The first day of camp, Sara and I started the day by trying desperately to avoid each other. We were successful through the early morning and breakfast, even silently timing our dressing and eating time so we had to spend the absolute least amount of time together that we could, but assigned seating at the chapel had us sitting next to each other for the entire service. It was nice that we didn't have to speak, but I still couldn't help but be annoyed. An hour in, and we were already being forced together.

Group therapy was a lot worse.

"Alright, I want you all to take a seat," Joe said from the center of the group. "Any seat you'd like."

Sara and I sat just far enough that we weren't near each other, but just close enough that we couldn't see each other across the circle.

"Today, we're going to talk about why we're here. Don't be afraid to be as honest as possible. We've all had our troubles with unnatural homosexual urges. We'll go by volunteer first, then we'll finish up around the room. Everyone will get the chance to share their hardship."

I held in the groan I felt in the back of my throat. This was going to be torture.

A few kids volunteered their stories. Most were pretty tame. Their parents caught them kissing someone, or watching the wrong kind of porn. A few kids had more interesting stories; one kid got caught giving his boyfriend head behind the bleachers at a football game. One girl got caught in bed with her new step mother during her first week back home for summer.

Then the volunteers ran out, and there were only a few of us left. Joe started going around to those of us who hadn't spoken, asking questions.

How did you end up here?

How long have these urges been happening to you?

Have you ever acted on these urges?

I felt extremely uncomfortable. I tried to tune everyone out, feeling like I was invading their personal thoughts, when Joe got to Sara. I leaned over a little to look at her while she spoke. Despite the fact that we didn't get along, I still found myself wanting to get to know more about her. This was about my only chance, since we'd agreed to avoid each other.

"Hello..." He hesitated.

"Sara," she said with a smile.

What the fuck was that?

Two days. We'd been interacting for two days, and I hadn't seen her smile before that moment. We had that weird staring match from across camp, but since I'd walked into the cabin, she'd been glaring at me. Why did he get a smile? Was he special? Did everyone get smiles but me?

"I hate her," I said under my breath, trying to drown out the voice in my head that said this was so elementary school...

"Hello, Sara," Joe said, smiling back at her. "How are you today?"

She let out a nervous laugh, and I felt myself smirk. I leaned over a little farther to get a better look at her.

"I guess I'm a little nervous," she said. "I wanted to volunteer to speak, but..."

He put his hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. Everyone goes at their own pace, as long as we all reach the finish line together."

I held back the comment on the tip of my tongue of how that meant we didn't all get to go at our own pace...sometimes it was better for me to keep my mouth shut. Besides, I'd promised her that I wouldn't get in the way of her experience at camp.

"Why are you here?" Joe asked.

"I found this place through a sister church of my own."

"Why not your own?" he asked, and she hesitated.

"It's my father's church," she said. "He wants to take more...extreme methods. I wanted to try this first."

"Places like that sometimes do more harm than good," Joe said, nodding. "How long have these thoughts been plaguing you?"

"I don't know, exactly," she said. "Years, at least. Sometimes I feel like they've always been there."

"And have you ever acted on them?" he asked. She blushed, and I was flooded with images of Sara, on her back, naked, legs spread open, begging some girl to please go lower...

"There's nothing to be ashamed of," Joe went on, knocking me out of my head, bringing my attention back to Sara. I could feel my face turning red, and I hoped she didn't notice. "Have you and your parents talked about this?"

"No," she answered, almost before the question was out of his mouth. "My parents know about my deviancy, and they've tried to help me...that's enough for now."

"I understand, but I encourage you to be honest with your parents. Communicate with them. Trust their judgment. Like you said, they just want to help."

Sara looked at the ground. "I know. I just...get afraid sometimes."

Joe laughed. "Don't be silly. They want what's best for you."

Sara looked up, and I could see the panic in her eyes...she was afraid of her parents. I didn't want to think about what they must be like to make her face look like that. Sure, she was a bitch, but nobody deserved...whatever had happened to Sara from their parents.

I spoke up before I realized what I was doing.

"Maybe they don't know what's best for her," I said, and Joe turned to me.

"I'm sorry?" he said, fake smile still in place.

"I said maybe she shouldn't tell her parents everything. Maybe honesty isn't always the best policy."

"See, it's thinking like this that got you where you are right now," he said to me. "Living a lie isn't the answer."

I snorted at the irony. "You know what? I volunteer to talk."

Joe looked surprised, but said, "Alright. What's on your mind, camper?"

"What's on my mind is that telling us to be honest with our parents without knowing our home situations is bullshit."

"Um," Joe looked from side to side nervously. "I have to ask you to watch your language."

"Why? I'm just trying to be the most honest me that I can be." I gave him a fake smile of my own.

Joe sighed. "I understand. You're at that age where Mom and Dad are the enemy, but God says to honor thy mother and father-"

"What if my mother and father threw me in the street once they knew the truth?" I asked. "What if they didn't love me anymore? What if they tried to hurt me? Should I honor them with the truth then?"

"Yes, some parents have extreme reactions to hearing bad news, but they're acting out of love."

"So slapping the teeth out of someone's mouth is love now?"

"Your parents love you all," Joe said, turning slightly away from me and addressing the whole circle.

"How can they love us if they threw us here?" I all but spat.

Joe shook his head. "I understand the anger. You feel abandoned and confused, but by the end of all of this, you'll see that your parents just want the real you back, and to be rid of the sin."

"Loving someone isn't a sin just because they happen to be the same gender as you."

"And has your love worked for you?" he asked me. "Or has the person that led you down this path now turned their back on you?"

I thought of Lindsey, and I clenched my jaw.

"No one led me down anything, and having a shitty ex isn't exclusive to gay people."

"But you'll never be able to have a good relationship...a real relationship until you're able to appreciate the things that normal relationships provide. Safety and inner peace and-"

"Orgasms?" I asked. "Because I get plenty of orgasms out of my current arrangement. Sometimes more than one in a go, if I'm lucky."

Joe turned bright red, and a few of the other kids snickered under their breaths. I looked over at Sara, and her face was red, too. At first, I figured that it was just because she was embarrassed. She'd probably scold me later for my language...if she even bothered to speak to me at all.

She noticed me looking at her, and her cheeks turned redder. Suddenly, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe she hadn't simply been shocked by my words. Maybe...maybe they'd inspired thoughts in her that she was desperately trying to push away.

Eventually, she looked away, trying to seem irritated. I tried to catch her eye again, but that just led her to turn her head even further away. I just shook my head; I shouldn't have been bothered by her attitude. She obviously didn't want anything to do with me (even though I was fairly sure she wanted me, too), but I was just so...drawn to her somehow. I couldn't leave her alone, even though it's all I wanted to do.

It was annoying.

I turned my attention back to Joe when he started speaking, "I think maybe someone else should share, now. Thank you, Tegan, and I hope we're able to help you find peace with yourself and God."

"Fuck off," I said under my breath, but Joe caught it.

"Who's bunkmate is this?" he asked, and I could see Sara sink in her seat. "Come on, you're not in trouble. No one is in trouble."

Finally, after a couple of awkward minutes, and a promise from Joe that he would just check the cabin roster, Sara rose her hand.

"Ah, yes," he said, smiling. "I understand your request for a transfer, now, but I think this is more than enough proof that she needs your strength. Why don't you two sit next to each other?"

We both immediately started shaking our heads and saying no.

"It's probably best if we stay separated for this," I said.

"For everything," Sara threw in. "I need this to work."

"You know, as important as it is to get you guys to have healthy relationships with the opposite sex, it's just as important that you learn friendship with same-sex partners."

"I understand that," Sara said.

"I don't," I said with a laugh.

"BUT-" Sara cut back in, "I could get that experience with another partner."

"Sara, it's not often that we have people come here all on their own." Joe put his hand on her shoulder. "I think it shows your strength. You'll be able to get through this, and you'll be able to help...Tegan, is it?"

"Again, fuck off," I replied.

He quickly turned back to Sara. "You'll be able to help Tegan. Can't you see that all that anger is a cry for help? A hand reaching out for friends that she probably doesn't have?"

I bit my tongue. I had to literally bite my tongue.

"I...guess I can see your point," she said, quietly.

Joe's smile was back in full force. "You just need to believe in yourself, Sara. Believe in yourself, and you'll be able to save the both of you. Now, why don't you take a seat next to Tegan?"

Sara only hesitated for a second before moving over. With the attention finally off of us, Sara leaned over to me.

"This doesn't change anything," she whispered to me, then turned away.

I rolled my eyes and leaned into her. I was so close, I could feel her shiver when my breath hit her ear. "Of course it doesn't."

I stayed there for a second. Her breathing was shallow. She was staring straight forward, obviously trying to keep herself from staring at me.

I pulled away with a satisfied smirk.