I woke up the next morning, and Sara was sitting at the desk. I moved slightly in the bed, and she looked over to me.

"Good morning, Tegan," she said with a smile. "I brought you a glass of juice."

I didn't know what to say to that. I was still waking up, trying to sort through my dreams and what had happened with her the night before. It hadn't been like the first time. She hadn't completely disconnected from me. She'd asked me to stay. Now, she was bringing me juice.

It was confusing.

"Thanks," I said, taking the juice off of the table and taking a sip. "What time is it?"

"Around 6."

"Why are you up?"

She looked away. "I couldn't sleep."

"At all?"

"I did on and off all night. I just couldn't settle."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked her, and she shook her head. "Sara, we can't just ignore it again. That never works."

"I'm not ignoring it," she said. "I'm just not ready to talk about it with you, yet. I just want to be happy that you're here and that you're my friend. We can talk later."

"What if I want to talk now?" I asked. "What if I have things to say?"

"Then say them," she said.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I wanted to say everything all at once, so I didn't have anything solid to say. She may have been onto something.

"Sorry," I said.

Sara turned her chair to fully face me and smiled. "It's okay. I'm just glad you're here."

I really, really wanted to scream. I didn't want to pretend that this hadn't happened, but I knew that if I did try to talk about this, it would just lead to her shutting down or fucking me senseless, and neither seemed productive (though one seemed a lot more appealing). I was starting to get to the point where I didn't really care. At least, I didn't want to care. I didn't want to constantly be thinking about how my feelings and actions would affect her. I wanted to tell her off for doing this to me, but I couldn't, because I still did care.

I ground my teeth for a few seconds before saying, "I'm glad I stayed."

It was true. That's why I was so fucking mad.

I forced myself to take a few deep breaths and relax when I saw the concerned look on Sara's face. I picked up the glass of juice and finished it before getting out of bed.

"I think I'm gonna try to take a walk before breakfast," Sara said.

"That's cool," I said.

"Do you want to join me?" she asked. She almost sounded hopeful. She definitely sounded hopeful.

"Sure," I said immediately. "Just give me a second to throw on some clothes."

"What you're wearing is fine," she said with a smirk, and it stopped me a second before I walked into the bathroom. I was in my underwear and a tank top. Before I could respond, she laughed a little and said, "I was just teasing."

I let out a weird fake laugh and hurried into the bathroom. What the hell was that? I took a minute to calm down. I was probably reading too much into it. She had been very clear that she just wanted to be friends (with her words...her actions said something else entirely, but we were ignoring that for now), so there was no way that she was flirting with me now.

I put my clothes on, and we left the cabin. We didn't say much at first. I was just enjoying the day before it would get hot later, and I tried to put some of my thoughts in order. It didn't really work, though.

"I wish they had coffee here," Sara finally said. "Outside of the occasional soda, there's nothing with caffeine. I guess that stuff isn't good for us, anyway."

"Whatever. It's not like we're not gonna have sugar and caffeine and shitty food after we leave this place. It just feels like they're trying to exhaust us, and if we didn't skip or sneak out of every event ever, we probably would be." I glanced over to her. "Sorry. Negative."

"It's fine," she said. "I feel a little exhausted at the moment."

She looked like she'd said something that she shouldn't have. Saying she was tired was like saying that this was getting hard...maybe even harder than it ever had been for her, and it seemed that she'd already been through a lot.

"You didn't sleep well," I said, giving her the easy excuse. "It's understandable."

She smiled. "You seemed a little restless, yourself."

"When?"

"When you were sleeping."

It took everything in me to not trip over my own feet. She'd been watching me sleep.

"Oh. Yeah. Nightmares."

"You have those a lot," she said.

"How often do you have trouble sleeping?" I asked her, and she blushed.

"It's not that," she said. "I'm just a light sleeper, and you make noises in your sleep a lot of the time."

Every time I talked to Sara, I tried to keep myself calm, but she always somehow got under my skin.

"What kind of noises?" I asked with as even a tone as I could manage.

"Tegan, it's nothing to be embarrassed of," she said. "And it doesn't bother me. I fall right back to sleep. It's okay to be afraid of things."

I relaxed a little bit, but tried to change the subject. "Do you do this a lot? Go on walks?"

"Yeah, it's really pretty out here. It gives me time to think, and it gives me a change from shuffling from one room to another."

"Well, I'm glad I came today."

"You could come more often, you know," she said. "I know that would require you getting out of bed before the absolute last minute."

"There's nothing wrong with liking to sleep," I said. "On the other hand, the lack of sun and exercise is probably not the best for my health or appearance, so I should probably take you up on that offer."

"Your appearance is fine, but if that's what you need to say to yourself to come with me, then by all means."

It was alarming how easily Sara's charm came to her when she tried. I would have hated to have been one of the girls that she came across in a bar. I would have fallen in love two words in, and it would have broken me to watch her go in the morning.

"I don't need to tell myself anything to hang out with you, Sara." I knew I was flirting. I knew I shouldn't be, but I knew I was. Sara just smiled wider and kept walking with me.

We didn't stop talking to each other until we had to go to chapel. I spent the entire time trying to sit the correct amount of distance away from her. I didn't want to touch her, but I didn't want her to think I was trying to sit away from her.

Arts and Crafts was next, and it seemed that Sara had lost all concept of a personal bubble. Suddenly, she had to reach across me for everything. Her arms had touched my chest so many times that my nipples were hard, and I felt overwhelmed.

"What are we even making?" I asked about halfway through.

"I don't know," she said with a little laugh. "I've had other things on my mind. I figure if we do something, it's better than doing nothing."

I was a little surprised. This was the first time Sara hadn't been committed to a project. No matter how many times I said they were stupid, Sara always hushed me and finished the assignments. I suppose she was still doing that, but her heart didn't seem to be in it.

"Whatever you say," I said. "As long as I don't have to do anything."

"Just sit there and watch me like you always do." She smirked at me again as she reached around my body to grab some glue that she didn't need. She already had glue right next to her. I liked this side of her. It was like having a friend...but God, it was also such a turn on.

She smiled fully and said, "I'm glad that we can joke like this, now. You're my first normal friend."

I sighed. "Yeah. Sure. Whatever."

"Don't get upset," she said.

"I'm not upset," I replied. "I like being your friend." I did. I was just sick of the emotion roller coaster between "normal" friend and I-Hate-You-Because-I-Want-You friend and flirty friend and fuck friend. It seemed like it would be easier to make her my girlfriend so I could just wrap this up in a nicer package.

Sara and I spent the rest of the day talking. It was nice getting to see a calmer side of her. She was funny in this awkward kind of way that had me in fits.

"So are you ready to talk at all?" I finally said as she sat on her bed and I sat on the chair.

"Not really," she said, and I held back the groan I wanted to let out.

"Can you at least tell me why you've been so...nice to me all day?"

"Am I not supposed to be nice to my friends?"

"Come on, Sara. You know what's happened between us-"

"And I know that you agreed to be my friend. I know that this isn't how you want to handle this, but this is how I need to. I like it when we get along, Tegan. I like being able to talk to you."

She said my name a lot. I only noticed because I couldn't help but want to hear what it would sound like with her thighs around my head every time she said it.

"I like getting on your nerves," I said with a smirk. I wanted to push her again, but she just smiled back at me.

"You say that, but I seem to be the one that always makes you nervous." She was so close to me so fast. Leaning over me in the chair. Why was she so confident all of the sudden? She giggled and walked away into the bathroom, yelling, "Proved my point," before closing the door.

She was driving me crazy. I didn't mind.

The next couple of days were full of comments and light touches and easy conversation. We were back to spending all our time next to each other talking until the absolute last moment we could drag ourselves apart to sleep in our separate beds. It just made me want her to touch me more, but every time I tried to get a rise out of her, she just turned it around on me.

"You're staring at my lips again, Sara."

"You only think that because you're staring at my eyes."

No matter how many times I made myself cum in the shower, it didn't stop me from getting worked up when she threw my own actions in my face. It was like it had to be her that brought me to orgasm or it didn't matter.

We were in my bed. She was sitting up, and I was already tucked in. Her hand was on my hip over the cover, slowly rubbing small circles with her palm. I was already half asleep.

"You know," she said. "I'm going to have to hear you sing one day."

"Not today," I mumbled.

"Not today," she agreed. "I just liked hanging out today."

"We barely did anything," I said. "I talked. You took notes."

"I listened," she said back. "I like just listening to you sometimes."

Her fingers squeezed my hip a little, and I tried not to gulp too hard.

"You know, you always talk about yourself and get all deep, and I just realized that I haven't told you anything really personal about me."

Sara looked me straight in the eye. "Do you want to tell me something?"

I shrugged. "Is there anything you want to know?"

"How was your first time with Lindsey?" she asked, and I raised an eyebrow at her. "This is something that friends ask each other at sleepovers. Don't read into it."

"It's not reading into it if you really are asking because you're jealous." I smiled at her, happy when I saw the small flicker of annoyance cross her face. It was gone in an instant, though. Replaced by the confident look I was starting to get used to.

"Is this just you trying to avoid talking about getting fucked by another girl?" I swear she moved a fraction of an inch closer to me, and her circles started to feel more like she was rubbing up and down along my hip and leg. I fucking hated that she could do that to me now.

"Can't we talk about anything else?" I was out of breath, and she hadn't even done anything to me. Her hand moved off of me and onto the bed.

"Okay...what about school. How was school for you?"

"Alright, I guess. I spent a lot of time wishing that I could meet other gay girls. Once I figured it out, about halfway through freshman year, I just wanted girls to kiss me. Every girl that was willing, I tried to date. Then I realized that I didn't just want to date any girl. Having a sense of being selective when your selection pool is so small sucks. It feels like you'll always be alone. Lindsey was probably only the third girl I've ever been interested in that was interested in me."

"Do you think you'll get back together with her after you get out of here?" she asked. "It seems like you have some pretty strong feelings for her."

"I did. I had strong feelings for her, but I don't anymore. She has a boyfriend."

"If she didn't, would you want her?"

I shook my head. If she hadn't had a boyfriend, she probably would have let me move in, and I never would have ended up at the camp. I never would have met Sara. I didn't regret meeting Lindsey like I had. I think I could finally forgive her, because everything she'd done had led me here to Sara.

"I don't know what would have happened. I just know I don't have feelings for her now. She's just...a friend. At best."

"And the sex?"

"Is better with you."

Her face went serious, and I knew I'd gone a little too far. Sara's eyes closed, and she took several slow breaths.

"That's not what I was asking." Her eyes opened. "But I suppose I'll take the compliment."

I was shocked for a second before I started laughing. "More teasing?"

She smiled and nodded. "You look tired."

"I'm...yeah." I'd barely been awake 20 minutes before then. Now I was almost delirious. "I need sleep."

"I feel like you sleep more than a normal person."

"I feel like you never sleep at all," I managed to get out.

"My way makes it easier to get things done." I didn't say anything else. I couldn't think. My eyes weren't open. I wasn't quite asleep, but I couldn't move. "Tegan?" Her hand went up to my shoulder, and I felt goosebumps run from my arm up my neck. Her hand slowly ran from my arm to my cheek. I couldn't move. I wouldn't even if I could.

Sara's thumb ran along my cheek and touched the corner of my lip. I wished that she would just kiss me, but I supposed that I should be glad that she wouldn't do anything to me while I was asleep. I still wanted her to kiss me.

I let out a breath. "Why isn't this place helping me with you?" Her hand ran gently through my hair. "Why can't I stop wanting you?"

I wanted to say something, but I was asleep before she even made it the distance between my bed and hers. I dreamed that Sara kissed me. I dreamed that her mouth was back on my clit, but we weren't in this stupid camp. We were in my house, and I was getting to see her and touch her.

From that moment on, Sara got more and more comfortable with me, but she seemed to be less and less comfortable at group and in activities. Her one-on-one session was the shortest it had ever been, and every time Joe tried to get her to open up, she refused to talk. The only person she really talked to was me.

"Look, Sara, I don't know what's gotten into you, but I feel like your progress is going out the window. You said you were getting better," Joe said to her in front of everyone.

I wanted to jump in and defend her, but it seemed to usually make things worse. Sara just seemed annoyed by him.

"I thought I was," she said. "I'm not so sure any more."

"Does this have anything to do with Tegan?" Heather asked from behind Joe.

"Wait a minute," I said. "I haven't done anything."

"She really hasn't," Sara said. "Every time I tell her to do anything she does. She's very respectful."

I had to concentrate to keep the smile off of my face. Joe had one of his own, but it was obviously forced.

"Sara, as a Christian, you know all about backsliding. Maybe you need to re-commit yourself to becoming your real self."

"I am still dedicated to finding my real self," Sara said. "I just don't know that I've been going about it the right way."

"Well, that's okay!" Joe said, clapping his hands. "You all probably feel a little stagnated in your recovery. That's why it's time for our camp's annual hike-and-camp overnight trip! We work together to find the grounds, set up tents, get fires started...it's a great chance for us all to mingle and get to know other people outside of our bunk mates. We still encourage you to be with your new best friends, though, so you'll be sharing tents! They're roomy enough that you won't be inappropriately close, and there with be counselors patrolling to make sure that your demons don't take you over."

I shook my head and glanced at Sara. She seemed just as over it as I felt. It was a nice change.

"I'll be making sure you kids are alright," Heather said, stepping forward. "The hike-and-camp is always my favorite part of camp! Have fun, and be open to any new feelings that may be coming to you. Don't fight it. Let natural desires take over."

Were they basically encouraging us to hook up with the opposite gender? I wasn't even surprised any more.

Group let out, and Sara was supposed to have an extra meeting with her personal counselor, but I saw her walking back to our cabin. I grabbed some food for the both of us before walking after her.

"Sara?" I said, juggling the food and trying to open the door. "I thought you had counseling. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She was at the desk. She always went to the desk when she was upset. Straight to her bible and her notes. "I just didn't see the point."

I set the wrapped-up healthy (cardboard) chips and packaged sandwiches onto my bed. "Are you sure you're okay? You don't sound...like you usually do."

"Don't you mean like myself?" she asked. She sounded so bitter, but it didn't sound like she was mad at me. "All my counselor would say is try harder. All anyone in this place has been telling me is try harder. I don't know how much harder I can try. This wasn't the first thing I've ever tried to deal with this, but it almost seems like it's the most useless. All I've gotten out of it is you."

"Thanks," I said. "And I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. All you've tried to do is help. You...you make me happy. All this place is doing is telling me things that I've already tried that don't work."

I stayed standing behind her, and she kept at her notes.

"What do you want, Sara?"

"I want to get better," she said. "I want to be happy."

"What do you need?"

"I don't know," she said. "I can't even think. I just feel so frustrated with everyone, and I can't let it out. I have to act like everything is okay."

"Why?"

"So everyone will keep helping me. The only reason people put up with me is because I'm kind."

"Except me," I said, and she turned the chair around.

"Except you," she said. "Why is that?"

"Because I like you," I said. "I don't care if you're a bitch sometimes. I am, too."

She looked deep in thought. "I wish everyone was like you sometimes. I wish I could tell the counselors how I really feel. I wish I could just make everyone realize how much..." Her voice caught in her throat. "I wish everyone realized how much they hurt me. Sometimes...I want them to hurt as much as I do."

I don't know what it was that made me say it. It wasn't even the natural place to go, but it was the only thing I could think to say.

"You can hurt me, if you want."

Her eyes looked darker as soon as the words left my mouth.

"What do you mean? I don't want to hurt you."

It didn't sound totally sincere, but I knew what she meant.

"I don't mean really hurt me. Just...I know that I could help you." I started walking closer to her. "I know that you're trying to get better, but you aren't yet." I leaned forward and kissed her lightly, and she kissed me back. She always kissed me back. I pulled away, but not very far. "I'm your friend, and you're trying to kick a habit." I pulled my shirt over my head, and her eyes settled on my chest. I still had a bra on, but that didn't seem to bother her. Her eyes flicked to mine.

"Tegan," she said. "How is this helping me kick a habit?"

"You said you couldn't think," I said. "Think of me as a nicotine patch."

I grabbed Sara's hand and put in on my chest. She squeezed, and I moaned.

And that was that.

Sara almost leapt out of the chair, her lips immediately on mine. I was pushed against the cabin door in the blink of an eye, and her hands were wrapping around my body to take my bra off. It was these moments, where she was using one hand to strip my top bare, and the other hand is trying to pop the button on my jeans, that I remembered how much more experienced she was. It's why I'd always let her take the lead.

I couldn't let her control everything this time.

I started reaching for the buttons of her shirt, and she pulled away a little bit.

"Please," I said. "I can't just keep getting touched by you without getting to touch you."

"What's wrong with the way I touch you?" she asked with a bit of anger.

"Nothing," I said, leaning forward to kiss her neck. She moaned, and I started unbuttoning her shirt. She didn't stop me. "I just want to be able to return the favor."

I got to the last button and pushed the shirt off of her shoulders. I looked down at her chest, covered in a simple black bra. Her chest was small, and all I wanted to do was put my hands on her.

I put my mouth on her instead.

I pulled on her nipple through the fabric of her bra, and she groaned. Her hips thrust forward, and her body shook. Fuck, she needed it. It had been killing her to touch me and not get anything in return just as much as it had been killing me. Her hands were on my shoulders and forcing me to my knees before I got the chance to take her bra off.

The only thing between my mouth and her pussy were a few layers of clothing that Sara was in the process of pulling down her legs. She pulled her pants and underwear off, and at first, I couldn't move. I could see her and smell her, and I just wanted to taste her so bad.

"You can handle this?" she asked from above me. I looked up, and the way the light was shining from behind her...she looked perfect.

"Take your bra off. Please."

Sara hesitated before reaching behind herself and sliding the bra off. She looked amazing. Had I not already been on my knees, and if Sara weren't still pushing my shoulders down firmly, I might have come back up to touch Sara's bare chest. It would have to wait, though. Sara's hands slid into my hair, and she caught my eye again.

"Tell me you can take it, Tegan."

I needed to lick her. I couldn't wait anymore. I hoped that me pushing forward to lick the length of her slit gave her my answer. Her fingers pulled hard on my hair, and her taste coated my entire mouth immediately. She was so wet, and she tasted better than anything I could have imagined. I didn't move for a second, and Sara groaned from above me. I tried to pull back, but she pushed my face back into her pussy.

"Don't back out now, Tegan." Her voice cracked on my name, and she started humping my face. My hands grabbed her bare ass and pushed her into my face more. I tried to do what she had done to me. I'd never done this before, and I knew that she'd had it done to her, so I was terrified that I would disappoint her. That was completely overshadowed by the fact that she was fucking my face, but it still was a concern of mine.

Her thrusts got harder, and I started realizing that my head was banging against the door. I should have told her not to go so hard, but I liked it. I liked the pain it was bringing me. Sara was dripping down my chin, and banging my head against the door, and it felt right. She was moaning and rolling her hips, but when I wrapped my lips around her clit, something else came out of her mouth.

"Oh, fuck, Tegan!"

My name.

I started sucking harder and flicking her with my tongue, and her grip on my hair got so tight that I was mildly scared she was going to pull a chunk out.

Her head fell forward, and our eyes locked. I couldn't have imagined the new flow of wetness that poured out of her, and I certainly couldn't ignore the way that she fucked my face even harder. My own clit was on fire, and I desperately hoped that Sara would be able to get me off once she was done.

"Fuck me, Tegan," she ordered, never taking her eyes off of me. "I need you inside of me-"

She didn't even have the word out before I slid a finger into her. My mouth didn't stop working her, but she locked my head against the door with a hard thrust.

"I need more. Don't fuck with me, Tegan. Just do what I say."

I slipped two more fingers in and moved them fast, and Sara went back to humping me. She was losing her rhythm, though, so I sucked and pushed harder. I liked her ordering me around. I liked her using me like this. If she'd wanted to push it even further, I could take it.

"Curl your fingers," she gasped out, and I did as I was told. I felt her knees start to buckle, and one hand left my hair to support her weight on the door. I moved my free hand to try to help her even more, and I slipped in a fourth finger. That seemed to do it for her.

"Oh, FUCK! Tegan! God...fuck...Tegan!" She held my mouth against her as her muscles clenched and released around my fingers. Her eyes fought to stay open, and I held them for as long as Sara could keep them on me. Her pupils were blown, and her mouth was open, and she looked amazingly happy. It was beautiful to me, and I was thrilled I made her feel this way. I needed to make her this happy whenever I possibly could.

Her cum dripped out of her and down my arm. She whimpered every time I moved inside of her. When I finally pulled out of her, she started to walk away, but I put both of my hands on her ass. She looked at me confused, but I started to lick her off, and she almost looked like she was about to cry. Sara touching me was amazing, don't get me wrong, but I almost liked this better.

Her hand finally let go of its death grip on my hair, and I realized that my head would be pounding in the morning. I couldn't get myself to care. I pulled my face away from her when she had nothing left for me to lick up, and her hand drifted to my cheek. I was reminded of the other night, when she had thought I was asleep. When I practically had been.

"Thank you," she said, smiling and looking me in the eye. "I can think, now. Thank you."

I wiped my chin with my thumb and popped it into my mouth. I just wanted to taste her a little bit more. "Any time, Sara."

She was still trying to catch her breath. I was surprised she was still able to stand. "Do you want...I could help you."

I wanted her. I wanted her more than I'd ever wanted her before. I wanted to kiss her and have her taste herself in my mouth. I wanted to make her come again...and again...and again. I wanted her to make me scream. Looking in her eyes, though, she looked so tired. This had been about her. I could wait.

"No. I'm fine."

She looked equal parts disappointed and relieved. "Next time."

I looked at her. "Next time?"

She pulled up her pants and backed away. "Like you said. I'm not better yet. I doubt this will be the last patch I need."

I didn't let the smile that wanted to come onto my face appear, because I knew it could spook her. She stuck out her hand and helped me up before sitting on my bed and grabbing something to eat. I sat next to her, and we ate in silence. After that, we both laid on my bed. We didn't touch. Sara probably felt a little ashamed. I just felt desperate to have her on me. When her eyes got too heavy, she moved to her own bed.

I really tried to just force myself to go to sleep early, but I couldn't until my body could calm down.

I glanced over at Sara's bed. Her face was facing me, but her eyes were closed. I slipped my hand straight into myself. I didn't need any more foreplay. My entire fucking life was foreplay right now.

"Sara..." I found myself whispering as I slipped straight in with three fingers. I remembered how Sara had told me not to fuck with her while she begged me to fuck her. My other hand pulled on my nipples hard. The way I wanted her to. She would, the next time. Sara had agreed to a next time. The thought pushed me closer to the edge.

Not that I really needed more encouragement.

"Sara...fuck Sara, yes!" I was going to cum embarrassingly fast, and for a second, I feared that I was being too loud, but Sara wasn't reacting, so I figured I was okay. I curled my fingers inside myself the way she'd made me do for her, and it threw me over the edge.

"Ugh...Sara!" I shouted once. I threw my hand over my mouth and watched her for any sign of movement as I made myself cum much like I'd done for Sara earlier. I caught my breath much faster than she had, and I rolled over to face the wall.

If I kept staring at her face, I knew I would never get any sleep.