Or: With Friends like these, Who Needs an Executioner?

Luffy wondered about a lot of things. People wouldn't always give him an answer, though, so sometimes he had to make up his own. He didn't mind. His answers made him laugh, and explained stuff well enough, and that's all that really mattered. But sometimes Luffy came across a Mystery: something that he didn't understand after other people explained it, and even Luffy couldn't make it make sense in his own way. Mysteries were fun, though! Like Zoro.

Zoro was a Mystery.

Most of the time, Luffy knew why Zoro did the stuff he did, but every now and then the older man would do things that Luffy just couldn't get a good grip on; things that just didn't make sense for Zoro to do.

Like one day he asked why Zoro never walked around without a shirt on, even though pretty much everyone else in the apartment had at one point. The green-haired man had just shrugged and took a swig from some of his secret-alcohol-stash-in-the-back-of-the-cabinet-by-the-Drain-O, never giving a reply. So Luffy decided it was because Zoro's chest was covered with thick, green hair, like moss, and maybe he didn't want people to see. But Zoro wasn't the kind of person to care what other people thought, so even that didn't make sense. So maybe he didn't like the cold, 'cuz he was really tan, and that's why he always had a shirt on. But short-sleeved shirts don't really keep out the cold, anyway, and if he did have a patch of moss growing on his chest, shouldn't that keep him warm?

Luffy just didn't know.

A Mystery.

But as Luffy walked down the street, cold wind whipping sharply at his face, he wondered something else, like: who were these "friends" they were going to meet? In the months Zoro had been living at the apartment, he'd never once gotten a phone call. Luffy didn't even know Zoro had a cell phone until it rang for the first time earlier that morning. Sanji had jumped in shock, flinging the spoon he'd been using to mix coffee across the room, where it smacked Luffy in the forehead, who fell off the chair and nearly tripped Zoro as the larger man bounded off the couch, scrambling for his phone excitedly as he grabbed for the window latch and ducked out on to fire escape to take the call. Luffy and Sanji just stood frozen, watching Zoro pace back and forth like a tiger in a cage, talking fast into the phone.

And then just as suddenly, Zoro ran back in the apartment, searching for his denim jacket and boots while hurriedly demanding if anyone knew where a place called "Ray's Pizza" was.

"Why do you need to know?" Sanji asked.

"Don't give me that shit right now, cook, I don't have time for it!" Zoro roared from the room he shared with Chopper, the sound of things knocking over following him as he blundered around. "Just tell me where it is and if it's in walking distance. I've got to be there in twenty minutes!"

"It's just up the street on the corner of St. Marks Place and…Cooper..." But Sanji trailed off just as Zoro come tearing out of his room again, one arm through the denim jacket that now dragged along the floor, his phone clutched in his mouth as he stumbled and hopped around, trying to muscle into his black Army boots.

Zoro's eyes shot up, staring frantically at the blonde. "Whah!?"

"Never mind," Sanji muttered, walking over to the kitchen and grabbing his keys off the table. "Come on, marimo, I'll take you there. God knows you'd get lost walking a straight fucking line. Luffy!" he called, and the boy looked up, eyes wide and hopeful. "You come too. I don't want you eating everything in the cupboards. Last time you didn't even leave me any Dawn to wash the dishes with."

"Hee hee!" Luffy laughed, tilting his hat back to show Sanji just how funny it was, 'cuz he didn't really feel like getting kicked. "Yay pizza! And I wanna meet Zoro's friends!"

Sanji just sort of huffed and lit a cigarette, but didn't say anything else, other than to scream at Zoro when the green-haired man called him a nosy-son-of-a-bitch for getting involved. But Luffy didn't mind. As long as his nakama were together, he didn't care what they did. And as long as it included food.

But something finally dawned on the dark-haired boy as the three of them trudged through the chilly gales, nearing the cool-looking pizzeria on the corner: they were one nakama short!

"Oi Sanji, where's Chopper?" the young boy piped up. "Why isn't he here?"

"He had an early test today, dumbass. I left him a text message though; told him to meet us here when he got out."

"Oh okay!" Luffy grinned, satisfied with this answer. "Hey Zoro! Who are we gonna meet? I didn't think you had any friends."

"They're just buddies of mine," the taller man said simply, eyes nailed on the restaurant ahead of them. To anyone who didn't know him, Zoro would have seemed bored, almost uninterested at the prospect of seeing old friends. But Luffy did know Zoro, and he could tell by the way he walked just a bit faster than his usual, loping pace, and how his gaze watched their destination intensely. He was totally focused, and Luffy figured that meant he was really excited.

The bell over the door jingled as the three of them walked into Ray's Pizza, out of the frigid wind. There were only three or four people in the restaurant, and since Zoro didn't approach any of them, Luffy figured none of them were his friends. The dark-haired boy bounded inside, happily throwing himself into a booth seat, because he liked booth seats; they made him feel like he was spying on the other customers from some secret hideout.

Zoro and Sanji followed, Sanji removing his jacket and hanging it neatly on the coat rack near their table, while Zoro just stood there, looking around.

"What? They not here?" the blonde asked.

Zoro merely shook his head, but he didn't seem very concerned, even though they'd gotten to the restaurant a little later than planned.

"Did they ditch you? Some fucking friends. You really know how to pick 'em, eh?"

That did earn a growl from the larger man. "Shut the fuck up, dart-brow. They'll show up when they show up."

Sanji 'tched' slightly. "Y'know, you're real pathetic-sounding when you say that. You just don't want to admit they fucking bailed on you."

Zoro turned to Sanji, anger clearly written on his face, and Luffy didn't know why they were arguing. Or why Sanji seemed to want to argue so much. He was about to ask if something was wrong – maybe the cook was just really hungry – but Zoro was already talking again, his voice low and threatening.

"Look, I dunno what the fuck got shoved up your ass this morning, but it's really starting to piss me off, shit-cook. So why don't you keep your damn mouth shut for once!"

"Why don't you try and make me, shitty-swordsman!"

"You little fu--"

"BROOOOOOOOTHEEEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!"

And all of a sudden, two figures came flying out of Luffy's blind spot, hurtling into Zoro's back and sending all three of them crashing to the floor with a loud thud and a tangle of splayed limbs.

Sanji blinked, at a loss for the moment.

Luffy just laughed, and asked, "So these are your friends, ne Zoro?"

But Zoro's world had narrowed to the two people lying on top of him, wriggling around and trying to hug any bit of him they could get their hands on. He managed to roll over on his back and wrap an arm around each neck, half-choking and half-embracing, laughing like Luffy had never seen him laugh before.

Sanji huffed again and took a seat across from Luffy at the booth table.

"Brother! How the hell are you!" the dark-haired man asked, as he and the other stranger hopped to their feet before hoisting Zoro off the floor.

"It's been a damn long time, Brother! Never figured we'd see you in New York again!" the blonde one piped up.

"I know, it's been a few years, hasn't it?" Zoro asked, still grinning from ear-to-ear. Luffy decided he liked it better when Zoro smiled. "But I still haven't forgotten a damn thing. Hey, Johnny?"

"Yep, Bro?" the dark-haired man asked.

Zoro suddenly slammed his fist into the side of the guy's head, sending him careening into the blonde.

"That's for sending me on a wild goose chase, you son of a bitch!"

But he was still smiling, and the blonde was laughing his ass off, while the other merely whimpered.

"Wild goose chase? But I don't understand!"

"Like fuck you don't. 'Oh yeah, Hawk's definitely in Philadelphia! A friend of a friend of a friend's cousin saw him in the Underground! No joke!'" Zoro growled slightly. "It was that sot, Ol' Red-Eye, dumbass, not Hawk-Eye. I was stuck in Philly for a year and a half because of that shitty info."

"Was it really that bad in Philly?" the man named Johnny asked, rubbing his jaw.

Zoro leveled a look at him. "It was bad enough."

"All right, all right! I'm sorry! Please forgive me, O Mighty One!"

They all laughed again, knocking shoulders and shoving at each other lightly.

"Well," the blonde said, sauntering up to Zoro and draping himself over the taller man, kinda like how Luffy saw Ace lay all over the guys he messed with when he dressed like a girl, "it's good to see our Zo-boy hasn't changed in all this time. He's still got that nasty attitude."

And then he dove in to steal a quick kiss off Zoro's lips, while Johnny squawked in surprise, and there was a muffled noise, as if Sanji's knee had banged the table, but Luffy seemed to be the only one that heard it.

Zoro shoved the man off him the next second, looking pretty unfazed. "Piss off, Yosaku. Before Johnny gets all jealous."

"What? I don't get jealous!"

"Then why are you holding that chair?"

Johnny blinked and looked at the seat he had pulled right out from under another customer, and now had raised over his head. "Huh. How'd that get there?"

Zoro and Yosaku rolled their eyes.

"Men," the blonde sighed.

"Your boyfriend, your problem."

"Hey, I'm right here, you assholes!"

The three men stood there, talking and laughing for a while longer, and even though Luffy was really really hungry, he didn't mind being patient just once. He liked watching Zoro with his old buddies. He seemed different, almost like…he was happy. Not that Luffy thought Zoro was miserable living with them, but he never laughed this much at home. It sort of made him sad, in a way; maybe he and Sanji and Chopper weren't as good of nakama as he'd thought, if Zoro never laughed with them. He wanted to ask Sanji what he thought, but the cook was practically glaring at the salt shaker, and giving off that "don't talk to me or I'll smash your face in" vibe that he usually had whenever he was cooking, or really deep in thought.

That was another thing Luffy was wondering about: why was Sanji so irritated? He bit Zoro's head off for no reason when they first got to the restaurant, and now he was giving these new guys the cold shoulder. Was he upset that he'd had to come to the pizzeria? Had he been busy? Tired? Did he need a cigarette, and couldn't smoke in here?

Or was he just jealous that Zoro had friends other than them?

He shouldn't be. He should be happy that Zoro had friends, because Zoro seemed like the kind of guy who hasn't had a whole lot of people in his life. Like he lived alone a lot. And that was…lonely. And stuff. And boring too, but mostly sort of sad. Luffy was just glad Zoro had people in his life that he could smile with.

Zoro didn't smile enough, Luffy figured. And he wanted him to smile more.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Eventually the three friends sat down, and eventually Luffy couldn't take it anymore and made his hunger known by sneaking under the table and biting Zoro's ankle, which prompted him to finally introduce everyone properly.

"Uh, sorry, got sidetracked. Guys, these are two of my roommates, Luffy and Sanji."

"Pleasure," Johnny said.

"Glad to meet ya," Yosaku threw in.

"Hi!" Luffy cried, shaking both of their hands at once. Sanji merely nodded from where he'd jammed himself against the far end of the booth, keeping as much distance between him and Zoro as possible.

The green-haired man turned then to his roommates. "And these are two old buddies of mine, Johnny and Yosaku."

"You could also call us 'former roommates,'" said Yosaku. "Zoro lived with us until about four years ago."

"We are also known as 'previous classmates,' 'sparring partners,' and 'devoted followers,'" Johnny said.

"Although he wasn't really aware of our insignificant existences until about senior year, eh Johnny? After the kendo tournament?"

"No, no, I thought he knew us before then, from kendo class. The whole 'sparring partners' thing, remember?"

"We weren't 'sparring partners,' Johnny. We were 'practice dummies.'"

"Ah yes. Then it was after the kendo tournament. Yosaku here and I were so enthralled by his stellar performance --"

" – Top notch, at no mistake --"

" – that we couldn't help but fling ourselves at his feet in adoration --"

" – Y'know, the whole 'we're not worthy' thing --"

" – showering him with praise, worshipping his skill, proclaiming his greatness --"

" – I think I offered him my first born child, at one point --"

" – and we were so enamored, we convinced him to let us be his followers!"

"Right…wait, didn't he say no?"

"Yes he did. Beat the fuck out of us too. But we wore him down eventually!"

Luffy had to grab his hat to keep it from falling off, he was laughing so hard. "You guys are funny!"

Sanji had finally turned away from studying the wood grain on the wall, although he looked to have been stunned speechless by the couple's crazy story. Zoro merely groaned low from behind the shield of his large hands, where his face had been buried since the two had started talking.

"Ah yes, brings back memories, don't it Johnny?"

"It sure does, Yosaku! How 'bout you, Zo-boy?"

"To hell with you both."

"SO CRUEL!"

That earned another round of laughter, and even though Luffy thought these guys were pretty hilarious, he was still hungry! He hadn't eaten in….like, fifty million hours, or something, and his stomach was growling loud enough that people at other tables could hear it.

"Zoooooroooooo!" Luffy whined suddenly, making Yosaku next to him jump slightly. "I wanna eat! Go get pizza!"

"Talk to the one who's got the money."

"Saaaaaaaanjiiiiiii!!!!"

The blonde sighed, as though he'd been waiting for this. "I'm surprised you lasted this long, honestly." He reached in his shirt pocket and pulled out a cigarette that he gnawed on cold. "Fine, what do you want?"

"Everything!"

"Wrong."

"Five larges!"

"Wrong."

"Five mediums?"

"Still wrong."

"Five smalls?"

"Bingo."

"Aw, but Saaaaanji – GACK!"

The cook managed to work a leg over the table and into Luffy's mouth before any more sound could come out.

"You'll get five smalls and you'll be happy. Or no dinner." While Luffy nursed his bruised jaw, Sanji turned to Zoro's friends and asked, "You guys hungry?"

They both smiled, but Johnny shook his head. "No, but thanks! We're flat broke."

The cook's eyes narrowed just then, that scary glare he used whenever food or hunger were involved; a look that promised no end of pain and emotional scarring. "I didn't ask if you had money, I asked if you were hungry."

The two swallowed nervously in unison. "Yessir!"

"Good. I'll grab another for you guys." And then he looked at Zoro, possibly for the first time since Johnny and Yosaku had shown up. "Well?"

"Sure."

"Fine."

With that, Zoro slid out of the booth to let Sanji out, and the cook went up to the front counter to place the order.

Johnny watched as Sanji moved to the other side of the restaurant, and the moment he figured the man was far enough away not to hear anything, he asked, "So what's up with Blondie?"

Zoro's eyebrow quirked as he sat back down. "What do you mean?"

"He's been pouting in that corner since we got here."

"Dunno," the larger man shrugged. "He's been weird all day. Was he this bitchy earlier, Luffy?"

"Nope. It's 'cuz these two showed up," he said confidently, and Zoro made a confused, choking sound.

"Ha! I knew it!" Yosaku crowed.

"Knew what?"

"He's jealous! It's so obvious!"

The green-haired man looked sort of horrified. "Jealous of what!?"

"That you're paying attention to other people."

"I always pay attention to other people. In fact, I actively ignore the cook on a daily basis. Why should he get pissy now?"

"Well, because he --"

But Johnny elbowed Yosaku before he could finish, because the next second Sanji came strolling back to their table. "Oi. Get the fuck up, marimo."

Zoro "tched" and stood up, sitting down again after Sanji slid into his seat.

"What was that name you called him?" Johnny asked the cook. "'Marimo?' What is that?"

The blonde looked up at that, blinking back his surprise, probably because no one else had ever bothered to ask until then. They all just sort of went with it.

"Uh…a marimo is a type of moss. They're like little round moss balls. They're all over Japan, I guess. People use them to cook certain dishes, or keep them as pets."

"Is that what you've been calling me all this time?" Zoro cried. "A fucking moss-ball?"

"Would you prefer I call you 'moss-ball,' you ungrateful dick?"

"Well at least it's better than being a goddamned question mark!"

"The fuck did you say, asshole!"

"Hey," Yosaku whispered, nudging Luffy as his two roommates screamed in each other's faces, "are they always like that?"

Luffy just grinned, cackling his triumphant cackle. "Yep! Isn't it funny?"

The other blonde giggled a bit, looking incredibly amused. "Yeah. It is."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Anything Sanji could have cooked would have been better, but the pizza was pretty good: Luffy polished off the five smalls in about five minutes; one minute per pizza. He also helped the others with theirs, if he thought they were eating too slow and weren't going to finish. Johnny and Yosaku had been really hungry, so not much was left of their small. Most of the leftovers came from Zoro, who had a pizza all to himself, although he did elbow the dish towards Sanji at one point, who grudgingly took a piece, despite earlier claims that he wasn't actually in the mood for pizza. Luffy didn't know there was a mood you had to be in to eat pizza. If that was the case, then Luffy was always in the mood to eat pizza! And spaghetti. And steak. And pork. And chicken. And anything that involved all of them thrown together.

"Ah!" Johnny sighed when the last of his pizza disappeared. "That was some damn good pie!"

"Yeah, this place is pretty good," Yosaku agreed, sitting back and patting his stomach. "Glad Zo-boy was in the neighborhood."

"Glad he brought someone along who had any cash."

The two and Luffy started laughing, although Luffy wasn't sure what he was laughing at, exactly. Sanji grinned around another bite of pizza, and Zoro just scowled.

"Okay, all right, teasing aside," Johnny said, patting the green-haired man's arm in a placating manner, "We've had fun long enough. Shall we finally get down to business, Mr. Roronoa?"

A sharp, dangerous looking smirk slid across Zoro's face just then; bloodthirsty and totally different from the easy-going smile he'd had earlier. A sudden tenseness and electricity was in the air now, as the swordsman rested his chin on tan fingers laced together, and murmured, "Thought you'd never ask, Johnny."

Luffy had no clue what was going on, but the charged atmosphere and ominous conversation promised something pretty cool in the works.

"The reason we asked you here, dear Brother --"

" – Well, the other reason we asked you here. Not that we don't just love spending time with you --"

" – is to bring news to you regarding a certain important matter."

There was a dramatic pause as Johnny leaned in over the table, his grin just as wide and dangerous, and Zoro was practically vibrating with anticipation.

"Hawk's in New York."

Luffy blinked, unsure of whether or not he was supposed to know who that was, but a stolen glance at Sanji's blank, staring face meant the cook didn't know either. Though the fact that Sanji was staring at Zoro was kinda funny, since Zoro didn't really seem to notice.

The swordsman swallowed. "You sure? Absolutely sure?"

"I went to the Underground and verified it myself."

At that, Zoro's eyes slowly slid shut, pressing his knuckles into his forehead and looking sort of like he was praying. He was quiet a moment, and no one said a word, not even Luffy; the tension surrounding their table silenced any comments he might have made.

Then Zoro looked back up, the demonic leer pulled back a bit, only a faint grin now, but there was a light in his eyes that was powerful and determined and just a little scary.

"Thanks, Johnny. Always knew you'd come through."

"Sure thing, Brother. Give us a call when you've got something set up. We wanna watch."

Zoro merely nodded, smiling knowingly at the two.

"Well, we'd better head out, right Johnny?"

"Right you are, Yosaku. I think Zo-boy's got quite a bit to think about right now."

"It was nice meeting you two," the blonde said, grinning at Luffy and Sanji, making the cook jump and quickly jerk his gaze away from the man next to him.

Johnny nodded. "Yeah, good to meet you. And thanks for taking care of our Brother. We know he's probably a pain, but he's worth the trouble, really."

"You guys are weird!" Luffy giggled. "Zoro can't be a pain! He's got green hair!"

The older man just smiled.

"Tch. Fuck that green hair," Sanji muttered, before throwing on a pleasant face for the departing couple. "Very good to have met you two. Our apartment's just down the street; don't be strangers."

"Oh we intend to bug the shit out of Brother any chance we get!" Johnny cried.

"Now that we finally know where the elusive prick is!" Yosaku laughed.

The two and Zoro stood from the table then, the larger man wrapping them both in hugs. "Good to see you guys," he murmured sincerely, his smile softening just a tad.

Johnny and Yosaku hugged him back, yelling, "BROTHER!" over and over again, and looking like they might cry. They pulled away after a long moment, but not before Yosaku tried to sneak a goodbye kiss, at which point Zoro punched him in the face and told him to get the fuck away from him. So with laughs and shouted insults, the old friends parted ways, the bell over the door jingling as the two lovers disappeared into the chilly autumn afternoon.

Zoro sat back down with a sigh, staring hard at the table in front of him, and looking a little lost in thought. And Luffy rarely worried about anything, but now he was thinking that maybe the green-haired man was upset his friends left. Maybe he wished they had stuck around, or maybe he was wishing he could go with them. Maybe he regretted moving into their apartment. Maybe he'd rather go live with his old friends again. Luffy didn't want Zoro to leave, and he didn't want Zoro to want to leave, but if it would make him happy…

"Zoro?" he asked, a thousand times more serious than he'd ever sounded before, and both Zoro and Sanji seemed to notice, as they both looked at him with stunned eyes. But he didn't want to ask that. Not yet, anyway. So, he backed down, asking something else he'd been wondering about. Something less scary. "Why are you gonna go see a hawk?"

The tanned man blinked at that, and Sanji shifted in his seat, just as curious as Luffy.

"I'm not gonna go see a hawk, Luffy," he said. "'Hawk' is a person's name; a swordsman, actually. He's the man currently regarded as the greatest swordsman alive. He's been undefeated for the last thirty years in both the international competitions and the Underground: a sort-of-illegal fighting syndicate that encompasses pretty much the whole world. And now that I've finally got him pinned down, I'm gonna challenge him to a duel. And I'm gonna take his title."

Sanji looked like he wanted to laugh in the man's face, or call him a crazy moron, or something; he had that snarky, unimpressed expression that he used when looking down on people. But Luffy knew that glint he saw in Zoro's eyes as he spoke. He knew he looked exactly like that when he talked about going out to sea. And he knew exactly how much the swordsman wanted this duel, how much it meant to him that he has this fight, and how important it was that he win. He understood, could see in the man's eyes the drive and will to succeed, and Zoro was just that little bit less of a Mystery all of a sudden.

"It's your dream," he murmured. A statement, not a question.

The warrior nodded. "Yes it is." His hard-edged tone made it absolute. And Sanji's face sobered in a flash; he wouldn't dare taunt him now. Determination like that couldn't be laughed at. And besides, Luffy knew Sanji wasn't all that different, either. A dreamer can't make fun of another dreamer.

"Johnny and Yosaku said they wanted to watch. Can we?"

A steely grin and a dry chuckle. "Yeah. You guys can watch."

Luffy grinned back and nodded, satisfied with that.

"But Luffy?"

"Yeah?"

"What were you really gonna ask?"

The boy wasn't actually surprised that Zoro noticed. He knew the man well enough, he figured Zoro could tell if Luffy was skirting around something. He did it so rarely, though, that he'd hoped no one would have noticed. His worries crept back up, had never actually left him, and he did want to ask, because he did want Zoro to be happy, but he didn't want to know the answer. Not really. Not if it what he feared was right.

But Zoro was watching him expectantly, and Luffy never lied, so he took a breath, and asked the unthinkable:

"Do you want to live with those guys instead?"

Sanji swallowed slightly, eyes darting down to consider his knuckles and trying to act like he didn't care, but Luffy realized just then why the cook had been acting so strange; he had probably been wondering the same things as the dark-haired boy. And while it had only dawned on Luffy a few minutes ago to worry about it, Sanji had been worrying about it the whole time.

But Zoro was speechless. And Luffy figured he didn't really have to ask, because the answer was obvious just looking at Zoro's face and the way his jaw had dropped to his chest in shock. And he looked like he wanted to laugh now, it was all so stupid, but it made Luffy happy anyway that the swordsman said something.

"No," he said. "I don't want to live with them. They're my mates, but that was then. This is now. And I don't want to live with them now."

Luffy grinned, lips pulled from ear-to-ear, and he didn't think he'd be so glad to hear Zoro say that.

"Good! 'Cuz I like you living with us!"

Zoro chuckled, shaking his head a bit. "Idiot."

"You're the idiot," Sanji muttered, rolling his unlit cigarette from one corner of his mouth to the other and refusing to make eye contact with anyone. Zoro, though, did look over at him, and for once there was no heated glare or hard, discerning gaze, but just a calm look, and Luffy hadn't seen that before -- it was an afternoon of firsts, apparently -- and Zoro seemed just about to ask something when the door to the restaurant flew open again, bell ringing wildly as a familiar voice cried,

"I'm late! I'm sorry! Crap! I didn't miss them did I?"

Just then, Chopper came skidding to a halt right near their table, breathing heavily and hunting around for new faces.

"You just missed them, Chopper!" Luffy said. "They left, like, twelve seconds ago!"

"WHAT! TWELVE SECONDS!" the boy screamed. "How could I have missed them by twelve seconds!? AAAAARGH! I knew I shouldn't have stopped to tie my shoe!"

"Jesus, calm down before you burst a blood vessel, Chopper," Sanji said. "It's all right if you missed them, they'll be around. First things first: you're probably hungry, right? Sit down and rest while I get you something to eat. Then tell us how your test went. Oi," and with that he glared at Zoro, "fucking move."

He sighed, but got up without comment and let Sanji out to get Chopper some pizza.

The younger boy plopped down next to Luffy in defeat, shoulders sagging a bit. "So I really missed them, huh?"

"Yeah, but don't worry," Zoro shrugged. "Like the shit-cook said: they'll be hanging around. You'll have plenty of chances to see them."

"Were they nice, Luffy?"

"Hee hee! Yep! And really funny too! They told all these crazy stories about when they went to school with Zoro, and when they lived together, and that blonde guy kissed him, and his boyfriend tried to hit Zoro with a chair, and Sanji was all pissed in the corner, 'cuz he's jealous or something, and something about a hawk in New York, and I don't know what any of it was, but it was SOOOOOOOO COOOOOOL, Chopper!"

"Wait, Sanji's jealous of a hawk that kissed Zoro in New York with a guy with a chair in high school?"

"Yeah! Just like that!"

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?"

"I dunno! Ha ha!"

Zoro groaned loudly and rubbed his face, and Sanji came back just then, kicking him hard in the shin to get to his seat and calling him a lazy-fucking-marimo, which caused Zoro to finally snap, and shoot up from the table, yelling about what a shitty bastard Sanji was being, and soon enough they were screaming, and the other customers were watching in horror, and Chopper begged them to calm down before they accidentally stabbed each other to death, and the sobs of the place's owner could be heard from the kitchen, and Luffy just grabbed his hat and laughed, happy that his nakama would never change, and relieved that they'd always be with him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It had been one weird fucking day, and though Zoro had enjoyed himself for the most part, he was pretty glad to be walking back to the apartment and the couch in the living room that was calling to him. Chopper'd had a long day, too, as it turned out, and no sooner had he plugged his stomach full of pizza, the boy was out like a light and snoring on Luffy's shoulder. Currently, he was draped over Zoro's back, muttering about "arterial" this, and "epidermal" that, and "no, don't make the incision there, it's to the left, along the blah blah blah," and Zoro just chuckled quietly, hoisting the kid higher as he walked down the block, flanked by Luffy and the cook.

"Looks like he wore himself out," the blonde muttered, finally lighting up and visibly relaxing for it. "I guess the test was a bit sketchy; hope the professor gives him good marks."

"Bastard damn well better; poor kid was up half the fucking night studying," Zoro growled.

Sanji hummed in the back of his throat, but said nothing. Luffy was being kind of quiet too, and Zoro honestly didn't think either of them would be so damn effected just by meeting his old buddies. What the hell was the big deal, anyway? It was just lunch, for shit's sake! What the fuck did they think was gonna happen? He'd up and declare he was moving out; grab up all his shit and go live with Johnny and Yosaku at the drop of a dime? If he'd wanted to stay with the Fuck-Wit Twins, he would have looked them up the minute he hit town. But he didn't for a reason; nothing in particular, just that things were different now, and Zoro didn't feel like reliving his old life, which admittedly hadn't been all that amazing. For that reason alone he hunted out another place to stay. And Johnny and Yosaku got it, they understood it wasn't 'cuz he didn't want to live with them, per se. He just wanted something different.

And he may, may have expected it from Sanji, given what a moody shit he could be, but for Luffy to have gotten all worked up over it…then, damn, Zoro must be fucking up somewhere. He didn't hate living with these guys. And he didn't mean to act like he did. It was just…not the same. Not better or worse than living with Johnny and Yosaku, just different all round. With his old buddies, they'd all been the same age; no one had to look out for anyone else, no one had to act responsibly…

No one to set an example for, Zoro thought, as Chopper muttered in his sleep again and burrowed his nose in the larger man's collar. It was just different, now. Two of his roommates were younger than him, and Sanji…

Sanji was most definitely not Johnny and Yosaku. Their type of humor was way beneath such a waspish and refined son-of-a-bitch. Although, to be honest, it wasn't really Zoro's kind of humor, either, but he still found their antics amusing, and it was part of the reason he liked them so much. Part of what endeared them to him. But Sanji...he was just hard to peg down. One minute he was a condescending prick to Zoro, so much so that the swordsman started to figure that's just how the fucker always acted, and then the inconsistent bastard will bend over backwards to make one of the girl's happy, or he'll bake cookies just for Chopper if the kid is over-stressed about homework, or he'll humor Luffy with a round of Tekken if no one else will play with him.

And then Zoro has to rethink Sanji all over again.

And Zoro doesn't really want to think about him to begin with, 'cuz the dumbass doesn't really make any sense. And pondering on things that make no sense only leads to headaches, which is what Zoro inevitably finds himself with whenever this subject comes up, so he wonders why he's even bothering to think about it now, when he's so well aware of all this.

That's about the time when Zoro gets mad, partly at himself, but mostly with Sanji, for being a shitty confusing bastard, and for never following any sort of discernable logic. For never doing anything that made any damn sense.

"Oi," the bane of Zoro's existence said just then, voice low so as not to wake up the sleeping heap on the larger man's back, "They're good guys, aren't they."

Not exactly a question.

"Mm."

Not exactly an answer.

"They've gotta be, though, don't they? Seeing how much you trust them."

Zoro snorted. "Not much choice there. They practically forced me to. Wouldn't have it any other way."

Sanji made another thoughtful noise, low in his throat, and kept on watching his feet as he walked, never looking up. Zoro wasn't sure why this was happening, was pretty sure it didn't have to happen, but another part of his brain – the part that was slowly and shakily starting to learn how to deal with cook – told him he should just let things run their course. Somehow, for some reason, the cook wasn't quite okay with everything that had gone on that afternoon, and Zoro needed to just let him do whatever he had to to get the fuck over it, so things could go back to normal. It was a fucking pain, but he did feel kinda bad, in a way, that Luffy and Curly-cue had been so certain he despised them that they actually thought he'd ditch them that very second, given the chance.

So he bit his tongue, smothered his own logic, and just let Sanji do whatever. Fucker could be such a woman, sometimes.

"Never knew you had a cell phone."

Random. No segue. Where the fuck had that come from? Forget it.

"Yep. Only one who's got the number is Johnny."

Maybe not the best thing to say, what with all the weirdness regarding this very topic. Zoro's consternation was rewarded when Sanji shot him a quick, almost offended sort of look, that the swordsman had never been on the receiving end of before, at least not from the blonde, and he was stunned for a moment, clueless as to how he should respond.

Didn't matter. Sanji didn't give him a chance to.

"Phone," he demanded, thin hand out-stretched and expectant. Zoro blinked, but reminded himself that thinking was useless when up against Sanji and his bitchy mood swings, and he'd already vowed to let the cook do whatever, anyway. He shifted Chopper carefully to slide a hand into the worn pocket of his jeans and pull out his junky, out-of-date cell phone, which was promptly placed onto Sanji's waiting palm.

The cook flipped the phone open automatically, pressing buttons while frowning slightly, pressing some buttons, and snapping it shut once more. He passed it back to Zoro with an offhand, "My number's ICE in your contact list. For emergencies, and all that."

"Um…" Zoro lulled, confused, unsure how any of that served to make the cook feel better, but convinced somehow that this was what the bastard wanted, for whatever convoluted reason. "Thanks?"

"Your number'll be ICE on mine, too. In case something happens to the kids."

That statement and it's bizarrely domestic ring seemed vaguely familiar, but Zoro was too busy just trying to figure out if the universe still existed. Perhaps his hair wasn't even green anymore.

'Cuz this sure as shit couldn't be Sanji next to him.

Why was this happening? Why did this have to happen? Why did Sanji need his number on Zoro's phone to feel better? What did that have to do with Johnny, and Yosaku, and anything else that had happened that afternoon? Why couldn't this asshole ever make any goddamn –

Ah. Wait. Now that made sense.

Sanji wanted Zoro's number to prove he was just as much a part of all this as Johnny and Yosaku. The swordsman was surprised it took him that long to piece it together, and that did make sense. In theory. But Sanji didn't even like Zoro 99.8% of the time, so he didn't get why the blonde idiot felt he had to assert himself as part of Zoro's life.

Yet again, asshole made no sense.

"Hee hee!" Luffy laughed just then, startling Zoro, because honestly he'd forgotten about the guy. "Sanji's a good nakama, ne Zoro?"

Nakama. That's what all this was. All this weirdness and absurdity and drama. Over some fucking word that everyone in this crazy circle of friends seemed to eventually buy into. He kind of hated that word, and all its implications, if only for the headaches it caused.

Luffy kept laughing all the way back home.

Zoro kind of felt like punching him.

He had a headache, goddammit.

After this, shit starts getting looooooong. And fucked up. Enjoy. Thanks for reading!