I woke up to the sounds of the storm raging outside and the feeling of Sara trying to pull herself out of the bed. I felt instant panic. I pulled her closer to me.

"No," I said, half asleep. My throat ached, and my voice was barely there. "No, you promised."

"I'm not leaving," she said. "I'm going to the bathroom."

I still didn't want to let go, but I pulled my arms back. "You need to come back."

She giggled as she climbed out of the bed. "I'm coming back. Go back to sleep."

I heard her walk into the bathroom, and I tried to just go back to sleep. I hadn't even opened my eyes yet. It should have been easy, but I knew I wouldn't be able to relax until she was back. What if she'd actually walked out of the front of the cabin? As much as I hated it, I didn't fully trust her. It wasn't like she didn't have a history of seeming like she was doing better, only for things to get a lot worse suddenly. I needed her to come back. I knew that every time she did, I would trust her a bit more.

I felt myself relax as I heard the sound of the faucet, then the door opening and closing as Sara came back to the bed.

"The storm's still bad. Even worse than it was the other day," she said, now facing me. I opened my eyes, and I couldn't help but smile.

"It's okay," I said back. "We're safe in here, and it just means no one will come to check on us."

"Or chew us out."

"Yeah," I said quietly. "I don't know what's gonna happen with that."

"Is it true?" she asked. "About Heather?"

I nodded. "I caught them twice."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked me.

"I didn't think you would want to hear it," I said. "You were in recovery mode. I just figured it would make everything worse."

She didn't say anything, but her face said that she understood. I wondered how she felt about that news. While she'd had her fill of the counselors as of late, Joe and Heather had been really "helpful" to her for the first part of camp. I knew that in a way, she'd looked up to them.

"I don't think I can sleep anymore," she said. "Do you know what time it is?"

I checked the alarm clock in our room. "2:30."

"Okay," she said. "You can sleep. Do you mind if I get up and...I don't know."

"That's fine," I said. "I'll get up, too, though. The rain keeps waking me up, anyway."

She crawled out of the bed and threw some clothes on, and I did the same, but I stayed sitting in her bed. She took the chair.

We both felt the air around us grow thick. I had a million questions, and Sara seemed like she did, too.

"Are you...have you been tested?" she asked, catching me off guard. I hadn't been expecting that to be the start of this conversation. "I was right before I came here, and I'm clean."

"What...I...no. I hadn't even thought about it."

"You should," she said. "Had Lindsey been tested?"

I shrugged, embarrassed. "I didn't ask."

She nodded. "Don't feel bad. I didn't think about it until a woman I slept with at a bar brought it up. We'll just have to do that when we get out of here." I tried to focus on what she was trying to tell me, rather than be happy that she was thinking of us doing things together after camp. We dropped back into silence, but she spoke up again after a minute. "Why were you reading my journal?"

I held back a groan. I was glad she was talking, but I really felt bad for looking.

"It was open. I saw my name." I shrugged. "It was stupid, and I'm sorry. All I can say is that I was barely able to think. You were gone, and I was panicking. It's not an excuse, but it's the truth."

"I never meant for you to see any of that," she said. "Those weren't thoughts I planned to share."

"Again, I'm sorry," I said. "To be honest, though, if I had a re-do, I'd do it the same way. It made everything come out in the open."

She smiled a little. "You're right, and I'm sure you would. Just...I need to know that you won't do it again. I need to know that I can have my own spaces."

I nodded. "Sure. I get that."

"Thank you," she replied. She started looking at me expectantly, so I guessed it was my turn to ask a question.

"Where were you?" I asked. "Where did you go?"

She swallowed hard. "I tried to pray...speak to God. I wanted direction. My..." She stopped talking to take a few deep breaths. "My feelings for you...I couldn't ignore them. It was getting harder to make excuses. Sleeping with you was one thing, but holding you and fantasizing doing this with you after camp is over...that scared me. I figured if I couldn't stop wanting girls, it was probably best to at least try to stop liking you. I came back to camp and talked to a few girls...found one that was willing-"

"That's the mark on your neck," I said, staring at it. "You went and fucked some other girl."

I shouldn't have been so bitter. I knew why she'd done it, and we weren't together, but I couldn't help but be a little angry with her.

"I tried to," she said, quietly. "I had my hands up her shirt, and she was kissing my neck-"

"I don't need the details," I said.

"She was like all the other girls I'd ever slept with...but she was nothing like you."

I looked at her. "So what does that mean?"

"It means I couldn't sleep with her," she finally said. "I couldn't do it, so I came back here without any answers. That's why I couldn't talk to you. I couldn't deal with you, because I knew I wasn't going to be able to push you away much longer."

I still felt jealous that someone had been touching her not long before.

"Do you think that you'll feel like that again?" I asked. "Like you need to sleep with someone else?"

"I don't think so," she said. "But honestly, there's a lot going through my head right now. I don't even know who I am. If I accept that this is who I am, then my whole life has been wasted on trying to change something that doesn't need changing. I don't even know what I want out of life. I just...I have a lot to think about."

I felt so badly for her. I sometimes forgot that for her, this meant a lot more than just loving me. This meant her whole life changing. Still, I needed to know how she was feeling after what she'd said the night before.

"So I assume you don't want to talk about...us, then?" I shouldn't have even asked, but the words were out of my mouth. "It's just that...you said you love me."

She nodded quickly. "I do. I do love you, Tegan." She stopped and smiled.

"What?" I asked, and she laughed a little.

"You started smiling so big when I said it," she said, and I realized she was right. Her face went serious again. "Tegan, I wish I could tell you that we can be together, now, but I just...I need time to figure everything out. Besides, I don't know that I would want to start anything while we're here. I need to be out of this place before I can even think about committing to someone else."

I sighed. "I understand."

"I'm not saying that we're nothing," she said. "I'm just saying that I have a lot of thoughts to sort through. I just know that I love you, and that I don't want to hurt you anymore."

I nodded again. "Does that mean that we shouldn't sleep together anymore?"

"Probably not," she said, and I started to deflate. I knew that it was probably the healthiest way to deal with this, but it just felt like a punishment for both of us. She kept talking. "I don't think it's realistic, though."

"Why not?" I tried to keep the hope out of my voice.

"We're being thrown together at every turn," she said. "I don't see myself being able to keep away from you for that long."

"Yeah," I said, smiling again.

"And I love you," she said again, and I felt my smile grow. "This is all so much, but it feels so good to say that."

"I love you, too," I said. "Last night was amazing."

"It's always amazing."

I nodded, thinking of every time that Sara and I had been together. "It is."

"How are you feeling?" she asked me. "I don't think I ask you that enough."

I opened and closed my mouth a few times before anything would come out. "I feel...relieved, and scared, and happy, and shocked, and totally, totally overwhelmed. I feel like we're getting close to being able to just love each other, but it feels so far away. I just want us to be able to try to be together." I laughed. "I just want you to be able to fuck me hard in a real bed."

"You'll tell me if I ever go too far, right?" she asked me, suddenly looking vulnerable. "If I ever hurt you in a bad way?"

I nodded. "Yeah, but don't worry about that so much. I sort of look forward to finding my limits with you."

She blushed, like she hadn't been grinding her pussy into mine hours ago. "I've never been able to talk about any of this stuff. At least, in a way that wasn't to say all of the things I shouldn't be feeling."

"Do you want to stop?" I asked.

She nodded. "For a while, yeah. But I...I want to talk more later. " I was alright with that. I didn't feel nearly as afraid of Sara running from me or pretending that we hadn't said that we loved each other.

The two of us got ready for the day as the sounds of the storm died down. I wanted this camp to end more than I ever had before. Maybe everything did have a meaning, since if I hadn't been sent here, I never would have met Sara. Even if that were true, I felt like this place had served its purpose. The remaining time just felt pointless.

Mostly, though, I knew that continuing to go through therapy was going to be hard for Sara. She was going to have to fight what they were saying when it was what she had been taught her whole life. I knew that the sooner we got out of here, and the sooner got out of her toxic environment, the sooner she could start to become her own person.

Sara and I were listening to music on her bed when we heard a knock on the door. I got up to answer the door, but it swung open on its own. Heather walked into the room.

"Sara, we've set up some extra counseling time for you. Why don't you head there?" Heather had her normal smile, but it was more strained than usual.

"I...um-"

"Trust me, Sara," Heather cut her off. "These are the tough times. Head on over."

Sara looked at me for a second, before saying, "What's happening to Tegan?"

"Don't worry," Heather said. "We just need to have a little chat."

I saw Heather's eye twitch a little, and Sara hesitated. I knew she didn't want to leave me alone in here. The door opened again, and Joe was standing by the door to escort her.

"Come on, Sara," he said. "Let's get over there."

She sighed and walked to the door. She looked back at me, and I smiled.

"I'll be alright," I said, then she was out the door. I looked at Heather, and her face was calm, but agitated.

"I don't know where you heard that something happened on the hike-and-camp, but I assure you that your information is incorrect."

I shrugged. "Whatever, Heather."

"I'm not a deviant," she said. "I haven't been for a very long time."

"Yeah, tell that to Tina." I wished that I could keep my mouth shut, but she was just such a fucking liar.

"Is she the one that told you this?" she asked, looking legitimately hurt.

"I saw you," I said, and her face turned red. "I saw you twice. You should really be more careful-"

"Stop talking," she said, stepping closer to me. It was more intimidating than I'd expected."Don't say another word. Do you have any proof?"

I felt safer saying the truth. "No."

"No pictures? Videos? No other witnesses?"

"No," I said again.

"Not even Sara?" she asked, and I got defensive.

"Sara didn't even know before I said it in group," I snapped. "She has nothing to do with this."

Heather stared at me for a second more before taking a step back. "You don't understand, yet, Tegan. You don't understand how hard things are once you're cured. It's a constant struggle. Sometimes, you just..." Heather shook her head. "I'm not sick anymore."

Who was she trying to convince?

"Can I go, now?" I asked, and she turned to face me.

"Don't say anything else," she said, a hint of a threat in her voice. "I don't want anyone's recovery to be compromised because of lies."

"Or I could tell everyone what really happened," I said.

"And I could point out that you have no proof and get you kicked out of camp."

"It's not the worst thing in the world," I said.

"I could let Sara's parents know that she's been spending a lot of time with you, and that maybe, we don't consider her cured," Heather replied. "Maybe they'd feel the need to take more drastic measures to fix their daughter."

My eyes went wide. "You wouldn't do that."

"I'd do anything to protect my life," she said, confidently. "To protect my salvation, and the salvation of you kids. Anything. Do you understand? Keep your mouth shut, and concentrate on helping yourself and Sara."

She was so full of shit that she couldn't see how twisted her logic was. Even if there was a God, I was sure that Heather had a first-class ticket to hell. It wasn't like he wasn't able to see everything, including her fucking Tina when she thought no one was looking and threatening me when she was scared her secret would come out.

I wondered if this is the path that Sara was destined for. I hoped that if it was, I could do something to knock her off of it.

"Fine," I said. What else could I do? I wasn't putting Sara at risk just to try to take Heather down, and she knew it.

She smiled fully. "Good to hear you understand. I'm glad we had this talk. Sara will be gone for most of the day, so just go along as you normally would."

"Wait," I said. "Where is Sara going to be?"

"She's taking major steps back, so we figured individual sessions for a day would do her good." Heather started walking toward the door. "Just focus on yourself for the day."

She walked out, and I wanted to go find Sara, but I knew there was nothing I could do. I wanted camp to end more than I ever have, but it was more for her than for myself. Without Sara, the day dragged, and all I could do was worry. What were they saying to her? What were they doing to her?

I felt like I was always left waiting. I hated it.

Sara didn't come back until right before curfew. I sat up in my bed.

"Hey!" I said, way too excited. I didn't care. "Are you alright?"

She nodded. "They...they said the same things they usually say to me. The same things that my parents have always said. We tried to focus on the things that are hindering my recovery. Went into some of my past experiences. Went into why those feelings were wrong. It was just...different today."

"Different, how?" I asked.

"Well, every time they would start getting to me, I'd hear your voice in the back of my head, telling me that you love me." She smiled a little. "I've never had that before."

"Someone that told you they loved you?" I asked sadly.

"Someone who really meant it, at least. Not even myself. Especially not myself," she said, then she sat down next to me on my bed. We made eye contact, and she immediately leaned in and kissed me. She pulled away after only a few seconds. "I need to relax after today."

I smiled at her. "You don't have to make excuses to sleep with me. It's just because you want to."

She nodded and kissed me again. "Then I want to. Right now."

My hands were pinned above my head a second later, and her lips were latched onto my neck. She pulled back and looked at me while she unbuttoned my shirt. I couldn't help but moan. The look in Sara's eyes told me it was going to be a long night.