"You are playing with fire, Suoh," Kyoya growled. The fierce expression and demeanor of the Ootori son would have terrified almost anyone.
Tamaki just laughed.
"Well, maybe I like the heat," he said saucily, violet eyes flashing with amusement. "Besides, I can pretty much bet that this would count as your 'most embarrassing moment ever'. And after all, it is your turn to confess." The two kings stared at each other, eyes dueling ferociously, neither one giving nor expecting quarter. The gathered watchers were silent, enthralled. Finally – and to the shock of every single person present – Kyoya caved.
"Very well. I suppose it is only fair, since I elaborated on and took great pleasure in your story."
To say Tamaki was surprised at the easy acquiescence would be a bit of an understatement. Leaning back in shock, the blond overbalanced and landed on his rear in the sand. He looked at Kyoya with concern.
"Are you sure, mon amie?" he asked almost apologetically. The boy in question pushed his glasses up, the sunlight glinting brightly off of the lenses.
"If I do not have the strength to allow my friends to know of my flaws, then how can I consider myself strong enough to conquer them?"
Haruhi knew she wasn't the only one utterly floored by the serious host's admission. But then the blond smiled and took his seat once more and all of them settled in to listen.
"When Kyoya and I met, I was so eager to see and learn everything I could about my father's culture. I know you've all heard the stories of our first excursions, of the lengths that he went to so that I could fulfill my every wish and dream of Japan.
"Several months after we'd become friends, I heard that there was to be a festival in Okinawa. Of course I had to go. And of course Kyoya simply had to accompany me. So I went to his house that morning to invite him."
"I was...less than enthusiastic," the brunette interjected drolly. Tamaki glanced at him, eyebrows raised.
"You threw a lamp at my head and threatened to castrate me."
"You showed up at my house at six o'clock on a Saturday morning."
"But it was – oh, never mind." Tamaki grinned and shook his head. "Eventually I talked him into going with me."
"How did you manage that, Boss?" the twins asked.
"He is pure evil," Kyoya muttered, reiterating his earlier statement. This time it earned him a fond glare from the blond that he summarily ignored. After a moment, Tamaki shrugged and continued.
"We arrived in time for the start of the festival. It was wonderful! Everyone cheering and chatting in the streets – the atmosphere was purely amazing! I tried to get Kyoya to enjoy it with me but...well, you can all imagine how well that idea flew."
"Like a lead balloon," Kyoya grumbled.
"At any rate," Tamaki said sternly, his expression telling the brunette plainly that comments were not welcome, "I decided we should get something to eat. We were walking down a side street and I saw a place the type of which I had never visited: a karaoke bar. After some pleading on my part, Kyoya reluctantly followed me inside.
"The proprietor was polite and friendly and I struck up a conversation. I explained that this was my first festival as well as my first experience in an establishment such as this one. I thought initially that it was my wonderful personality that convinced him to serve us sake – as we were obviously underage – but after a moment I realized Kyoya had handed the man a credit card to charge our order to, and that it was less anything I had done an likely more the sight of the Ootori name that had made up the man's mind.
"Regardless, here we were. Festival day in Okinawa, in a karaoke bar, being served sake. It took me a few sips to get used to the alcohol. Kyoya knocked two cups back like a pro before declaring that he was 'definitely going to need something stronger to deal with this.'"
"I didn't know you drank, Kyoya-senpai," Haruhi said with mild curiosity.
"I don't," came the curt reply. Tamaki just grinned and kept talking.
"I was curious about everything. I got up and wandered around the place, asking about décor and food and how the karaoke setup worked. By the time I made my way back to our table I saw Kyoya swirling a splash of some golden brown liquid in the bottom of a glass. Of course I had to ask what it was; I found out that he had ordered bourbon. I watched him gulp the last of it down without breaking a sweat.
"When I sat down, I didn't notice anything different about the way he was acting. It wasn't until a little while had passed that the unusual behavior started."
"What kind of behavior?" Kaoru wondered.
"Oh, like the fact that my best friend had begun to sing along softly to every American song that came over the speakers."
"Wait, really?" Haruhi asked. Tamaki nodded. Kyoya stared off into the distance as though unwilling to acknowledge anyone or anything.
"Yes. And it wasn't like he was mouthing a word or two overheard here or there. He was actually singing every verse.
"I was kind of amused, really. This was a side of my new friend I didn't know about. But I guess the bourbon was having a stronger effect as time went on. He started getting louder and after a while he was swaying along with the rhythm.
"At the table across from ours sat some older ladies. I had, of course, introduced myself to them during the course of my earlier exploration. They seemed very nice, very polite, even if they were a bit less than sober. As we were sitting at the table, one of the ladies glanced over and saw Kyoya, twitching his head to the beat and singing along, and she called her friends' attention to us. A whispered conversation later and then they motioned a serving girl over. A few moments went by, and then that same server showed up at our table and placed a glass of liquor down in front of each of us. I tried to explain that we hadn't ordered any more drinks, but she told me that the beverages had already been paid for. When she nodded towards the four women at the table I understood that they had covered the cost, but I couldn't figure out why.
"Kyoya was a bit more than buzzed by then and had begun drumming lightly on the table as well as singing. I was a little worried, but I figured that he wouldn't let himself get out of hand. I mean, it was Kyoya – the King of Self Control.
"Somehow I missed it when he polished off his second drink. But suddenly I guess he decided it was time for an Ootori Kyoya American Rock Concert."
Disbelieving expressions met the Host King's declaration. That was, until his counterpart spoke up of his own volition.
"It wasn't rock. It was pop. You know, for someone so musically inclined, you do seem to have a problem separating popular music into genres."
"Wait, so this really happened, Kyo-chan?" Wide honey-brown eyes met resigned black ones. Kyoya sighed.
"Unfortunately, yes. Though I have to admit my full recollections of the event are fairly hazy thanks to the bourbon."
Hearing the Shadow King not only admit to the tale but also to his inebriated lack of solid memories made all of the hosts look in shock at one another. Tamaki watched them all with a smug smile curving his lips. He let them compute the idea for a bit before speaking again.
"I thought I knew Kyoya – who he was, what made him tick. But the guy that began to weave his way to the table across the room to talk to the man running the karaoke setup was not in any way an Ootori Kyoya that I knew. I began to wonder if maybe coming into this bar had been a good idea."
"Did Kyo-chan actually sing?" Honey wanted to know, enthralled as they all were at the thought of such blatantly out-of-character behavior. Tamaki glanced at the silent brunette beside him before answering with a chuckle.
"Sing...dance...jump around the room randomly? Oh yes, he most certainly did." The Host King's smile was wicked.
"I can only imagine how that must have sounded," Hikaru said with a dramatic shudder. Tamaki shook his head.
"Actually, it was rather impressive, all things considered. Kyoya has a wonderfully rich baritone when he chooses to use it."
"Really?" Honey asked, excited. "Will you sing for us sometime, Kyo-chan?"
"I am nowhere close to remotely being drunk enough to even consider the possibility of such an idea," Kyoya said clearly and deliberately before returning to his closed demeanor.
"Aww," she shorter blond said in disappointment. Haruhi found herself just as disappointed, though she had no intentions of voicing that.
"Anyway," Tamaki declared, getting back into the tale, "it would have been a completely wonderful performance except for two things." He paused, waiting for the inevitable question. Kaoru took the bait.
"What two things?"
"The fact that he seemed to see his shirt as an unnecessary encumbrance...and that every song he chose was originally sung by American pop female vocalists."
During her chuckling, Haruhi found herself covertly watching the subject of the story. With a flash of insight she realized how very difficult this must be for him – having his behavior described in detail to others, the responsible one's fall from grace. She would never lie and deny her own amusement, but she did feel the need to reassure him somehow. In the distraction of everyone's laughter she reached her left hand out slowly until she was able to use it to cover his right hand. Amongst the noise and mirth he turned slightly to look at her, and she got a split second glimpse behind those glasses to the true Kyoya beneath. He looked shocked at her comforting gesture so she smiled gently and gave his hand a small squeeze. After a terse moment wondering if maybe she'd gone to far, made him angry at her for overstepping her bounds, she got her answer. It came in the form of the smallest, most gentle smile she'd ever seen from him, almost shy if such a thing could be said of the eternally composed host. An matching smile bloomed on her lips, but it was quickly hidden from the others through ease of long practice as she turned her outward attention back to the story.
"The older ladies were just loving the performance, a couple of them pulling out their cellphones and making phone calls," Tamaki was saying as she began listening again. "One of them in particular seemed extremely happy with each shirt button he opened. It was, I have to admit, quite a show," the blond said with a grin for Kyoya, who simply glared back.
"After two songs, I noticed that the bar seemed slightly fuller than it had been. After two more, there was no doubt in my mind that word had spread. Kyoya was drawing quite a crowd. The proprietor was ecstatic. And I...was worried.
"Every time it looked like Kyoya might be winding down, one of the women would say or do something that would set him off again. By this point he'd graduated from female pop to some sort of – I don't know, really. What kinds of songs were those, anyway?" Tamaki turned curious eyes to his best friend who just sighed softly.
"It was, I believe, a selection of American and European love ballads from the 1980s and '90s."
"Really? Okay. Well, whatever they were, the audience went crazy for them. And him.
"The woman that had bought us our drinks had been watching him intently since he first took the mic, and had slowly been shifting her chair closer and closer to the central area he was using as an informal stage. It wasn't until she was within arm's reach that I got the impression that she might be about to try something."
"Did she?" Hikaru asked. The princely one nodded.
"Yes she did – in a very big way. To begin with, by this point she was far more than a little tipsy herself. So a few verses into his next song as he was none-too-steadily dancing past her, she reached out and yanked him onto her lap. The servers saw it happen but none were close enough to do anything. A few of them yelled for their boss. I dove forward and grabbed his arm. She pushed me hard and I ended up falling backwards over a chair."
"I vaguely remember that," Kyoya murmured softly. Underneath her hand she felt his fingers tense up and she stroked them gently. He didn't exactly relax, but he didn't pull away. She figured that was a good sign.
"Well, you were rather...not yourself at the time," Tamaki said diplomatically. "And I wasn't hurt. The proprietor had gotten there by then, and between him and myself we managed to get her to release Kyoya. The man then asked her to leave the bar. She immediately began to cause a scene. She started yelling at me, at the proprietor, at Kyoya, claiming that we were trying to 'steal her cupcake.' But it wasn't until she started shouting about how we obviously didn't know who she was that it got really bizarre."
"Who was she?" Haruhi asked. For the first time, Kyoya took a truly active part in the conversation, meeting her eyes as he spoke in a level voice.
"She happily announced that her name was Shizuko Hanami and that she had enough connections to 'shut that rathole down for good.'"
"Shizuko. Why does that name sound familiar?" Kaoru wondered aloud. Kyoya turned to him.
"Shizuko Kagomi is the arranged wife of my eldest brother." Kaoru and Hikaru understood immediately, as did Honey and Mori. Haruhi was, of course, still a bit confused. But that was cleared up when the other twin spoke.
"You're serious? The woman in the bar groping you was your aunt?" Hikaru gasped out in incredulous amusement.
"She is the mother of my brother's wife," Kyoya ground out, a hint of anger entering the steel of his voice. Before he could say anything else, Tamaki jumped back into the conversation again.
"Once we found out who she was, I was ready to leave. I figured it would be nothing but trouble if she sobered up enough to realize exactly who she'd been trying to molest. But by this time, though she'd degenerated to mumbling, Kyoya had begun to gather together some semblance of sobriety. He calmly walked over to her, and when he spoke his voice was pure ice.
"'You will do nothing to this bar, its owner, its employees, or its patrons,' he told her. I just stood by, unable to even speak. She scoffed at him and rolled her eyes and asked 'and what if I do, cupcake?' Kyoya just leaned over, stared directly at her, and in the calmest voice I have ever heard from anyone - ever - said 'if you do, not only will you face charges of disturbing the peace, but I will also see you tried for attempted sexual assault of a minor...and attempted incest.' Her eyes got really wide and I saw the instant that she realized who it was that she'd been pawing at. In the very next moment she vomited rather spectacularly all over poor still-shirtless Kyoya."
As soon as the words sunk in the laughter began, but Tamaki held up a hand for attention.
"We got him cleaned up as well as we could. One of the nice server girls found a spare man's uniform for him to replace the ruined pants and his mysteriously missing shirt. Unfortunately, he still wasn't sober enough for either of us to risk calling a car. As young as we were, we knew any of the drivers would be honor-bound to report to my father or his what state he was in. So we finally decided that the only person we might be able to trust was his sister Fuyumi." Tamaki ceased talking and Kyoya, smoothly if with some obvious reluctance, took it upon himself to finish his story.
"The rest of the day was really quite dull. Fuyumi came to get us. Tamaki explained – in as little detail as possible, thankfully – what had happened. And when we got home the two of them helped me make it to my room undetected where I showered, changed, and slept for nineteen hours straight."
"Did that woman ever say anything?" Kaoru asked, careful to not duplicate the error Hikaru had made by calling her Kyoya's aunt.
"No, I imagine the threat of scandal was more than enough to seal her lips for good."
"However," Tamaki said slyly with a sideways glance at his best friend, "at least four or five times a year our Kyoya is invited back to perform at that karaoke bar."
"Tamaki," he growled.
"Maybe someday he'll finally agree to do it," the blond said with an exaggerated sigh.
"Not. A. Chance." Kyoya's eyes narrowed dangerously. Tamaki completely ignored the warning, instead looking at the brunette with eyes half lidded and tempting, a playful smile on his lips.
"Aww, come on, Cupcake. You were such a huge hit!"
No one was surprised to see the Shadow King lift his water gun and shoot his best friend in the chest repeatedly, or to see him rising to chase after the blond when he bolted. Haruhi sat, chuckling, watching the two running along the sand.
Embarrassing story or not, I think this vacation has been just as good for Kyoya-senpai as it has been for me. Her thoughts were pleasant; she laughed with the others at Tamaki's antics, at Kyoya's unusually playful retaliation. And when the two were worn and weary and had returned to the circle to take their places once more, the quick smile he sent her way made Haruhi realize that, whether he would ever admit it or not, the playing was exactly what Kyoya had needed. Once more she was filled with warmth and very glad that she'd finally decided to join her boys. She was where she belonged.
Author's note: So Kyoya's story is amusing in its own way, but it's not as knee-slappingly funny as the previous three. However, I figure Kyoya wouldn't deliberately do much that might bring him embarrassment. He's too composed for such actions. I really couldn't picture him trying to impress a girl, or not thinking before kissing someone, or anything like that. However, that's not to say that he can't let his guard down. And when he's woken up ass early on a weekend and dragged across Japan by an overeager French boy with a passion for loud and boisterous things...well, I think anyone in that situation might be down for a drink. Or two. Or four. And as I can't picture Kyoya being the type to dabble in alcoholic beverages for no good reason, it's a bit understandable that he wouldn't be totally aware of what effects they might have on him. The thing Kyoya would find the most humiliating would be the absence of his usual calm, cool, controlled persona. And since Hikaru's question specifically stated 'most embarrassing'...well, there we have it. Poor little cupcake.