It didn't really hit me until we were almost to the camp. After everything that had happened with Lindsey (it still hurt to think about her...and I couldn't stop thinking about her), I'd gone numb to everything else. It wasn't until the GPS told us that we were nearing our destination that I really started to panic. What had I agreed to? Was there really no other option for me to take? Was this really happening to me? My heart felt like it would break out of my chest at any moment.

We pulled into the parking lot, and for a moment, my fears subsided. Log cabins...a lake...trees everywhere...tents set up with arts and crafts...camp counselors scattered around...it felt so much like being a kid again. I remembered the first time I went to camp...I'd held my parents and begged them not to make me go. I'd loved them so much, and I couldn't imagine spending an entire two weeks away from them, but they'd told me that I'd have fun, and they were right.

Many summer camps followed. Every year it got easier and easier for me to part with my parents, but a lot of the other kids never stopped crying. Some of them held it in better, just letting a tear or two drop, but a few kids still bawled their eyes out. It weirdly made me smile...it was all just a part of camp, and usually, those kids were the ones that ended up having the most fun.

As I got out of my car, I saw a boy around my age, tears streaming down his face.

"Please!" he yelled. "I told you I was sorry! I promise never to do it again!"

"Quiet down!" an older man, I assume his father, said as he yanked his son's arm. "I'm embarrassed enough to be here as it is."

"Then take me home!" he cried. "You don't have to do this!"

His father dragged him into a building without another word, and I felt my stomach drop.

This wasn't going to be how it had been when I was a kid. That boy was crying because he'd miss his father and family, but his father wasn't soothing him with promises that he would be back soon. No, "I love you" or "It'll only be for a little while. You'll have fun!" Everyone knew that this place wasn't for fun.

Suddenly, everything seemed fake. The people here weren't going to teach us how to swim or draw or cook...they were going to try to trick us into being what they deemed acceptable. They were trying to drop our defenses and win our trust by making it seem like they were on our side, when really, they were trying to brainwash us.

I now felt stupid for ever thinking that high school was a prison.

"Hello, there!" a cheery woman, looked mid-thirties, greeted us. "Are you having any trouble finding your way around?"

"Actually, yes," my mother said. "We're...we're here for our daughter to get help."

It took everything in me to hold back the eye roll I wanted to do in response to the woman's pained and sympathetic expression towards my parents.

"Don't worry. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. All of us have our issues." She looked at me with the same look in her eyes. Pity. "Some of us just have heavier crosses to bear."

Had the smiles on the faces of the counselors I'd had as a kid been that forced?

"What's your name?" she asked me, and I didn't answer.

"Tegan," my mom said. "Her name is Tegan."

"Don't be rude," my dad said to me. "These people are trying to help."

I had to keep telling myself to be calm. Not to engage. I couldn't listen to their bullshit for much longer without flying off the handle and getting kicked out on my first day, so I checked out of the conversation completely.

I looked at the other people outside that weren't working for the camp. Some were surprisingly young...maybe 14? A few looked to be in their early twenties. Most looked to be around my age. The one common thread was that everyone looked miserable. It was in varying degrees, but there was that same look of hopelessness in all of their eyes. I was sure the same look was on my own.

Scanning my eyes across the people, I noticed a girl looking straight at me. It was unnerving for a moment, having some random stare at me, but the more I looked at her, the more I found myself doing the same thing to her. There was something about her...well, she was beautiful. I couldn't make out a lot of the details from far away...fair skin...hair longer than mine...small, much mike myself, but she seemed even smaller...but it was more than just the way she looked.

I wondered who she was and why she was staring at me so intensely. I wondered how she'd ended up here. Had she come out to her parents, and they hadn't taken it well? Had she been caught like me?

I wondered if I'd get to know these things about her. I wondered if she'd like to know things about me.

I wondered why she was looking at me that way. I wondered why I cared so much.

"Tegan!" my dad snapped, and I quickly looked back at him.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I just-" I looked back to where the girl had been, but she was gone. I shook my head. "Nothing."

My dad sighed. "Tegan, please. Try to fix this. We love you. We want our little girl back."

I closed my eyes and tried to hold back tears. Every time I heard him say he loved me, it sounded like a lie now.

"Okay," I finally said. "I'll try."

Both of my parents smiled and grabbed me into a group hug. I barely hugged back.

"Heather is going to help you to your cabin," my mother said. It took me a moment to realize that Heather was the camp counselor that my parents had been talking to while I'd been off in my own world.

"We'll come to visit when we can," my dad said.

I realized that this was them saying goodbye, and I didn't know how to feel. Part of me wanted to cry and beg them to take me home, like that boy had, but part of me wanted them to leave. I couldn't take them not being able to look me in the eye anymore.

"I'll see you then," I finally said with a smile that I was sure wasn't convincing anyone. They hugged me again, and then they left with a wave and some kisses blown out the window. It was immature, but I really wanted to slap the imaginary kisses to the ground and stomp on them just to see the looks on their faces.

"Well, hello, Tegan!" Heather said, taking some of my bags and starting to walk off already. I quickly followed as she kept talking. "Welcome to Exodus! Know that you're in a safe place and that no one is trying to hurt you. We're just trying to help you with a problem."

"What if I don't think it's a problem?" I said defiantly.

"Not thinking it's a problem is just another part of the problem," she said. "Don't worry. A lot of people who enter this program can't see the truth until almost the very end. You'll get there."

I wanted to gag.

"There are a few rules," she went on. "No drugs or alcohol, no violence of any kind, curfew is at 8, and absolutely no sexual intercourse of any kind. Getting caught with someone of the opposite sex usually means your privileges get taken away. Homosexual misconduct has more severe consequences."

"Like what?"

"Depends on the severity of the misconduct. Let's just not find out, okay?" she said, stopping in front of a cabin. "Alright! This is you! There isn't anything set up for tonight, since most people are coming in tomorrow, and it's already almost curfew, so you can just get settled and hit the hey! Your bunk mate is Sara Miller. She's checked in, so she's probably inside already."

Heather opened the door, and I saw someone sitting at a desk, back facing the door.

"Hello?" I said, as I walked in, and the girl turned around. Her eyes went wide, and after only a second, I realized who she was.

She was the girl from outside. The one who had been staring at me.

"Good, you are here!" Heather said, getting the girl's...Sara's...attention. "Sara, this is Tegan Quin."

Sara just turned her attention back to me, and I started to feel a little self conscious. Why was she looking at me like that?

"Hello," I finally said, sticking my hand out in front of me. "It's nice to meet you."

That seemed to make her snap out of it. She stood up and took my hand. Her hands were small and soft. I felt oddly warm, just holding her hand like this, even if it was just a handshake. We were looking at each other again, and this time, I could really see her face. I'd thought she was beautiful before, but being able to see her up close like this made me realize that I'd been selling her short. She was stunning...gorgeous in the effortless way I occasionally wished I could be, but I was too rough around the edges. Just the way she was looking at me was sexy, and I wasn't even sure what that look meant.

I knew that I'd never wanted anyone on first meeting as much as I wanted Sara right then. Not even Lindsey. Sure, I'd entertained the idea when we'd first started flirting, but it was more like a, "She seems like she's good in bed" type of thing. This...this was something entirely different. Just having her hand touching mine was making my face heat up. I felt like if I ever got to touch her, really touch her, it would sate a hunger that I hadn't even known I had.

I needed to have her in some way. At the very least, she could help take my mind off of Lindsey...

I realized I'd been holding her hand for a lot longer than a normal person would, so I let it go. She looked at me for a moment longer before something in her eyes changed. She turned to Heather.

"I was told she wouldn't be coming until tomorrow," Sara said, a harshness in her voice that I didn't imagine her having.

Heather shrugged. "Her parents decided to drop her off a little early."

"Yeah, the sooner they could abandon their defective daughter, the better," I said with a smirk, but Sara didn't seem amused.

"I'll just let you two get to know each other!" Heather said, probably sensing the tension that had suddenly set in. "Remember the rules, and don't forget that orientation is bright and early tomorrow morning!"

Heather left us on our own. Sara started to walk back to the desk, but I spoke up.

"So...weird that they would pair up a bunch of gay kids with other gay kids. Seems like this is the only occasion where opposite sex bunk mates makes sense."

Sara shook her head. "We're supposed to help each other. We both know how hard this is."

I scoffed. "Yeah. Right. And I suppose we can braid each other's hair and talk about boys that we don't wanna fuck."

"You shouldn't be joking about this," Sara said, angrily.

"Why not? This is all a joke, anyway," I said, stepping a little closer to her. "You don't have to act like that around me." I put my hand on her arm, and she slapped it away.

"What are you doing?" she said, taking a step back. "Get away from me."

"Hey, I'm just saying what we're all thinking. I mean, it's not like any of us can change-"

"Why are you here if you don't think we can change?" she asked, cutting me off.

"My parents made me come. I didn't have another choice. I figured that's why everyone ended up here. Well, besides the religious kooks that think they can actually change."

I looked at Sara, and for a moment, she looked embarrassed, before she covered it up with even more anger.

"For your information, Tegan," hearing her say my name sent a jolt up my spine, especially with the way she spit it out. "Some people chose to be here because they're sick of living with this burden, and it's disrespectful of you to take away from this experience for them...for me."

I rolled my eyes. "You can't be serious. Do you know the success rate of these places? It's pretty much non-existent. You can't change who you are."

"This isn't who we are," she said. "This is what our sin has turned us into. It's a reflection of what society is telling us is okay, when we should be following the instructions of our Savior."

I was shocked. "Do you even hear yourself right now? You sound like an idiot."

The look she gave me made my heart stop. I knew that I should probably be afraid that I'd pushed her too far...or at the very least, annoyed that she was getting so upset about something so stupid, but all I could do was try to think of ways to push her farther. There was something dangerous in her eyes, and I wanted to know what would happen if she let out whatever it was that she was holding back.

I didn't know why. I think a part of me did, but that part of me was refusing to communicate with my brain, so I couldn't put it together.

Before Sara could lose her cool, she shut her eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"I'm asking for a bunk transfer tomorrow morning," she said before turning away from me and crawling into her bed.

"Fine," I said. "I don't give a flying fuck what you do."

I threw myself into my own bed, not even bothering to change. Who the fuck did Sara Miller think she was? Yes, she was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever laid my eyes on, and she was already making me feel things, but that didn't make up for the fact that she was a total, close-minded, self-hating bitch.

Of course, none of that changed the dampness that I could feel between my legs. Of course I was super attracted to one of the only people that was actually here to "get better." I reminded myself that she'd be out of my bunk and no longer my concern the next day, and I went to sleep.