A/N: Thank you all so much for the amazing reviews! I was able to respond back through PM to a lot of you all, but the guest, I'm not able too. But I want to give you all a special shout out and let you know that I appreciate all your kind words for this story and sticking with it! I hope I don't disappoint or push you away after this chapter. Xoxo
I would also like to take a moment to say, RIP to Cory Monteith, from Glee. My thoughts and prayers are with him and his family and friends. You will be forever missed!
The hot water cascaded over Damon Salvatore's body, seeping into his pores, as he stood in his shower lost in thought; thoughts that he desperately wish would leave his mind. It had only been two weeks since he started counseling Bonnie Bennett, and during those two weeks he felt as if his head would explode. He should have never agreed to Stefan to help her. She wasn't his responsibility…. And yet ever day when he went home, his mind was constantly enveloped by her. He even found himself dreaming about her, and it aggravated him.
All he could think about was those green eyes that held so much sadness, but yet reminded him of the richest emerald ever created. Her brown hair that even though it was always in a ponytail, looked as if it were meant to have his fingers glide through it, and her mocha skin, even though it looked worn out from her troubles, still looked smooth and soft, awaiting his touch. It was the fact that every day they spoke; her skin would brighten just a little, informing him that she was slowly but surely getting better.
And God, she was beautiful. Did he mention that already? There were times in their sessions that she wouldn't say anything at all, and yet surprisingly he didn't care because he just wanted to stare at her. Yes, it sound creepy even to him.
As he continued to let the water glide over his skin, he thought about the other day when she opened up more to him about her past, and it left him enraged. He knew he shouldn't have been, but her words made his chest tighten.
"It never crossed my mind in a million years…." Bonnie spoke, as her eyes remained locked on her fingers. "…to do something like that. I never… I always thought that I would lose it to someone I was in love with." She paused for a moment, "And if that never happened then Matt and I agreed that… well joked around that I would give it to him if I never found love….."
Damon shifted a little uncomfortably in his seat and was glad that it went unnoticed by Bonnie.
"And then a week after everything happened, I just… I don't know. The way he looked at me; the things he said. At the time… in that moment I felt safe, I felt like this different person. Not knowing that at that time I was turning into this different person."
"Did you love him?" Damon asked, his reason for asking was more for his benefit then helping her.
Bonnie's eyes found his, and the tears appeared, but never fell, "No… maybe… I don't know. But now all I feel is disgust… that I allowed myself to sleep with my professor."
Damon was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of his phone going off. He got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist, and checked his phone.
He had several missed calls and texts on his phone. The majority being from Stefan, a few from Elijah, and a couple from his friend Rose, and he used the term friend because he didn't think sex partner of the month would be appropriate.
The voicemails from Stefan were just concerning Bonnie, so he deleted them and thought about calling him back tomorrow. Rose just wanted to know if she could come over, and he wasn't in the mood for her… which was a first.
He listened to Elijah's message, knowing that it wasn't pertaining to work; otherwise he would have called his work phone.
"How is she, Damon?" Was all he said before hanging up.
Damon turned off his phone. He knew Elijah was talking about Rebekah. He couldn't put it passed Elijah for figuring out why he took a break from Salvatore Industries. They were just a like in a sense, knowing almost everything, and if not they would figure it out. That's why they were so good at what they did.
Making it a point that he would return everyone's call tomorrow, he grabbed the book he was currently reading this week, off his table. Call of the Wild. But as he tried to concentrate on the minute words in front of him, his thoughts instantly went to Bonnie. He found himself wondering if she were sleeping or if she were up thinking about him. He knew that the latter was a long shot, because she barely looked at him during their sessions, and he couldn't blame her. When he was forced into therapy he never looked at his therapist; barely opened up at first. In those moments he hated it and he hated everyone.
His thoughts then went back to their earlier session again, of Bonnie telling him about sleeping with her professor. And again, it was putting him in an angry uncomfortable mood. After a few minutes of trying to block her from his mind, he put his book down, pulled out his cell and called Rose.
He needed to get his mind off of Bonnie, and sex with Rose was the only way he knew how.
The clock on the wall read 2:20 am. At this time, Bonnie was usually having a silent conversation with the inside of her eyelids, but her mind was clouded with memories hindering away her sleep. As Bonnie let the room temperature water slide down her throat, her mind began to wonder to the session she had with Damon earlier today. Every time she went into a session with him, she had no plans of revealing so much of her past, but when they were alone in that room together, the way he listened to her with compassion and care, made her want to vent and express her feelings. She was doing much better in one-on-one therapy sessions than the twice a week group ones that she couldn't stand.
Every day she was making a slow progress in her recovery process, but slow was the key word. Because even now as she thought of everything she revealed today, the memories made her wish that a certain clear liquor, with enough percentage of alcohol to make you feel numb, was gliding down her throat instead of water.
Past
A week had passed since the night of New Year's Eve, and every day since that night, Bonnie felt guilty…. shameful even. What she did that night went beyond anything and everything she thought possible. She was always levelheaded, barely drank, and never thought about doing any type of drugs. So, getting heavily wasted and snorting cocaine crossed every line in her book.
When she and Matt got back to the dorms that night, they slept until the next evening, and then Bonnie found herself in her bathroom, letting the shower be her best friend for an hour. She didn't care that her skin pruned over, she just wanted to wash that night off of her.
And now, a week later, she was in her room reading a book that was required for her upcoming class. Call of the Wild. But her mind wouldn't let her concentrate as she was bombarded from memories of that night. She knew that she was supposed to enjoy her college experience, but what she did was taking it to the extreme. She didn't get this far to screw up everything now.
And a part of her couldn't stop thinking of that night because of the way it made her feel. Like that feeling she would get after she went on a roller coaster ride. Through the ride, she would be a little scared, weightless, even scream the whole time, but afterwards, she would feel relieved, breathless and would want to do it again. And she hated herself because she currently missed that feeling.
"Someone's hungry," Matt's voice brought Bonnie out of her thoughts.
Bonnie turned around and looked at him, lying on her bed flipping through channels on her television. She almost forgot he was here.
"What?" She asked, not understanding his question.
"Your stomach has been growling for the last five minutes." He answered, annoyed because there was nothing on TV and he was bored.
She hadn't even noticed. "Chinese or Pizza?" she asked, knowing that she wasn't in the mood to cook anything, and the only places that would deliver were their local pizza and Chinese restaurant.
"Chinese." Matt answered, nonchalantly, now flipping through a magazine.
When Bonnie got back to 'reading,' Matt's phone went off with the sounds of 'I'm a Barbie girl' filling the room. She turned to look at him, "Um… Matt, you know you don't have to keep that on there right?"
"Yeah, but it's a bit catchy," He said, checking his phone. "Haley wants to know if we want to come over and hang out tonight."
Bonnie's heart instantly jumped at the mention of Haley's name. The definition of hanging out definitely meant something else that Bonnie wasn't sure she needed to do.
"I can tell her no, Bonnie." Bonnie knew that Matt was being sincere when he spoke, but she could also tell that he wanted to go.
"You want to go don't you?"
"Kind of," He admitted. "But I'm not going without you."
Bonnie was silent for a moment. If she were to go, tonight would be her last time for the whole semester. After New Year's Eve, she shouldn't be allowed out anymore. And as soon as classes started back up in another day, she would hold herself to that promise; already preparing herself from the wrath of Caroline.
"Okay," she agreed, "But if I go tonight, I'm not going out for the rest of the semester."
Matt would have told Bonnie that they didn't have to commit to anything tonight, but he really needed a fix. He hated that he did, but if tonight would be Bonnie's last night going out, then tonight would be his last night letting the white nose candy back into his system. He wasn't an addict and he didn't want to turn into one.
"And I'm not going to stay long or have a repeat of last time." She assured him, putting up her book, and sitting on her bed in front of him.
"You mean last time when you were making moon eyes at Professor Shane?" Matt laughed, as Bonnie threw a pillow at him, "Oh Professor Shane you are so hot. Kiss me to bring in New Years," Matt said, doing his best Bonnie impersonation.
She playfully shoved him, "I thought we said we weren't going to bring that up."
"I said I wouldn't bring it up to anyone else, I didn't say I wouldn't torture you from time to time." He laughed, "If I didn't grab you up and kiss you when the clock hit 12, you would have never heard the end of it."
Sometimes Bonnie wished that when she was intoxicated, she wouldn't be able to remember anything from the previous night, but boy was she wrong. She remembered everything from the night before, even flirting with Professor Shane; someone that she would be seeing almost every day when classes started. She was beyond embarrassed at that memory. And on the countdown to the New Year, if Matt didn't kiss her, she would have made a big mistake.
"Thanks for that by the way."
Matt shrugged, "No problem, it just gives me an excuse to kiss you." He winked.
Bonnie smiled and rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you really want to kiss Haley."
"You wouldn't be wrong, but I'm sure I'll get my chance."
"Just be careful with her, Mattie. That girl has a lot going on and I don't want you to…"
"Bons, you know I'm going to be okay." He cut her off, "Plus, I have you… my best friend to knock me over the head if I do anything stupid." He smiled, taking her hand.
At the rate she was feeling right now she would probably join him if he did anything stupid, instead of stop him. "Oh, and when everyone gets back tomorrow, let's just keep the other night… and tonight, between us."
"You don't even have to ask."
Several hours later, Bonnie and Matt entered Haley's 'mansion' and the first thing Haley did upon seeing them, was lead them downstairs to everyone else. Their eyes landed on the same people from last time, Professor Shane, Connor, and April.
"Make yourself at home," Haley said, "And Matt, you can sit by me."
Bonnie lightly rolled her eyes, but let a small smile cover her face, and sat beside Connor and across from Professor Shane and April.
Haley then handed Bonnie a cup, "Try it, it's good."
When the liquid entered Bonnie's mouth and slid down her throat, she couldn't help but consume more. She as right, it was good. "What is this?"
"Just my own little concoction. I call it, Sex in the driveway." She winked.
"Isn't it called, Sex on the beach, Hales?" April asked, as she rolled up a rather large blunt.
"Yes, but mine is called Sex in the driveway, and mine is a lot better." She said, right before downing a shot.
Bonnie watched as Matt poured dark liquor into his shot glass, and took it back like a pro. Before she could say anything, the blunt that Connor was inhaling, was now being held in front of her face.
"Want a hit?" Connor asked, "This stuff will get you right in a few minutes."
Bonnie's eyes stayed glued to the blunt in front of her, and for a moment, she thought about declining and just sip on her drink, but knowing this would be her last time partaking in any of this, she decided to take the blunt out of his fingers, and stick it partially in her mouth, inhaling. When she exhaled a bit, she did find herself coughing, but held her ground. She did it one more time before returning it back to him.
About an hour in, Bonnie was feeling good. She didn't know whether she was drunk or high, all she knew was that she was in a euphoric state, leaning back on Haley's leather sofa. It was like she was floating and all of her muscles felt at ease. She had no worries, not about her past or her future. She was just in the here and now, and it felt great.
Bonnie looked over at Matt who was making out with Haley, and when there making out got a little more heavily, she led him upstairs. If Bonnie would have been in her right mind, she would have stopped him or at least made sure it was what he wanted, but Matt was a grown man, he could make decisions for himself.
"I don't think you realize how beautiful you are." Professor Shane's voice pulled Bonnie away from her attention on Matt and Haley.
When she looked at him, her breath caught in her throat at how gorgeous he really was. He may have been older and more mature, but he just had this certain demeanor about himself, that made Bonnie feel a certain amount of heat tingle below her waist.
She was definitely surprised at his compliment, because someone like him could never be interested in someone like her. Always growing up, Elena and Caroline got all of the attention, and Bonnie was lucky to get their leftovers to give her any attention. It wasn't that she wasn't a pretty girl, but she felt her other two friends were immaculate and had more going for them that guys were attracted too.
"And I don't think you realize how hot you really are." Bonnie spoke with utter confidence, which was a first. It had to either be the five shots she had, the two lines of coke she snorted earlier, or the weed she was currently inhaling to give her that extra poise.
"I've always noticed you in my classes." He said, trailing circles on her bare thigh, causing her to shiver in satisfaction.
"Really?"
"You're one of my best students, how could I not? Do you have my class this coming semester?"
"Yes….y-you're a good t-teacher." She could barely get her words out from the sweet torture he was instilling on just her thigh. She looked over to make sure Connor and April weren't looking at them, and she was right, because their attention was too busy on exploring each other's tongues instead in their direction.
"Really? I try to be good at everything I do." The innuendo in 'everything' was not missed by Bonnie. And she didn't know what came over her, but she wanted to experience the 'everything' he mentioned. At this moment she was feeling so carefree that she didn't care about what could happen.
"Care to give me preview?"
And before she could say anything or wonder if she shouldn't have said anything at all, his lips were on hers.
Bonnie was a little caught off guard, because she had never been kissed like this before. Between a few pecks from Matt, a dare where she had to kiss Tyler, and a brief sneak attack from Jeremy years ago, this was the first time a kiss had ever been so intense.
When Shane pulled her closer to him, his tongue darted in her mouth, and she accepted him fully. He tasted of bourbon and weed, and so did she. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders as he traced his hands along her back, in a caress.
She was so into the kiss, that when he moved down and nibbled lightly on her neck, she let out a soft moan.
"Get a room," April said, in between playing tonsil hockey with Connor.
Shane immediately stopped, and smiled at Bonnie's swollen lips. "That's not a bad idea."
Was Bonnie really going to do this? Go to a room with her professor, and let him do things to her, that her body desperately wanted right now; things that she promised herself that she would never do until she was in love. High or not, drunk or not, did she really want this?
When Shane stood up and held out his hand, Bonnie looked at him. This would be her last night to do anything crazy, and she didn't have to go further than she wanted too. Making out wouldn't hurt anything, right?
So, when she grabbed his hand, and led her upstairs to one of the vacant rooms, he locked the door, and was kissing her desperately again.
They fell back onto the bed. "You don't know how long I've wanted this." He said, between kissing her.
Bonnie was so in tuned with his kisses that she didn't even care to respond. Because the truth was that everyday since New Year's, she had been thinking of him. Wondering what it would be like, for just a moment, to be noticed by someone like him… with his caliber.
Bonnie didn't know when her shirt came off, but when his hands went under her skirt, she tensed up a little, causing him stop.
"Are you alright? We can stop if you want?" He didn't want to stop, but he didn't want to force himself upon her, and have her screaming 'rape.'
Bonnie thought for a moment if she really wanted him to do this; if this was something that she should be doing? Her intentions were just to make out, but he was so generous towards her and held a sense of compassion in his eyes that made her feel safe. And at this moment, that's what she wanted to continue to feel; safe and carefree.
But before she did do anything, she thought that she should at least be honest with him, "I-I'm… I've n-never…"
"You're a virgin?" He asked. Bonnie was surprised that his voice was so level and not betraying a mocking tone.
"Yes…"
Shane hid his excitement. He could have jumped for joy when finding out that she had not been touched by another man. He loved virgins, and he would love taking hers.
"Don't worry," He said softly, moving a stray hair gently out of her face, "I'll be gentle… and we can stop anytime."
Bonnie's eyes connected with his and saw the sincerity. When she nodded, Shane undressed and slid on a condom, causing Bonnie to blush.
"I'm going to kiss you while I enter you. It'll only hurt for a moment." He explained, and when she nodded, his lips found their way back to hers, and before Bonnie could process anything, he was slowly entering her.
Shane was right, it did hurt at first…. really hurt, and Bonnie had a few tears escape her eyes to prove it, but then an indescribable sensation filled her; the sensation she usually got when she would practice solo on herself. But at this moment, she felt as if everything was heightened; as if she were drowning in a blissful rapture of ecstasy.
She never wanted it to end.
Bonnie's head was pounding as she woke up the next morning. It took her a moment for her eyes to focus on her surroundings. Usually when she drank she remembered everything that happened the night before, but as of right now, she was drawing a blank.
Well, that was until she noticed Professor Shane asleep beside her, and the memories came rushing back. An intense wave of nausea rushed to the surface, and Bonnie felt as if she were going to be sick.
She could feel the vomit and tears rushing to the surface as she remembered everything she did last night. She not only drank and got high, two things she said she wasn't going to do when coming back here, but she lost the most important thing to her; to someone she barely knew, who was also older than her and her professor.
What the Fuck was she thinking? She wanted to claw her skin off…..turn back time… anything and everything to make this go away. What had she done?
Bonnie stood out of bed and put back on her clothes.
"Off so soon," Shane's voice caught her attention.
She watched him sit up in bed, "I have to get going, my friends are coming back today." It took everything in her not to cry out.
"Are you okay, Bonnie… about last night?"
She nodded.
"Are you sure? I wasn't too rough was I?"
"No…. you were perfect." She was being honest. He treated her amazingly last night, putting her needs above his own, but this wasn't supposed to happen and she knew that.
He then kissed her on the forehead, "Let's just keep this between us."
She nodded, because that was exactly what she was thinking.
"Call me if you need anything."
When Bonnie put on her last piece of clothing and her shoes, she stepped out of the room and dialed Matt's cell.
It only rang once, before she heard the Barbie Girl ringtone, and saw him walking out of another room, closing the door behind him.
Matt instantly grabbed Bonnie in a hug, "Bonnie I'm so sorry for keeping you here all night. One thing led to another with Haley and…." He paused, not sure if he should say more. And that's when he noticed the sad expression on her face, "Are you alright?
No, "My head is killing me… I'm just ready to go home."
Matt intertwined his hand with hers as they went outside and waited for a cab. And for some reason, Bonnie felt like nothing would ever be the same after today.
Present
And was she right about that, Bonnie thought, as the memory of that night left her. Nothing was ever the same after that night.
"Bonnie, I love you and all, but will you turn off that sodding light." Rebekah said, with sleepy irritation in her voice. A light smile crossed Bonnie's features at Rebekah's demand, as she turned off the light, and laid back down.
Sometimes Rebekah stayed the night in Bonnie's room, vice versa, if things got a little too hard and she didn't want to be alone. Surprisingly, Bonnie didn't mind, because Rebekah's kindness and friendship was soothing.
Right before she closed her eyes to go to sleep, Damon unexpectedly entered her mind.
The next day, Bonnie found herself on the treadmill with Rebekah right beside her on the elliptical. Bonnie was surprised to find a small gym in the facility, but found herself using it almost every day. And there were at least five different nurses standing watch to make sure people who utilized the area didn't do anything stupid.
Running on the treadmill actually brought a certain amount of ease to her body. When she was running, her cravings for certain things weren't as dominant. And plus, she got exercise and stayed fit while doing so.
"Hi, Pearl!" Rebekah exclaimed, as Rebekah's therapist walked into the gym.
"Hi, Rebekah, how are you today?"
"Doing well. We still on for four?" she asked.
"Of course." She smiled, and then her attention went over to Bonnie, "Bonnie, Damon will be running a little late today, but he still wants to meet with you around 7. Will you be up for it being so late?
Bonnie slowed down her running, "Sure." She responded softly. She actually found herself enjoying talking to Damon, so a meeting with him anytime was fine.
"And also there is someone here to see you."
Bonnie pressed stop on the treadmill. "What….who?" she asked, unaware of whom it could be. She specifically told them when she entered the facility that she didn't want her friends or family to have visitation rights. She didn't want them to see her like this, and she just couldn't face them after everything she had done…. Not yet.
"I'm not sure, but she said she really wanted to see you." Pearl answered, "And I think it would be a good idea, Bonnie. I know you gave away visitation rights, but It helps seeing a familiar face; knowing that they haven't given up on you."
"I think you should at least go and see who it is, Bons." Rebekah agreed with Pearl. "You're always thinking that your friends don't care about you, but obviously they are trying to breach through rules to come see you."
Bonnie thought about it for a moment, as her palms began to sweat. She had no idea who was out there, and she had to be honest… she was terrified.
It had only been a little over a month being in the facility, and she didn't know if she was ready to see anyone.
"Plus, you can always look who it is before actually going out there, that way you can turn back around if it's not someone you are ready to see."
Rebekah had a point.
"Fine… but I'm only doing this once. If anyone else asks for me, please tell them that I don't want to see anyone." She said to Pearl.
When Bonnie made her way to the lobby where they can have visitors, she noticed the straight brown hair that belonged to her best friend, Elena Gilbert.
Before she opened the door to enter the lobby where she was waiting, she thought about turning back around and telling someone to make her leave, but she decided that if Elena came all this way, it had to be important.
Bonnie walked up and sat down in a chair in front of her.
The girls stared at each other in silence as they tried to decipher what to say to the other.
Elena was the first to speak, "How are you, Bonnie."
"I'm…I'm hanging in there." She said, softly; her voice cracking a little as she tried to hold in her tears. Seeing Elena in front of her was almost too much to bear. "Is um… is everything alright? I wasn't expecting… I…"
A light smile crossed Elena's face, "Everything's fine. I just… I just wanted to see you. I wanted to make sure you were alright and that they were treating you well here."
"I am…. And they are." She spoke.
And when silence fell among them again, Elena spoke up, "Katherine's getting married."
Bonnie's eyes widened in shock.
"I know that was my facial expression too. But I'm just up here helping her pick out a dress." Before Bonnie could question how absurd that sound, Elena continued, "My mom wanted to come and help her find a dress and dragged me along. I didn't really want to come."
That sound like the Elena she knew, but she could tell by her face that Elena was truly happy for her twin, even if they didn't get along.
"Here's your invitation," She said, handing her a small white envelope. "Katherine wanted me to give it you."
Bonnie was a bit surprised, because Katherine couldn't really stand any of Elena's friends.
"It's in eight months, and if… well, when you're out of this place we all want you to be there."
The only thing Bonnie could do was nod.
"Well, I guess I'll get going."
When they both stood up, Bonnie wasn't sure she was ready for a hug, so she kept her distance, and slowly smiled, "Elena… thank you… for this." She said holding up the invitation, "And thank you for coming."
"No problem." She smiled, "Hurry up and get better. We all miss you."
And with those final words, Bonnie watched Elena walk out of the facility and then returned herself back to the gym with Rebekah.
Walking outside of Manhattan's Rehabilitation center, the brunette placed her sunglasses on, to cover her eyes from the bright sun that filled the day.
"How is your friend," The beautiful male accented voice filled her ears.
She turned around, "There you are." She smiled sweetly, and kissed him on the lips. "She says she's doing fine, but I can tell that it's hard on her. How was your chat with Damon?"
"It went well." He answered, "She didn't suspect you not being Elena?"
"Nope," Katherine smiled, "I'm getting good at impersonating my twin." Bonnie declined visitation rights for all of the little Scooby gang, but didn't think about declining Katherine, so when she came to the facility she was glad to find her name wasn't on the list.
"Why did you do it by the way?" Elijah asked, as he held onto her hand and walked across the street.
"Because out of all of my sister's little friends, I liked Bonnie the most and I hated that she went through what she did." Katherine explained. Yes, there were a lot of times where she couldn't stand Elena, but she still loved her sister, and she even loved her weird, annoying friends. And when she found out about Bonnie and Matt it did break her heart.
"And because of you," She smiled sweetly to him. "You've changed me, Elijah. You didn't give up on me, when everyone else did. You're making me into this better person, and I love you for it."
"I love you too, Katerina."
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I know there wasn't really any Bamon interaction, but I will promise that the next chapter will have it and it will be right where this chapter left off! Thank you again so much for your reviews.
And I don't plan on moving super-fast with Bonnie and Damon. Yes, there is an attraction on Damon's part, and we can kind of see a little from Bonnie. But that's all there is right now. No one is going to act on those feelings because of the situation they're in.
And I'm going to be honest, I hated writing that Shane and Bonnie part in this story, but it is a key part to Bonnie's downfall and her recovery, so like I said in the first chapter, it will be exploring this dark side. And I know you may all think that that moved way too fast and Bonnie has no willpower, but from her perspective, she's feeling so carefree and out of her element that she's getting to a point that she's not going to care about anything she does. So, I hope I didn't push you away from this story and you continue to read!
Please, Please Please Review! All of your reviews mean so much to me, and I read everyone! They give me motivation and I just love them so please review! =) xoxo.