"I'm ten seconds from having a nervous breakdown. How is camp not over yet?"

Jeremy was pushing his lunch around with his fork. We were eating together, since Sara was at her last one-on-one session. He was absolutely shaken, and I wasn't much better. Everyone was on edge since the incident with the boys.

"How is Mike?" I asked Jeremy. Mike had moved into Jeremy's room once he and Johnny had got out of "elevated therapy."

Jeremy shook his head. "Not good. He doesn't do anything but lay in bed and stare at the wall."

"Has he said what happened at all?"

"Not a word. The most I've heard is him crying in his sleep. It's driving me crazy. I lied through my teeth at my last session." He looked a little remorseful and followed with, "Said I hadn't thought of any guys in weeks and that I'd been having feelings for you."

"Yeah, that's my plan in reverse," I said. "No worries."

"Thanks," he said. "Sara have a plan for herself?"

"I hope so," I said, warily. We hadn't talked about what had happened. Any time the conversation seemed to be heading towards anything serious, Sara would try to lighten the mood. I knew she couldn't handle what had happened, and really, I wasn't sure I was handling it all that well. I'd always heard stories, but it was different when you knew it could happen to you...or someone you cared about.

"I know you're worried," he said, like he was reading my mind. "I'm terrified for my boyfriend. It sounds like his place wouldn't do anything like this, but I didn't think that things would go that far here."

"I'm sorry," I said, and he shook his head.

"Just mean I know how you feel." He pushed his food away. "I just can't wait to get out of here. I've never been happier to be off to college."

"God, I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do after this," I said.

"With your life, or with Sara not wanting anything to do with you." I glared at him, and he mumbled, "Sorry."

"With both," I answered. "I don't know what I want to do with myself. I don't want to go to school, but if I don't, what will I do? Sit around, doing nothing? I wanna do music, but what the fuck does that mean, and where do I start? And Sara...I can't let her go. If she doesn't want to be with me, I can respect that, but I can't let her just go back home to her parents. They aren't..." I trailed off, unsure how much I should share with him. "I can't just let her go back to them without making sure she eventually gets away from them. They aren't good people."

"Duh. One, they sent her here. Two, it doesn't take a genius to tell from her stories in group that her parents are fucked in some way."

"It is pretty obvious. So, you see why I can't just let her go back to that."

"Do you have a plan?"

"No. I'm trying to do it in a way that doesn't just make her pull away more."

"High strung, that one."

I smiled. "Yeah."

Jeremy rolled his eyes, but he smiled, too. "Well, as sickening as that was, and as much as I absolutely hate this place, I'm glad I met you, Tegan. I'm sorry that you fell for the most damaged girl in the world, and I'm sorry she's so damaged. If it's any consolation, you can have my digits."

I smiled. "That was at least 50% insult, but I'll take it as a compliment anyway." I finished my food and stood up. "I'm taking off. Sara's probably back by now."

"Fine, fine. I'll see you," he said. "Be careful."

I saw the genuine worry in his face that I would do something to get caught and hurt. Seeing Mike every day was clearly taking its toll.

"I will be," I replied, then I walked back to my cabin.

Sara was lying in her bed when I walked in. She sat up with a smile. I wanted to sit next to her, but I went for my own bed instead. They'd been doing random checks a lot more frequently.

"Hey," I said. "How'd it go?"

"Fine," she said. "I just told them that I didn't feel that way for girls anymore. That you taught me the line between friendship and romantic feelings. I tried to say you were helpful as much as I could without it being counter-productive. I know that they talk to each other about us even though they aren't supposed to."

"Not surprised. I'm glad it's over, though."

"Me, too." She looked at me with worry. "I'd feel better if yours was over, too."

"I'll be alright."

"I know you will." Her tone didn't agree with her words, but she kept talking. "Off topic, but I grabbed a deck of cards from my counselor's desk. You wanna play?"

"You know rummy?"

She laughed and shook her head in a way that told me I was in deep shit...and I really hated that we couldn't have sex.

Several hours later, and I understood why Sara had been so cocky. I'd thought I was pretty decent at cards. Sara made me feel like I'd never played before.

"What the fuck? -100 points for me and..." I counted up her cards from where she sat across from me on the floor. "450? How is that...like, did you have a gambling problem at 12?"

"Almost," she said. I felt my eyes go wide, and she started laughing. "Calm down, I'm kidding. I picked it up at some of the bars I used to go to. I played for money a few times, but that's it."

"And you didn't think it was important to mention that?"

"It's not like I pretended I wasn't good," she said. "You should feel lucky. We weren't playing for cash...or clothes."

I felt my heart beat pick up and my breathing get faster. "Have you ever done that before?"

"No," she said, and I immediately wanted to do that with her. I wanted her to show me everything she'd ever done, and I wanted every new experience she had to be with me. "Although, I don't know that it would have the same effect, since we've seen each other naked plenty...and I'd obviously win."

"We could put a penalty on you, make it a little harder," I said, leaning a little closer. "Besides, are you really complaining about an easy way to get me naked?"

Sara held where she was for a second, looking like she was trying to remember why she was hesitating. I didn't care. I just wanted her to kiss me. She started to lean in, but a light flashed in our room through the window, and we jumped apart. They were doing that all the time; walking around our rooms, sometimes looking in our windows at random. It went without saying that we did all of our changing in the bathroom, now.

"Tegan, you can't do that."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"No, I just...I told you that I couldn't...if they did to you what they did to Johnny...I don't know how Mike bears it..." She shook her head and dealt out the cards again. "How about I can't play Aces or Kings?"

"What?" I asked, confused.

"My penalty?" Her eyes still looked glassy with tears that hadn't fallen, but she was smiling as sincerely as she could, given the circumstances. "No Aces or Kings, and if you still get destroyed, I'll just eliminate all face cards. Sound good?"

The change in gears was a little jarring for me. It always was for me with her, but at the same time, I was always able to recover.

"If I get destroyed? Are you serious?"

"Have you been able to finish a game with points on the board?"

I shook my head. "Whatever. No Aces or Kings for you."

Sara smiled, and I started playing.

"Look around," Joe said. It was our final group session, and Joe's smile was bigger than ever. "Look at all of the faces around you, and realize that you are all closer to being healthy, happy, heterosexual adults!" Joe and the counselors clapped on cue. "So far, everyone that has had their one-on-one has been considered cured. Only a few more of you to go!"

It almost felt like the corporate seminars that they show in movies. They were all like motivational speakers...and bad ones, at that.

Heather stepped up. "Now, don't worry at all if you don't feel like you're completely healed. For lots of people, this is a life-long test. You may need to visit approved therapists, and maybe come to another of these types of camps, depending on how old you are. There will always be help for you. Never think you'll have to give into those types of urges again!"

More clapping. They urged us to clap along, and we all did.

"Since today is the last day we'll all be together like this, we figured everyone could talk about how they were able to find their success, and maybe your plans to continue your recovery once you get home."

They droned on and on, and I lost the point early. I looked around the room, and was shocked to realize how broken down everyone was now. Even the ones that were smiling and nodding and clapping had dark circles under their eyes. Everyone looked sick, skin pale and eyes heavy. They were all jumpy, like they were expecting one of the counselors to grab them and do to them whatever was done to Johnny and Mike. They'd all changed...this camp had broken a lot of them. The ones that were left would probably need at least a little therapy.

I knew that Sara and I looked worse for wear, too, but I didn't think we looked as bad as most of the people here. I liked to think it was because we had each other, but I needed to stop thinking like that. Sara wanted this to end...well, she didn't want it, but it was what she felt she could handle.

"Who would like to share to wrap up camp?" Joe asked, and for a long minute, no one raised their hands. Everyone wanted this to be over for one reason or another. "Alright, I'll pick someone to speak. Johnny? Why don't you stand up and say a few words?"

I felt like throwing up as I watched Johnny get out of his chair. I looked at Mike, and he was staring at the ground.

"Thank you for saving me," he said. "I would still be a...a sin if it weren't for you all."

Joe smiled. "You're welcome." He put his hand on Johnny's shoulder, and Johnny flinched. "Okay, seems like everyone is focused on their last day! I can't blame you. You're all excited to get onto fulfilling relationships. I remember that feeling. For the few of you that are left for evaluations," Joe looked over at me, and said with a smile, "Good luck!"

What the hell did that mean? Why had he looked at me like that. I'd tried to catch his eye again, but he walked away before I had the chance.

"Tegan?" Sara's voice made me turn to face her. "Are you okay?"

"He looked at me when he said that," I said. "Why did he do that?"

"You're being paranoid. He looked at a few of us just now," she said. "You've got your evaluation right now, and you're freaking yourself out."

I closed my eyes. I knew she was right. Johnny and Mike had shaken me, and I'd been so busy making Sara calm, then so relieved when things went well, that I hadn't prepared myself for my own one-on-one. I was panicking. "What if Heather said something to him, and he told Danny? What if I can't convince them that I've turned straight? It's not like I've given them any reason to believe I've changed."

"I was saying the same things," she said. She nudged me until I opened my eyes. "I was telling myself the same things."

"But you came here on your own, and you used to believe all this. It's not that hard to believe that you just got 'back on track' or whatever."

"Do you want me to walk with you?" she asked me, and I nodded. I tried to keep my breathing even, but couldn't manage it the closer I got to my session. When we got to the door, Sara gave me a hug.

"You'll be okay," she whispered in my ear. "Just tell them that you had a change of heart while you were helping me, and say you're better, and you'll be okay."

She let go of me, and I walked in. Danny was waiting for me.

"Right on time," he said with a smile. "Take a seat, Tegan."

I sat, and for a minute, it was quiet. Danny was just jotting down notes, not looking at me.

"Did you want to ask me a question?" I asked. "You usually ask me questions."

"I'm just getting everything set up," he said. "How have things been? I've been hearing from others that you've gotten a lot better very quickly. Why don't you talk about that?"

"I-I found God." I swallowed hard. "I made friends with my cabin mate. She was determined to get better, and it inspired me."

"Hmm...so your cabin mate," he said. "You like her?"

"She's my best friend," I said, forcing myself to smile without it looking forced or too affectionate.

"Tegan, it's alright for you to admit that you have feelings for her. You can talk to me."

For a second, I genuinely thought that Danny was trying to help. I thought that I'd read him wrong, or he had to have a little good in him. At the very least, it made him a decent therapist if he could be non-biased even if he did believe all of this.

"Did you ever imagine kissing her?"

That ruined it. It wasn't what he'd said, but the way that his body shifted, like he was waiting to hear my wet dreams. I knew if I lied to him, though, he wouldn't clear me to leave.

"Yes," I said.

He smiled. "You're sharing. That's good. Did you imagine anything else?"

"No, not really," I said way too fast. He shook his head.

"Tegan, I know you're lying. You need to open up. What did you think about her?"

I bit my lip. This guy was fucking sick. All I wanted to do was spit in his face and castrate him so he couldn't reproduce, but he held my future in his hands. He was right; I was lying, but I knew that he would have been grilling me like this whether I had slept with Sara or not. He wasn't intuitive. He just used me to feed his fantasies.

"I thought about sleeping with her at first, but that passed," I said, trying to seem confident without coming off cocky. It wasn't my strong suit.

"Did you ever touch yourself thinking of her?"

"There's a boy named Jeremy at camp that I've been hanging out with."

"I've heard," Danny said. "What does that-"

"Well, he's what's been on my mind, as of late." I smirked at him. Even though this made me feel all kinds of dirty, it was sort of funny watching Danny getting worked up, and it was the best way for me to get out of here.

"You've imagined sleeping with him?"

"More than imagined," I said, then faked surprised. "Oh...I shouldn't have said that."

"Don't worry about it. Nothing will leave this room. How did it feel with him?" he asked, and I tried not to seem too obviously relieved. He was biting, placated by "knowing" that I'd fucked Jeremy, and I was just happy that he hadn't pushed it with my relationship with Sara. Lying like this was a lot easier.

"He was amazing," I said.

"Better than your fantasies of Sara?"

"Much," I said, and Danny smiled again. He wrote in his pad for a long while, asking me a question here and there, most about Jeremy. A couple were about Sara, but I dodged them easily, or gave him just enough to get him to back off.

"You've come a long way in such a short time, Tegan," he said. "Of course, getting sexually intimate with someone of the opposite sex is a lot of times what people need to see the light. It's why sexual conversion therapy is so effective."

I felt my eye twitch. There were bad people in the world. I'd been aware of it in an abstract sort of way, but I could really see it now. I'd seen it in Heather the day she confronted me in the cabin. I'd seen it in Joe when he'd sent Johnny and Mike to elevated therapy. I saw it in Danny's eyes as he spoke about basically screwing someone straight. They were monsters.

"So is there anything else?" I asked. We'd already been in there for an hour, and I was getting restless. I sighed when he nodded.

"Just a wrap-up," he said. "I'm proud of the changes you've made. Don't expect to never have sexual thoughts about women again, though. You've probably have to deal with that for the rest of your life, unless you are truly blessed. Whenever you do, use that energy to please the man that you're with, and remember that he can provide for you what no woman can."

Deep breaths...in and out...

"I'll keep that in mind," I said, standing up. "Thanks, Danny."

He waved me off, and I left the room as fast as I could. At least it had gone well. At least I'd been able to hold it together through that. I'm sure that Danny had wanted more, but I was happy that he'd taken what he'd got. Had it been like that for Sara? Had he wanted her to detail out the events of her sex life?

I walked into the cabin, and Sara was at the desk, writing in her diary. She turned to face the door, and smiled when she saw it was me, but I could tell she was nervous for me.

"Hey! It went well?"

I nodded. "It was creepy as fuck, but I think he'll clear me."

Her smile doubled, and she got up and hugged me. "God, I'm so relieved."

"Me, too," I replied. I pulled away from her, glancing at the window. She understood and took a step back. "I just started saying I was with Jeremy, and I said I helped you, like you said. Now I just have to worry about tomorrow and seeing my parents again."

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I'm trying not to think about it, but it just keeps turning over and over in my head. I'm going home. Back to my life. Back to my parents. I just don't know...I don't think I'm the same as I was. I don't know if I can hide it like I used to."

"I know," I said. "I'd tell you to leave, but I know you don't feel like you can."

She looked away from me. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm so scared. This is who I am, and they won't ever accept that. I can't keep trying to force myself to be what they want, though. It's making me feel crazy."

She sat in her bed, and I sat in mine. I don't know why, but it hit me right then that we may never spend another night together. I may never see her again, and we couldn't even sleep next to each other. I'd known it, but I hadn't taken it in yet. Sara and I were going home. She wasn't planning on seeing me ever again. I planned on finding her, but who knew if I'd be able to get to her before her parents tried to send her off somewhere else...somewhere worse?

I tried to hide my concern. I knew that Sara had even more to worry about.

"I love you," I said. "I haven't said it in a while, because I didn't want to make you feel guilty, but I need to say it so you know."

"I know. I love you, too. I just..." She stood up and went back to the desk. "I need to write a little bit, and then we can hang out for our last night, alright?"

"Are you sure you don't want to talk?"

"I can't talk about it anymore. It's not changing anything." I heard the waver in her voice, but she cleared her throat and went on. "Let's just play cards, and enjoy each other as much as we can tonight, okay?"

"Yeah," I said. I saw her point. What good was it going to do to just sit here in sadness if it really was our last night? "You write. I'll listen to music. Tap me when you want to play."

She smiled, and we went into our own worlds for a few minutes, then spent the rest of the night playing cards and talking. I tried not to think about how much I would miss all this. I tried to focus on the time that I had, but it just made it pass faster. I felt myself getting tired, and I shook my head and pinched my arm to stay awake. After an hour of this, Sara started laughing.

"Sleepy?"

"I'm fine."

"You're passing out," she said. "We can just go to bed."

"No really, I'll be alright," I said. "I'm going home tomorrow. I plan on catching up on all the sleep I missed here, so a two-week coma can have a couple hours added to it."

"Tegan, it's okay. We still have the morning. We still have time together."

I felt a lump rise in my throat. "Not enough."

Sara blinked a few times before she started picking up the cards. "No. It really isn't, but it's still more than nothing."

I nodded and wiped away the few tears that fell. "Okay."

We climbed into our beds, and I faced my wall. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, but it wouldn't come. Of course when I'd been spending time with Sara I was shutting down, but I was wide awake now that she was asleep. It wasn't fair. Nothing about my life had been fair since the moment my mother had caught me with Lindsey.

"Tegan?"

Sara's voice was so quiet that I'd barely heard it. "Yeah?"

She spoke again, but louder. "I can't sleep."

"Neither can I," I said back. I rolled over in my bed to face her, and she did the same for me.

"Why can't you?"

"I can't stop thinking about how much I don't want this to end. I'm scared about seeing my parents. I'm scared of what my life is going to be when I go back. I'm scared because I know you're asking yourself the same questions, and your situation is a lot worse than mine. I'm just scared." I took a few deep breaths, and studied Sara's face. She looked like she wanted to say something. "What about you? What's keeping you up?"

"All of that," she said. "I don't want to leave. Well, I want to leave, but I don't want to leave you. I just can't see a future where I can make it work."

"I know you don't," I said.

I saw her lick her lips, and she pushed some of her hair out of her face. "I just want to touch you so badly. This is our last night. We should be able to have it together. I should be able to climb on top of you and bite and bruise you because this is all so frustrating, and you like it."

I smiled at her as innocently as I could, but she'd flipped my switch, and she probably knew it.

"Why would you do this to me when I can't do anything about it?"

"You can," she said, her voice dropping like it always did right before we ended up making each other cum.

"We can't risk it. You know we can't. Please don't make me be the rational one, because I'll give in."

She laughed a little, and I could just make out her smirk in the dark room. After a few seconds, her face got serious, then she moved in the bed a little, and she started moaning. I whimpered in surprise.

"If we can't touch each other, I'll touch myself while I look at you. I need something." I saw her hand move under the blanket, and heard her breaths stutter out of her lungs. "I'm imagining you're touching me right now, Tegan."

"What're you doing?" I asked, my own hand moving down toward my underwear. I kept my hand right above the waistband, one finger tracing skin right below the elastic band.

"I'm rubbing my clit," she said.

"God, Sara," I groaned out. "What am I supposed to do, here?"

"You do the same. Pretend it's me."

I hesitated in my head for a half second, then I did like she said. I pretended that her hand was on me, and that my hand was on her. As I watched her upper lip twitch, I pretended that I was the one making her feel that way, and it made my hips jump up a little against my hand.

"We can't get caught, Sara."

"What will they say? We caught them lying-" Her words stopped as her hand picked up its pace. "-lying in bed? I need you, Tegan. I need you to fuck yourself. Right now."

I pushed two fingers inside of myself and pumped slowly in and out. I knew Sara would want me to take my time. I think she liked to see me torture myself, because she never had the patience to hold herself back once she started touching me.

"If I could touch you right now, I wouldn't be gentle," she said. "I would make it count. I would make you feel me for a long time. I...I would lick you until your inner thighs quaked. I would f-fuck you until you felt sore. I would make you cum until you couldn't do it anymore, but you would still want to. You would still-still beg for it."

Her hand had picked up speed while she was talking, and so had mine. I saw a light flash by the window, and I slowed my hand, but Sara didn't seemed as phased. She was quiet, but she went on with her hand, and she kept looking at me. I saw her mouth 'Harder' to me, and I was more than happy to oblige. I saw her own eyes lose focus as I figured she'd finally slipped inside of herself. She held up four fingers, and I just nodded; I'd slipped in the extra two a minute before that. Her hand ran under her own shirt, and started pulling her nipple. I followed her lead. As the light moved on, and a few minutes had passed, Sara spoke up again.

"This isn't enough," she said. "I need to...I need to touch you."

"We can't here," I managed to say. "We can't...fuck, Sara, I wish you could touch me right fucking now but you can't." I couldn't mention Johnny and Mike right now. I didn't know how she would react.

She groaned and glared at me, that dangerous look that she got right before she did something like bite me or dig her nails into my skin.

"Pinch your nipple, Tegan." I did like she told me. "Harder, Tegan."

"Fuck." I pinched them and pulled a little.

"Does it hurt?" she asked, and I shook my head. "Then pinch harder."

I bit my lip. She knew what she was doing to me. She could get me to hurt myself so she could watch me squirm. I couldn't imagine if I hadn't found her. I probably would have never even figured out that I wanted any of this. I pinched harder and twisted until I started to wince. I wished she could kiss me. I wished her skin was on mine. I took comfort in the fact that at least she was still in the room. Soon, she would only be in my head.

I couldn't think like that. Not when Sara's moans were getting longer and louder. Not when I was starting to feel my walls flutter.

"Fuck yourself harder, Tegan," she snapped out, and I did. My palm was slapping my clit. My fingers were either inside of me or pulling at my chest. It was so easy to imagine that I was actually inside of Sara. That it was actually her hand on my chest. That we were actually tangled up in each other like we had been so many times before.

I was the first one to climax, it sneaking up on me faster than I was expecting. I palmed my chest, trying to hold onto something that I could pretend was Sara. She started cumming a few seconds later, the vein in her neck popping out, and her mouth open in a silent scream that turned into a wanton growl that came from the back of her throat.

She was right; it wasn't enough.

"Feel me," I said, my hand pulling out of my pants and sliding them down to my knees. "I know we can't, but just feel me, Sara."

She jumped out of her bed, and I could tell that her legs were still a little wobbly from the orgasm she'd just given herself. Her hand went under my covers and slid between my legs.

"You came...so much," she said. She grabbed the hand that I'd had inside of myself and shoved it in her own mouth while she kept her hands running up and down my lips. She let my fingers slip from her mouth. "This only made me want you more."

I nodded, not being able to form words. When another light approached our window, Sara quickly made her way back to her bed. I watched as she licked her fingers with the same care that she'd licked mine, and I felt like I was about to pop.

"This can't be the last time," I said.

"No," she said. "We'll find a way. It's a risk, but I can't leave without really having you at least one more time."

The light passed again, and I tried to catch my breath. "We should try to sleep."

"Yeah," she said. "Goodnight, Tegan."

"Goodnight," I said. I started to feel myself drift off to sleep. I had just finally dropped off when Sara's voice brought me back to life.

"I need to touch myself again. I won't be able to sleep if the last thing I did was touch you. Let me look at you again."

I smiled and turned back over, my own hand drifting down again.