A/N: Okay I'm going to make this authors note a little different from the others. I won't be addressing you guys based off your individual reviews (but I'll get back to it next chapter) just right now I'm in a strange state of mind. (but I will quickly answer your question Rebloxic, I think Mike will die, Bonnie will be fatally injured and everyone else will survive)
Starting off I've been looking on the Telltale games forums to see how the majority feel about how Nick and Sarah were handled in the game and to my delight there is a lot of Nick and Sarah love out there. In some particular threads there are very interesting arguments on how Telltale completely disrespected their characters. and now I've been hearing about some recent interview where the Telltale staff were apparently "excited to kill off Sarah". I know people get could get annoyed by Sarah (me included) but to get excited by killing a 15 year old? (I know she's a fictional character but still...) the game is giving us a narrative that saving Sarah is the wrong choice.
I recommended you read the "Telltale wanted us to Hate Sarah and Nick" forum by skoothz, it explains my point better than I ever could and the last two lines really ring true.
In Season 1, we were meant to sympathize with Molly and to hate Crawford.
In season 2, we're meant to become Crawford.
These type of things opened my eyes and I just hoping that anyone reading this story doesn't take offence to the way I've treated Sarah so far, if there are any issues or anything let me know. (Because I've never really dealt with someone with autism before)
Another thing (which is completely off the bat and random) is something else I've seen that's disgusted me to the core. But how would you feel if you'd watch a vile, bully of a woman on a TV show for 10 weeks, won this TV show (with a free pass to the final) and have her win 125K (a lot of money) just because she was "honest?" If you're in UK you probably know what I'm on about, if not let's just say this result has really angered me.
Sorry about the rant, it's just something I had to get off my chest. But in a world where a bullies can win a hell of a lot of money and where people are actually "excited" to kill off a girl with a mental disorder... I just... feel very strange and appalled right now.
Anyway you guys stay awesome! and I'll get back on track with the usual Author's notes by next chapter.
Sarah had never been alone before.
At the start she had her parents, then she just had her father who was always by her side. And then they were in the community, before moving on surrounded by the others, in the cabin the group members and her father were always close. Then they were on the move again, the ski lodge and then back to the community and now travelling with Nick.
And now Nick was passed out next to her. She wasn't safely under the roof of a cabin, close too many friendly faces. She was alone. Alone in the unforgiving harsh woods, full of bandits and walkers with no Nick too protect her, if they were attacked now, she truly had to defend them both.
It was scary enough shooting the walkers back at the trailer park, or helping Nick through the woods. Each time she had saved him which gave her a bit of a flush of pride. However both times he was conscious and yelling at her about what she should have done, now he was passed out she glanced at the treeline nervously every couple of seconds, feeling aimless without him.
She did know where to begin however.
She crawled across the sandy bank towards where she had propped Nick up against a small rock and inspected the crimson blur that was his gunshot wound. For a while she could only stare at the gory thing, afraid to touch it in case something went wrong. But eventually she pulled out the bottle of peroxide she had used before (it was almost empty) along with the last scarps of bandages from the backpack she had placed on the floor next to Nick. The beg of meds lay drying in the midday sunlight.
"He still held onto them" Sarah thought impressed, as she lugged the bag next to Nick's prone form, this way she could keep an eye on all of the supplies while tending to Nick. She be damned if she was the one to lose the supplies Nick had fought so hard to get. With a sigh she rolled up Nick's trouser leg so she ready herself to patch it up.
The most she had ever suffered were small cuts (before her facial wound)and from what she had learnt from her father...
"We'll put a wipe on it to clean it up and then we'll put a plaster on it" Her father always used to tell her whenever she cut herself, as he gently wrapped the plaster around wherever she had cut herself (usually on the fingers).
By looking at Nick's deep wound she knew this wasn't simply just a "cut" he had been shot. The bullet penetrated inches of skin in his kneecap, dried blood coated his wound like a crimson crown as fresh blood slowly oozed out of it in small droplets. Sarah recoiled slightly as the smell of the festering wound made her utter to herself "Gross..."
She was to pour what was left of the peroxide onto Nick's wound until a flash of gold within the red mess of cracked skin and dried blood, it would seem that once again Nick had managed to get another bullet inside of himself. Sarah shrugged and made a small joke to himself about how "Nick clearly isn't popular around here" before she returned to the main problem. The bullet needed to be removed and she had to be the one to do it.
Taking a deep breath she plunged her hands into his wound, the fresh warm blood that slithered through her fingers, along with the horrible feel of his cracked skin on her palm made her shudder as she dug in deeper (causing more blood to spill from his wound) before her skinny fingers locked around something metal... wasting no time she pulled on the bullet.
It slid out slowly, Sarah tugged at it before it left Nick's system with a "Pop!" however looking down it was if she had drilled into an oil well. As Nick's blood was now sprouting from his wound in greater amounts "Oh no... no..." Sarah gasped, fumbling with the bottle of peroxide before nearly dropping it (as the blood that coated her hands made her grip slippery) however she regained herself and poured the colourless liquid onto the wound.
It sizzled as Sarah expected it too, Nick didn't even stir in his sleep, which concerned Sarah slightly. Yet the blood was still pouring from his wound, staining the white bandages with red fingerprints she remembered watching her father bandage more severe wounds.
"He just wrapped it around the wound... how hard can it be?" Sarah though to herself as she slowly began to wrap the bandage around Nick's knee. She went around and around and around. Using up every piece of bandages they had left, yet as sweat trickled from her forehead she knew she just wanted to help. She just wanted to ensure that Nick was safe.
She tightened the bandages around his wound and added her own cute little bow design (as if she tying her shoelaces) to keep the bandages tight and the pressure on the wound intact. She doubted her father added bows to his bandages, but Sarah didn't see how else he kept the bandages around the wound tight without them.
"If only you knew more Sarah" she whined to herself, feeling as if her bandage would fail. In fact she was so concerned she stooped in to check on the wound. To make sure that no blood seeped through the numerous layers of bandages around his knee, after watching for a ridiculously long while before she finally concluded that the wound was indeed dealt with.
Rolling his trouser leg back down, there was nothing left to do. Other than keep watch and protect Nick, she didn't need to go off venturing alone they had all the food and meds they needed right here. She was next to a river so she could wipe the blood from her fingers and refill her and Nick's canteen's.
The silence throughout that day was unnerving, no walkers, no bandits just the natural noises of the forest rang through her ears. Sarah grew more and more unnerved due to this as her sense of isolation sky-rocketed. No people... no walkers... just her. Alone, shivering and silent on this river bank.
She wondered how Clementine dealt with being alone like this?
Her thoughts drifted back to her friend, who would be waiting for her back at Howard's Hardware, she had promised Clementine she would come back and she still intended too. Yet she couldn't help but feel terrible about herself as she began to cry silently, Clementine never cried. Luke never cried. A lot of people were tough and here she was... unable to hold it in any longer.
"I'm so pathetic" she thought, but she couldn't help it. She hated this, she hated shooting and running and getting hurt. She wanted a few minutes of self indulgence and damn she would take it, now that she was alone.
No one comforted her, no one told her she was going to be alright, she simply cried herself dry, as evening descended (her clothes were still damp and the decreasing temperature made her shiver even worse) she simply felt a crushing sadness in her gut. Curling up next to Nick as night slowly fell, she simply closed her eyes as fatigue overtook her, she couldn't keep watch in the darkness.
Out of instinct, she placed Nick's limp arm around her shoulders, this reminded her of what it was like, when she slept by her father.
Although it wasn't much. It helped her sleep a little better.
Clementine couldn't sleep.
Although snores of many (especially Kenny) told her that her fellow pen dwellers had managed to get some rest for the night, Clementine simply couldn't sleep, the fact that Carver had backed them into a corner and that everything seemingly looked hopeless made her feel a sense of overwhelming guilt. She should have just let the group escape in the first place.
She had messed up her second chance.
Sighing she got out of her bunk and proceeded towards the wooden barricade of the pen, feeling as helpless as she did when she was in the fields of white snow. She had been tough, but she had eventually broken and cried like she would when she was 8. This had ultimately gotten her killed and since then she had not shed a single tear. She was proud of herself for how tough she had been.
But, at the end of the day... she was 11 years old. She could be as tough as she could physically be. But she was still a child. A child who wanted to cry.
She felt ashamed of herself as she felt the tears well in her eyes, as she prepared to cry by herself. She didn't want anyone to see these tears, she had to stay tough for the group. They looked at her for reassurance, she had been the one to make the deal in the first place. If they saw her tears, then morale would fall lower than it already was.
However as she prepared to sit down, she noticed that somebody had already taken her spot.
"You too?" Luke asked, his voice cracked, not bothering to hide the tears that ran down his face. Clementine couldn't help but feel a little discomforted by seeing him like this. Luke was always the positive motivator of the group, the one that always able to "move on" in Nick's words, so seeing him broken like this was a little uncomfortable, but something she had been expecting since he exploded at Kenny, he was upset and his façade at hiding it had been failing as of late.
"Yeah, me too" she responded taking a seat on the floor, facing him.
For a few minutes they just sat there in the gloomy night, Clementine felt the silent tears roll down her cheeks as she tried hard not to sniff, she could hear Luke sniffing rather openly next to her. Eventually she looked up from the ground to find him gazing at her.
"This is first time I've ever seen you cry" He sobbed.
"You... you too" she responded, hating how her weak and squeaky her voice sounded in front of him. She felt herself as sniff loudly as a cascade of tears escaped from her yellow eyes and her body shook as she heaved and wept openly... the sounds of herself breaking down made her feel even worse. Thank God only Luke was awake to witness this.
Luke himself stood up and sat himself right beside her, he extended his arm and pulled Clementine close to his chest as she wept on "It's... okay to cry Clementine, just let it all out" he encouraged gently patting her on the back as she wept on for a few minutes, wiping the tears from on her crinkled jumpsuit she finally looked up at Luke, who was smiling through his crystal clear tears.
"Y'all wanna... talk about it?" Luke asked of her.
Clementine exhaled, she wanted to talk about it so much... but how on earth could she tell Luke she had seen the future? Or been to the future? How could she tell him she had messed it up for everyone and now they were going to die even worse than they had the first time? She couldn't. But she knew what she could tell him that was upsetting her...
"Back when I told Carver... I thought... I thought I was helping, but now..." she trailed off as she wept on before regaining her weak squeak of a voice "Now... because of me, everyone here is going to die. I just want to say I'm sorry... I'm sorry for betraying you in the first place Luke..." she broke down as she cried into his jumpsuit, the next words she uttered into the blue fabric of his shoddy clothing...
"We should have just escaped..."
"No... no don't worry about all that, okay?" he told her, his body heat helped warm her from not only the outside, but from the inside as well.
"If we'd have escaped... where would have Rebecca given birth, huh? Do you really think we'd have all gotten through that massive herd? I know we've lost people... but look around you..." Luke told her gently, Clementine did so after a short while as he followed his gaze to the full bunks around her, as well as the people sleeping on the floor.
"Look at this group Clem, look at all the people you've gotten on our side. It's all thanks to you, and just because we've hit a low point, it does not mean that we are finished. Fuck, If Carver thinks his finished us he has got another thing coming" Luke told her, as (she couldn't help it) she could already feel a small smile spread across her petite face.
"Maybe... you're right" she agreed with him. She never considered that, sure the group were in danger. But they were together. They were united. She had done this and as Luke had told her, the situation may have looked bleak but it was far from over.
As Lee had proven to her countless times.
She slowly pulled herself back together, as these positive thoughts filled her head, so much so that she nearly forgot about Luke. That was what Luke was so good at, helping other people feel better and never helping himself.
She would not leave him in this state.
"Luke, what's a matter with you?" She asked back at him, he shrugged his head as a thin smile spread over his pale face.
"Nothing, don't worry yourself about me" He responded, but this was always his response, his defence. He would always hide his inner feelings with a false smile, but behind this smile you could always see that sadness lingering in his eyes. It was something that was evident in those brown orbs as Clementine looked into them now.
"I am worrying about you Luke, I want to help you, like you helped me" She told him curtly as his eyes seemed to pop out of his head and he muttered "Nah, Clem... look it means a lot... but..."
"But what?" she cut him off, fixating him with a hard stare as he flinched and she continued "Luke, don't keep doing this. Don't keep your problems to yourself, it will only make it worse. Just please... tell me what's a matter. I won't tell anyone if it's bad... I just... care about you and I want to help you" Clementine got from her chest, throwing in a few quotes that she learnt from back in first grade about "friendship" and "trust" however sometimes these simple phrases could be the most effective as Luke inhaled, and looked at his knees.
"I miss him Clem, I never thought I would, but I do" He mumbled sadly as Clementine listened in, already knowing who he was talking about.
"I treated him like crap. He was always trailing me around, like a lost puppy. All I did was kick him back and try to alienate him, when all he could do was sing praises about me. I... was such a dick to him" he rubbed his eyes at this point before speaking on "You know It's funny, that only now that his gone that I realize what a good friend he really was" Luke muttered a fat tear-drop squeezing itself from out of his left eye.
"You don't know if Nick's dead Luke, and you were a good friend to him" Clementine tried to reassure him as he shook his head.
"No, I'm just on about the apocalypse Clem, I treated him like crap years before all this" he took a shaky breath and carried on "With this in mind. I thought it was karma when Carver burned my dad's locket and all my photos of my family. I thought I earned it, that it was the only way to make it up to Nick. By getting rid of my personal objects to save the group and not agree with Bill... but..." he heaved on the spot as he wept rawly and he finally got out, (in a croaky tone) that...
"As Kenny proved, that was just a fuck up too. Now I don't even any trace of my parents to remember them by, I have no parents, no best friend... God I miss them..." he wailed before dissolving into another mass round of sobs. Clementine tried to awkwardly pat his broad back, when he finally calmed down and looked up at Clementine, the 11 year old spoke.
"They'd be proud of you Luke, all of them, you know you don't have to forget about your parents... you could tell me about them" She offered. Luke looked hesitant for a second before he spoke.
"Well my dad... man he used to treasure that locket. Been in our family generations and I was the one to destroy it..." he looked down sadly before Clementine coughed and tried to move the conversation onwards.
"What did they look like?" she asked of him.
He went on describing how he had his father's eyes and hair, and his mother's nose and mouth. He went onto to describe what they liked to wear, their hobbies and all sorts... Clementine paid attention for a while, until Luke's quiet tone (as he spoke on fondly about his parents) drew her into a slumber and before she knew it, she fell asleep on Luke's shoulder.
Luke stopped babbling when he realised that Clementine was snoring lightly on his shoulder, he picked up her small form and placed her gently back onto her bunk. He studied her peaceful face and stroked the strands of her hair beneath her cap, as he bent over her and muttered "Night Clem" before he slowly returned back to his own bunk.
As he lay down and tried to sleep, he realised that chat with Clementine had helped. The fact that Clementine could cry made him grow on her even more. She was a human. A tough little girl, but still a little girl, one that he would now protect with every ounce of his being.
As Luke managed to get some sleep, none of them realized that Rebecca was also lying awake in her bunk. Listening to every word the two of them had been saying, she silently observed them, before they both returned to bed, as they did, so did she. Wiping away a happy tear as she thought about her late husband Alvin, and her baby son Alvin, thinking about family.
She was touched by what she had seen. She had seen family.
She slept, happy in the knowledge Alvin Jr had a family waiting for him, right here in this pen.
Sarah was jolted awake by the sound something rustling nearby, bolting upwards, her heart hammering on her chest she looked out into the pitch black of the night as something approached. She couldn't breathe...
A raccoon scurried up to her. Sarah's sigh of relief must have shaken the tops of every pine tree in the forest.
"You scared me" she told the raccoon lightly.
The raccoon tilted it's head at her, before it darted back off into the night.
"Wait! Don't go!" she yelled after the raccoon.
It didn't return to her, she sighed sadly once again as she leant back where she could feel Nick's arm around her shoulders, peering at him she could see that he was still out of it. With that raccoon gone she felt very lonely and isolated indeed as she tried to curl herself up into a ball next to Nick and get some sleep.
Her eyes closed but she couldn't sleep, each crack of a twig increased her heart rate. Each hoot of a nearby owl made her gasp, the chirping of nearby crickets and other insects she always heard as gunfire. Her palms began to sweat as the night winds froze her bones, making her shiver...
"Just go to sleep... go to sleep..." she told herself repeatedly but the night was dark and full of invisible terrors. She couldn't hold it back as tears of raw fear fell from her eyes. She was cold, she was hurt and worst of all... she was scared. She needed someone to talk too.
"I wish you were awake Nick" she whispered to his torso, finally accepting that she was unable to sleep. She realised she was now conversing with an unconscious man to keep herself from going crazy in panic. She could have screamed and shook him by the shoulders to wake him up, she reckoned that was what she would have done a few days ago. But now she knew she had to be tough. And this was her "tough".
"I'm trying to be strong here Nick, I don't want to scream to draw walkers nearby... but I guess I'm really weak, aren't I?" she mumbled to his black t-shirt as she continued "I mean why else would dad want to keep me away from walkers? Because I'm weak. Ever since Mum died... he... he just wanted to look after me" she confessed to empty air. Not really sure what sort of force was propelling these words from her lungs. But all these underlying issues were things she felt like she needed to say.
"I never saw Mom die you know? Daddy just said she had gone to heaven and then we ran away from our house. I'm sorry you had to see your Mom die Nick. It must have been hard on you" She told his prone body, after a minute of silence she continued as she found tears fell as they mingled with bad memories.
"Even before all this, other girls were mean too me. They would steal my glasses and call me fat bumble-wee. I know it was silly nickname but it really upset me" she confessed to him as she sobbed ever louder as that nickname (jeered at her by the hateful faces of her peers came back to haunt her) she inhaled sharply before carrying on.
"Daddy didn't let me go to school much after they started being mean to me. I didn't want to hurt anybody, I just wanted to read my books and help people. But... people were mean to me anyway. I don't understand why" she muttered to the sky, as if she expected some mighty higher force to answer her inquiry when nothing happened, she carried on with her thoughts.
"There were some days I got so scared I wanted to stay in bed and cry all day. But I thought I was being strong, by going downstairs or going to school and still being happy. Even if I felt really sad, I'd pretend to be really happy" she sobbed to nothingness.
"That-is-strong" a deep voice muttered next to her in the darkness.
She hadn't known when Nick's eyes had fluttered open, or how much of her thoughts he had heard, but all she knew was that he was now awake.
"I..." she begun.
"It's okay Sarah. I used to be the same" he muttered as she leant in close.
"Really?" she inquired wiping away a tear.
"Really, really" he mused back before he explained "When I was in school, the boys would give me a hard time. I used to be a cry-baby. I'd go home every night to my mom and just... cry" his bright blue eyes were locked on the darkness above him as Sarah said "So... what did you do?"
"What did I do? Well one day I just had enough of it all. I just punched the guy who was pissing me off in the face. After that I got into a lot of fights, it didn't make me feel any better. But I'd go around acting as if it did, as if nothing could bother me, but I know what it's like..." he sighed as he gaze snapped to the sandy bank at his feet.
"In this world, people can only be tough if they save a thousand lives, or have half their stomach ripped open and not bat an eyelid about or. Or be able to say a funny line while killing a thousand assholes. That's tough, people like us, me, who fuck's up everything he touches and you with your..." he paused before he could find the right word "Well... shyness" he finished. When Sarah didn't complain he carried on "Were not tough, were liabilities, were treated like dirt and no one in this world is ever gonna give a damn about what we want" Nick said repeating some of Uncle's last words.
"But that doesn't matter, me and you. Yeah everyone sees us as weak, but just getting up every day and dealing with the kinda shit that gets thrown at us... well it takes a special kind of tough to get through that" he ruffled Sarah's messy hair with his one hand "It's nothing to be ashamed off, hold onto that "toughness" he informed her.
"I suppose that what makes us more human than the bullies or the bandits" Sarah concluded as Nick nodded vigorously.
Nick wasn't one to have these emotional talks, but after one particularly violent fight in his high school years (which he had lost) he went home and cried on his bed for hours. In pain... in frustration... about how "weak" he was. That was until Uncle Pete had come around and gave him that calming speech on what it truly took to have been "tough".
Nick never repeated that speech to anyone. Until now. He realised that he and Sarah shared a very similar problem and he had to help Sarah through this in the same way that his Uncle Pete had helped him through those rough times with his words of wisdom.
Nick inspected his leg, to find Sarah had used far too many bandages on it. However he simply said "Nice job" on his knee which made her smile. They were on the same riverbank and Nick had been out all day and now the next day was nearly dawning.
"We'll go at sunrise, we'll get a quick breakfast and then we'll head back" He informed Sarah as she looked around her.
"I think were a little lost" she said the obvious.
"It doesn't matter, we'll find our way" Nick reassured her and as the sun peered over the horizon, he knew that the moment he would be getting back to the hardware store with Sarah.
And prove all the bullies wrong. And show them all what "tough" really was.