I woke up to the feeling of Sara's arms wrapped around me from behind. That was becoming a regular thing. We always ended up sleeping in one of the beds, her holding me or the other way around. We had a pretty solid routine going since the other night (the other night, where I had to make a rule that she could only make me cum so many times, because at some point, I needed to sleep), of waking up together, being friendly the whole day, Sara having alone time to pray or think or do whatever she needed to do, then her coming back into the cabin, frustrated, and needing to take it out on something...or someone.

I was fine with being that someone.

A heated conversation with Joe led to her fucking me from the second we walked into the cabin to the moment that we both fell asleep. A day where she was particularly quiet usually meant getting dragged into the shower with her. It was the only time I didn't mind that the hot water only lasted for a few minutes.

Sara always made sure to ask if she could hurt me, and I said yes every time. She didn't always use the right. Sometimes, she would be gentle. Her touches would be soft and her kisses light, but it was always hurried. I didn't blame her. You never felt like you could fully relax here.

It always brought me to thoughts of what things were going to be like once camp was over. I wanted to ask Sara if she was thinking about that at all. I wanted to ask what was going to happen to us after this was over.

"I can always tell when you're awake."

Sara's voice startled me back into the present. Her arms pulled me closer, and I smiled.

"How's that?" I asked her.

"I don't know," she said. "It's almost like I can hear you thinking early in the morning. It's like you're the most stressed when you wake up, and it eases away through the day."

"That sounds about right," I said. "It's not usually this bad, though."

"I doubt things are usually this tense for you," she said. "I know I haven't been able to stop thinking since I got here."

I turned over to face her. We didn't usually kiss in the morning. That type of affection was usually saved for the night, when Sara was done trying to process for the day. It was hard in these moments, though, not to lean forward and press my lips to hers, especially since all of our feelings were out in the open.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I moved to stretch, but my muscles weren't cooperating.

"I'm so sore," I playfully whined a little. "And it's your fault."

She laughed. "I warned you that you would be last night. You said you didn't care, and it wasn't like I was going to fight you. Your fault."

I smiled, still keeping my eyes closed. I loved it when Sara would get flirty. It almost gave me a glimpse into what things could be like once we were out of this place.

And there I went again...thinking about us after camp.

"What are you doing today?" I asked her, and I felt her shrug.

"I think I'll try the chapel again. It still makes me feel better being in there sometimes." Her hand on my face made me open my eyes. "What are your plans?"

"Same as every day. Sit around here, try to avoid group activities...that's about it."

Her thumb ran over my cheek. "Wanna take a short walk right now? I wouldn't mind getting out a little early, and I'd like to talk."

I nuzzled her hand a little bit without even thinking. "Yeah, that sounds great."

She smiled, then she leaned forward and kissed me. I had to use half of my focus to get my lips to move, and half of it to keep myself from turning this into something other than the (slightly more than) simple peck it was supposed to be. I lived for these baby steps that she would take, because it just showed that things were getting better. That eventually, we'd be able to be a normal, healthy couple.

Voices right outside of the cabin made Sara pull out of the kiss. I wanted to throw the door open and tell off whoever had decided to walk right next to our fucking wall, but I knew that wouldn't lead anywhere good for me.

"We should probably get up," she said, already sitting up. "If we leave now, we'll make it back just in time for the end of breakfast and beginning of chapel."

"Yay..." I almost groaned. "Another day of camp."

"Another day closer to the end of camp," she said as she pulled herself to her feet. "To being able to be back in the real world."

"Eating real food," I said, finally sitting up. She had just started admitting to wanting to go home and be away from this place. If I called attention to it, she would clam up, so I always tried to breeze past those comments.

Sara shook her head, grabbing her towel and some clothes. "Do you think about anything but food and sleep?"

"How can you not be thinking about food?" I asked her. "It's insane."

She shrugged. "This isn't much less than I usually eat. Once in a great while, I'll splurge on some fries in a bar, but that's about it. My parents never let me eat much. They didn't want me to gain too much weight. I had a hard time losing it when I was younger."

I ground my teeth. Sara was thin. I'd always noticed it. We were so similar in shape, but she was smaller. She looked to be pretty naturally thin, but still, she looked just shy of healthy. It didn't surprise me that her parents were the reason for it. They probably only fed her just enough to survive. They seemed to be the reason that so many fucked up things had happened to this amazing human being. I hated that she was going to have to go back to them after this, even if it was only until she could get away. I was going to do everything I could to try to make that process go faster.

I realized that I'd stayed quiet too long when Sara's face fell a little, so I tried to smile at her. It must have been unconvincing, because Sara looked at the ground.

"Hey, I'm sorry," I said.

"I know that they...they may not go about it the right way, but they love me. They do things that seem like they aren't the best, but it's only because they want everything for me that they had. Their parents were like this with them. It worked for them. They know it will work for me."

"Sara-"

"I can't hate them," she said, looking back at me. "I can't. I have to believe that they love me, Tegan. What does it say about me if my parents can't even love me?"

She walked into the bathroom, and I squeezed my eyes shut. I wished that I could make her love herself. I got out of bed, and decided to just get dressed. I wanted to take a walk with her before it really got too late to go. Sara came out of the bathroom, fully clothed, as I was tying up my shoelaces.

We walked out of the room, but we didn't talk for a few minutes. I felt badly for making her so upset. I just couldn't believe her parents. I needed her to know that just because those shitty people that raised her didn't love her like she deserved, it didn't mean that she was worthless. It was their problem that they couldn't find it in themselves to care about their own daughter.

She spoke up be fore I had the chance. "Have you always liked girls?"

I looked at her out of the corner of my eye as we walked. "I don't know. I couldn't really pinpoint a moment. I guess that's why people always say since they can remember. Is that how you-"

"When did you first kiss a girl?" she asked me right after.

"Is this what you wanted to talk about?" I asked her, and she just shrugged without looking at me. "Alright...it was actually at a summer camp like this one. I was sixteen. She was seventeen. She kissed me on a dare, but we both liked it, and we would meet up and make out late at night when everyone was asleep." I slowed down a little. "That probably sounds so dumb to you."

She shook her head. "No. Why would it?"

"You've just...you'd already done more with girls than I've done now when you were sixteen. I sound like a loser."

"You sound...normal," she said, almost surprised by her own words. "What was it like?"

I didn't know why she was so fascinated, but I didn't mind talking about it, so I indulged her.

"It was...sloppy the first time. I hadn't been expecting it, and she hadn't been going in for a real one, but it was good. I'd kissed boys, but I found it a little...boring. This was...I mean, technically, it wasn't even good, but it made me feel so much more than I ever had...and she was a lot better when she was actually trying later on."

Sara nodded. "And then you knew you were gay?"

"Yes and no," I said.

"What does that mean?" she asked.

"Well...I think on some level, I'd always known. This brought it pretty near the surface, but it didn't really get solidified until I tried kissing a boy again. I knew I couldn't go back to nothing now that I'd felt something."

This was actually sort of nice for me. No one ever really wanted to talk about this kind of stuff. They supported you, and they didn't judge you, but things always got awkward when all the girls were drooling over some young movie guy, and you were drooling over his girlfriend. No one really wanted to know the details the way they did with their other friends. Sara was the first person that really did.

Sara got quiet for a second, before saying. "Yeah...I know that feeling."

I took her hand. "I'm sure you do."

She blinked a few times, then shook her hand away. She started speaking before I could question the action. "I'm sorry. It's not that, it's just that I don't want anyone to see us."

"Yeah, you're totally right," I replied, and she was. My feelings and total lack of respect for this place or anyone in it made me reckless sometimes.

"How..." She hesitated. I could tell that she was working herself up. "What was sex with Lindsey like? How did it make you feel?"

I blushed a little. It felt ridiculous to be embarrassed, but I could feel my cheeks turning red. I debated trying to joke the question off or change the subject, but I could feel Sara's need for an answer. It was strange, though, thinking about it. It felt like a lifetime ago, and it had only been a couple of months.

"It was a good experience. It was her first time with a girl. It was my first time ever. It made me feel...happy. Content. It was awesome, finally getting touched by someone else. I thought I was in love...maybe I was. I really don't know."

I saw Sara's jaw clench and release. "But you've said it was better with me?"

"Yeah," I said.

"What makes it better?" she asked me.

"Well, for starters, I know I love you," I answered. "Plus, it's just...everything about it is better."

"Everything?" she asked me, sounding like she didn't believe it.

"Yes," I said. "Why are you asking all this?"

She stuttered a few times before saying, "I'm trying to understand."

"Understand what?"

"Understand you," she said. "And myself. I want to know why we're this way...why I'm this way. I just wanted to know how you knew and what you were feeling when you were realized you were...gay. I've never thought about it all this way. I don't know what it's like to get kissed and not feel guilty about it, never mind anything else I've ever done. You're the closest I've ever come to being able to be relaxed around someone. I just want to know how you've figured all this stuff out."

"Okay," I said, and she spoke again before I could say anything else.

"And I want to know why you want me like you do. Try to understand it a little better. I don't feel like I have much to offer you."

Of course she felt that way. No one in her life had ever told her that she had anything to offer.

"There are a lot of little things I like about you, but mostly, I feel like I've gotten a lot out of knowing you. I'm glad that I have you. I'm in love with you. I think that's all there is to it when it comes to me wanting you. As far as me being okay with being gay..." I shrugged. "I don't think I have some big secret. I think I've just had it a lot easier than you have."

"Tegan, you know how to be yourself-"

"I've never had to deal with your life. If I had, I probably would have turned out the same way you have. Really, I probably wouldn't be half as strong as you've been about it. It's not like I have everything figured out. I'm sorry that I can't be more helpful."

She shook her head. "It's...it's fine. I think it might have helped a little."

We walked along quietly for a while. Sara was in her head, probably turning our conversation over in her head a few thousand times. I wished this could be easier for her...I felt like I'd wished that a thousand times.

The rest of the day went by relatively quickly, since we had Arts and Crafts instead of group. Lunch came, and Sara barely looked at me while she ate.

"Are you okay?" I asked her halfway through my sandwich.

She nodded. "Yeah. Just thinking things over. Sorry."

"It's fine," I said with a smile. "Just making sure you're alright."

"Thank you," she said, finishing off her own food. "I think I'm going to pray for a while."

"In the chapel?" I asked, and she shook her head. "Where?"

"I know a few places in the forest," she said. I felt myself get nervous, but I tried to shake it off.

"Okay," I mumbled, and she looked at me more closely.

"Are you mad?"

"No," I said right away. "I'm fine."

"Okay," she said, looking suspicious as she stood from the table. "I'll be back before curfew."

"Good," I said before I could think better of it.

She sat back down and leaned closer to me. "Is that why you're upset? Because you won't know where I am? Because you don't think I'll come back?"

"I trust you," I said.

"Don't lie," she replied, and I sighed.

"I can trust you," I said. "Once we're out of here, and we're a little bit farther away from you running away from me...sorry if I hurt your feelings."

"Don't worry," she said. "I get it, and I promise to be back."

She looked at me, eyes flicking between my eyes and lips. I knew she wanted to kiss me, and strangely, that eased my mind a little.

"Okay," I said. "Good luck."

She smiled and stood back up. "Thanks," she said, then she walked away. I finished my own food and walked back to the cabin. I was getting used to waiting for Sara to come back. It just gave me more time to lay on my bed, listen to music, and think about what life was going to be like after this place.

I realized that with so much of my focus going to Sara and her life, I hadn't really considered how my life was going to be different after all of this. My relationship with my parents was going to be...I had no idea how it was going to be. I felt like I hated them, but I knew I still loved them. I was mostly going to college for them, because I hated school. Would I still go, now? Would I do something so significant for them when they couldn't even love me for me?

I figured that I would decide a lot of that stuff in the moment. I didn't obsess over these things the way that Sara did.

As the day wore on, I found myself thinking of when Sara would come back. The worry that she wouldn't was still vaguely there, but much farther in the forefront was my body preparing itself to take whatever Sara was giving. I hated to see her in so much pain at the end of her days, but I loved what those feelings led her to do to me.

Sara walked into the room, and I could immediately see that her eyes were puffy from crying. It wasn't unusual, but she didn't seem to be angry like she usually was. I snatched my headphones out and sat up on my bed.

"Hey," I said. I looked more closely at her, and I realized there were still a few tears escaping her eyes. "You alright?"

She nodded. "Really good, actually. I just...things feel like they're getting easier. They're getting better. It's the first time it's really felt like that."

"That's great!" I said, standing up and hugging her. Her face was in my neck, and all I wanted was for her to sink her teeth into it. This wasn't about that, though. This was about her accepting herself. I let her go. "So you had a good pray?"

"I had a good think," she said. "I don't...I'm not even sure it's praying anymore."

"Oh," I said, a little surprised, but I didn't draw attention to it. "Well, I'm glad."

"Me, too," she said with a smile. "And exhausted. Crying really takes it out of me."

"Sorry," I said, but she waved it off.

"It was good," she said. "I'm just taking a shower, then heading to bed. We can talk about your day for a while, if you want."

I shrugged. "I don't really have anything to say. I sat around. That's about it."

She giggled, then got her stuff together and went into the bathroom. I heard the water turn on, and I fought to push away the feelings of disappointment going through me. She was happy. She was getting better. I should be happy about that, but all I could think about in that moment was my libido. Sara wasn't in need of a body to take out her frustrations on, and I didn't want her to feel forced, so that left me to myself.

I laid on the bed, knowing about how much time I had before Sara would come back into the room. My hands pulled off my pants and underwear, and I immediately started flicking my own clit. My eyes snapped shut, and my other hand went to firmly pinch one of my nipples. I thought of Sara. I thought of her teeth on my chest. I thought of her hands inside of me. I thought of her clit against mine. I groaned and shook. I was going to cum soon.

"Put a finger inside," Sara said, making my eyes snap open. She was standing by the bathroom, fully clothed, the shower still running.

"Sara? What-"

"Just do it, Tegan," she said like a command. I felt my clit jump under my finger. "Keep pinching your nipple, and put one finger inside of yourself."

I didn't question her again. I was too far gone to fight it. I slipped my finger down and pushed inside myself, and I immediately wanted to put in more. I kept my eyes on Sara across the room, and she kept hers between my legs. I tried to speed up, but she shook her head, and I kept my pace with a whine. A few minutes that felt like forever had passed, and I already felt crazy. She'd made me pull back from the edge to tease myself, and I was shaking from the feeling of it.

"Please," I found myself saying. "Please let me do something."

She smiled a little bit, not changing her focus at all. "Slip in another finger."

I sighed, slightly relieved as I felt a little fuller. She still wouldn't let me speed up. I briefly thought of just fucking myself faster, anyway, but Sara's eyes made me want to obey. She held up a three fingers, and I added another into myself. Looking at her like this, as she studied me from afar, she looked so beautiful. The sharp angles of her face and the softness of her lips seemed so exaggerated in this moment, and I felt myself getting close again.

"Pull one finger out," she said, and I almost started crying.

"No, Sara, please-"

She walked toward the bed and put her hand on my thigh. My hand was still moving, and her eyes were still watching it. Her fingers slowly moved to the back of my hand, and I stopped moving.

"Keep going," she rasped out. She moved her hand, and I felt one of her fingers sitting at my entrance. "Take one finger out."

I finally obeyed, and I felt her finger replace mine. I shuddered. We were both inside of me. Sara's eyes were locked with mine, now. She controlled the pace of our hands, moving us faster in and out of me than she'd permitted me to go before. How had she even thought to do this? This was just another moment where the only solid thought I had was Sara is fucking incredible.

She leaned down to whisper in my ear. "Slip out another."

I did as I was told without hesitation this time, and another of her fingers quickly went in. Her mouth went to my neck, and the hand I didn't have in myself went to tangling itself in her hair. She finally just crawled fully on top of me. I pulled her up to kiss me. The second our lips touched, I was sucking her tongue into my mouth. She pulled away with a moan.

"Pull out," she said, her voice short.

I nodded, and did what she said. She was pounding into me now, and she had moved on to biting my chest where no one would be able to see (I could tell that my shirt being on was driving her crazy in a bad way, but we were both too far gone to be able to manage getting it off), so I knew she was leaving marks. She pulled away, looking at me, and I knew that I had to touch her. I moved my hands quickly, slipping into her pants and underwear. I went into her with a finger, and she froze. Her breathing was ragged, and for a second, I got worried that I'd done something wrong. She spoke up.

"Tegan," she said, eyes now closed.

"Yeah?" I asked timidly.

"Is that the hand that you had in yourself?"

I hadn't even thought about it. "Yes. I'm sorry."

"Put more in," she said in a hurry, her hand starting to move again. "Put in all the fingers you had in yourself. Use your other hand to touch your clit."

I nodded and quickly did everything she told me to. My head was swimming. Sara was already so close to cumming. I moved the hand in her just as fast as her hand moved inside of me. I started shouting, trying to muffle it in Sara's shoulder. Sara was starting to lose her rhythm, but it didn't matter. I was going to cum. I was going to feel her for at least a day or two after this, too.

"Sara!" I shouted as I felt myself falling over the edge. I curled my fingers and pulled her over with me.

"Te...Tegan, fuck-" barely came out of her mouth as she kept pushing against my hand. She was dragging it out for both of us. My orgasms with Sara were always so long, especially when she was cumming with me. I wondered if it felt like that for her, too.

Part of me knew they did.

We both finally caught our breaths, and Sara rolled onto the bed next to me. We rolled onto our sides to face each other. Her arms wrapped around my waist, and she gave me a long kiss.

"You have no idea what seeing you like that did to me," she said when she finally pulled away. "I love it when you touch yourself."

I nodded. "Noted. Why were you out here?"

"I forgot to grab my sleep clothes," she said. "I walked in, and you were already started. I can't believe you fucked me with the same hand you did yourself. How are you so sexy? You're always finding new ways to be inside of me."

"I...I don't know..." It was overwhelming hearing her talk about me this way. She was so good with her words. She was so flattering. "Thank you, though."

"May I ask why you didn't just ask me to take care of you?" she asked me, and I blushed a little.

"I just thought that...since you didn't have a bad day...I thought maybe you didn't need it." I felt embarrassed. It sounded stupid saying it out loud to her.

"Tegan, you told me that I didn't have to have an excuse to sleep with you. The same goes for you. You can tell me if you want it."

I smiled. "Okay. Thank you...again."

She got out of the bed. "Now, I really have to take a shower. I'm glad I hadn't turned the water hot yet."

"Lucky," I mumbled. I was still hazy from earlier.

"Will you be alright, now, or do you need more attention?"

I laughed, "Well, if you're offering-"

"Go to sleep," she said, then she kissed me on the cheek. "I love you."

I felt myself beaming even as my eyes started to close. "I love you, too."

She gave me one last quick kiss, then walked to the bathroom again. I fell asleep almost instantly. I only woke up when I felt Sara sliding into the bed behind me a few hours later. I heard her whisper her love one more time, but I was too tired to reply.