"Thanks for... you know... keeping me alive and shit. See ya Monday." He said quickly, slamming the door shut and whirling to jog to the pinkie. Even through the closed door he could hear the idiot shouting at her to bum him a smoke, and how almost dying really made you crave the shit that kills you.
He managed to push the shifter back into drive and press the gas pedal, mostly on autopilot. Damn that Hidan San. They dance around and avoid each other's feelings for all that time, suffering equally and straining to force themselves to accept that it wasn't going to happen, that it was wrong and it wasn't going to happen. Then it happens anyway.
And suddenly he's acting like it was the most natural thing in the world. As if almost dyeing gave him some sort of epiphany, having his life saved by Kakuzu immedatly squashed any lingering uncertianty and awkwardness, as if it just negated the fact that they were still twenty-four years apart in age, that they led two extremley different lives, that they were two extremley different people. Every single concern and excuse was somehow just null and void simply because the idiot had drank a little too much?
Damn it. Damn that idiot and damn himself for finding some sort of sick enjoyment in it. He was far too old for these goddamned butterflies... That was the worst part, at least for the moment.
-o-
A/N-
Bleh, okay, well shit. This chapter was going to be longer but I keep fucking getting distracted and it feels like it's been forever since I've posted so I'm just gonna end it here and start immediatly on the next one. :)
The good news is I am once again a stay-at-home mommy. The bad news is that still probably won't allow me any more time than usual to write. You guys might not understand, but anyone with a kid will. They come first, know what I'm sayin'?
ANYWAY since we had that nice little longass fucking Author's note at the beginning I'll keep this one short and tell you to forgive any and all typos, don't forget to leave me your beautiumus reviews, and of course, I love and appreaciate each and every one of you, as well as each and every one of your opinions. :3
Prarieview* - That is actually the name of a real mental health facility. Despite knowing this, I'm still using it. Please don't sue me.
They song they listened to in the car was Iris by The Goo Goo dolls. But you probably knew that. Everyone knows that song.
All the others were given their names and singers in the story.
OH! And Tayuya is up on my deviantart, Fluffy was so kind as to use her phone to help me get it on the computer. I'm having an insane amount of trouble drawing the twins, but I am still working on it.
Okay, See ya next chapter. ;)