FOLLOW YOUR ARROW
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This was a good day, Itachi decided. A good Friday.
In fact, it had been a pretty decent week.
Nope, not even. It had been a great week! He just hadn't known how great it was until yesterday night. He had finally succeeded in his goal, and he finally felt successful about it.
"I think... he actually likes me. The same way I like him... I mean." Hidan muttered after their chat about last weeks events, sitting on the edge of the bed and wringing his hands. "But it's so goddamn hard to tell. I mean one minute he acts one way and then in the next he's something else. Sometimes he wants me to stick around, other times he's trying to shove me out the door... It's fucking confusing!"
"Hidan I think you're just thinking too much into this. You're trying too hard." Itachi said back softly. Hidan looked at him skeptically, brows slightly bunching in the beginning stages of confusion-enduced anger.
"How the fuck can you try too hard? That doesn't even make sense."
"Well, it doesn't much apply to anything else, granted. But relationships are a whole different universe Hidan. Not everyone is so willing to put up with your insanity as I am."
"so you're saying basically it's my fault he's a miserable fucking confusing shithead? Because I'm crazy?"
"Hidan you know damn well I don't think-"
"Or are you saying I'm just fucking insane so I'm taking everything the wrong way. Either way it's my fault right? It's always my fucking fault..."
Itachi sighed and rolled his eyes and stood up to circle around Hidan, slouching over to place both hands on his shoulders and bring his face close to his. "This is what I'm talking about Hida. You put too much pressure on yourself. You're too intense with the things you put your mind too. It's not a bad thing on most occasions, but you need to pace yourself here." He paused to see if the message was sinking in the correct way. Hidan didn't say anything, only half-glaring back in his usual irritated demeanor. "This. is going. to last." He finally said, very slowly, his own charcoal eyes flicking back and forth between Hidan's, almost violet in the dimly lighted room. "Stop convincing yourself that it won't, stop trying to sabotoge yourself. Just let it be, you're thinking too hard, you're trying too hard. Dr. Hoku may be a Doctor, but he is not a patient man. Don't push him."
Itachi understood, he really did. Hidan was one of those people, as he had just stated earlier in the day, who had trouble focusing on anything other than what would happen in the next moment. Too busy worrying or fearing possible dissapointment to pay any attention to what was happening presently around them. He was afraid of Dr. Hoku suddenly rejecting him, finally surrendering to the fact that being with Hidan made no logical sense. Itachi shared that feeling sometimes, when the unpredictable albino had him so stressed and frustrated that he came very close to wringing his neck. But that was the thing, he loved Hidan, with all his heart. It was just as Tayuya stated so many times to him, Just as the twins had said, just as he, himself, had recited. When it comes to Hidan, you either love him or you hate him. And Dr. Hoku, though certianly grumpy and miserly, he did not hate Hidan. And love, whether platonic or the real deal, rarely ever made much sense in the long-run.
"Tch. You're so gay 'Tachi."
The Uchiha leaned back with an incredulous glance at him. How was any of that 'gay talk'? That was just normal consolement! Unless Hidan had somehow magically attained this power of mind-reading he constantly accused every one else of...
Hidan only sighed loudly and plopped back on his bed, hands forming a pillow beneath his head. "You're right though..." He said calmly, eyes half-lidded as he stared distantly at he cailing. "He told me himself he wasn't going anywhere... dunno why I can't get that through my head..."
Itachi let out a breathy laugh. 'Hida, you really are rediculous.' And put a palm gently to his forehead, supporting the arm at the elbow with his other hand. "Never-the-less. I wouldn't worry too much about not being able to remember details like that. It's not as if it won't happen again..." He would know after all, he went through this same delimma, though Hidan would likley launch back into his teasing if he started even mentioning his sex life with Kisame. Which may or may not be a good thing, at least he would be acting normal. But then again it wasn't as if he was acting out of character due to depression, his head was just full to bursting with this new relationship. Hidan only needed to stop drowning himself in the what-if's and start basking in the light of what had already happened, what was likley to continue happening.
Itachi smiled to himself, he knew exactly how Hidan felt, and it only reinforced the fact that this was the real deal. He was already positive Kisame was the person he'd spend the rest of his life with, and it seemed Hidan had found his special someone right around the same time. How terribley serendiputus, though not really, seeing as Itachi was the evil genious behind it all. Those two would be hopeless if not for him.
Just goes to show, Always leave it to the Uchiha.
"There's plenty of time. You just have to stop forcing fact of the matter is, you're together now. Just let things happen as they happen."
Yes, He was confident this was something that would last. Mainly for the fact that it was so outrageous in the first place. Things like this happened all the time, older individuals getting into relationships with others far younger than themselves. But this was a special case. One, because Hidan wasn't some sort of gold-digger, he had far too much pride for such things. That was made clear on day one when he'd nearly had a panic attack just realizing he liked the Doctor. Two, because Dr. Hoku was no fool, he thought with his head, not his dick. And there was also the fact that the man was quite literally in love with his money and would never waste it just to get a little tail, especially from someone like Hidan.
Nope. It was the fact that this relationship was so bloody rediculous and improbable, but had happened anyway, that assured him there was nothing to worry about. Perhaps Itachi was somewhat of a sap, maybe he really was 'so gay', but either way, it didn't change the situation.
A wonderful Friday indeed, He thought to himself, humming light-heartedly as he drove to the clinic a few minutes after nine to pick up his any luck, Hidan would end up over at the Doctor's again tomorrow when Itachi made his leave. He and Kisame had agree'd on every other week, but today when he'd gone to visit the man at work during lunch hour, and informed him of this new development between the two (Kisame was such a wonderful friend, as he'd never gossip about Kakuzu's personal life with anyone. Itachi was made of lesser things, unfortunatly.) After kisame's inital shock, repulsion, bout of uncontrollable laughter, then more repulsion and shock, they had decided to make an exception and made plans to go out for a movie or something, but make it seem as if Itachi would again be staying the night at his lovers, there-by tricking Hidan into sneaking over to Kakuzu's again.
"You really are an impressive mind-fucker, you know?" Kisame had said, earning a blushing scowl from the Uchiha. "God forbid you ever use your powers for evil."
But, he had no such luck. Unfortunatley for him, it wasn't as good a Friday as it initially started as.
He pulled into the parking lock, the first one directly to the left of the handicapped parking, where he always parked to pick up his roommate as he always stood just ahead of him on the corner of the building, usually finishing up a cigarette. Hidan was standing there, as usual, leaning against the wall with both hands in his pockets, looking down at the ground with brows furrowed in frustrated anger.
The first thing Itachi took note of was the lack of a cigarrette. Though he brushed it off immediatly as a not-so-important detail. He certianly wasn't going to complain about Hidan not smoking, but it was a little strange. The second would be the fact that Kakuzu's car was still in it's usual space, Usually the Doctor was either gone of leaving by the time Itachi arrived to pick up his roommate. In all the months Hidan had worked for him he'd never once stayed late for any occasion that he was aware of.
And of course the third thing he noticed, with his inate ability to sense emotional turbulence in others, was the aura of shock and heavy depression Hidan was emitting as he seated himself into the car. He didn't even bother to acknowledge his best friend, staring at him in concern as he shut the door far too gently and leaned back in the seat, staring at the dashboard with brows furrowed as if deep in thought.
Taking a silent but deep breath, Itachi warred within himself, wracking his brain to try and decipher what it was that might have caused something like this to occur in his emotionally unstable friend. Of course the man had always struggled with bouts of depression, but on most occasions the anger came first, and the depression tended to not last all that long afterward. Something informed him, some cosmic force out there, told him that this was not just that, as there was still a hint of absolute shock lingering there in those currently unreadable lavender eyes.
Immediatly his gut clenched, all of this warring happening within a tenth of a second, mind you, as the realization struck him that perhaps it had something to do with Kakuzu. Scratch that, it had to have something to do with Kakuzu. Hidan didn't care enough about anything else to be so affected. And the question didn't even come up as to what it had been. What else would cause that look of calm devastation on his normally oblivious friend?
"What happened?" He asked immediatly, as opposed to the standard 'What's wrong?" refusing to move the car an inch until he found out.
Hidan only looked at him as if he'd only just not realized he was here, blinked, and then forced out the worst smile Itachi had ever seen in his life. "Nothing."
He bit back the anger that wanted to burst out of him, chewing over his thoughts for a moment. Damn you Hidan, if you think you're putting up even a halfway decent act, you're an idiot. "Don't tell me 'nothing' when something is clearly wrong." Really, it was obvious something was wrong, why was he putting up this macho act? You always do this Hidan, you should have learned by now. How many times had they had this discussion? No one can help if he wouldn't let them. How many damn times had he told the zealot that he was practically see-through? That he never fooled anyone by trying to hide his thoughts and emotions that constantly blasted across his face and screamed out in his silent body language. That if he continued to resist, people would stop trying to help.
"Sorry... I meant 'nothing' as in 'I don't want to talk about it right now.' I figured you'd see that, being the mind-reader you are and all."
Itachi blinked. An apology, and no cursing? Dear God, what the hell had happened? He opened his mouth to pursue the topic, but couldn't seem to force any words out at the weary and despairingly pleading look Hidan shot him.
'I fuckin' appreciate the gesture and everything, Itachi. But really, sometimes I just want to be left alone... Just give me a goddamn second to breathe and I'll be fine.' A previous conversation, nearly 7 months ago when the albino had first started rooming with him and he'd been in a mood much like this one, popped into his head. He turned to face the steering wheel, gathering his resolve with a deep breath and resulting sigh. The did not happen often, or at least not that he knew of, at least not as blatantly obvious as this one. But, it seemed this was clearly one of those times when pushing the matter would only do more harm than good. He'd even stated that he didn't want to talk about it right now. As in, he'll talk about it later. That was as good as a promise as far as the Uchiha was concerned.
"Alright..." He said quietly, steeling himself in this conviction and backing out of the parking space. Hidan didn't even look over to him in surprise at his surrendur, which had his chewing his lip in worry the entire ride home.
.
"I'm going to lose my mind Kisa. I barely slept last night, I have a headache bordering on the thin precipice of migraine territory. If I don't find out what happened with him I'm going to tear my hair out."
"For the love of God, Angel. Don't do that. Why don't you just go try asking him again? He's had all night."
It was torture, Itachi's concern and also his sheer curiosity was eating away at him, and had been since he picked Hidan up yesterday night. The normally boisterous man had not said one more single word to him, only gone straight to his room and stayed there faithfully, not emerging even to use the bathroom or to eat.
It was now almost noon.
At a lack of anything else to do to handle the situation, he was now in the kitchen whisper-yelling frantically to his lover, explaining the situation in splurting and stuttered words that fell from him too fast for him to even register if they were making sense or not.
"I can't. I can't. He asked for his space. But it's been hours, I'm going to pass away Kisame. I can't take this. You should have seen the look in his eyes, it was... haunting..."
A sigh on the other end and some unrecognizable sound of shuffling. "You want me to call Kakuzu and see if they had some sort of fight or something?"
Itachi absently chewed his nails in throught, before realizing he was taking part in that disgusting and destructive habit and yanking his hand away from his mouth. "Ugh, I don't know. I... I don't want to interfere, and I know Kakuzu isn't going to take kindly to either of us butting into his business."
"I'll just tell him the kid's acting wierd and you're worried."
"Yes, and then he'll get mad at Hidan for whatever excuse he can come up with. I don't know, I just have the worst feeling that they broke up. I don't know what to do, I was so sure. God I haven't been this close to a panic attack since the night after the party. Was that really only two weeks ago?"
"Babe, you need to relax. I don't know the kid that well from experience, but from listening to you all the time, I can make a few deductions here. If you're willing to hear my opinion that is."
"Of course I am Kisame don't try to lure me into some sort of arguement here."
Light chuckling, the clinking of what sounded to Itachi like dishware. "I would never. But this is the way I see it. Kakuzu and that roomie of your fight all the time. I've never been around either of them without hearing constant insults or practically smelling the damned agression between them. If those two had some sort of break up, doesn't seem to me like it would be anything remotely similar to quiet. "
"...Hn."
"See what I'm saying? The kid would be absoloutly pissed, and so would Kakuzu. There wouldn't be any of this... whatever you say he's doing now. It hink you're jumping to the wrong conclusion."
Itachi let out a whoosh of air, leaning back against the counter and massaging his eyes. Kisame had a point there, but it still didn't give any sort of clues as to what the hell had happened. "Perhaps... Honestly though Kisa. What else would it be. I've never known Hidan to care about anything, except maybe that guitar or me. He wasn't even this upset over Tayuya."
"I dunno babe. Just go ask him neh?"
"Kisame, I can't. I told you he asked for his-"
"Well then Angel, I don't know what to tell you."
Itachi blinked, moving the phone away from his ear to give it a surprised look before blinking a few more times and returning it. Had Kisame just snapped at him? Was that irritation he just witnessed, and directed at him none-the-less.
"You know, have you ever considered what's going to happen when he finally gets his shit together and you won't have to take care of him constantly anymore?" Kisame continued, the annoyance more restrained now, but still there. Itachi's mouth opened and closed as he tried to respond, not quite understanding how this conversation had suddenly just done a complete round-about.
"I mean. When you don't see him every day, or talk to him every day. How are you going to be able to handle not knowing if he's having some damn crisis or not? Because I'll be honest Angel, it feels like every damn day with him."
"...Kisa..."
"I understand that you love him like a brother. But every single one of his problems aren't yours. If he doesn't wanna tell you, just leave it alone. I mean, Jesus, let him try fending for himself once in awhile you know?"
Still silent, Itachi tried to let this soak in, willing away the slight insult at the fact that Kisame had actually spoken to him like that. He suddenly felt terribley guilty, recalling all the time they spent together... God, half the time he usually rambled on about Hidan. Every time they talked, It was someting about Hidan... Now that he thought about it, the man had begged him on so many occasions to change the subject. The eye rolling, the impatient sighs... Itachi had never caught onto any of it, and the man had finally had no choice but to snap at him.
He... he was right. He was absoloutly right. Every time Hidan had a problem, Itachi forced himself to be a part of it... Did everything he could to solve the problem for him. He never let Hidan take the reigns of his own life. He really was like his mommy, and not in the way that he'd always imagined. He was holding him back, he was one of those mommies that refused to let go. And all of it completley unintentional.
The other side of the line was still quiet. Itachi suddenly wished more than anything that Kisame was right here in front of him, he didn't like being unable to see what the man was thinking. And for some reason he suddenly felt like crying.
"I'm... I'm so sorry Kisa. You're right..." He said quietly. Good Lord, what had he become? He was part of the damn problem here.
"...Look babe, I didn't mean to-"
"No really. You're absoloutly right. If he doesn't want to tell me, I should just accept it. It's..." He paused, feeling as if the words about to come from him felt so terribley rude. "It's not my problem..."
How many times Had Hidan tried, in his own way, to get this message across to him? 'I'm not always in trouble, mommy. Nothing happened. Nothing that's any of your business. I'm not going to tell you. So fuck off.' Hell, just yesterday he'd tried to tell him... And he'd brazenly insisted anyway, forcing Hidan to let him be a part of this...
It wasn't as if he'd ever done it with the intention of annoying everyone around him... He never meant to be a busybody. Hidan was just one of those people you had to be meticulous with. At least that's what he'd always thought. He won't tell anyone anything, he'll hold it all inside. Hidan was one of those people that constantly rejected you but actually wanted you to keep fighting and show that you cared. And Hidan was one of those people, he knew. But he was only human, and everyone just wanted to be left alone once in awhile...
"Right. I mean, That's my honest opinion. For this specific situation, you know. Just let him be. That obviously what he wants. If he can't handle it, you know he'll come to you."
Itachi couldn't help the soft laughter at that image. "No, He'd just do something stupid, obnoxious, and unnessesary to get my attention."
"Exactly. So there you go."
The Uchiha was just in the process of opening his mouth to reply when the squeak of a door opening got his attention. His eyes flicked up to the area where Hidan would appear if he did come into the kitchen, but aside from that he didn't move. "Well, anyway... Are we still on for a movie tonight?"
"Sure babe. Whatever you want. I'm all yours."
"Alright then, Would you like to pick me up at six?"
"It would be my pleasure, Angel."
Mutual goodbyes were exchanged just as the center of their topic appeared around the corner.
"You're having a fucking date night again?" Hidan scoffed, moving past him to tug open the refridgerator and scan the contents. "One of these fucking days you two are literally going to make me vomit uncontrollabley. They'll run me to the E.R., but it will be too late. Then someone will start a foundation in my honor, Moms against PDA or some shit like that."
Itachi smiled, he was being normal again at least. Maybe space really was all he needed... Kisame is right, He just needed to know when to back off... If only this damnable curiosity wasn't so lethal. "Yes. I thought to myself - If Hidan gets to have fun, so should I." Two could play this teasing game, after all. That would get his mind off it.
Hidan gave him a look of disgust before letting the fridge door shut. "Well.. there goes what little appetite I had..."
"Oh, don't be a child." Itachi shot back, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. "You're telling me you don't have plans with Dr. Hoku?"
"Tch. No."
"Why not." Damn, there it came flooding back...
"Because I fucking work with him. I have to look at his ugly mug all fucking day. I ain't gonna go running off to him every damn weekend just to screw him."
"Hn. You know Hida, don't take offense but in this situation I hardly see you as the one doing the 'screwing'."
Hidan choked briefly before glaring at the Uchiha, who was unable to hold back his laughter at the tinting that airbrushed across the albino's pale cheeks. "F-fuck you Uchiha! Like you have any damn room to talk!"
"I'm not the one blushing here. I've no problem admitting my role in my own relationship."
"Yeah well... Fuck you."
"No thank you. I believe we're both taken." Aren't we?
"Tch... Whatever."
Itachi resisted the urge to lunge at Hidan, grab him around the throat and shake him while demanding he tell him what the hell had been wrong with him yesterday. Obviously this was going to be harder than he thought...
.
"Hey do you have Kakuzu's number?" Hidan asked, peeking his head into the bathroom doorway where Itachi was currently getting ready for his evening with Kisame. The slightly younger man paused in his actions, raising a just recently sculpted brow at him.
"Of course not. Why?"
"Uh, because I need to fucking call him, dumbshit."
Itachi didn't move from his position, very careful to keep his face from reflecting his murderous curiosity. "And why is that?"
Hidan gave sarcastic snort. "Well, not because I wanna have some girly fucking 'date-night', if that's what you're thinking."
Itachi had to clench his jaw for a second, but kept the question from exploding out of him once again. "Just call the clinic. Kisame has mentioned that he forwards it to his cell on weekends." He said, returning his attention to the mirror.
"..."
Hidan was still there, staring at him, and he managed to ignore it for all of five seconds before turning to him with a sigh. "What?"
"...Do you have the clinic number?"
"You don't have the number to your own job!?"
"Well what the fuck do I ever call the clinic or Kakuzu for!? "
Again Itachi had to grit his teeth and take a deep breath. This time for different reasons, though that wasn't much consolement. How was he supposed to let Hidan handle his own life when the simplest things like having his own work number never occur to him? "Okay Hidan. I'll give you the number if you'll please just... tell me what's going on in that head of yours."
He was only regarded further for a few minutes before the albino let out a big sigh and finally stepped further into the doorway, leaning a shoulder against the frame. "Our neighbor came to the clinic yesterday..."
It took Itachi a few moments to piece this together. "Asuma did?"
"Yeah."
"...Okay..." And how does that relate?
"He uh... he's sick..."
Itachi could only wait somewhat impatiently for him to explain. Hidan didn't even like their below-deck neighbor, so the raven-hair could hardley believe that he was so shaken up over the fact that the man was sick.
"Like really sick..." Hidan continued, looking at his roommate as if he should somehow magically be able to understand what he was saying. Itachi resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
"Okay, but why do you need to call Dr. Hoku?"
Hidan paused for a moment, that same look settling over him, but far less severe this time. Itachi waited for what felt like hours while the albino shifted almost nervously before him. "Kakuzu thinks it's cancer." He finally said, sucessfully shoving Itachi into a speechless shock.
"He took a few skin scrapings and swaps, did some Chest scans and X-rays... He sent them to the next town over just to be absolutly sure. He says it looks like... Meta... Meta-something. Basically lung cancer..." He shrugged on the last bit, brows furrowed in slight annoyance when he couldn't seem to recall the name.
"Metastatic?"
"Yeah... That..."
Itachi's eyes wouldn't seem to come unglued from his friends unreadable gaze. For some reason, he didn't understand. "You're sure he said Metastatic?"
"Yeah..."
"Oh my god..." Itachi said in a whisper, at a loss for anything else to say. Suddenly he felt like a jackass, though at the same time there wasn't much logic behind that. He'd thought Hidan and Kakuzu had gotten into some sort of fight when it turns out Hidan was just in shock over Asuma's condition.
But this brought about more confusion. Since when did Hidan care about other peoples well-being? Especially enough to act like this over it.
"If that's what it is, basically he's fucked. Kakuzu said it had spread all over him, Even if he did start doing treatments, he probably wouldn't survive... He looks fucking terrible 'Tachi... and.. God, his stupid bitch of a wife-"
"They're not married."
"Tch. Well whatever. I can't... I don't know. It doesn't make fucking sense. I just saw him after the party, he looked fine. Then suddenly a week later he looks like he's about to keel over. He's so fucking tired from taking care of the baby and I guess his stupid bitch has post-patriotical depression or some shit and he's still working full-time."
"Post-partum, Hidan."
"Yeah, whatever. I just. I don't get it! I mean, I never fucking liked him, I thought he was a damned wierdo. But now I can't stop thinking about it. And not even him so much, just the fact that, like... " Hidan had dropped his eyes to the floor during his rambling, waving his hands slightly as he spoke and tried desperatly to make sense of things by speaking out loud. Now he lifted his head to meet Itachi's gaze again, brows furrowed in what almost looked like pain.
"He's gonna die, Itachi. I don't know what to do with that. Like... he's just... not gonna be here anymore. That baby is gonna grow up without a dad, with a miserable bitch for a mother... And he's just not gonna be there..."
"Hidan..." Itachi started, unable really to say anything more for the fact that he had no idea what to say. That's what this was about. Suddenly it made sense to him, though he'd never thought about it before. Hidan grew up without real parents, he went through life making and losing friends and aquantainces. But thanks to that he'd been spared the circumstance of ever having to go through the death of anyone he knew.
Hidan was vulgar and morbid, he could be incredibley twisted and dark, especially in his depressive moments. Itachi knew that death was something that constantly weighed on his mind, but always his own death, and never really had it ever been brought into the light this way before. He'd never been forced to look at it from a spectators view.
That's why he had looked downright haunted yesterday.
Another thought randomly popped into his head. The image of Hidan standing outside without a cigarrette, the fact that he still hadn't gone outside to smoke a single one since he'd been home. Asuma smoked, and now Asuma had cancer.
He really was shaken about this wasn't he? Hidan, oblivious, emotionally disabled Hidan, so upset about the death of someone he hardley knew... To be quite frank Itachi found that more bizzare than Asuma's condition.
"You know what he told me though? That night when Kakuzu came over here, during the snowstorm? I guess he ran into that cunt, and she started giving him shit because he hired me." His demeanor instantly switched to anger now, as if he actually had heard his roommates thoughts. "She stopped coming to the clinic for her kid's appointments and everything all because of me."
"Well.. Hidan... Not to defend her or anything but you have the tendancy to be loud and obnoxious. And those are your better days."
"Yeah I fucking know that, that's not even what pisses me off the most. Kakuzu didn't tell me about this. He just went right on about his fucking business like it didn't affect him at all."
Again the Uchiha was at a momentary loss for words. Why exactly was that a bad thing? Kakuzu had given him a chance despite the fact that he'd lost business, honestly that spoke volumes about the man's ideals in his eyes.
"You know what that means? That means he's liked me since that day. Liked me enough not to fucking express his supposed 'hatred' for me to his client even though it probably would have kept her coming back if he had just told her that he hates me too. You know how much money he lost? Prenatal checkups, and then all the apointments and shot for the kid after it's born, and she wanted to do a home birth, he could have made thousands off of her. And he just fucking waved it away."
Itachi shifted awkwardly. Honestly, how is that anything to be upset over? He could understand the subject before, having to look at death in a whole new perspective, finally taking a step further into a frightening reality. But this... just seemed a little childish. "I'm afraid I'm not following, Hida. Why is that a bad thing?"
"Because 'Tachi. You know... If he hadn't done that, things wouldn't have turned out the way they did, Asuma could have fucking been on good terms with him, he wouldn't have been so stressed, he would have fucking noticed all the crazy symptoms he was having sooner, he could have gotten treated sooner, and he wouldn't be dying."
"Whoa, Hidan. No. Don't you even try to somehow pin this on yourself-"
"And I've been like the shittiest person to Kakuzu. I never noticed before, like, it never even crossed my mind as to why he did the shit that he did. Why he was so fucking mad at me whenever I pulled my stupid little stunts. He's risking so fucking much for me, and I don't even get why. I'm not worth all that!"
"Dammit Hida stop-"
"Do you realize what all this shit means?" He nearly shouted, interrupting yet again. "It means I have to get my shit together. Like fucking now. I can't keep doing that shit to people, I can't keep replying on you, I can't keep making him risk his fucking business and goddamn livelihood. If I keep fucking going the way I am, I'm going to lose everything. You're right, I have self-destructive tendancies even when I'm trying not to."
Itachi blinked, speechless for the hundredth time in just a few minutes. How in the world had their conversation ended up on this topic? Hidan, your train of thought never ceases to confuse and amaze me... Finally though, finally it was happening. Hidan's emergance from the chrysalis into something transformed, the final state of maturity. He was going to 'get his shit together', and he meant it this time. It wasn't just something that he was tossing around, just the way he was talking about it, the emphasis he was putting on it, it had finally clicked with him, he was finally ready to take control of his life.
"Step one is to stop being so oblivious and fucking selfish. Which is why I want to see if Kakuzu's heard anything. I figure since he lives right below us, I can go talk to him and his woman about it. With any luck I can give them good news, and maybe she'll hate me a little less. And that'll just be one less thing for him to stress about."
Itachi's current thought process came to a screeching halt. "You really think your presence is going to do anything to ease his stress Hidan, considering that she does hate your guts?" Really Hidan, it's great that you want to take responsibility, but this isn't really a good first step...
"Well it'll be fucking awkward at first, but I'm not gonna keep letting her do that shit just because she doesn't like me. Seriously, has she ever even said one word to me? If I'm the one she hates, why the fuck is she taking it out on everyone else. Depending on what Kakuzu says, and let's be serious Itachi... it ain't gonna be good news... He probably doesn't have all taht much longer to live. I mean... you know... even if he makes it for a few more years..."
There's never enough time... Itachi finished in his head, unable to resist the small smirk of pride at hearing his immature friend speak of such things with such clarity. He really wasn't as stupid as he credited himself to be...
"So... you know... I'm gonna go down there and let her get it all off her fucking shoulders. So she doesn't have to take it out on him or that baby you know... I mean, I know what it's like to be depressed beyond belief..."
"Hidan that's very noble of you but I don't think this is very good timing. The man just found out he has cancer..." Yes it was a good idea, yes it was a very responsible, kind, adult decision. But this simple wasn't the time. Not so soon afterward...
"Yeah well better to rip off the fucking bandaid than pick at the scab right?"
"What? That's doesn't-"
"So I need the clinic's number to call Kakuzu. I told you what was going on, so hold up your end of the deal, Uchiha." He said, holding out his hand as if Itachi just kept the number on a piece of paper in his pocket.
He stared at it for a moment before taking a deep breath, in through his nose, out through his mouth, and fished out his phone. He loved Hidan to death, as if that hadn't been made perfectly clear by now, and he certianly agreed with this decision the man had come to to better himself and start taking responsibility and control of his life. But the Uchiha honestly couldn't see any sort of positive outcome for this situation.
He didn't want to mommy him, honestly he didn't. But if Hidan went down there by himself, and Miss Yuhi started in on him... no matter how the zealot tried, Itachi didn't think he would be able to hold his composure. He needed to give him a chance, obviously, but an ominous feeling had settled in his stomache about this whole entire scenario. This was not any of their business, despite good intentions. It was a touchey subject even in the friendliest of families, and the two down below were far from that.
In all honesty, Itachi though, Dr. Hoku should be the one to go talk to them. Hidan had no business getting involved. Just the fact itself offered that woman ammunition against his roommate.
He sighed again, making a note of the time before scrolling through his saved contacts. Kisame would be here in an hour... which gave him just enough time to either finish getting ready and leave Hidan's decision in his own pale hands, or at least go with him to serve as a referee and put a stop to things should they escalate too quickly.
And this was the real problem. It had only been a few hours since he'd come to the conclusion to put more faith in Hidan. Should he stick with it? Or make an exception?
Slowly, he read the numbers off to his best friend and roommate, who winked at him as thanks before slapping his own phone to his ear and disappearing from the doorway.
-o-
Don't feel bad. Just don't. Kisame reiterated to himself for the hundredth time. Really, a guy can only take so much of his significant other going on and on constantly about someone else. Even if there' s no romantic interest in it at all. Still the same concept, right?
It's fine, he agreed with you. He's not going to be mad at you. It's fine. Right, everything was perfectly fine. He stuck by his beliefs, Kakuzu and the kid were fine, and even if they weren't, he honestly didn't even really care that much. The doctor was his best friend and all, but, you know, his life is his own. Maybe they'd grown a little closer during this time, (And by God he put emphasis on the little portion of that statement. The man was still basically as distant as ever.) but it was still grumpy old Kakuzu, set in his ways to stick fast to any decision he made, whether it be impulsive or not.
But, surely they were okay. Itachi was fussing over this for nothing. It was probably just another of the kids dumb little attention-seeking stunts. No big deal. It would blow over, as would his loss of patience for Itachi's constant coddling. Really, Kisame had thought it endearing for the longest time, but as of late he was starting to see where Kakuzu was coming from.
So Yeah, It's fine. He'd spoken his peace, and it was fine. And he would pick up Itachi, they'd go to a movie, and have a perfectly normal night, with any luck, the subject of Hidan won't come up at all. And everything will be just freeking fine.
...So why couldn't he get this damned feeling to go away?
Just as he was starting to convince himself of it, just as he made the right turn that landed him on Itachi's street, a police car rolled past him. He didn't really think anything of it for the first few milliseconds, they weren't going fast, probably just patrolling.
But that thought bitch-slapped him into doing a double take when he glanced over and saw a familiar face glaring at him in the backseat. He even went so far as to slam on the breaks and twist around, looking out his rear window with wide eyes as a silver mop of hair slowly pulling further and further away from him in the back seat of the cruiser.
"No way..." He thought out loud, still staring even as the police car made a left and disappeared from sight. "No fucking' way..." He muttered again, turning in his seat to stare up ahead at the apartment, fighting the panic slowly rising in his chest.
"Itachi..." He whispered, finally snapping from the shock and gunning it the rest of the way to his destination and swerving into the driveway.
.
"I don't know what happened Kisa..." Itachi said, his voice low and steady, eyes fixed on the concrete stair casing below his feet. He was seated on the uppermost step, hugging his knees to his chest, resting his chin on them, looking so eerily and distrubingly calm that Kisame was a little nervous.
"He just wanted to go downstairs and see how Asuma was doing. He has cancer, by the way, that's what was wrong with him all night yesterday. I went with him, but I was thinking about what you said, to loosen the reigns a little bit. So I just stayed outside the door, ready to jump in if anything started..."
He paused, not moving even to blink. Kisame took the moment to hastily sit down next to him, unsure of what more to do to comfort the terrifyingly somber Uchiha.
"I stood out there for the longest time, it felt like. They closed the door so I couldn't really decipher what was said, but the voices were perfectly calm and controlled, or it seemed that way for me. There was no shouting or anything. And then the baby started crying, and suddenly they were screaming at each other, Hidan and Miss Yuhi. They were screaming and the baby was screaming and I came in and tried to get Hidan out... Kurenai was crying and shouting out all manner of insults at Hidan, holding the baby away from him like he'd tried to kill it or something, and Asuma was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands..."
He paused, and Kisame tried to keep his breathing even, reaching tentatively out to place a hand around Itachi's shoulder and draw him in close. His lover didn't resist, nor did he make any move to come closer.
"I was actually scared of him, Kisame. Hidan's always had a temper, he's always yelling and shouting and cursing and threatening people. And you get to the point where you just brush it off because that's just how he is. But this was... I don't know.. I was scared of him..." He said again, as if he couldn't even beleive it himself. "He was so mad, Kisa. He looked like he was going to kill her... I've... I mean I know he had a completley seperate life before he came here, I know he was a totally different, feral sort of person. I knew, but I didn't really know... Not until I saw him like that..." His body finally did relax into the larger man beside him, he released the death grip on his knees to twist around and bury his fact is his lovers chest.
Kisame was still at a loss for anything at all to say or do, except holding the man, practically shivering now.
"I didn't know what to do, That baby was screaming and Miss Yuhi was shreiking at him and Hidan was shouting right back. I couldn't even hear what they were fighting about, all I knew is the look in his eyes kept getting more and more wild, and he took a step toward her and that baby and raised his hand and... I just reacted..."
"You did what you had to do, Angel..." He said softly, feeling as if Itachi's horrer of the scenario were so strong that it was literally infecting him. The kid had problems, he had a shitty past, a shitty life, but he was a good Kid, Kisame thought. Dramatic and occasionally annoying, maybe a little loud and obnoxious, but a good kid none-the-less. Things like this... They just came out of nowhere...
"Today was his first day off his medications..." Itachi murmered, barely loud enough for Kisame to hear. "I... I feel like I'm going to wake up and it was just some nightmare... I was scared for them, Kisame. I was even scared for myself. I had to hit him, I was barely able to knock him down. He wouldn't come to his senses, it's like he was a wild animal..."
Kisame remained silent, just holding the man, not really sure which emotion he was feeling, aside from sympathy for Itachi. That one was obvious. Part of him was angry, part of him was just... laughing sarcastically. That's what happens when you put your faith in people. he tried to internally shake it away. Since when was he one to do that. He'd only ever had that brief struggle over his feelings for Itachi, trusting others had never been a problem for him.
Maybe this was different though, he wasn't the one who'd gotten burned. "You.. don't understand, Kisame. Everyone I've held dear previous to this left me because of careless mistakes that turned into tradgedies..."
It was Itachi. His Angel, The man who always put others before himself. Itachi, who'd gone so far out of his way to help Hidan get his life back in order that people were starting to think he was the insane one. Itachi, the bloody damned saint of the year. "It's petrifying. My family disowned me, my brother won't speak to me, I've lost countless friends. If I lost Hidan..."
"Kurenai called the police... We all had to write out reports. she told me to get out and never come back, or she'd have me arrested as well. Asuma wouldn't even speak to me..." Kisame winced. Of course the blame would fall on Itachi too, wouldn't it. He's the one who let Hidan into his home, He was the little brat's keeper.
"She wouldn't even let me apologize... I know it wouldn't do any good. But that baby, that baby was crying and all the sudden I kept thinking of Sasuke... and it was like she didn't even hear it. He wasn't rocking it or anything. I don't know, I just wanted to apologize, I just wanted to make sure they were okay, I just wanted to help..." His voice finally cracked, and Kisame squeezed him tighter, feeling a little bit himself as if he were in a dream.
"Let's go Inside, Angel..." He said softly to him, not waiting for any reply before he simply scooped the man up and did just that. He didn't even know what to think, or how to react to this situation. And after a few further moments of consoling a silent, tearlessly crying Itachi on his couch, his mind suddenly snapped like a rubber band to Kakuzu.
Oh shit...
What would Kakuzu do when he found out about this?
He blinked a couple times, trying for a moment just to hold off the wave of thoughts and concern that flowed into him. When that didn't work he tried to sort them into some sort of order in his head so he could at least contemplate each one. When that didn't work he finally just let it blurt out loud, hoping maybe Itachi could help him, even though he felt guilty immediatly after he did so.
"What's Kakuzu going to think..." He breathed.
Shit. Why , you idiot, WHY? That was the last thing Itachi needed to worry himself with. He already has all this on his plate and you go and bring up Kakuzu!? You dumbass!
Itachi immediatly straighted up, his eyes only slightly wide and expression terrifyingly blank. "Kisame that's perfect."
The oceanic man was thrown completley by this, so completley that he couldn't even force out the words to ask him what he meant, only able to make some sort of questionable noise.
"We have to tell Kakuzu. Maybe he can go knock some sense into that damned idiot. God knows he has the strength, at the very least."
"Whoa, wait, Babe, you really think it's a good idea to get him involved in this so soon? Shouldn't we let things cool off?"
"Kisame, Hidan was arrested. Do you have any idea what that means? Right now he's probably have another one of his fits. He's going to end up sabotoging his trial. They'll either finally have enough excuse to put him in jail or send him back to one of those Behavioral Health facilities. You know he won't come back from that, not mentally at least."
"Yeah but what's Kakuzu gonna be able to do about that?"
"Like I said. He can knock some sense into him. Get him to calm down. Make it so he doesn't screw himself over. I don't know Kisa. All I know is he probably hates my guts at the moment, or the complete opposite. Either way I'm the last person he wants to face."
"I doubt he'd want to see his boss either, Angel."
"Well Kakuzu is the only other person on this earth that had the influence over Hida to be of any help in the situation!"
Kisame sighed angrily and stood up, running a hand through his hair. "Itachi... I don't understand why you still want to help him." He said almost in a pleading manner.
"What are you talking about Kisa? He's my best friend..."
"Yeah, but it's only ever been a one-way street. You constantly bust your ass for him, and what's he ever done but ruin every option you've given him? I just don't get it Babe. I mean, I get that you want to protect him, that's just who you are. But you don't think maybe this is some sort of final wake-up call?"
"You have no idea what you're talking about..."
"Why don't I? I mean I've sat by and watched this go on for months. Are you forgetting that we were friends when he first showed up? I've been here the entire time, Itachi. I've seen everything with my own eyes. He keeps fighting you and resisting you and fucking everything up every damn step of the way."
"It's not his fault it's his damn disorders-"
"God will you stop feeding everyone that bullshit? He can't live off that excuse forever, you know. Eventually he's either going to have to learn to fucking cope, and control himself, or this kind of shit is just going to keep happening."
Itachi was staring up at him as if Kisame had just told him he wished he was dead. the big man's heart suddenly felt like it was being squeezed in his chest, staring into those coal-esque eyes, witnessing the pain he'd just caused. But... he was right, wasn't he? How could Itachi keep submitting himself to this kind of thing and then wonder why he kept getting hurt? It's not like he was saying these things out of anger, Okay well... maybe he was a little angry... But mostly it was just because he didn't think he could stand to see the man, that's right, the man that he loved keep going through this shit all for the sake of someone who didn't even care.
The kid was a good kid, yeah. Maybe he wasn't doing all this shit on purpose, sure. He could believe it, he could understand even. But when was it going to end? What was it going to take for the damn kid to realize that he wasn't a damn kid anymore?
"Do you know what he said to me just before all this happened, Kisame..." Itachi said quetly, his eyes finally falling down to rest on the carpet. The older man couldn't bring himself to say anything in response, and so his lover continued. "He finally realized it. He told me it suddenly clicked with him that he needed to get his shit together or he was going to lose everything... That's why he wanted to go talk to them. Asuma likley does not have much time left, he went down there to talk to Miss Yuhi and try to reconcile their differences to make it easier on Asuma, so he could enjoy the time he had left..."
He paused for a moment, bringing his eyes back up to meet Kisame's. He coudn't decipher what emotion it was in them, or if perhaps they were just completley blank.
"While we were walking down there, he told me he'd been thinking about getting his own place once he knew he could trust himself not to mess everything up. He had his mind set, Kisa. And you know what happens when he decides to do something. Hidan, my baby bird, was finally starting to hop to the edge of the nest, he was finally about to fly away and make his own life. And then this happened..."
Kisame couldn't hold the man's gaze, now that he felt like complete garbage for saying what he had said. Damn it all...
Itachi sighed. "He scared the shit out of me, yes. But you can't tell me, after he said all that and did what he did, that he had anything other than good intentions. I know Hidan San, I know who he is, and that was not him, that was those damn demons in his head. Even if you don't agree, even if you don't support me, I'm still going to do what I can to help. And right now, all I can do is hope that Dr. Hoku can do something. Otherwise... I may very well never see him again. Not the Hidan I know, at least. This is far too heavy of a blow for him to come back from, not without help."
Kisame grit his teeth, and suddenly reached up to completley destroy his carefully styled hairstyle with both hands, growling as he did so. "Dammit, I can't ever win even one arguement against you!" He whined afterward.
Itachi gave him the slightest of smiles, and he returned it. Well, at least he was good for something. Someone so beautiful should never be allowed to frown, after all. "Well... I guess... Let's call Kakuzu... and pray he's in a good mood. Maybe he'll at least only beat the kid half to death."
-o-
A/N-
What? Life? What's life?
I'm pretty sure I'm a zombie.
Oh Hi guys! Hah, turns out I AM still alive! Or at least the living dead. Either way, I finally whipped up another chapter for you. Only took me like, what? A month?
Yeah, sorry, writer's block is Life's bitchy younger sister. When the two get together, all hell breaks loose.
I also have an announcement I'm going to post on all my stories when I finally finish getting everything transferred. Aside from FYA and CWM I'll no longer be posting on this site. I'm transferring over to Ao3 (Archive of our own dot org). I'm going to finish up all the stuff that's still pending on this site, but that'll be the last new thing you'll hear from me on here. For anything new you'll have to go check me out over there. I still have the same name and everything so as not to cause confusion. It's pretty easy to find.
So anyway, DAMN WHAT A CHAPTER! Right? Am I right? Lol, so, show of hands, how many of you want to strangle me now? (I want to add that I know dealings with the police usually take like hours on end and stuff like that, what with statements and just general time-wasting. But I'm impatient, so I cut it short. Creative freedom, so sue me. Just kidding, please don't.)
Lol, well, shit happens, unfortunatly. Don't fret, this story has a happy ending. Okay well maybe not perfectly happy, cause life's a bitch, as stated earlier. But you know, suitable. By suitable I mean with any luck you guys won't hunt me down and destroy me. xD
Okay, enough with the author's note. Next chatper is the last, maybe. Idk if there's going to be an epilogue or not... We'll just have to see what happens. So yeah, review, forgive the typos, and fon't forget tht I still love you, even though I kept you waiting forever.
See you next chappie!