"A party?"

"Yes! Jeremy's parents have a few a year." I was trying to sound calm over the phone to Sara, just in case she couldn't go through with the plan that Jeremy and I had set up that morning, but it was hard. "It's in three weeks. Friday night. Jeremy can give you a ride to and from the place. I know that it'll be a little bit of a pain in the ass to get out of your house, but I thought I'd bring it up. You don't have to come, though, if it's too much trouble."

"Are you serious?" Sara sounded as excited as I felt, even though she was barely speaking above a whisper. "Tegan, this sounds amazing. I'll figure out a way. How long is this party? Where is it? Tell me all the details."

I smiled to myself, happy that she was so on board. I shouldn't have been surprised, knowing about her history of sneaking out.

"It's at some high-class hotel. They rent out a ballroom and a few suites. He said the first half is sort of...awful. A lot of him and me having to walk around and impress his parents' friends."

"This doesn't sound too appealing," Sara said, and I could see the smirk on her face in my head. "I'm not sure I want to come, anymore,"

"Let me finish, smart ass. all you have to do is hang out with Jeremy's boyfriend for a while, but I've been assured that he's really nice. And the second half of the party is supposed to be amazing. All the old people leave, and the music and booze comes out. Plus, there'll be really good hors d'oeuvres floating around, and a few games set up."

"It sounds great," Sara said. "And it'll be my first party with friends. Real friends, anyway. I went to a few with friends from church, but I don't count them as real, anymore."

"You barely count the parties as real parties, or the friends as real friends?"

"Both. They still try to talk to me after service, sometimes, but I never know what to say, anymore." She moved on before I could say anything in reply. "When does the party end?"

"It's not ending until the next morning, so we could leave whenever you needed to. Do you think you could just lie to your parents about where you were going? I mean, they did meet Jeremy and me at camp. Maybe we could tell them we're going to some kind of counseling-"

"They're not gonna let me go," Sara said, quickly. "They only let me go out on my own if I let them know way in advance, and they've thoroughly researched everything."

"That hasn't gotten any better since you went to camp?" I asked. "You'd think that they'd be happier with you."

"It feels like things have gotten worse." I heard her sigh, and I wished that I could get her away from those people. "They're not being hateful. They just...really think this is what's best."

"You can't make excuses for them-"

"I know that they're wrong about what's best for me. That's enough for now." I went to say something, but she kept talking. "I can sneak out, though. They're going out of town with my sister that weekend. They won't be back until the next Monday night."

"Really?" It was like the stars were aligning. "Does that mean...you could stay the night, maybe? We could get you home early on Saturday. I'm sure Jeremy could find us a place to crash, even if it was in a room with a few of his other friends."

"Yeah! I wouldn't have to rush home, though. They never call me when my sister has a competition this big."

My smile grew even bigger, somehow. "We'd have the whole night together. Even if we can't have sex, that sounds so good, doesn't it?"

"Why wouldn't we be able to have sex?" Sara said, her voice dropping a little.

"Sara, how are we supposed to have sex in a room full of people?" I asked, shaking my head and laughing.

"Where there's a will, there's a way. I'm sure we could sneak off somewhere." She let out a giggle that sent a shiver up my spine. "Or maybe we'll do it in the middle of the crowd. We could start dancing, I'd come up behind you, wrap my arms around you. No one would notice me putting my hand in your pants."

I tried to catch my breath, but the image Sara had just put in my mind turned me on more than I cared to admit. "You're bluffing."

"Maybe, but I mean it when I say we're having sex. I'm not gonna be able to stay away from you for a whole night." I heard some noise on the other side of the line. "Have to go. Dad's home. Love you."

I didn't even get a chance to say it back before she'd disconnected the call. It only had me worried for a few minutes, before Sara texted that all was well, and I got back to my excitement for the party. I hadn't even imagined that Sara would be able to stay the night. I was sure Jeremy was alright with it, but I had no idea how I was going to get that past my parents.

I called Jeremy and made a new plan.

"Tegan, are you alright?" my mom asked me at dinner. "You haven't touched your food."

I forced myself to take a few bites, then said, "Sorry, I've just got a lot on my mind."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. She looked over at my dad. "You know that we're here for you."

I'd gotten a lot better at swallowing my parents' constant reassurances of "unconditional" support and love. Instead of the sarcastic comment that I wanted to say, I just smiled and went on.

"It's just...never mind. You won't let me do it, anyway. It's okay."

"What are you talking about?" my dad asked, and I got ready. I'd gone over this conversation with Jeremy a dozen times, but that didn't make this any less nerve wracking.

"Alright, well, I feel stupid even saying it, but I really miss Jeremy."

Both of my parents smiled like they always did when Jeremy came up. He'd become the symbol of every "positive change" in my life, and I was pretty sure that they loved him more than they loved me at this point.

Little did they know that I'd been on my best behavior to butter them up for this moment.

"Aw, sweetheart, I understand!" my mom said. "Of course you want to see your boyfriend."

"We should have him over," my dad said. "Maybe he could visit the church again soon."

My mom nodded, but I shook my head. "He's really busy all the time, now. The best I can get out of him is phone calls while he's going from one place to another. I'm trying to find things to fill my time-"

"Is that why you started going to youth group?" my dad asked.

"Sort of, but I mostly just wanted to get more involved with the church." Lying like this really did start to make me feel guilty, but then I reminded myself of what my parents did when they knew the truth, and I went on. "It's helpful, but it's still not getting to see him."

"I'm sorry," my mom said. "Is he free at all anytime soon? Even for an afternoon?"

I took a deep breath. "Actually, his family's having a party this Friday, but I wasn't gonna ask, because I know I'm sort of on restriction-"

"Wait, you're not on restriction," my dad said quickly. "We just want to know that you're...not getting into trouble when you go out."

He wanted to say, 'We want to know that you aren't doing anything gay,' but he was at least slightly more tactful than my mom.

"We let you go out with Jeremy that day after church," my mom added.

"I thought that was an exception," I said. I was trying to sound as pathetic as I possibly could to get some sympathy. "I just figured I was on punishment after everything that happened."

"We didn't mean to make you feel like that. We just want what's best for you," my mom said. "Jeremy is a fine boy, and I don't think either of us would mind if you went to a party with his family. Where is it?"

This was the hard part. "It's at a hotel...and it's overnight. I can get you the address, and you can call Jeremy's parents about it-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," my dad said, holding up his hand. "Overnight? That's a different deal, Tegan."

"I know." I pushed my food around on my plate. "That's why I wasn't going to say anything. Just forget it."

"Tegan, you have to understand why we can't let you stay overnight," my mom said. "What if you just go during the early parts of the party, then head back?"

"I guess," I said. "I just thought seeing Jeremy would...I don't know...remind me that I'm normal? Remind me that I'm better, now. I've been having a rough time lately."

"With your recovery?" my dad asked.

"Why didn't you say anything, sweetie?"

"I didn't want to disappoint you," I said. "They told us, at the camp, that sometimes, the feelings will come back, and it's my job to make sure that I don't act on them so they can go away again. I figured spending some time with Jeremy would help. I know he's been having trouble, too."

I saw them both start squirming in their seats. I could tell they would need more convincing, and I got ready to play my riskiest card.

"Is there anything we can do to help you?" my dad asked. "Any methods that you learned from camp that you can try?"

"All I can ask for is extra prayer," I said. "I don't really know what else to do. I've tried several strategies but...the old thoughts keep coming back. I'm just scared, is all. Things are so much harder when I can't see him everyday."

They both spent the next few minutes silently looking at one another. I concentrated on taking even breaths and figuring out how to persuade them to change their minds if they kept saying no...or if they decided that I needed another trip to camp. It was a long shot (my dad seemed bothered by the whole situation with camp whenever it was brought up), but I couldn't take anything for granted.

"Tegan...you're asking for a lot, here," my dad said. "Staying overnight with a boy? In a hotel room?"

"It's not like that, Dad. Tons of people will be there. His parents will be there, plus a bunch of other adults. We aren't trying to sneak off to fuck-"

"Tegan!" my mom yelled, and I winced.

"Sorry. Have sex." I shook my head at myself. I needed to calm down before I blew this for myself. "We aren't trying to do anything sinful. All sin is equal and stuff. We're trying to avoid sin."

My mom eyed me suspiciously. "You said his parents would be there?"

I nodded. "They throw parties like this a couple times a year. Like I said, you can call them and confirm everything."

My mom sighed. "Spence, I don't think this is a terrible idea-"

"You can't be serious, Sharon."

"Look, Jeremy's a sweet boy, his parents will be there, and we'll know where she is and where to call. She's been putting in an effort, and she hasn't done anything untrustworthy since...the beginning of the summer."

"I just don't think-"

"She's an adult, Spence. We have to let her grow up sometime." My mom said it with a wink and a smile in my direction, like she was doing me some favor. She was, but it bothered me that she wouldn't do the same favor for me if she knew it was Sara and not Jeremy that I was dying to see.

My dad didn't look thrilled, but he was starting to look defeated. "What time would you be home Saturday?"

I shrugged. "Early evening?" My dad frowned. "Or, like, earlier than that?"

"I just don't want this turning into one of these multiple night things," he grumbled out. "You used to do that with your girlfr...friends that were girls, but I don't want that happening this time."

"The circumstances are different," my mom said, then she turned to me. "Aren't they? They were just your friends back then, right?"

I had to stop my eyes from rolling. "Yeah, guys. My friends were just my friends. I wasn't lying to you about the others." For the most part. "Does that mean I can go?"

My dad groaned a little, then said, "I want all of the details. Where it'll be. Who exactly will be there. When it starts. You'll be home by noon Saturday. No drinking or sex or anything else that you wouldn't do in front of us. And you will contact us frequently. As long as you can do that, you can go."

I jumped out of my chair and hugged him before running over and hugging my mom.

"Thank you guys so much! I promise to do all of that stuff!" I started walking towards my room. "I'm telling Jeremy!"

"Wait, don't you want to finish your dinner?" my mom called after me.

"I'll come right back. I just want to tell him. He didn't even think I was going to ask you guys! He'll be so excited!"

"Alright, well, hurry up, and you're welcome!" My mom was smiling at me in that way that made me want to yell 'YOU'RE HELPING ME SEE MY SECRET GIRLFRIEND!"

I had the good sense to keep the thought to myself, though.

I went into my room and made sure the door was closed before I started jumping up and down on my bed. It had taken weeks of planning, dozens of lies, and a few strokes of luck, but I was really going to see Sara for the first time since camp. It almost felt too good to be true.

Now that I'd finally gotten around to asking my parents (I'd tried the previous two nights, but I'd chickened out, convinced they'd send me back to camp), it was just a matter of getting everyone there on Friday night.

I grabbed my phone and called Jeremy.

"Please tell me that you asked them," were the first words out of his mouth.

"We're on," I replied.

"Fantastic!" he said. "And Sara's good to go?"

"Yep." I smiled as I said it, and I knew Jeremy would have given me shit for it if he were here. "Just talked to her yesterday. Her family is leaving Friday afternoon around 1. She'll shoot me a text to make sure they're gone. She said she could be ready in ten minutes."

"Ten minutes?" He laughed a little. "And you're not offended she isn't dolling herself up for you?"

"She doesn't need to," I said without thinking. "She's beautiful already, and I just want to see her."

"Okay, I was kidding, but now I have to puke."

"Shut up," I said. "I'm allowed to be mushy right now."

"Alright, alright. Jack's taking the train out, and the station's on the way to your house, so I'll grab you, then him, then Sara. Christ, I'm gonna be driving for hours."

"Sorry," I said. "I'd offer to take a shift, but I don't have a license."

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine. It'll be worth it to actually have a good time at one of these things. I have to go, now, but I'll see you Friday."

"See you then," I said, before I hung up the phone. I did a few more happy fist pumps in the air before going back out to dinner with my parents.