To Rekindle Hearts

Epilogue: Accepting Freedom in Failure

Several months after the adventure

"This is not the kind of escape I wanted," Legolas said with a dry laugh, looking bitterly at his hands.

Ithildim and Legolas sat cross-legged on the practice fields, under a summer sky spread with stars and an almost full moon rising now above the treeline.

"No," said Ithildim, "but it is maybe the reprieve you need. You feel things so starkly, and this place is again—" Ithildim stopped to consider his word choice. "Our home is again changing."

"I know," said Legolas, and when his eyes met his friend's he looked forlorn. "But I do not want to leave our unit."

Ithildim took Legolas' hands in his own, and squeezed them gently. "And I do not want you to leave. But you must for a time. I will not let Amonhir try to appoint someone new to your position while you are away."

Legolas laughed, and returned the comforting clasp of his friend's hands. "Thank you, my—"

And then Legolas was gone for a few moments, staring, both hands twitched twice in Ithildim's own, and Ithildim sighed. After a moment, Legolas' grey eyes focused again on Ithildim's face, and he smiled again brightly.

Legolas still did not often notice when his consciousness lasped. It was unusual but not abnormal, his father Anaron had told him, for these staring seizures to last for several months after a head injury, but it did not make Ithildim feel any better at all when Legolas was taken away from him by his own mind, and Ithildim could only sit there and wait. He would worry for Legolas on his ride to Imladris, Ithildim realized, and he knew the guards of the hall that were assigned to accompany Legolas on his journey did not know him as well as Ithildim did, and as beloved as Legolas was to his people, his changeable moods were disconcerting still to many of them, and Ithildim sensed Legolas felt still vulnerable at this time.

Ithildim undid the pouch at Legolas' belt and pulled out a packet of herbs and a thinly sliced root. The herbs were wrapped in a large green leaf and tied tightly with a thin grey string. Legolas had become used to Ithildim or another peer prompting him to take them when his mind had lapsed and he had not noticed it, so much so that he no longer even sighed when he realized what had happened. So Legolas took now the packet and unwrapped it quickly, and took pinches of the herbs in his fingers and dropped them into the waterskin leaning against his calves in the diamond-shape between his crossed legs. He shook the waterskin vigorously and slipped the root between his lips; he chewed it and frowned at the taste—after two and a half moons he had still not grown used to that bitterness.

Ithildim watched Legolas thoughtfully. He noticed the ink that was smeared on the index finger and palm of Legolas' right hand from the hours they had spent bent over the desk in Legolas' study, Legolas translating Ithildim's report—spoken ito him in Silvan—to Sindarin so that he could write it out neatly in Tengwar script. It had been already a long night.

"I will escort you to Imladris," said Ithildim. "And, if you wish, stay there for a time."

Legolas shook his head and smiled, loose honey hair slipping from behind his ears into his face and bouncing limply about his shoulders as he continued to shake the waterskin.

"I will not be the excuse you use with Lostariel to escape your duties," Legolas said.

Ithildim took the waterskin from Legolas' hand and placed it on the ground, stilling his, recently, ever-present movement.

Ithildim frowned. "I no longer want to escape my duties, but this is not an escape, Legolas—this is a duty."

Legolas raised an eyebrow, and Ithildim continued.

"You are my second and my comrade, and you are my friend," said Ithildim. "I have a duty to you as your captain and as your friend to see you well again—I took an oath on the first count, and might as well have on the second. At least let me see you to Lord Elrond safely. It will for me, also, be healing."

Legolas shrugged gently, but then nodded.

And so it was decided between Ithildim and Legolas, and the next day Lostariel would approve a brief absense for Ithildim, for she had great respect for her captains' loyalty to one another. Neither Legolas nor Ithildim knew at that point that Legolas would return from Imladris stronger in body and mind and, most importantly, in confidence than he had ever been before, or that it would become clear to Thranduil that this trial in his son's life had not been an escape from responsibility at all, but instead a powerful lesson that would help him to grow more into a leader than Thranduil would have thought possible.

But for now, under the clear summer sky, neither of the friends knew what the future held. Ithildim handed the waterskin back to Legolas, who pulled out the cork and drank of it deeply, and then tossed it aside. And then the two friends laid back, and their eyes found the stars, and Legolas began to measure the path of the moon as it rose with his hands, placing one hand at the tree line and then placing the other hand on top of it, switching in this manner over and over, as if he were walking his hands through the night sky. Six lengths of his hands fit from the tree line to the moon.

Ithildim laughed at his friend's antics, and continued to laugh even as Legolas' hands froze in midair for a moment and then lowered to his stomach— his mind was trapped, and his eyes blinked rapidly for several long seconds. Ithildim laughed through his friend's silence so that when Legolas was let loose from his mind, Ithildim would be just as he was when Legolas had left, always there with things as they always were, ready to joke or jest as they had come to expect of one another when they were off duty.

Ithildim and Legolas had both become somewhat different people since the ravine, and they no longer needed such respite, for they had begun to care for themselves as well as they cared for their soldiers, and to turn to one another for strength when they were all but prepared to run away. And as the darkness came back, the strength they shared would be a guiding light for their realm.

Ithildim patted Legolas on the chest from his position on the ground beside him.

"You look a fool!" Ithildim exclaimed, still laughing.

Legolas turned his head to him and grinned, hair falling completely across his face and he tried to blow it away from his eyes before speaking.

"We spend too much time together," Legolas said. He became frustrated with his hair and pulled himself halfway upright and quickly plaited a tight half-braid to hold his hair from his eyes. He let himself back to the ground with a soft thud, turning eyes again to his friend.

"No, Legolas," said Ithildim. "We spend just enough."

And they lay and watched the moon pass its peak. Legolas counted the moon's distance from the treeline across the nightsky with his hands until he could not keep track of it anymore, after which the the two lapsed into a comfortable and healthy silence.

Shoulder to shoulder, they considered the stars, and then peacefully fell into sleep.

Author's note: I decided to just post the rest of the story today, so I could begin focusing on other WIPs. I appreciate both positive and constructive feedback, because it makes me a better writer. Please consider leaving a review to let me know what I have done well, what I can work on, or something else. Thank you for joining me in this tale! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.