Chapter 3 Decisions

*A/N This chapter will have a slight drug abuse reference. Nothing heavy. Also Robin is in this story. But I promise this is a SQ fic. :) Enjoy!

Chapter 3 Decisions

"I have to go Emma. Please, Emma. Please know that I…" Regina pauses. Did Emma just hang up on her? "Emma?" She heard nothing, no heavy breathing and no clicking. Just complete silence. Regina let out a long sigh as she hung up the receiver on the payphone and leaned against the wall. She just wanted to hear her voice. She knew of the time difference, but she just had to hear her voice. She needed Emma to know that she was ok. OK, maybe "ok" is stretching it a bit. Home, she just needed to make it home. Regina opened her eyes to find her travel companion staring at her with a nervous look on his face.

"Jesus Locksley. Could you possibly stalk a little harder?" Regina scowled as she bent down to pick up her bag.

"Did you make your phone call? " Robin asked as he held out his hand gesturing for her bag. Regina nodded yes. And Robin leaned in to try and snatch the black leather bag out of her hands, "Come on Mills. You know what the Captain said. You need to rest."

"Watch it. I am not broken. I can carry my own damn bag." She said quietly as she walked passed him and toward the gate.

"White!" she screamed as her head come above the surface of the water. "Whi…" She couldn't keep her head above the water. She needed to get out of this gear. She kicked with every last ounce of energy she had left trying to reach the surface once again. Nothing, there was nothing to grab. Shit!

"Regina" her eyes scanned the water once more…Locksley? How is he here?

"Lieutenant Mills!" Robin said as he placed his hand on her arm in an attempt to bring her back where ever she has drifted.

Regina blinked a few times and her eyes met Robin's. She quickly shook his hand off her arm and looked at the lady who was waiting patiently for her boarding pass.

"Ma'am…" The lady said with a concerned look on her face, "Are you ok?"

"Yes. I am fine. Sorry." She said as she handed her the boarding pass.

Giving the lady a slight smile and nod, and with a quick glance over a Robin, she took in a deep breath and headed to board the plane.

"Mills, what happened back there?" Robin asked as he placed his bag in the compartment above his seat.

"Nothing happened. I don't want to discuss it; not now, not ever and certainly not with you." She started to shut the compartment but stopped. This is going to be a long trip she thought. I need to drown out the noise. IPod and headphones it is. She closed the compartment and took the seat closest to the aisle, avoiding Robin's eyes at all costs. She doesn't need to explain. She couldn't anyhow. No one would understand.

Once in the air she excused herself from Robin's chatter about his son back home. Granted the distraction was nice but she was not ready to hear about his happy ending with his child. Was she being selfish, sure but she didn't care. She was convinced she lost her chance of a "happily ever after." Grabbing her pouch out of her bag in the overhead, she glanced down at Robin and nodded. She needed to make sure that she kept a common, not hostile environment with her new pilot. She sighed and walked to the bathroom.

The cold water felt soothing on her face. She needed to just calm down. "I got this," she said out loud as she looked at the person staring back at her in the mirror. Exhausted brown eyes pierced back and she left out a whimper as her hand traced the scar on her upper lip. It had healed quite nicely. She was expecting more of a deeper scar, but her surgeon had reassured her that it would fade over time. He was right. Turning around she knocked over the pouch and her belongings went everywhere. Regina stared at the orange pill bottle rolling around on the floor. "This is ok" she paused and she bent down to pick it up. "I need it just this on time, for the flight of course." She whispered turning the bottle back and forth in her hands as if she was waiting for it to give her an "ok." Turning the water back on, she reached her shaky hand under the cool flow. "Bottoms up," she smirked at her reflection. Taking her hand up to her mouth she swallowed the pill.

"You ok Mills?" Robin said as she sat down in the seat next to him.

"Yes, just fine thank you. " Regina said as she went to place her headphones back in her ears.

"I thought I was going to have to send out a search party for you," Robin chuckled as he glanced over at the woman sitting next to him. He quickly stopped realizing that her once olive skin had turned pale. "Shit Mills. I'm sorry. That was stupid and insensitive," Robin said in a soft tone.

Taking in a deep breath, Regina tilted her head side to side.

"Insensitive?!" Regina bit back at him. "I'm sorry? Do you not have any tact as on how to talk to people?" Regina continued as she brought her fingers up to her temples. "Just please for whatever sanity I may still have intact, Shut up." Dropping her hand she leaned in closer to him "and that is an order Locksley." She shifted her body so that her left shoulder would hopefully provide enough barrier to keep him from opening his mouth.

"Yes ma'am." Robin said quietly as he picked up his own headphones and closed his eyes.

After a few minutes she turned to look at the lunk setting next to her. You will never be her, she thought. She let out a slight chuckle that quickly made her hand come up to her mouth. But she was never Emma. Emma would never understand. Leaning her head back against the seat she finally felt at ease. Her body tingling, she let out a soft moan. Finally that pill was kicking in. This is nice. Why did I wait so long? She thought to herself. She finally gave in and drifted off into a dreamless sleep. No water, no waves, no Emma…Just darkness.

"Regina, wake up," Robin said as he shook her gently not wanting to startle her from her sleep. "You need to put on your seatbelt. We are landing soon."

"Mills you can do this. Bring us in slow"

"I can't. I can't get control" She yelled and she franticly grabbing the controls.

"Damn it, Regina! You are going to get us killed."

"Regina…" Robin said as he put in a little more force trying to wake up the now panic stricken woman next to him.

"I CAN'T" she yelled as she sat up, trying to grab at the invisible seatbelt that was restricting her. "Why can't I move?" Her eyes began darting franticly back and forth from Robin and then to the gentleman sitting in the seat across from her.

"Mills, you can move. Just calm down." Robin was trying his best to keep her calm and not draw any more attention to them.

"I need to get up." She looked at him, her eyes pleading for his understanding.

He sighed. "You can't. They have put on the seatbelt sign." He said as he gestured to the flashing seatbelt sign. "We are in the states. We're in Virginia," Robin said as he looked out the window and then back to her.

Finally able to catch her breath she slumped back into the seat. "OK, Thank you Robin. And I am sorry. I don't know what came over me." She said as she fastened her seatbelt.

She felt the plane slowly make its descent. She gripped the arm rests, fingers aching as she tried to steady herself. This is a big plane. The pilot is excellent. It's okay. "It's okay," she whispered to herself.

Overhearing what she had said, Robin slowly took her hand and placed it in his.

Her breath hitched. Did he just take my hand? She thought. Her eyes darted to their now joined hands and then over to him.

"Just let me help you, as a friend, Mills. Just as a friend," Robin said.

She nodded a slight yes and leaned back into the chair.

"Friends I can do, Robin." She said as she closed her eyes and smiled.

"Emma, look at me," Regina said softly as their eyes met. "I can't keep doing this."

She could feel Emma's body tense at her statement. "This?" Emma asked.

"Me and you Emma, I can't keep pretending with you. I want more." Brown eyes fell to the patio floor. She took in a deep breath. "I need more." She said quietly as she raised her head up and leaned in to where she could feel Emma's warm breath on her lips.

Her eyes bolted open once she felt the warm hand that once held her steady begin to move.

"We made it," Robin smiled as he retracted his hand.

It felt like an eternity as she waited to get off that plane. Once the luggage was picked up they headed to find the exit out of the airport.

"What are your plans after the debriefing Locksley? Is anyone "special" planning to pick you up on base?" Regina asked. She really didn't care, but she needed to try and keep distracted.

"Yes, my wife and my son." He said.

"Wonderful…I didn't know you were a married man Locksley." She smiled and raised an eyebrow at him.

"You never asked ma'am. It's all work and no play with you. So I have learned." He said.

She shook her head and looked out the window of the cab.

"Welcome to Naval Support Facility Dahlgren," The PO3 said as she was pulling their luggage out of the trunk of the cab. Another Petty Officer quickly came up behind her to grab the rest of the luggage.

"The Commander is expecting to see you in 20, Lt. Mills."

She paused and looked down at her traveling attire. "Thank you Petty Officer. If you could please direct me to the nearest head, I would like to change."

"Ma'am, if you would just follow me." The PO3 said and took off through the front door of building.

Taking out her uniform she stared once again at the unfamiliar woman staring back at her. Stripping down to her bra and underwear she paused and turned to the side. A tear slipped down her cheek. There was no way Emma would ever want her now. Glancing down at her watch she realized the time and quickly got dressed. Running a hand through her dark hair, she pulled it back into a bun. Glancing back in the mirror to give herself a once over, she paused as her hand fell upon her wings. "Everything is different now," she said as she fumbled with the pin. "Nothing will be the same."

She placed her travel clothes into the suitcase and opened the door. Taking one more glance in the mirror she lifted her head high.

"You ready for this?" Robin said as he stood to acknowledge her.

"No, No I am not." She said as she turned the knob and she entered the room with her head high.

"Lieutenant Mills," Commander Green said as he stood up to greet her. "I do hope your flight was comfortable."

"Yes sir. It was just fine, thank you." She said as she kept her eyes forward.

"Lieutenant, you may take a seat. We are not at a Captain's mast. We are here to make sure you are ok and that you are following protocol," Commander said as he took a seat.

Taking the nearest seat to the door, she said "yes sir. I understand sir."

"I understand you are being sent home on R&R due to the event that took place on the 17th of July." He paused as he glanced up from his paper and over to her. She nodded in agreement. "Looking over your medical file I see that there is a lot of uncertainty in your future as a pilot."

"Yes sir, but if you could…" Regina said as she started to explain.

"Lieutenant, I need you to listen very carefully to what I have to say. You are treading very choppy waters." He said as she winced at his choice of words. He paused, "You have a lot of leave built up. I suggest you take some time for you. No one can save you but you. "

"Yes sir, but…" it came out more of a hoarse whisper.

"You are dismissed, Lieutenant." He gestured toward the door. "Please take care of yourself. You are one hell of a pilot. We need you. "

Standing up slowly she replied quickly '"yes sir, thank you sir."

"By the way, where are your wings Lieutenant?" Commander Green questioned as he eyed the empty space on her uniform.

She swallowed and brought her hand up to feel the emptiness of her wings.

"I…." She tried to speak.

Commander Green just shook his head softly and looked at her and then the door.

"You are dismissed," he said quietly as he took his seat.

Regina couldn't get out of that room fast enough. Moving as quickly as she could without drawing wandering eyes, she ran into the nearest head and locked the door.

"God you are pathetic, Mills" She screamed at her frazzled shelf in the mirror. Regaining her composure she ran her hands over her pants trying to smooth out the nonexistent wrinkles. Her hand slid over a small bottle. "Oh what the hell," she said as she took out the bottle and opened the cap. She had another flight to catch tomorrow morning and she needed sleep. Downing the pill, she walked out and met Robin.

"Everything go ok in there?" Robin asked.

Regina said nothing. Just gave him a nod and kept walking in front of him.

Realizing he was not going to get her to open up about her debrief, he took in a deep breath and said, "They put us up in the Officer's barracks." He paused as she stopped. Her back still turned to him. "I can walk you to your room if you would like ma'am," he said.

"No, that won't be necessary Locksley." She said, back still turned to him.

"Be safe Regina. I will see you in a few weeks yeah?"

She turned around and gave him a slight smile. "Enjoy your family time, Robin."

"Till we meet again," he said as he picked up his bag and flung it over his shoulder.

"Yes, till we meet again." She picked up her bag and started to head off toward the female Officer's quarters. She paused when she heard him yell back, "You deserve to be happy. Don't let this stop you!"

She let out a small laugh. Oh, only if he knew the amount of shit I'm buried under she thought. There is a lot stopping me. I'm my biggest downfall.