"Shit."

It took a second for me to get the room to stop spinning. Once my head and body caught up with each other, I was running out the door. Sara wasn't very far ahead.

"Sara," I said, quietly. I kept an eye out for counselors. All they'd want to do is interfere, and that would just make everything worse. She didn't respond, though, so I repeated her name a little louder. She just kept walking. I did this a few more times before I'd had enough. I ran up behind her and grabbed her wrist. She snatched it away, but at least she was facing me.

"Don't touch me," she snapped.

"Will you just listen to me?"

She shook her head. "I trusted you. I trusted when you said you would help me." Her eyes went dark. "I should have known what you wanted."

"Look, this hasn't been some great plan from the beginning, okay? We kissed. It happened-"

"We didn't do anything," she nearly growled. "You forced yourself on me. That's it."

"Oh, please!" I caught a counselor looking over at us, so I lowered my voice and stepped closer to her. "You can deny it all you want, but we both know what really happened, Sara."

Her face went bright red, and once again, I wished that we'd been able to meet at a place and time that I could tell her how cute it made her look. Life was being incredibly unfair as of late, though, so all I could do was stand my ground and brace myself for her response.

"I have tried to be understanding and respectful of you. I've tried to set my boundaries and make it clear that I am here to recover. I've tried...I've tried to be your friend." Her arms were wrapped around herself, and every move I made towards her, she made away from me. "Just...just leave me alone, Tegan. Let me get better."

If it had been a few weeks earlier, I would have taken that deal. In fact, I had. But now, I couldn't leave this alone. I'd strongly suspected that she was feeling some of the things that I was feeling since we'd started getting along. After that kiss, though, I was sure of it.

"I'm not just ignoring this," I said to her. "You can try, but I'm not letting this go."

Sara shook her head and stormed off again. I let her walk away. She could have the rest of the day to herself, because that's all she'd be getting, as far as I was concerned. I went back to the cabin. Sara didn't come back until the middle of the night, and I pretended to be asleep.

Sara was already gone when I woke up in the morning, and I couldn't believe she'd managed to sneak out without waking me up. I got ready in a hurry and tried to find her at breakfast with no luck. It didn't matter; we'd have to spend most of the rest of the day together.

It started in chapel.

On most days, Sara was very attentive to whatever story was being told, and was very serious about the times she was told to pray. I respected that, and I tried to keep as much distance as possible. I hated how close we were all forced to sit to each other, because it made acting like I didn't want Sara that much harder.

Today, though, I didn't really mind so much.

I spent the first half of service sliding closer and closer to her (the guy on my other side seemed thankful for this, because I was usually doing the opposite, and we'd ended up rubbing shoulders more than once). She was trying to slide away, but eventually, she hit the end of the pew and didn't have anywhere else to go.

"Stop it," she finally whispered to me.

"Oh, speaking up in church, are we?" I whispered in her ear. "Calm down. It's not like I'm in your lap. Although, I think you'd like that."

She closed her eyes and let out the quietest moan. "Leave me alone."

"The first time you asked me to do that, I tried, and you wouldn't back off of me. Think of this as me returning the favor."

I pulled away from her ear, but I didn't scoot away. Sara almost sprinted out of the chapel, but I didn't care. We had Arts and Crafts together right after.

"Are you starting to remember why this whole avoiding each other thing didn't work the first time around?" I asked as I sat next to her and started on our piece.

"You don't know the meaning of boundaries, do you?" she snapped at me, and I laughed.

"Are you kidding me? All I've been doing since I got here was respecting your boundaries. Not pushing your buttons. Letting you control the pace of every conversation. Making sure that I didn't say the wrong thing, because it might set you off, and what happens? You flirt with me all the time, you don't give a shit if I have boundaries or anything, I finally I kiss you, you clearly kiss meback-"

"Keep your voice down!" She looked around the room, panic in her eyes and her blush back on her cheeks. I suspected that blush was less from embarrassment and more from how that kiss had made her feel.

"-and I get all the blame for it, anyway," I went on, ignoring her. "I get told off for coming on to you even though I've been over thinking every little thing so it didn't seem like I was coming on to you."

"Am I supposed to feel sorry for you right now?" she asked me. "Do you want an apology?"

"No, I want you to realize that I'm done watching what I say for you." I lowered my voice a little. "You already showed your cards, Sara. You can't take it back now."

She looked like she wanted to punch me, and I smirked. I was glad that she was mad. Part of me knew that I should probably be more considerate. Sara had obviously been through a lot. Probably a lot more than she was even letting on. I wasn't thinking clearly, though; it's not like my life hadn't been turned upside down since the summer had started. I'd had every person that I thought loved me turn their back on me. I wasn't exactly myself at the moment, so all I wanted was for Sara to let go.

I wasn't even sure what that would mean. Did I want her to admit that she'd kissed me? That she wanted me? Did I want her to let me act out my fantasies of her?

I didn't know. Really, I didn't care.

"I'm not letting you get to me," she said. "I'll ignore you."

"Good luck," I said back. "You've been staring at my chest for half of this conversation."

Sara's eyes went wide and turned away from me all together. "That's not true."

"It wasn't that time," I said. "But you weren't sure...because it usually is."

Sara glared at me. "You're completely obsessed with yourself."

"No, you're completely obsessed with myself," I said, smirk still on my face. "Don't project, Sara. Hasn't your therapist told you that?"

Sara's eyes went almost black, and I was honestly afraid I'd gone too far somehow. She finally looked away from me and went to working on our project. I kept my mouth shut for a little while, until I caught her looking at me from the corner of my eye.

"Amazing," I said without looking at her. "You hate me so much that you can't stop eye-fucking me."

She looked at our project and nothing else for the rest of Arts and Crafts. Lunch came, and she didn't even bother trying to get away from me.

"So are you ready to at least talk about what happened?" I asked her, sitting down at our usual table.

"It was a mistake, Tegan. Can't we just leave it at that?"

"No," I said. "Because you know it wasn't."

"I came here to get better," she said. "This place is my last chance. It's helping."

"Really?" I asked. "I mean, I hate to keep bringing it up-"

"I know, okay? I kissed you back." She finally said. "Are you satisfied? It was a set-back. That's all."

"It's not just the kiss," I said. "It's everything. We can't ignore the fact that we want-"

"Don't," she said, cutting me off. "We don't want anything. I want to be my real self, you want to go home. That's what we separately want."

"Wow," I said. "How can you be that deep in denial?"

"Why do you care so much?" she asked me.

"I..." I didn't really know why I cared so much. Why did it matter to me? It's not like I was in love with her. She was someone that I found extremely attractive that I liked a lot as a person and wouldn't mind having sex with. After this camp, I fully expected us to never speak again.

But that part wasn't true, was it? I'd never really thought about my communication with Sara after camp, but as soon as the thought of never speaking to her again had crossed my mind, I'd felt a little ill. I didn't know what that meant exactly, but I did know it meant that she meant more to me than I'd realized.

Before I had a chance to say anything to her, she was getting up and walking off. I followed her back to the cabin.

"I care because I can't keep up," I said, deciding that this was easier than trying to explain that something about her made me care. She was sitting on her bed, knowing that I was going to follow, and I started pacing back and forth in front of her. "Am I supposed to be supportive? Cold? Friendly? Distant? When you bat your eyelashes at me, am I supposed to smile or look away and ignore it? When you lean your head on my shoulder am I supposed to let you or push you away?"

"If you ever paid attention in group, you'd know that these are things that normal friends do together-"

"Do normal friends kiss each other?"

"It's not that unusual," she said.

"Do they usually shiver like you were?" She looked shocked. "What, didn't think I could feel that?"

"Shut your fucking mouth," she said, getting to her feet. I was looking at her eyes, but hers were a little lower. I was so wet...hearing her swear...feeling her so close to me...I couldn't stop pushing, now.

"Oh, getting mad?" I asked. "I'd take it a lot more seriously if you weren't staring at my lips right now."

She blinked a few times before stepping back. "I'm going for a walk."

She was running again, and I was furious. She'd always do this...she'd almost lose it, then she'd walk away, or she'd take a deep breath, or she'd change the subject. I was sick of it. I needed this...whatever it was that was coming, I needed it.

"Go ahead," I spat. "Go rub one out against some tree when you've got me willing and ready right here."

She froze, facing away from me. I expected to see her shoulders rise and fall before she kept walking out the door, and I'd have to do exactly what I'd just accused her of going off to do. Instead, she spun around and closed the distance between us so fast that I didn't even realize her lips were on mine until her arms were around my waist. My hands flew up to her hair. I didn't want her to pull away.

Our first kiss had been a nice peek into what kissing Sara was like. Soft lips and lots of nerves. It had been exactly as sweet as I'd imagined until she'd pushed me away. This was something completely different. She was biting my lips and grinding her hips and sucking my tongue into her mouth and holy shit this was better than any of the dreams.

This is what I'd wanted. It should have been obvious to me, but the anger had been clouding things a little.

She pushed me back until I felt myself hit the edge of the desk, and she almost bent me backwards over it. She pulled away just enough to flip me around. She bit down on my shoulder and grabbed my nipples under my shirt, but over my bra...hard. I cried out, and she pinched a little harder. That only lasted for a few seconds before she pushed me down onto the desk.

"Sara..." I was panting. "What...what the-"

"You're not used to this, are you?" she said while undoing the button and zipper on my jeans. "Girls probably just let you drop to your knees and do whatever you want." She snatched them down my legs, and I kicked off my shoes so she could get them off all the way. "It's not going to work like that this time." She pulled my underwear down just enough to expose me. Her finger ran along my slit, and I felt my knees shake. She laughed. "Who's shivering now?"

I could barely understand what was happening. The only other person that had touched me like this was Lindsey, and she'd been so sweet and it had been so good, but I hadn't been wet like this. I hadn't felt myself twitching on the inside like I did right now. I couldn't even say fucking words...all I could do was moan and whine and pant and wish that Sara was actually doing something besides torturing me.

"Sara," I finally managed, but that's all that would come out.

"You wanted this Tegan," she said, then she slammed her fingers into me. I didn't know how many, but I was sure it was more than I usually used on myself. She didn't ease me into it...it was hard and fast from the moment her fingers found their way inside of me. I was trying to breathe, but every thrust of Sara's hand would push the air out of my lungs. She was putting her whole body behind it, and from the way she was moaning, I figured she was grinding herself into the back of her own hand.

I started to push myself back onto her, and her free hand flew to my ass cheek. Her nails dug into it and stopped my movement. She was grabbing me so hard I thought she would draw blood, but I didn't want her to stop that, either. In fact, I sort of hoped she did. I didn't mind the thought of feeling her every time I sat down.

"Sara, please," I found myself saying without even consciously meaning to. "I want you to..." I trailed off, and she finished for me.

"You want to get off," she said. "But I decide when that happens."

I'd actually been about to say that I wanted her to feel it, too, but her statement had sent another shock to my clit, so I never corrected her. Besides, from the way her voice wavered, she seemed to be feeling it just fine.

She finally let go of my ass, but her free hand then ran under my shirt and undid my bra. I helped her as much as I could, but she hadn't stopped pounding into me, so it was hard for me to keep up.

"Get your shirt and bra off in the next ten seconds, or I swear I'll make this last all night, and you'll never get to finish."

Anyone else, and I would have rolled my eyes at a statement like that. That's the type of thing that you say to a drunk straight girl in a bathroom stall, and it was bullshit. The way she said it, though...it wasn't the statement of an out-of-control ego.

It was like she'd done it before.

My shirt and bra were on the floor in the blink of an eye, and I was back on the desk, only leaving just enough space for Sara's hand to sneak back to my nipple. She was leaning over me, now. Her teeth were nipping along my spine, her fingers either abusing my chest or making sure I would feel her for days between my legs.

"You need to cum, don't you?" she asked, almost like she was mocking me. "You already can't stand it, can you?"

"I...I..." I felt tears in my eyes, I needed to cum so bad. The build-up had been better than any other time that I'd ever finished, but I needed it. I couldn't though. Not until she told me to...which pissed me off to no end...which just pushed me even further to the edge.

It was so clear to me in that moment that Sara was different. She was different than anyone I'd ever wanted, and a part of me thought that she was different than anyone I could ever want. She was more somehow. She held a bigger piece of me than I wanted to admit or that I even fully understood.

I couldn't cum until she told me to.

"Please let me," I almost shouted. "Please!"

Sara was pushing harder and somehow even faster, and I could feel her losing her rhythm. She was close, too. A few more thrusts, and she gasped. Her hand flew from my nipple to my clit and started rubbing tight circles.

"Now," she said. "You-you can cum."

My eyes rolled back into my head, and I felt every muscle in my body clamp down. It's like they all didn't want Sara to be able to get away. My hand flew behind me and wrapped around her neck while I just kept pouring out of myself and onto Sara's hand. She was shaking and cumming herself, and it just kept me going longer. Like there was this weird feedback that wouldn't let us come down from our highs together. Every time we thought we were almost done, one of us would twitch the tiniest little bit, and we'd be thrown back into it.

Sara's hand hadn't ever fully stopped moving, either, so that wasn't exactly helping...

"I...no more," I finally said. "I can't anymore."

I felt fucking broken in the best way. I'd never imagined something like that. I'd never thought of myself enjoying something like that. I was a hopeless romantic in a lot of ways, so my fantasies were usually very caring and gentle and loving and...not this at all. But this felt better than anything had ever felt in my entire life. If I had to choose between getting to re-experience that or every other good thing that had ever occurred in my life, I would choose what had just happened between Sara and me.

Sara slipped her hand out of me, and I shook so hard that I thought I might cum again. She'd made me so sensitive. It took me a few minutes of trying to find the strength to lift myself off of the desk before I just gave up and sank to the floor. I looked up, and Sara was sitting on her bed, staring off. I finally managed to pull myself into my own bed.

"Sara-" I started, but she didn't let me say anything else.

"Just this once," she said. "Just this once to get it out of my system. I won't do it again."

I wasn't even sure if she was talking to me.

I didn't know how to respond. I was feeling everything in that moment. Shock, probably more than anything. Just when I'd thought that I was starting to understand how Sara worked, she bends me over the desk. My body felt abused. I was sure I was bruised and scratched all over, because I could feel it. My muscles ached...all of them at the same time, but they still hummed and wanted Sara to push them just a little bit further. My logical mind peeking through had been the thing that had stopped Sara's hand, not my body.

Still, I wanted to cry; I'd had sex twice, and both times, the girls promised to never do it again in different ways. The second time hurt even more than the first had. I couldn't help but feel bad for her, though. She wouldn't be turning her back on me like this had her parents not screwed her up so badly. Sara was a good person. In different circumstances, she would be holding me and running her hands through my hair.

Then again, maybe she wouldn't. I'd never thought that she'd be the kind to take me like she had. I hadn't been expecting any of that...but I hadn't hated it. I'd fucking loved it, actually, and I knew I wanted it to happen again.

Sara crawled under the covers of her own bed and turned away from me without another word. I pulled my own covers over myself. Too many thoughts...I had too many thoughts to sort through to even begin to know how I felt about what had happened. Still, one thought was much louder than the rest.

I want it to happen again.