My mother arrived today, Shepard.
She was upset that I hadn't yet tried to find her, and I suppose she had the right to be. I was surprised by how guilty I didn't feel, though. The work being done here is enough to think about. If my thoughts strayed to my family for too long, I'd never be able to get anything done. I was productive when I thought only of you, and of what needed to be done. But now that mom is here - now that I've seen her, heard her voice, hugged her… there's a whole new nature of weight on my shoulders.
She never heard anything new about my father. But I think I came to terms with him being dead months ago. And at the moment, mom is too thrilled that I'm alive to want to talk about anything else.
For the first time in all this, I feel lucky. So many people lost everything and everyone, and I get to have my mother again. She told me that when she heard you did not survive the war, she feared I hadn't made it, either. She said, "I know how you were, about that man. Following him into hell even when he didn't have a way out. Stupid!" You never met my mother, but I wish you could have. You would have loved her. She would have hated you. It would have been great. She's this tiny, angry Ukrainian woman with an accent as thick as her heart is big. I'm looking at her right now - she's stirring a pot of soup she's making for a group of kids we've got here - and I can see in my mind's eye, what she'd look like smacking you upside the head for not greeting everyone when you walk into a room. She'd tell you in broken English how stubborn you are, and lecture you about how the world doesn't revolve around you. And I can see you smiling down at her. Man, you would get such a kick out of her.
I never told her about us. I didn't exactly know what to say. I still don't. There was never a good time to mention it. I think she knows, though. I think she's always known how I've felt about you. In a lot of ways I think you were the last to know, really. There hasn't been much of anything to look forward to lately, but now, one thing I'm eager for is finding the right moment to finally tell my mother how much I loved you.
Love,
-Kaidan.