"How many outfits are you taking?"

I shrugged and shoved a shirt into a back pack. "I think three?"

Sara turned to me, holding a shirt to her chest. "What do you think of this?"

I smirked. "I think it's mine."

She looked a little embarrassed, then she shrugged. "You're wearing my hoodie."

I looked at the ground. "I was cold, and it was all I could find in the middle of the night."

"Then why are you still wearing it now?"

I walked into the bathroom, trying to hide my blush, but walked out a second later. "Where's the sunscreen?"

"Grabbed it already," she said, moving around the room. "Also grabbed the lotion and toothpaste."

I smiled to myself, getting my last few things together. The last few days with Sara had been so...easy. We hadn't fought. Things hadn't been awkward. I hadn't been able to touch her again (Sara had been doing volunteering until the early hours of the morning for the stupid overnight trip...probably because she felt guilty), but she'd crawled into my bed and made me cum most nights. It was always quick, because we were both tired, but it was always good when she touched me.

I just liked feeling her inside of me.

I tried to ignore the voice in my head that reminded me that Sara was still trying to "get better." She'd been reading her bible even more, and visiting the chapel in the little bit of free time that she had. I knew she wasn't avoiding me; she woke me up every morning to take a walk with her. It was just that she was still holding onto the hope that she could change. I was holding onto the hope that I could make her realize that she didn't need to.

"Love" was a word that I kicked around my head almost every time I looked at Sara before shoving it deep down within myself and focusing on "Lust" instead. It was much easier that way.

"Ready to go?" I asked, opening the door to the cabin. Sara walked out, and I followed. We met up with the rest of camp, and Joe stood on one of the tables to get our attention.

"Alright, everyone, welcome to the hike-and-camp!" He started clapping, and everyone else did the same. I looked over at Sara, and she was clapping, but not as enthusiastically as she would have been a few weeks ago. "This is the best chance for those of you that have had some trouble getting to know other campers to do just that! There's the hike, music, delicious food, swimming in the lake-"

"Don't worry," Heather cut in. "We're providing swimwear for everyone."

"That's right," Joe said. "We'll also be doing a campfire and some bonus group time for everyone!"

"Joy," I said under my breath. Sara nudged me playfully.

"Alright we're taking off! Is everyone ready for fun!"

A few kids and the counselors were enthusiastic. Everyone else just got their things ready and started walking. Sara and I tried to stay near the back of the group at first, but Heather's hovering had started to drive me crazy, so we hovered in the middle.

After walking for more than an hour along a surprisingly steep and undefined path, I was exhausted.

"Thanks for making me take those walks," I said to Sara. "I think I would have died twenty minutes ago." She just waved her hand at me and kept her head down. "How far away is this fucking site? I feel like there could have been a little more warning for this." Sara slowed down a little, and I slowed down with her. "I guess this is why we should have done some of those group sports things."

"Tegan," Sara gasped out, stopping all together. She had her hands behind her head, and she was gasping for air.

"Are you alright?" I asked, trying not to sound too worried. Her hands dropped to her knees, and she was heaving. I started rubbing her back. "Shit, Sara, what's happening?"

"I...asthma." Sara was on her knees, now, and we were starting to grab the attention of other people.

"What's wrong?" a girl asked. The more people crowded around, the more panicked Sara looked.

"She's just tired," I said, grabbing Sara's bag to find her inhaler. "We'll catch up with you in a little bit."

Most people walked away. I glared at the few that tried to hang around until they left, too. I finally got her inhaler and handed it to her. I rubbed her back as she used it to open her lungs. She slowly was able to take in normal breaths. I felt like I was finally able to breathe, too.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm sorry that I'm slowing us down," she said, wiping a tear away. "I-I can get up now. I'm sorry."

I put my arm around her shoulders to keep her from standing up. "Sara, there's no rush. Just catch your breath."

"I'm okay," she said. "I'm sorry."

"Why do you keep saying you're sorry? What are you sorry for? For having an asthma attack?"

"Yes."

I really should stop being shocked by that kind of stuff.

"Did your parents make you apologize for having asthma attacks?" She started to shake her head, but I stopped her. "Be honest, Sara. I'm your friend. You can be honest with me."

She took a deep breath. "They hated my asthma. When it started to interfere with my dancing, they were convinced I just needed to build my endurance, and they would make me run until I couldn't breathe."

"That is fucked up," I said. She cringed, and I shook my head. "I'm sorry, but it is. That's fucking torture."

"Don't exaggerate."

"Fine," I said. "Is abuse better?"

She took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to make you mad."

"No...I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at your parents. Sara, you shouldn't feel bad for having asthma. I can't believe they made you feel bad for that. You should never have to say your sorry for that. I'll never make you say sorry for that, and I'll physically hurt anyone that tries to make you say sorry around me."

She looked at me for a second, and I thought she might cry, but she smiled instead, then leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Is it okay that I hate my family sometimes?"

"Yes," I said without hesitation. "It's totally fine."

"It's just that...sometimes, they make it very hard to love them," she barely got out. "It's like I was a curse. I know that I have so many issues. I know I'm hard to love. It's just that...I'm their family. They don't love me like they love each other. Why do I have to love them?"

I wrapped my arm around her tighter. "I don't know what to tell you. I would just say that you don't have to, but I know that it's more complicated than that."

"How do you feel about your parents?" she asked me. She was deflecting. She did that a lot. I let her have it this time, because she was still so tense.

"I still love them," I said. "They raised me. They made me who I am, and the more time I spend in this place, the more sure I feel that I like myself. I mean, not all the time, but for the most part. So I can't really hate my parents. You, though...you're a different story."

"Everyone else says that they're acting out of love," she said.

"Everyone else is full of shit-"

"Language!" A voice said from almost right behind us, making me jump out of my skin. Sara looked just as startled, and we both quickly got to our feet.

"Heather," I said, annoyed. "She just needed a minute."

"I understand," she said with a smile. "I just wanted to make sure that you guys didn't get turned around. Are you okay to go, Sara?"

Sara just nodded and started walking away. Heather shook her head and turned to me.

"What?" I asked, feeling self conscious.

"She's straying from the path, Tegan. I know that feeling. At some point in the recovery, it gets extremely hard. It just means that the road is almost clear. She needs a friend now more than ever to encourage her to get better."

"I don't-"

"I know that you don't think you care about getting better, but I know that you are her friend, and you do want her to be happy."

"I do," I said. "I just don't believe that that's possible here."

"I know the truth," Heather said, still smiling. "I am clean in God's eyes. Sara shall soon be as well. I just ask that you try to help her."

"I will," I said. I would. It just wouldn't be in the way Heather was hoping.

"Good," she said. "I hope that you both mingle once we start doing things at camp. There are some really cute boys out there."

She winked at me. It took everything in me not to gag...or laugh in her face.

"Yeah. I'm going now," I said, going after Sara, who was waiting for me just a few feet up the trail.

"Thanks," I said to her. "For waiting."

"Of course," she said. "You waited for me."

I smiled, and we went on our way, at a lot slower pace.

"I hope it's not much farther," she said. "I don't know why I'm having so much trouble today."

"Well, this camp is up pretty high," I said. "And we're hiking even higher up. The air's pretty thin. Thinner than we're used to."

"That makes sense," she said. "That makes me feel a lot better, actually."

"Glad I could help." We walked the rest of the way, complaining about the weather, not looking forward to the group activities.

"I want to get better," Sara said. "Most people just bore me, though. I've made a friend or two, but most of those fell through due to the fact that my parents barely let me go anywhere." She groaned. "I really need to stop saying bad things about them. They've taken care of me my entire life."

"I like it," I said. "You need to say how you feel. I get the impression that that's not a thing you do very often."

She shook her head. "No. My feelings are dangerous. I can't trust myself."

"I trust you," I said. "If that means anything."

She was smiling more and more as of late. "It does. It means a lot."

We walked for a while more before finally getting to the campground.

"Alright, guys, we made it! Next up, we need to all set up our tents. This is a great friendship building exercise, so take advantage!"

Sara and I found our designated tent area and started setting up.

"Have you ever done this before?" Sara asked me.

"Yeah. A few times. My parents liked going camping, but they were busy, so I think I went all of five times. And I've been to a few camps where we did stuff like this. I always helped set up the tent."

"Do you like it?" she asked. "Camping, I mean."

I nodded. "Yeah. I like nature. I get really, stupidly emotional in the woods sometimes. It's weird."

"I've never really been in the woods like this," she said. "It's pretty."

"We should find a really good lookout spot," I said. "I think you'd really enjoy it."

Of course, I had other motives besides showing Sara a good view of the forest. Being around her all morning...touching her all morning...I just wanted to get her alone. I couldn't wait until it was time to go to bed. I wanted to try to touch her again.

"That sounds nice," she said shyly. "It would be a good place to clear my thoughts. Maybe pray."

"Yeah, or we could-"

"Alright everyone, are your tents up? We're going to start handing out the barbecue!"

Despite how I tried to ignore it, my mouth started watering. I was really convinced that they were using mild starvation tactics on us. They gave us just enough to get by, and then would once in a while remind us that there was good food on the outside...if only we were normal...

Lunch was amazing (although, I could have eaten five more plates), and Sara seemed a lot more relaxed than she had been all morning since we'd joined the group. Then, once again, just as we were settling, Joe called everyone over to a clearing.

"Alright, everyone!" he said. "Welcome to the campsite! I know you're all a little tired from the hike and setting everything up, but we've got a full two days planned out for all of you. First of all, we'll do a little prayer, since we all skipped chapel. Gather around on the grass. Go ahead and sit boy-girl, and introduce yourself to the person to your right or left. Even if you already know each other, act like this is the first time you've ever spoken. You're introducing them to your new selves!"

Sara and I sat on opposite sides of the prayer circle, and I tried to talk to the guys sitting next to me. Left side seemed completely disinterested in everything around him, and right side was too busy eye fucking one of the counselors to even notice that I was there. I didn't care. I looked across to Sara, and she seemed to be having a much better time. The guy next to her said something, and she giggled.

Why was it so easy for her to be nice to everyone but me? Why did I have to work so much harder than everyone else? I'd had to earn that, and everyone else got it for free. Then again, I got pieces of her that others did. Not the sex (which was amazing...I couldn't emphasize that point enough), but the stories of her past and the sharing of her real feelings.

"Okay, let's pray." Joe droned on about something, but I couldn't care less. All I could think about was Sara. I looked over to her, and she had scooted as close to him as humanly possible. His hand barely touched her leg, and I was ready to drag him off into the woods, never to be seen again. I didn't have a right to feel like this. To feel...jealous like this. I just wanted us to be able to be alone.

Prayer lasted until right before it started to get dark. After that, we were sent out into the woods with our bunk mates to get fire wood, and it was the first time in days that I felt awkward around her.

"Are you okay?" she asked me after a few moments of silence. "You seem mad."

"I'm not mad," I said. "I just noticed that you're making new friends."

"Is that bad?" she asked me, and I shrugged. I really didn't know. It's not like I was crazy and didn't want her to talk to anyone else. I just didn't like the way she was acting around that guy.

I stepped closer to her, and without thinking, I pressed my lips to hers. Her hands went immediately to my face, before they were pushing me away a few moments later.

"You can't do that," she said. "You can't just kiss me."

"What? Why? It's not like you haven't kissed me every night this week."

Sara looked around us nervously. "That was different. You know I'm just doing that while I get better."

"Sara, I know that, but I just needed-"

"I'm not here for you when you need me like that," she said. "That's not how this works."

"Why not?"

"Because then things get too confusing for me," she said.

I swallowed. "Sara, were you...were you flirting with that guy at prayer?"

"That's none of your business."

"I'm your friend."

"But you're not asking as my friend," she said. "If I want to flirt with boys, that shouldn't bother you."

I wanted to be mad at her, but I just felt hurt. I knew that this wasn't even really her. Sara was herself half the time and the product of her parents' cruel words the other half. She was fighting with herself all the time. I didn't want to fight with her, too. At least not right then.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I just don't want you to think that throwing yourself at a boy will make you better."

"It's worth a try," she said. "Wouldn't be the first time."

My eyes locked with hers. "What does that mean?"

"I've tried it before," she said. "A few times, right when I started sneaking out as a teenager. It didn't work then. I'd...hated it then. I stopped because it wasn't helping."

"Then why go back to it now?" I felt sick. I couldn't imagine forcing myself to do that, and I hated that she'd done that to herself.

"I'm a different person. I feel differently about women now. Maybe I'll feel differently about boys, too."

I closed my eyes and tried to keep my breathing even. I wanted to cry. I wouldn't let her go through that again, but I knew I couldn't say that. "Whatever you want to do, Sara. Just put some thought into it." I grabbed some sticks and walked back to the camp. Joe had us sit around the fire by the same people we had before. I took my chances with starting up a conversation with left side guy.

"Please tell me that I'm not the only one counting down the days until we get the fuck out of here."

He smiled. "Oh thank God! My roommate has been spewing Jesus crap at me for weeks. I was starting to feel alone! I'm Jeremy." He offered his hand, and I took it.

"Tegan," I said. "Nice to meet a normal person."

"You're roommate a hassle, too?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No...well, yes, but I don't really mind."

"Ah," he said. "So you have a crush."

I was about to respond, but Joe started talking again.

"I know that the day time has been difficult, but tonight is all about relaxing! Sit by the fire, walk around, throw the football. As long as you're all talking and having appropriate-gendered conversations, you can do whatever you want! Please stay within the limits of the campsite, and feel free to some marshmallows for roasting. Have fun, everyone!"

My first instinct was to go to Sara, but I saw her staying in her seat, talking to the boy from earlier, and I decided to talk to Jeremy by the fire.

"So, what gave me away?" I asked, and he laughed.

"You've been glancing at that girl all night," he said. "And I've seen you hanging around. She's one of Joe's pets, isn't she?"

"No," I said quickly, and he threw his hands up.

"Hey, I mean no offense. I just meant he likes her," he said. "At least he did until a few days ago. What happened?"

"She's hit some snags in her recovery," I answered semi-honestly. "It's really getting to her."

"Has she been taking it out on you, too?"

I shook my head. "She did before, but not so much now."

"Has anything...happened?" he asked with a mischievous grin.

I blushed, but shook my head, and I hoped he'd just take it as shyness. He didn't push it, at least.

"Can I tell you a secret?" he asked, and I nodded. "She's been looking over here all night."

"Really?" I asked. "She seems really interested in that guy every time I look over."

"She was at first. Now she only looks that way when you look anywhere near her direction." He laughed. "I'm guessing this isn't a one-way thing?"

"That's a complicated question," I said. "Can you do me a favor and keep talking to me if it's making her jealous?"

He laughed and put his arm around my shoulders. "I'll hang out with you all night if I need to. And don't worry. I have a boyfriend waiting for me back home."

I laughed and kept chatting with Jeremy. He was actually a really sweet guy, and I found myself surprised to have a little bit of fun with him. It was nice to talk to someone that I didn't have to watch my words around. I knew it could be like that with Sara if she would just let herself be happy.

I didn't know how long it had been before I realized that I didn't know where Sara was. Almost everyone had made it back to their tents, so I left Jeremy with a hug, and went to find her. After a few minutes, I started to get worried. I found the guy she'd been talking to and got his attention.

"Where did Sara go?" I asked him, interrupting his conversation.

"Um...I don't know. She started acting weird, said something about a headache, and walked off. I haven't seen her since."

"When was that?" I asked.

"About half an hour ago? She probably just went back to her tent."

I was walking away before he even had the sentence out of his mouth. Despite the fact that I was still mildly irritated (and extremely saddened) by her, I wanted to make sure she was okay. When I got back to the tent, she was curled into a ball on top of her sleeping bag.

"Sara?" I asked, crawling in. "Sara, I heard you have a headache."

"Yeah, I'm sorr-" she cut herself off. "Yeah, I do."

"Do you need some water?" I asked, and she shook her head before wincing. "Don't move. Just keep still with your eyes closed."

"I already drank water," she said. "I think it was just the stress of the day and the thin air."

I laid down next to her, running my fingers through her hair. She moaned a little, and despite the fact that I knew she was in pain, I felt it between my legs. I squeezed them together to relieve some of the tension that had instantly come into the room.

"Who was that boy?" she asked me after a few minutes, and it gave me pause. "Please don't stop."

I'd been hoping to hear those words in a different context, but this one was fine, too. My hand went back to it's stroking, and I said, "His name is Jeremy. He was really nice."

"I thought that you weren't trying to change," she said, sounding more in pain than what was coming from a simple headache.

"I'm not," I said. "He isn't, either. Don't worry."

"I'm not worrying," she said. "I was just curious. As your friend."

"Bet your headache feels better, though, doesn't it?"

There was a bit of silence, and I thought that Sara had fallen asleep, but then she groaned.

"My head is pounding, Tegan."

"I'm sorry," I said.

"You didn't do it," she said. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"But I'm sorry that you're in pain." I leaned forward and kissed her temple. I was glad when she let me. I pushed my luck and pecked her on the lips. She accepted it, and I smiled. I went back to stroking her hair for a while before she spoke up again.

"Thank you," she said. "I really appreciate it."

"No problem," I said back. "Do you need anything else?"

"Do you think one of the counselors has pain killers?" she asked. "Maybe Heather?"

I smiled and said, "Okay," even though I wasn't looking forward to the stupid pep-talk I was sure to receive once I got to her tent.

I crawled out, and everyone was asleep by now. I tried to be careful with my steps to make sure that I didn't wake anyone up. Heather's tent was at the end of my row of tents. I heard her moving around inside, so I unzipped her door. I threw my hands over my mouth to hold in the gasp that wanted to leave.

The first thing I saw was the naked body of one of the other counselors. If my memory wasn't failing me, her name was Tina.

The second thing I saw was Heather's head moving up and down between her thighs.