Forever Has to Start Somewhere
Chapter 7: Summer I
Though Figgins hadn't disbanded the club following their regionals loss, Jesse stopped attending.
His last minute decision to attend NYADA instead of UCLA had left him scrambling. He had had to call his parents up, explain why he now needed their help with half his tuition, and negotiate with them on their terms for their payments. Then there had been forms for housing and signing terms for his scholarship. On top of that, he still had his school work, dance classes, and vocal lessons.
There simply wasn't enough time in the day for him to go to glee club, get his work done, and still see Rachel.
Glee club had been the natural sacrifice.
So, when Rachel requested his presence in the club room on his last day of school he was a little surprised.
"I haven't been in glee for a month," Jesse had said. "And I won't be here next year, so there's no point in putting me in any numbers you're practicing."
"That's not why I want you to come," Rachel answered. "There's something I want to show you. I know you have time to spare. Your vocal lessons don't start until five and you don't have any homework."
And since Jesse was absolutely wrapped around her finger, he found himself walking into the choir room at three thirty.
He was a little surprised to find the whole group, and Mr. Schue, waiting for him.
"What's going on?" Jesse asked, glancing around.
It was Puck who spoke, saying, "Look, St. James, you're an asshole and no one but Rachel really likes you, but if it hadn't been for Coach Sylvester you would have won regionals for us. We know it, you know it, I'm pretty sure Shelby Corcoran knows its. And we wanted to thank you for that."
"And," Mr. Schue picked up after sending a look at Puck, "you're one of us. Even if it was only for a short time."
"Every senior performer deserves to have a final performance," Rachel finished. She stepped forward, holding out a piece of sheet music. "It took some convincing, but Mr. Schue agreed to let us do it when I explained to him how important the role is to you."
He glanced down, scanning the paper for a title.
He gaped when he saw what it was. "You convinced him to let us do Totally Fucked?"
"Melchior is on your list." She set the paper on the top of the piano, knowing he wouldn't need it, and then made a sweeping gesture in front of her. "It's not a stage, the band has the auditorium signed out, but it's something."
He stepped forward without hesitation, "Let's do it."
The rest of the school year passed uneventfully.
Two weeks after singing Totally Fucked with the glee club, Jesse graduated dressed in McKinley high red instead of Carmel blue.
His parents didn't go, but his uncle was there with Rachel and her fathers sitting next to him.
That was really all he needed.
The first half of summer was a whirlwind of Rachel.
He was acutely aware that the days that he could spend with her were coming to a close.
He didn't have any intention of breaking up with her when he went to school, or ever if he was being honest, but New York was still six hours away.
When September rolled around, he wouldn't have their after school coffee dates, their less dominant hands intertwined loosely as they worked on homework. He wouldn't have Saturday mornings sitting on the floor of the music where they had met as they sung snippets from the music books surrounding them. He wouldn't be able to set his head on her lap when he was tired and drift off to the sound of her lullabies.
So he spent as much time with her as possible, soaking her in as much as he could before he had to go without her for weeks.
"Jesse," Rachel's words ghosted against the shell of his ear, "stop for a second."
Immediately, Jesse pulled his lips from her neck. He went to roll off of her, only to be stopped by her hands tightening around his arms.
"Rach?" he murmured. He had pulled back enough that he could look her in the eye. "I thought you wanted to stop?"
"I do, but not because I don't..."
She stopped. He watched as she sucked her bottom lip in, clasping it between her teeth.
"Don't do that," he chided. He shifted his weight onto one of his forearms, reaching his other hand to tug on her lip. When she released it, he cradled her jaw in his palm and let his thumb rest on her lower lip. "Don't hurt yourself. Just tell me what's going on."
She was quiet for a moment before saying, "I'm ready. I want to have sex with you."
His eyebrows flew up.
He let his eyes flicker across her face, looking for any hint of doubt. He didn't see any, but he hadn't seen any the last time she'd told him she was ready either. Swiping his thumb along her lip, he whispered, "Are you sure? Last time-"
"Last time was different."
He really didn't need her to tell him that. He wasn't sure why she had told him she was ready the first time, but he suspected it had something to do with Finn. And given how much their relationship recently, Jesse highly doubted Finn had any place in Rachel's decision this time.
"I want to," Jesse said. "I really want to, so don't think I'm saying this because I don't. But, Rachel, why?"
"Because you need it."
Anger welled up in Jesse's chest. He dropped his hand from her face. It hovered between them, him not wanting to box her back in by bracing it against the mattress but not knowing what else to do. "I'm not a saint, but I'm not Puckerman either. I don't need to have sex. I love you, Rachel, and I'm not going to cheat you on when I'm in New York just because we haven't had sex."
"Calm down," she murmured. Her hands slipped off his arms, coming up to cup his face instead. "I know you won't cheat on me. I wouldn't give my virginity to you just to make you stay with me."
"Then why are we having this conversation?" Jesse bit. "Why are you under the impression that I need it?"
"Because you do, but not for that reason." She took a deep breath before saying, "Jesse, you've been so weird this past month. It's like you think you're going to lose me the second you go to New York, like you think I'm going to slip between your fingers." When he went to speak, she shushed him. "You need something to prove to you that our connection isn't going anywhere and I'm ready to give that to you."
He couldn't deny that there was some truth to her words. Clingy wasn't a word that would ever be associated with Jesse St. James, but he had definitely been crowding Rachel more than usual since school had let out.
"I admit that might be true," he said after several silent moments. "But I am not taking your virginity just because I'm a little insecure about being away from you. When I told you that you deserved epic romance, I meant it."
Her fingers pressed into his skin, the touch still soft. "I've always said I would only give my virginity to the man I was going to marry."
He supposed that declaration should have freaked him out more then it did.
They were sixteen and eighteen. That kind of confession, especially when he knew Rachel would only marry someone she wanted forever with, should have sent him running for the hills.
Instead, it left him with a feeling like warm sunshine filling him.
"You're planning on marrying me?" he asked, voice softer then it had been before.
"Not until I've gotten a Tony. And you've gotten a Tony or a Grammy, I know you waver between what kind of music you want to pursue." Her smile was soft as she added, "We're an epic in progress, Jesse."
"We are," he agreed.
He swooped down to press their lips together. Her hands slid from his face to his hair as he deepened it.
When he pulled apart, he moved just far enough to talk. His lips brushed against hers, the contact feather light, as he murmured, "Do you still want to do this? Even with the argument in the middle of it?"
"Yes." She tightened her hands in his hair and wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer. "Yes."
Something inside Jesse loosened after their night together.
He supposed that was what Rachel had intended.
The second half of the summer passed just as quickly as the first.
He got invited to join her family's Wednesday movie night. Leroy shared the non-vegan treats that his partner and daughter didn't enjoy and started adding more Little Debbie products to the hauls when he learned Jesse preferred them to Hostess. Hiram pushed his turn to pick the movie back in order to insert Jesse into the rotation and tried to convince Jesse to wear more color everytime he saw him.
She joined him and his uncle for their Thursday night bonding sessions. His uncle had laughed so hard he'd almost fallen out of his seat the day Rachel beat the two of them at Texas Hold Em and learned that Rachel would only use a yellow ball when they went mini-golfing.
Some days were spent with the others from Glee. The two of them went to an Imagine Dragons concert with Matt and Mike, he went to her synagogue to her one Saturday and she and Puckerman had told him the dirty secrets of every member, and once he'd been recruited to carry bags for her when she went to the mall with Kurt.
He was glad she was becoming closer to them. Her having friends would make school easier on her.
The days that weren't spent with their families or growing circle of friends were spent with each other.
She traced lyrics into his skin with her fingers –come be how you want to and see how bright we shine on his cheek when he was playing the piano, the whole world has gone crazy, so baby why don't we just dance on his thigh when they sat side-by-side and waited for their dance classes to come off break, I wanna sing all through the night between his shoulder blades when he laid shirtless in her bed. He mouthed them against her skin – all I wanna do is hold you close and steal a little more time against her palm when he dropped her off after a date that went too late for him to come inside, I know that you don't know it but you're fine so fine against the back of her neck when she frowned at something in the mirror, I know I'm young but if I had to choose her or the sun I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun as he trailed kisses down her stomach.
In no time at all, it was the end of August and he had a one way ticket to New York city in his hands.
"You landed an hour ago," Rachel accused when she picked up the phone. "You were supposed to call as soon as you did."
Jesse shot a look at his uncle when he heard the man snicker. He said, "I did text you so you knew I wasn't dead."
"You were supposed to call."
"I know. I swear though, I only waited until we had dropped our stuff off at the hotel," Jesse answered. "We're leaving now to look for somewhere to eat."
He heard Rachel made a soft sound on the other end. Then said, "You're going to be great there."
"We're going to be great here," he corrected. "I just get a head-start."
He couldn't help the grin that spread over his lips when he heard her laughter. The last time he'd seen her she'd had tears on her cheeks as they said goodbye at the airport. It was nice to inflict a positive emotion on her after that.
"Only because I have entirely too much talent," Rachel answered. "If you didn't get a head-start, you wouldn't ever catch up."
"Maybe." He glanced over at his uncle, finding the man had turned his attention to looking at the buildings around them as they walked, before saying, "I love you."
"I love you too," Rachel said.
Even with six hundred miles between them, he didn't have any doubt in her words.
E/n: WHEW! Okay, I was actually super worried this chapter would be too short but it ended up being the longest chapter yet.
I struggled a bit with whether or not to have Rachel lose her virginity, but ultimately decided I wanted to do. Or them to do it, I suppose?
The songs used in this chapter were: Rachel - as long as you're mine (Wicked soundtrack), why don't we just dance (josh turner), la la (the cab). Jesse - sweet thing (keith urban), treasure (bruno mars), cupids chokehold (gym class heroes).
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