A/N Thank you all so much. I definitely heard differing opinions. Some of you still think Rick is the world's biggest D'Bag who should never be forgiven. Some of you think Beth has been equally in the wrong. In other words, I have no hope of making all of you happy. Here goes my best effort.
When Daddy told her Daryl would be bringing her things over and Rick was filing for divorce, she'd felt her stomach tie up in a mass of knots she was sure were never going to untangle.
She wasn't over being angry at him and she felt justified in her anger. But she didn't want to lose Rick forever, she loved him more than anything. And he was her baby's Daddy.
She also had to admit, at least to herself, that ever since she'd left their home she'd felt like she was the one in control, he had all the work to do to try and earn her forgiveness, get her back. She was going to let him suffer, make him pay for what he'd done.
She'd never even considered that he might just give up. Her heart and her stomach both couldn't quite give into that. So she'd swallowed at least a little bit of her pride and called her husband.
He didn't talk to her the way he used to, oh he was polite, but it wasn't the loving Rick she'd expected it to be. There was no warmth to it, no smile in his voice, no discernible love in his voice. He was what you'd call business-like.
She'd told him she was interested in going to the couples counseling. He'd told her, "Okay, that sounds good Beth. I'll call the office in the morning and set an appointment that won't conflict with your work schedule. I'll shoot you a text telling you when and where. I look forward to seeing you there and I appreciate the effort."
She couldn't deny the formality of it had stung.
He'd felt it was time to give up, just let her go, what else was there to do? She still wouldn't speak to him and it had been seven weeks, it seemed there was no use. She obviously wasn't interested in trying to reconcile. It was time to just accept that he'd totaly fucked up his marriage and his life. Regroup, adjust and try to go on with his own life.
He had a child, and before long he'd be a Daddy again. He had to keep his head straight, focus on his career and his son. Whether he had Beth or not, he still had a growing family to support.
He was more baffled by her call than anything. Why now? Why nothing for seven weeks and out of the blue she calls? He couldn't say he was happy about it. It had been a very long and very painful seven weeks. He'd beat himself up a million times. He'd been filled with self-loathing to the point where it was affecting his relationship with his son, his work performance, his work relationships, his sleep and finally his health.
Dale was the one who had insisted he seek some professional help.
With the counseling he felt like he'd finally gotten some relief from his misery, like he was starting to make a little progress. Now he was afraid that he'd fall backwards, right back in that dark pit of self-hate. He didn't know if he could survive it twice. But fuck, he loved her so much and he wanted this to be a start, a start to them being the loving couple Rick and Beth had been.
But he was afraid to hope, afraid to set himself up for more heartbreak.
When he called about an appointment he was told there'd been a cancellation for that afternoon, and their appointment was at 4:00pm.
He talked to Daryl and he'd offered to swing by and get Carl at school. He'd take him to the library where he could do his homework and Daryl could look at motorcycle and hunting magazines. Then they were going for pizza. He and Daryl had agreed to keep his meeting with Beth and the therapist a secret from his son.
Rick didn't feel like he ought to tell Carl that he was going to meet with Beth. His son had suffered in all of this too, and Rick didn't want the boy getting his hopes up that they were going to work this out and she'd be coming home. Just like when he was first dating her and hadn't wanted Carl to know about Beth, not until Rick was sure it was the real deal. Now the real deal had gone completely sideways.
He'd texted her with the information and told her he'd meet her in the building's lobby. She was a few minutes early and as she walked through the door she saw something that made her stomach tighten. Rick was talking to a pretty blond woman. He was smiling that smile Beth loved so much, tilting his head a little to the side, but not at Beth, at this unknown woman. The woman was smiling right back at him, and she reached up and rubbed her hand along his upper arm as they shared a laugh. Is that why he'd decided to go ahead with a divorce? Had he moved on to someone new? She didn't want to feel hurt, and jealous, but she did.
The therapist had heard Rick's story, she'd been working with him for a few weeks. Today she wanted them to share their versions of what happened face to face.
She explained this first meeting was an opportunity for her to learn about them and what they felt had gone so wrong. Why, after only a few short months of marriage, had they separated and were contemplating divorce?
They each told their version of the events leading up to that night. She didn't allow any uttering of opinions or blame to be laid; she just wanted them each to recall how things had unfolded.
When they were done she turned to Beth first.
"Your husband came to me believing everything that happened was his fault. His jealousy and insecurity got the best of him and he acted out. He realized he should have talked to you and tried to resolve the situation. How do you feel about that Beth, do you think it was all Rick's fault, and that you're blameless?"
"Yes."
"So you don't feel you contributed in any way to what went wrong or the breakdown of the marriage?"
"Of course not! All I did was do what I was supposed to do. I went to work and did my job. I was a good wife to Rick and a good Mom to Carl." Her arms were crossed tightly in front of her and she was red-faced and angry.
The therapist just nodded, said "okay" and turned to Rick, "What do you think Rick, was it all your responsibility?"
"Yes."
Rick admitted he was a little jealous that first day he'd walked in the bakery and seen Spencer. He had expected a female baker, not a handsome young guy. He admitted he'd immediately felt threatened. His therapy since had helped him understand he was still carrying residual hurt over what had happened with Lori. He knew now he'd had a fear that he'd buried deep within, the fear that the past would repeat itself and Beth would leave him too.
The more he saw her laughing and having fun with Spencer, the more she talked about how great the guy was, the more and more insecure Rick had begun to feel.
He'd made a huge mistake, he should have gone back and talked to his first counselor, and he should have talked to his wife.
Instead, at first he hoped it would just go away. Maybe Spencer would get a different job, or maybe he'd turn out to be a jerk and Beth would complain. Maybe she'd even quit her job.
And he admitted how insecure he felt about their age difference. He'd always been hyper aware of it, right from the start, and even though she'd always assured him it didn't matter to her, he'd still worried that someone closer to her own age would come along and sweep her off her feet. With Spencer he figured that day had come.
The stopping by to check on her three times a day at the bakery, the deep kissing right in front of everyone, well he felt ashamed of that behavior. "I acted like a jealous teenager, like I was claiming my personal territory. It was out of character for me, and I knew Beth didn't care for PDA. Then, when she asked me not to do it anymore, rather than trying to understand her feelings or talk to her about it, I shut down. Acted like a spoiled asshole. I know that. It's on me. Everything I did was wrong.
Finally something in me, I don't know, it blew. That afternoon I started to drink the whiskey, but it wasn't the whiskey that was to blame, it just added fuel. I was pouring it down as fast as I could and feeling sorry for myself, being short with this woman that I love, I wasn't showing her love at all.
I went in the bedroom to my beautiful wife and instead of trying to make up with her, or trying to talk to her I tried to force myself on her, in the worst way possible. The only good thing that happened was Beth slapping me. I thank god for that because if what I had intended to do had happened, I would never be able to live with that shame."
Rick heaved a heavy sigh, "I don't blame her for not wanting anything to do with me. She's a special woman a special person and I was a complete fucking jerk. Excuse my language."
He looked at his wife, "I don't expect your forgiveness, I just want you to know I'm so, so sorry and ashamed."
The therapist turned back to Beth. "Alright. Why don't you tell me about Spencer and your relationship with him."
She was caught by surprise, she hadn't expected to have to talk about him. She could feel herself get defensive. "Well he was nice, and I admired his baking skills. Baking is a big part of my life and it means a lot to me. I enjoyed working with someone so talented. And he was fun to be around."
And then she swallowed hard. He'd been so honest, so hard on himself she had to tell the truth. "I knew Rick was a little jealous and I kind of liked it, you know, just thinking that he loved me so much he was worried someone else liked me too, or that I liked someone else. I guess it was flattering to me. I had no idea how troubled he was, or that he actually thought I would ever be interested in another man that way. I could never be with anyone but Rick." When she said that she realized it was the truth, and she saw her husband's face soften.
The therapist asked them how they thought they could get their relationship back on track.
"I don't know, I feel like it's up to Beth, she's the one who's been hurt. She would have to be the one to decide if there's a chance and how we make that chance happen."
"Beth do you still feel that all of the responsibility lies with Rick?"
Beth thought about walking in the lobby, seeing that blond woman with Rick, seeing the way they smiled at each other, and the way the woman touched his arm. It had been very uncomfortable and she'd felt jealous. "No I realize I should have talked to him, and I shouldn't have acted the way I did with Spencer, or talked him up to Rick the way I did. It wasn't fair or nice, and I wouldn't have liked it if our roles had been reversed."
"Is there anything you can think of the two of you could try in order to salvage the relationship, begin to rebuild your marriage?"
Beth looked at Rick, she did want to save her marriage, and she did want to rebuild, but she still had anger and she still had fear. "I think we need to keep coming to therapy for a while. It seems easier to talk here and to be honest. I was so hurt by what Rick did. I was so afraid when he did what he did that night. Trusting him with my heart and with my body, I think it's going to take me a while. But Rick, everything wasn't your fault. I should have talked to you, and I should have been much more sensitive to your feelings."
They both felt things had gone well, and when they stepped out into the hallway he told her, "Thank you Beth. It means everything to me that you're willing to try, and I'll do whatever I need to do. I promise you." He felt now like things might have a chance of moving forward.
It had been festering in her mind, in her heart, "Who was that blond woman you were talking to in the lobby?"
He almost smiled but he knew better, "That's Jessie. Her son Ron goes to school with Carl."
Beth nodded, "I didn't like the way she touched you Rick, it was way too flirtatious the way she rubbed your arm. I don't want some other woman thinking she can just touch you like that." She was obviously upset, and he had to admit to himself he was flattered by that.
"Okay Beth, I understand and I won't let that happen again."
Two Weeks Later
They'd agreed to a "date night" and that would be all it was. She would not go back to the house with him, no matter how innocent the intent.
He dropped Carl off at Dale and Erma's, got a brief "pep talk" from Dale, and then went to the farm to pick her up. Her Dad answered the door and acted like it was any other Saturday night and that Rick always showed up at the door. Rick was grateful to him for that.
He took her to a small restaurant, nothing too fancy or over the top. Just good food and quiet. "Thanks for agreeing to this Beth." The waiter walked over then and she ordered a glass of lemonade, he went with ice tea. There was no way he'd be drinking on this date.
"Thank you for asking me. I like this restaurant, I was hoping you wouldn't pick anything too fancy, or a sushi place." That lightened the mood, they both laughed and they both relaxed.
"So how have you been feeling Beth? Is everything okay with you and the baby?" It was something that was on his mind all the time. He wanted so much to be a part of this, to go through this pregnancy with her. It was just one more way he was paying for his bad behavior.
"Yes, the doctor says everything is perfect. I never did experience any real morning sickness. What I mostly notice is I'm more tired. It's hard being on my feet so much at the bakery, but so far I'm still able to do it."
His look got serious, "Well you know Beth if that's what you want to do I'm certainly not going to try and stop you, but if you decide you want to quit, you know I'm supportive of that. I'll be happy to help financially or any other way I can."
"Thank you Rick." She smiled shyly, he'd always been so sweet and protective with her. "For now I'm still enjoying being there and I'm going to keep it up for a while longer."
He nodded and smiled, "Are you going to find out if it's a boy or girl, get that test?"
"I was, in fact I was on my way and then I decided I kind of want to be surprised. Maggie's mad at me," And she laughed that sweet laugh, and dammit he wanted to hold her so much.
After dinner they went to a concert in the park and he asked her if he could hold her hand, she agreed. As much as that little gesture meant to him, you would have thought she moved back home. But that was all the touching they would do that night, he didn't want to push it, make her think that was what it was all about.
Within another two weeks they'd fallen back into their old dating routine. And he was going with her with her to OB appointments. He'd also begun stopping at the bakery again every morning.
But the most important thing they were doing was talking. They shared the little things that happened throughout the day, they talked about their feelings and their thoughts, and they talked about what they wanted for their baby.
The most important thing they talked about was if they ever did take the big step of moving back in together, sharing a household, what would they do differently than they had. They agreed the most vital thing would be to share. They'd both paid a big price for not being open and honest.
She walked through the double doors and into the lobby for their appointment. She saw that blond woman, Jessie, talking to Rick. She froze in her tracks. The woman smiled broadly at him, he gave a small smile in return, and then she reached her hand up, just as she had before, and rubbed his arm. Beth's stomach was feeling tight, but she saw her husband take the woman's hand and move it away, shake his head slightly and say something to her. The woman looked embarrassed, but nodded. They said goodbye and the woman started to walk away.
That's when Beth hurried over to him. "Hi there, you're here early." And she gave his arm a squeeze, leaned up and kissed his cheek.
Three nights later Rick brought it up. They were at the farm sitting on the front porch when he asked her, "Beth do you think you'd ever consider coming home?"
"If you hadn't asked me tonight, I was going to ask you. The answer is yes, I want to Rick but I do still have anxious thoughts about the physical part. I'm not certain I'm ready to experience that with you yet. I want to come home, I want to be your wife, and I mean that in every way, but I'm nervous and a little afraid."
He looked down, didn't say anything for a minute, and then looked in her eyes, "I understand that Beth, but it is a part of marriage, a part of love. I'm not going to force the issue, push you to do what you don't feel ready to do, but I want to be clear that for me physical love is a big part of marriage and I do want that with you. I'm willing to take it slow with you Sweetie, I understand your apprehension. I just want you to understand it's something I want for us."
She took his hand, "I want it too Rick, I miss that with you. I just need to know you'll be careful with me, especially now."
"Always Beth I swear, I'm going to show you every day how much you can trust me with your heart, your emotions, your love and with your body."
Rick had a long talk with Carl, explained the situation to him in a way he hoped a 10 year old could understand. Carl was happy and excited, but also nervous Beth may decide to leave again. Rick explained that there were no guarantees of anything, however they knew the mistakes they'd made, and they'd made a commitment to work this out. "You shouldn't have to worry about these things son, and I'm sorry that you do. Let's stay positive and trust that everything will be good, okay?"
That Saturday morning Daryl came by early for Carl, they were going camping by the lake.
Rick arrived at the farm by 8:30. He loaded up her things in the back of his pick-up, shook her Daddy's hand and kissed her Mama's cheek. He couldn't believe how excited he was to get her home.
He carried her things in the bedroom, then he took her hand, "I want to show you something Beth." He lead her into the small den but it wasn't a den anymore. The furniture was gone, his things gone. It was painted the pale yellow color she'd told him she wanted for the baby's room.
"Rick I can't believe it, it's perfect." She smiled and squeezed his hand.
"I didn't think I should get any furniture, that should be your choice, but I'll be happy to take you shopping for it anytime you'd like to go."
All these gestures he'd made these past several weeks, it wasn't an act. She knew the man her husband had been. He'd always been so sweet and thoughtful with her. Until that week, and that night when everything had crashed in around them.
He worked in his flower gardens while she put her things away and laid down for a nap. When she woke he was lying next to her. "Hey Sweetie, did you have a good rest."
She smiled up at him, "Yes thanks, it's like I just suddenly get so tired I can't wait to lay down and rest for a minute."
He smiled, moved a hand to her cheek and teased, "Well I suppose you're sleeping for two." Then he bent down to kiss her and she responded to him.
His hand was to the back of her head and he was holding her close, he pulled back a little, looking deeply into her eyes, "I want to make love to you Beth if that's what you want too."
Her cheeks pinked right up, "Yes Rick."
A/N Well there it is. I hope at least most of you are happy with the way things progressed. Thanks so much for reading, and please review/comment. xo