This chapter is ridiculously long, and I was wondering if anyone actually wanted me to try and have Sawbones put on the Freak Fortress Wiki, by Kugawattan. If you do, say so in the comments please. There might be hints at what happens later in the story if I do! You might want to read Lost if you haven't already…
I suddenly woke up. But I saw a floating version of myself, and it had a stab wound right at the base of the neck, on the spine. It zoomed in on my back, and I saw the cracks in my spine seal up, and the flesh healed itself, like the Medigun would do. The hole in my clothes then sewed itself up. What if you got blown to pieces? Would it slowly put your limbs back on? Ugh. Then my sight went black.
And I was unceremoniously dumped on a clean floor, with a big blast door in front of me.
"What is goi- AAACK!" A hose with a lever on it landed on my lap, and it was connected to my backpa... Where's my backpack? And what is up with that oozing green liquid? There's a label… Emerald Jarate? Weird…
"Who zhe hell just respawned? Nobody died." I heard a voice, although slightly muffled by the blast door. Then the loud clank of a heavy switch being activated. The person leaned on the door, and it slowly swiveled into the room. "GUYS! ZHERE IS A RED MEDIC IN ZHIS ROOM, I REPEAT, ZHERE IS A RED MEDIC IN ZHE RESPAWN ROOM! HE HAS ZHE BYTE'D BEAK, ZE GOGGLES, AND THE… Wait a minute… Who are you?"
"Should I trust you?" He rubs the back of his head, as if nervous, then nods, slowly. "Well, I don't trust you, but I'll tell you anyway. Harley Smith."
"Uh, do you have a nickname for yourself?" He continues to rub the back of his head. "Like, Sawbones, or something?"
Something clicked in my head, that nickname sounded perfect, so I decided to roll with it. "Yes, my nickname is Sawbones, but who are you?"
"WHAT MAGGOT THINKS THEY CAN JUST STROLL RIGHT INTO OUR TRANSPORT TRAIN?!" I then realized that the guy standing in front of me, was wearing green, and he was a Medic. The yelling guy was also wearing green.
"Shadow Bomb, zhis might be something zhat completely revises what we imagined, you know zhat story I wrote?"
"YEAH, THAT ONE CHAPTER PIECE OF GARBAGE THAT NOBODY WANTED TO READ."
"No, zhe work in progress vone."
"YOU WROTE A NEW STORY?" The Medic face-palmed.
"Yes, vhere zhe main character gains powers greater zhan zhat of many freaks."
"WHAT KIND OF MAGICAL POWERS?" I was getting annoyed, so I decided that this Shadow Bomb character needed to shut his idiotic mouth.
"These ones." I summoned a bonesaw that flew at him, and stopped right at his nose. He then ran out of the room, screaming;
"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCC!"
The green Medic laughed so hard he started coughing, like, extreme coughing, he was bent double and blood was dripping out of his mouth. He then fell, and slowly faded. I heard a thud behind me, as respawn plopped him on the ground.
"Zhis is unbelievable! I never vould have imagined zhat someone could laugh so hard zhat zhey die!
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Meanwhile on the RED and BLU trains…
"Alert. The GRN team is being disposed of. You will be returned to Teufort 76.
A loud cheering could be heard for miles from the two trains.
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Back on the GRN train…
"I wonder if your story will show up on Fan Fiction!" The green Medic, called Doctah Kreep, pulled a weird rectangular object out of his pocket. He called it an "IPhone." "What the hell… It says here that you met up with a Medic and Soldier in green… Wait… 'The GRN team is being disposed of'… What is Teufort 76?
"Wait, stop for a minute. The 'Teufort' I went to had a sign on one of the walls, labeled 'Teufort 37.' Does this mean there are multiple of the same map?" I scratched the top of my maskless head. "That might explain how that RED Spy didn't recognize me."
"Hey, uh, did'ja know zhat you can summon bonesaws made of anyzhing? You could summon a bonesaw made of dark matter for all logic cares. Anyzhing you summon has no physics attached to it, so you could summon a bonesaw made of oxygen, and it vould act solid, vhile still a gas. You also have bones of Carbonadium."
"What the hell is Carbonadium? Is it compatible with my system?" I shudder at the thought of my bones being… Not bones.
"Yeah, well… Carbonadium for some reason likes to melt natural matter, such as blood cells and skin-"
"WHY AM I MADE OF SOMETHING THAT SHOULD CAUSE ME TO MELT?!"
"You von't melt, dummkopf. A layer of graphene, or particle zhin sheets of solid carbon, protects your body from zhe effects of zhe Carbonadium. Alzhough, if someone gets you vith something sharp enough, you vill probably implode into a pile of teal coloured bones."
"Hey uh, Doctah? We're heading right for a cliff."
"DAMMIT MAC, WHAT THE HELL CAUSED THIS?"