Sitting once more, still grinning at one another, the Hosts were relaxing a bit after their race down the beach. Honey and Tamaki had gone and returned with a large cooler chest full of ice and bottled drinks. Teas, juices, and waters were passed around and consumed with sighs of satisfaction. After a while Haruhi, having found her breath again, spoke.
"So since I've already been punished, I don't have to answer your question, right?"
"Right," Hikaru confirmed. "You get to sit this one out."
"Good." She looked at her band of boys. "So...who's brave enough to go first?" Her immunity to the query prompted her to be more playful than she would have usually been. Around her, the others traded looks with one another.
"Well, um..." Kaoru's voice was soft, shy. "I guess you could say my most embarrassing moment was..."
Beside him his brother began to snicker. Kaoru glared at him.
"Hika, shut up."
"I'm sorry," the other twin replied, obviously not. "Go on." With a sigh, Kaoru resumed his answer.
"Right after we'd moved up to high school, during our first month in the Host Club, Hika and I were still trying to figure out what our behavior should be. How flirtatious, who would be the more dominant in front of the princesses, that sort of thing.
"Anyway, this happened on a Friday. It was almost the end of the club meeting for the day. Since we were new, we were attracting a lot of attention. So Hika decided to change our script at the last moment, and without telling me." Beside him, the twin in question was trying in vain to hide his laughter behind his hands. Kaoru just shook his head and sighed before continuing.
"So anyway, here I am, talking to this shy little blond girl and pouring her some more tea when Hika leans over and sucks on my earlobe. It shocked me so much that the teapot went flying into the air, covering me, her, the floor, and the couch in liquid. I jumped up, totally panicked, and grabbed my blazer to try and soak up some of the mess off of the floor and couch. Meanwhile the girl – what was her name? Kimiko?" Hikaru nodded, turning red from the effort of not laughing out loud.
"Yeah, so, Kimiko, sweet girl that she was, tried to be helpful. She reached into her clutch and grabbed a handful of tissues and began trying to dry me off. I didn't realize what she was doing – all I knew was that she had suddenly defied every rule we have for client/host interaction and was rubbing her hand across my groin."
By this point Hikaru had lost the battle and was sitting there cracking up. Kaoru turned to glare yet again at his twin, but once more it had no effect. The elder Hitachiin caught his breath and managed to find words.
"It was so funny!" he gasped, ignoring his brother's death gaze. "Kao just froze, went completely still, jaw hanging open. Kimiko kept dabbing and rubbing at the soaked crotch of his pants. And I guess that made everyone else a bit braver because the next thing any of us knew, my brother had a huddle of girls around him, trying to convince him to get out of his wet clothes before he caught a cold!" He lost all ability to talk again, collapsing backwards with humor. Kaoru growled and shook his head, but carried on gamely.
"It wasn't that funny," he grumbled. Staring at the sand, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I was so stunned I had no idea what to do. I freaked out. I shoved my way out of the group of girls and made a mad rush for the door. By this point they'd managed to get my shirt open and unbutton my pants. I was covered in tea, half-wearing my clothes, and all I could think of was escape. I tore across the room, catching my pant leg on some sculpture or other and ripping an enormous hole in the material over my thigh. I didn't care. I just wanted to get away. So I flung open the door and dashed into the hallway – and ran right into Chairman Suoh. I knocked him off balance, and only the quick catch of two of his companions saved him from falling.
"On the other hand, I bounced off of him and went down hard. I couldn't manage to get my composure – I'm pretty sure I babbled something about teapots and octopus hands, I'm not really sure. I don't think I was capable of making sense at that moment. So I scrambled to my feet, suddenly realizing how I must look, and tried to explain and apologize. But when I opened the Music Room door, everything was nice and neat. Not a person out of place.
"The chairman just put a hand on my shoulder and told me that I should probably try and get better sleep, and then he and his group continued on their way. I felt absolutely humiliated – not to mention confused. So I decided there was nothing else I could do but go back in. I re-buttoned my pants and as many buttons as remained on my shirt and limped back in to sit down beside Hika again. I couldn't say a word for the rest of the meeting. And poor little Kimiko – she couldn't stop apologizing. She felt so bad she even invited me to visit her home, saying she'd cook me dinner to make up for the disaster she insisted she had caused. It was a really sweet gesture, but I wasn't exactly feeling social so I politely declined. I've always felt bad that she considered it all her fault when it was really Hika's. She was such a nice girl."
The snort of amusement from Kyoya was completely unexpected. Kaoru looked at him, puzzled. The Shadow King smirked, and when he spoke it was with an amused air.
"You really were innocent back then, weren't you?"
"What do you mean?" Kaoru asked, confused.
"Katsuhashi Kimiko was anything but shy and sweet. But it seems she played her part well enough to fool you."
"What do you mean?"
"Kaoru...she was a senior. And a more manipulative girl I have never met before or since. Do you really think she didn't know exactly what she was doing when she tried to 'help you clean off'?" Kaoru stared at the brunette, shocked comprehension beginning to dawn as Kyoya continued. "Or that when she invited you to join her for dinner that it was really food she was planning to offer? Do you think it was mere politeness that prompted her to mention that her parents would be out of town until the following week?" By this point Hikaru wasn't the only one chuckling. Kaoru just looked stunned.
"Holy...you mean...you think she..?"
"She asked me once how much it would cost to rent you for the weekend," Kyoya said blandly. Kaoru looked like he was about to swallow his tongue.
"She thought you could, what, pimp him out?" Haruhi asked between giggles. Kyoya just shrugged.
"I suppose she must have. Don't worry, though – I set her straight on that matter very quickly."
"Thank you, Kyoya," Kaoru said, relieved.
"I told her if she wanted to rent you she would have to speak with your brother."
"WHAT?!"
Kaoru was beyond indignant. The collective laughter from the other six hosts was infectious, though, and eventually he couldn't help but join them as well.
Once everything had calmed down – well, mostly, unless one wanted to count the fact that Hikaru had demanded Kaoru call him Pimp Bro for the foreseeable future, a discussion that ended up with a tussle that covered not only them but anyone in the vicinity in copious amounts of sand before it was settled – Haruhi looked around at her friends.
"So since Kaoru has proven himself to be the bravest of you all, who's next?"
"This from the girl that allowed herself to be shot rather than tell her own story," Tamaki goaded playfully.
"Indeed. It makes one wonder exactly what she is trying to hide." Kyoya's voice was low, smooth, and it sent a shiver down her spine.
"Hey, guys, this isn't about me," she protested hastily. "I took my punishment by my own choice!"
"So you did," Kyoya murmured, and though the sunlight was glinting off of the lenses of his glasses, she had no doubt whatsoever that he was staring at her, that secretive, Mona Lisa smile on his lips. She gulped.
"Okay, seriously," she blustered. "Who's next?"
"When I was in middle school I accidentally flashed my teacher."
All eyes zeroed in on Honey, disbelief and curiosity blazing in each set. He looked a bit sheepish and cleared his throat.
"Okay. So there was this really cute girl that I shared a few classes with. And I don't remember why, but for some reason I thought it would be funny to switch my uniform for a girl's uniform to see if I could make her laugh. So this one day I managed to sneak a girl's dress. I waited until our last shared class of the morning and told her to meet me in our homeroom classroom at lunch because I had something to show her.
"She said yes. I was so excited that when the bell rang, I ran straight there. I had decided to just change in the room so I wouldn't be seen in the hallways. I was much more concerned with peoples' opinions of me back then," he explained, smiling at Tamaki. "You remember, right?" The taller blond nodded.
"Anyway, once there and out of my own clothes I realized I had no idea how to get the dress fastened. It had never dawned on me to lock the door, either. So I was standing there naked, holding the girl's uniform and trying to figure out how the snaps and catches worked when I heard the door open. I thought it might have been her and decided to try and play it cool, so I turned around to face her and just grinned." There was a long pause before he spoke again.
"It was my homeroom teacher."
Hikaru lost it first, to no one's surprise, gasping for breath through his laughter as the image Honey had verbally painted for them danced through his brain. The others were quick to follow, though, and even Honey – through the enormous blush he was wearing – joined in after a moment.
"Way to go Honey," Kaoru snickered. "At least I managed to keep my clothes on, mostly."
"So what happened?" Tamaki asked in between chuckles. Honey sighed and hung his head, though his shoulders were still shaking with his own laughter.
"I, uh...so I was standing there, not a stitch of clothing on, my grin frozen in place from shock. I think I dropped the dress. I'm not sure. I didn't know what to do. I had this horrid flash of being called into a conference with my parents while my teacher explained my 'deviant behavior' to them. I was absolutely mortified. And just as I was about to scream and bolt, my teacher just...left. No words, no nothing. She just walked out."
"Wow – lucky break," Haruhi murmured. The small blond shrugged.
"Yeah, well, I suddenly decided I didn't care any more about making the girl laugh. I jumped back into my clothes and tore out of the room. I didn't say another word to her...or to my teacher...for the rest of the year. It was a very awkward six weeks."
"Mori-senpai, where were you in all this?" Tamaki asked.
"Sick," he replied quietly. Honey nodded, elaborating.
"Takashi had been in bed with the flu for two days already when all this happened."
"So our little Honey-senpai is, what, a secret exhibitionist?" Hikaru teased in a slick, smooth voice. Haruhi smothered a laugh and waited for the rebuttal. But when it came, it was nothing like anything she would have ever expected the Loli-shota to do.
"Don't you just wish?" he asked sweetly, with a sultry wink and an angelic grin. Her eyes nearly fell out of her head. On her left she could swear Kyoya was struggling to keep a straight face. Kaoru and Tamaki cracked up at the short blond's reply, and at Hikaru's wide-eyed and startled expression.
"So that's my most embarrassing moment. How about you, Tama-chan?" Calm and collected now that his confession was complete, the oldest host settled back in the sand and smiled innocently at the Host King. Tamaki, not having expected to be put on the spot like that, just gaped.
"I...um, well, what about -"
"No waffling, Boss," the twins said in unison, leaning against each other wearing matching grins.
"Well, I...I mean..." The princely one glanced around at his family seeking support, but found nothing but waiting expressions and amused smiles. With a sigh he gave in.
"This goes no further than us, correct?" he asked pleadingly. The Hitachiins mimed zipping their lips. Honey, Mori, and Haruhi nodded their reassurance. He turned to Kyoya. For a long moment the two of them held each others' gazes but finally the dark-haired one inclined his head in agreement. Tamaki sighed again, slightly more relieved. Taking another deep breath, he looked at Hikaru one more time.
"It has to be the most embarrassing moment?"
"Yup."
Thoroughly defeated, the blond gave in with grace.
"Okay. It would have to be the time I tried to introduce a commoner's game into a Host Club meeting."
"But you do that all the time, Boss," Kaoru interjected mildly.
"Not like this, he doesn't." Kyoya's expression gave nothing away, but his voice was filled with amusement. Tamaki just groaned and stared at the sand. Between Kyoya's cryptic comment and Tamaki's reaction, Haruhi found herself insanely curious. Judging by her friends' looks she wasn't the only one.
"So it was towards the end of our second Host Club meeting. For the most part everyone had left. We hadn't yet set up a specific closing time, so people kind of trickled out as they would. This day Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai had left early for the dojo. Hikaru and Kaoru, being in their final year of middle school, were only attending once a week, and this was not one of those days.
"Kyoya and I were the only two hosts left, and there were three princesses that were still visiting. Of course Kyoya was doing what he usually does, sitting at the table and tapping away at his laptop. That was fine, though, because the girls were perfectly okay with having me all to themselves." A hint of his typical unplanned arrogance slipped out, making more than just Haruhi roll their eyes. Of course he never noticed, continuing his story in a low voice.
"I'd been telling the princesses about some commoner games I'd recently heard of – spin the bottle being one of them. They seemed very excited about playing."
"I'll bet," snorted Hikaru. On a roll now, Tamaki kept speaking as though the redhead hadn't spoken.
"I managed to convince Kyoya to join in."
"How did you do that?" Haruhi asked quizzically.
"I appealed to his good nature," the blond replied easily.
"He is pure evil, that's how," groused Kyoya. The Host King turned a sly smile to his brunette counterpart and Haruhi got the feeling that she was missing something major. Still, she wanted to hear the rest of this story, so she motioned for him to continue.
"So there we sat, myself and Kyoya and our remaining three guests. You all know how spin the bottle is played, right?" At everyone's nod he smiled. "Okay, then. One of the girls suggested a variation that she'd heard of from some friends at another school.
"Each person would get a turn. On their turn, they would spin the bottle twice. The first person it landed on would step into another room – in this case, the front closet, as it was fairly large and we didn't use it for anything so it was mostly empty. Then the person whose turn it was would spin the bottle again. Whoever it landed on next would join the first person in the closet, and a three minute timer would be set. At the end of three minutes the two would leave the closet and the game would continue. I thought it sounded fun and new, so I was excited to try it."
By this point Kyoya was smirking widely. In contrast, Tamaki seemed to be getting more and more embarrassed, the pink on his cheeks deepening as he kept talking.
"As luck would have it, the first spin landed on me. Dutifully I stepped into the closet. I figured my chances were good – three to one, in fact – that the next spin would land on one of the lovely ladies that were obviously so enchanted with my company."
"It was Kyo-chan, wasn't it?" Honey asked with a giggle. Tamaki was so red he looked sunburned.
"No, it wasn't me that walked into the closet," Kyoya said, still smirking. He was definitely enjoying the Host King's discomfort.
"The rule was that the lights stayed off," Tamaki said, still not meeting anyone's eyes. "So I stood in the dark closet for what felt like ages. I was beginning to think that perhaps I should look outside to make sure there was nothing wrong when the door opened. I caught a glimpse of a silhouette, a flowing skirt, and – reassured that it wasn't Kyoya – reached out to grasp the girl's shoulders. They were firmer than I'd expected but I didn't question it. I think I might have said something to her, but all I really remember was pulling her to me and kissing her – quite thoroughly, I might add."
He broke off, staring at the sand, when Kyoya started to chuckle. Since it was apparent that the blond wasn't about to speak yet, the Shadow King took up the tale.
"What Tamaki didn't know was that there had arisen a bit of a...dilemma, shall we say? When the bottle was spun the second time, it came to a stop directly between the other two young ladies. Being who they were, a very polite argument broke out, each one claiming the right to join Tamaki, neither willing to give in to the other. And neither was amenable to a re-spin."
"So if it wasn't you or one of the girls, who was it?" Hikaru voiced the question they were all wondering. Tamaki sagged further into the sand. Kyoya looked at his best friend and smiled evilly.
"Do you wish to finish this, or should I?" he asked. Tamaki feebly waved a hand in tacit permission. The Shadow King laughed once more and proceeded.
"The girls had finally decided that, since neither of them was willing to give up, they would simply go in together. They stood and walked to the door, flinging it open to reveal the object of their desires wrapped in a rather passionate embrace with a figure in a long flowing...cloak." He paused for effect and watched the light bulbs go on in the eyes of each of his audience members.
"No!" Kaoru barked on a laugh, desperately trying to keep his composure.
"It wasn't...it couldn't have been..." Hikaru was easily as amused, snickering as he tried to speak.
"Nekozawa?" Haruhi and Honey exclaimed simultaneously. Kyoya grinned. Tamaki groaned loudly and smooshed his face into his hands.
"That, my friends, was our fearless leader's introduction to Ouran's own Black Magic Club leader." Kyoya sounded almost pleased. "Of course, to this day I'm still not certain who was most surprised – the girls, Tamaki, or Nekozawa. It turned out that he'd been using our closet – since we never did – to grow a special kind of light-intolerant plant. He'd simply wanted to check on its progress. So he saw a group of us sitting on the floor playing a game and decided to take that moment to creep in. He had no idea that the closet was...occupied."
The twins had given up all pretense of control, rolling in the sand and laughing until they cried. Haruhi found herself totally overcome my giggles, a state that plagued Honey as well. Even Mori was chuckling.
"Nekozawa broke free instantly and disappeared out the door," Kyoya said solemnly. "The girls were alternately baffled and intrigued. And this idiot -" here he reached over and poked Tamaki in the head "- just looked up, confusion written all over those aristocratic features, and said 'I don't know who that girl was, but she definitely knows how to kiss!'"
There was no hope for any of them at that point. Haruhi wondered if it was possible to literally laugh oneself to death, and idly mused that she might be finding out herself if she couldn't take a breath soon.
"It was so humiliating," Tamaki moaned, head still buried in his hands. "If I had thought first...if I had asked who it was..."
"Your lack of forethought does tend to be your most glaring flaw," Kyoya said calmly. Suddenly the golden-haired host raised his head, his lilac eyes shining with unholy glee.
"You're one to talk about lack of forethought, Kyoya," he said, his voice low, almost hypnotically seductive. "Or have you somehow forgotten just how well you hold your liquor?"
Kyoya's calm facade cracked on an indrawn breath.
"Tamaki, you wouldn't dare."
"I wouldn't?" the blond asked, shifting to a crouch in front of the Shadow King and gazing at him. "I don't believe you are a good judge of just what I would or would not do to you, Mommy dearest."
Sensing a really good story in the offering, the remaining five hosts calmed themselves and settled in to listen.
Author's note: *giggle*