~Secrets~

~Truths~

~And Promises~

Skylar didn't feel right at all.

She felt sick, she felt exhausted, her neck was killing her and she couldn't stop scratching at it.

Skylar pulled her fingers away from her neck after she found herself scratching at it again for like the hundredth time within the hour. Blood stained her fingertips and it would probably be a while before she somehow got rid of the blood that was under her nails. It was dried and ugly. Skylar couldn't bring herself to even so much as look at her own hands. It was a sad sight to see. It made her feel so sick to her stomach. All she wanted to do was curl up into a little ball and stay there until all the bad feelings went away. She just wanted to feel like she was not about to fall apart like a broken mirror.

She couldn't understand why she was so frustrated, why she wanted to simply attack anyone who talked to her, why she felt like her world was slowly crumbling around her. It felt like there was a doom slowly looming over her that she would never be able to avoid. She even found herself frustrated with Serana every time the Vampire spoke. She wanted to run away to save Serana from Skylar's unexplainable rage.

Once again without even thinking about it Skylar began to scratch heavily at her neck. She was scratching because of the itching, burning feeling that was on her neck and the frustration that was continuing to build…She was taking her frustrations out on her own poor, already damaged skin. It was like she didn't understand the damage that she was causing herself. This time she was stopped when Serana reached forward with a gentle ice cold hand and pulled Skylar's bloodstained fingers away from her neck.

"You're bleeding." Serana murmured softly before she pulled out a small health potion and a cloth from her satchel. Throughout the day Serana had healed Skylar's neck so many times that she lost count. She couldn't just let Skylar's neck stay damaged like that, but she was beginning to run out of health potions.

"I can't help it." Skylar whimpered as she tried to scratch at her neck again, but Serana quickly placed the cloth and potion aside to take both of Skylar's hands in her own and held them firmly as her eyes burned into Skylar's.

"Listen to me, you have to stop yourself from scratching, you are going to really hurt yourself more… Health potions like these can only heal so much... I hate to see you in such a state, Skylar, please… Try to stop… For me?" Serana cooed as she ran a cool thumb over Skylar's knuckles.

Skylar tried to allow the touch of her lover to sooth her into a state of calm, but the sting from the collar was a constant reminder that something just was not right. The collar felt so heavy, it was dragging her down at a slow steady pace.

"Serana… I need to get this collar off…" Skylar whispered before she pulled her hands away from Serana's to claw at the collar. "It… It feels wrong… I feel like I am suffocating." She struggled to say as she fought against the material that was around her throat.

Serana still hadn't told Skylar what the collar truly was, but Serana had the feeling that Skylar was slowly beginning to catch on. It was only a matter of time before she had to tell her the truth. As time went on Serana realized that perhaps she shouldn't have lied to Skylar at all. Perhaps she should have told her what the collar really was? Maybe Skylar wouldn't be in the state she was in now? The poor thing looked so lost.

But as Serana thought about it she realized that either way Skyar was going to be in such a state. She was still going to be damaging her own neck and she was still going to panic when she realized that she couldn't get the collar off. The only difference was that if Serana told Skylar the truth behind the collar she would as least have the reason why the collar was not coming off instead of saying that the clips were broken.

"Skylar…" Serana began as she reached for the cloth and potion. She poured some of the liquid onto the cloth before she set the vial to the side and reached for Skylar's hands, once again those frantic hands of her's were already on her own neck clawing away instead to clawing at the collar as if Skylar had forgotten what she was trying to do.

Serana feared that if she scratched anymore Skylar would cause herself to bleed to death. The smell of Skylar's blood was overwhelming. It filled her senses and made her head spin, every now and then the Vampire had to hold her breath for fear of losing control. Serana had tasted Skylar's blood before and she couldn't deny the fact that the scent of the girl's blood made her mouth water. And the memories of the time she fed off of her gave her a secret fantasy where she would pin Skylar against a wall and do things only lovers did. She wanted to simply touch her but of course this was not the time. Skylar was not in the state for that kind of attention at all.

When her hands were covered by Serana's ice cold one Skylar looked up at Serana with curious eyes as she watched the vampire begin to dab the damp cloth on her neck, slowly and gently slipping along her damaged skin to reach the scratches that were hidden beneath the thick collar.

Every now and then Skylar would hiss and whimper as the liquid of the red potion caused her neck to sting in protest. But Skylar forced herself to sit still, clenching her fists, fingernails digging into her palms hard enough to break the skin, clenching her teeth and screwing her eyes shut waiting patiently for Serana to finish mending her wounds that would be inevitably reopened by Skylar's own doing.

It was night time now. Serana and Skylar had made their way through the ashy setting of the island, it was plain to see that neither one of them much cared for that place at all. It was unfamiliar and roaming with creatures that confused both of them, and those creatures were sometimes stronger than anything they had ever seen before. However that was something that both woman somehow had been expecting, if that island was the origin of the Werebears then of course there were going to be creatures there with alarming strengths.

Somehow, so far they managed. It was a slow and careful process but in the end they always came out on top. Nothing seemed to bring them down.

When morning came they planned on heading over to another part of the island that happened to be completely covered in snow. It looked so cold. Something Skylar was used to. Skyrim was naturally cold so that was something Skylar could handle… It would be much different and probably easier than choking on ash ever five minutes.

As Serana finished mending her lover's wounds it was only then she realized that Skylar's eyes were downcast and her expression was unreadable, she was thinking too hard… Again.

Serana had watched as Skylar went into this same state so many times during that day. Every single time they stopped to rest Skylar would detach herself from reality and retreat into her own mind, only the pain of her own nails on her skin was what brought her back. Not even her lover's voice could do much when she went into that state. It always took Serana a few tries before she got Skylar's attention, but even then it almost looked like Skylar was not interested in what she had to say at all.

It was a sad sight to see. Skylar looked troubled and confused and scared but at the same time Serana just couldn't tell what she was thinking. She only hoped that she could sooth whatever was bothering her… But she knew that she probably wouldn't be able to. The power behind the collar was putting Skylar in such a state that it worried the Vampire. How long would it be before Skylar truly loses her free will completely? Remembering the first moments when Skylar was trapped terrified Serana. Not because of what she almost did, but because Serana had not been able to find Skylar in those deep blue eyes that she loved so much.

Serana was impressed that the girl somehow still had it… But she could see that it was very slowly and painfully slipping away with every second that ticked by. It almost looked as though Skylar was holding onto her sanity with every ounce of strength she had in her tiny body.

When they found themselves in battles against enemies Serana couldn't help but notice that Skylar looked exhausted. Every movement she made was strained and looked painful. Every time Skylar caught Serana looking at her she tried to make everything look less struggled. She didn't want Serana to know that she was suffering.

Even as she simply walked.

Every step she took looked as though she had to think about it before she put one foot in front of the other, and even then Skylar strained to lift her feet. As if her boots were encased in heavy cement blocks. She looked like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Skylar simply looked drained in every possible way. Serana bit her lower lip worrying about how long it was before Skylar finally dropped from exhaustion and gave up the battle. After everything was this how Serana was going to lose her? Serana's father trapping Skylar in a fate worse than death? Taking away Skylar's ability of free will?

Serana knew that Skylar would never go down without a fight. After what Skylar had told her about her past where she was captive by bandits for so long. Free will was something that Skylar cherished… Skylar would sooner die than let herself become a prisoner again.

Serana closed her eyes and took a breath to calm herself. She had to save Skylar. She just had to… Serana was selfish… She couldn't live in a world without her beloved little Wolf by her side. She loved her too much. If there was no Skylar… There was no reason to live…

She had a moment of determination come over her when she realized that she would never allow her father to win this battle. She was NOT going to let Harkon have Skylar as his personal slave! She knew exactly what Harkon would do to her. He would turn Skylar into a toy! NO! SKYLAR WAS HER'S AND HER'S ALONE! SHE WOULD NEVER LET HER FATHER TOUCH HER!

Serana gave Skylar's hands a squeeze before she brought them up to her lips where she placed soothing cool kisses on the werewolf's skin. Skylar was Serana's to protect and love. She was not a play thing, she was not a slave, she was not something someone could take advantage of. She had her freewill and Serana was going to do everything in her power to save it.

"Skylar…" Serana said in a calm voice as she released one of Skylar's hands so she could place a cool finger under the Werewolf's chin to gently force Skylar to look at her.

It was a few moments before Skylar's exhausted eyes were looking into her own.

"Something is with me… Isn't there?" Skylar's voice was heard before Serana's was.

Those words shot chills down Serana's spine. They broke her heart.

"I can feel it… I think I am sick or something…" Skylar's eyes drooped shut before she took a shaky breath and sighed. "You know what it is don't you?" She asked in a small vulnerable voice.

Serana froze and her face had the expression of one that told that she was ashamed. Ashamed for keeping this secret from her lover. This was something Skylar deserved to know from the start. What kind of lover was she that she couldn't tell Skylar that something was indeed wrong? How could Skylar ever think to trust Serana.

"Yes…" Serana whispered as she cupped Skylar's face with both of her hands and knelt in front of the girl. "I do know what is wrong, Skylar, but you must believe me when I tell you that I hid it from you because I didn't want you to get hurt…" Serana's words were filled with emotion. She was worried and concerned and scared. She couldn't help it if her hands were shaking ever so slightly as they were cupping Skylar's face. She only hoped that Skylar wouldn't hate her for the poor decision she had made. The look that was on Skylar's face, in fact it was not only her face, it was her entire body. Everything about Skylar was telling Serana that Skylar was trying to pull away from her. Serana was losing her! Her undead heart clenched in her chest as she ran her thumbs over Skylar's cheeks. "Please, Skylar, you have to understand…"

"But… I think I was already hurt in the beginning…" Skylar's words were like daggers. "Why would you keep it from me if I am already suffering? Maybe if I knew… Maybe things could have been better, I am just so… So… Hnng…" Skylar couldn't finish her sentence. She lifted her own hands and pulled Serana's cool ones away from her face. The words she wanted to say were not fair and would hurt Serana very badly. Skylar knew it, she couldn't hurt Serana… She was only trying to help…

The things she wanted to say were fueled by the frustration and rage that was still building even then as they spoke. Skylar knew that it was not her own frustration and rage too… It was something else. It was not her. She was not going to allow whatever that was to hurt Serana. She just hoped that Serana would understand. There was something inside Skylar, something that WANTED to see people hurt. It was the thing that was driving Skylar to wanting to fight every single person that spoke to her. It was the thing that made her snap at the man in the marketplace.

When she snapped at him she didn't want him to laugh and think Skylar was a strong independent woman who earned the right to buy his wares… No… She wanted the man to snap right back, she wanted him to fight her, she wanted him to lose control so she had a reason to pull out her blade and fight him… Or maybe even turn into the werewolf and go crazy! And made even take a few more people down with him…

Skylar realized what she was thinking about and recoiled away from Serana. Something was very wrong with her. She never would harm anyone! Even if they yelled at Skylar. Unless they meant to cause true harm where Skylar had to defend herself she would never want to kill anyone… This was not her.

Skylar felt as though she was losing sight of herself and it mortified her. She wanted to cry right then and there but she wouldn't allow it. She couldn't allow Serana to see that she was so unstable. She couldn't let Serana worry. That wasn't fair at all.

Skylar lowered her head and stared at the ground curling into herself were she sat. She couldn't let Serana in. If she did she would get hurt. She had to shut her out. The one person who Skylar allowed in and knew Skylar better than anyone… She now had to lock out for her own protection.

'I'm sorry… Serana… Please forgive me…' Skylar closed her eyes and turned her head away from Serana.

Serana watched helplessly. She reached forward but then paused when she realized the closer she got to Skylar the more the girl tensed up. She was being shut out and there was nothing she could do about it. "Skylar…" Serana whispered as she tried to get her to look at her. "Please… Listen to me… I wanted to tell you but the state you went in when you got that collar on you… It scared me… It scared me because of how hurt you were, of how scared you were, if you had seen what I had seen you would have done the same." Serana told her as she moved so she was looking Skylar right in the eyes. "Wouldn't you?" She finished with a serious look in her eyes.

'Yes… I would have…' Skylar thought as she closed her eyes and turned her head in the other direction, away from those beautiful eyes of her lover. She wouldn't even so much as say one word for fear of whatever was trying to control her would twist her words and turn them into things Skylar would NEVER say to anyone, especially not Serana. She had to protect the Vampire from herself.

"I'm so sorry, Skylar." Serana begged, thinking that the way Skylar was acting was because she was upset with her. "Please, please, forgive me, I can't take you being mad at me…" She whispered. Her voice, her words, begging. This was all out of character for Serana. This was something she would have never done before she met Skylar. But she didn't want to lose her.

"Just tell me… What is wrong with me…" Skylar struggled to say. It was the only thing she could allow herself to say. She thought that if she knew she could fix it… maybe.

Serana flinched at her words but nodded in understanding. "It's the collar…" Serana reached forward and ran a finger over the material that was around Skylar's neck. "It's not a ordinary collar… Do you remember the collar that was around that large werewolf's neck, the one that is in the dungeon under my castle?" Serana asked.

Upon hearing this Skylar's eyes snapped open and she turned her head towards Serana so fast that Serana could have sworn that she heard Skylar's neck crack in the process. "No…" Skylar whimpered. "Please tell me you're lying…" Skylar's eyes were pleading and scared. She suddenly realized the reason why Serana kept this from her.

Skylar was once again a prisoner.

But this time it was much worse.

Serana slowly shook her head and took Skylar's hands in her own, offering what support she could during this time. "Skylar… It's going to be ok, we are going to figure this out… We need to get the key from around my father's neck… With that key we can get the collar off." Serana told her as she ran her thumbs over Skylar's knuckles, trying to sooth the girl who looked as though she was about to go into a full blown panic attack.

"What if we go to the thieves guild?" Skylar said a little faster than she intended to. "We can get our hands on this thing called a skeleton key! It can open any lock! Maybe it will work on the collar?" Skylar's entire body was shaking with nerves.

Serana bit her bottom lip. "No… But I can understand why you would think that… It's not a normal lock Skylar… It's a spell that is connected to the key around my father's neck… We don't use the key to unlock the collar… We break it… Once that key is broken the collar can come off like any normal collar… They key is a glass vial filled with a magical essence that is connected to all these collars… Do you understand?" Serana explained in a very calm voice. She needed Skylar to know that there was still hope. If Skylar lost her hope…

Skylar was taking deep breaths as she looked around, trying to think.

They had to find Harkon, they had to break that Vial! Before… Before… Skylar's eyes went wide when she realized the worst thing that will happen if they failed.

Skylar wouldn't just die… Before death even came close Skylar was going to turn into a monster and hurt anyone that got close to her! Including Serana! And then Skylar could only imagine what Harkon would do to her! With that collar around her neck she was going to have to do EVERYTHING Harkon told her to! EVERYTHING! There would be no freewill! She would be a mindless slave for her master to toy around with anyway he wanted!

Skylar's heart was pounding in her chest as if it were a drum. This was a nightmare! This couldn't be real! How could this have happened?

"How did it happen?" Skylar asked as she was reminded of the collar by the sting it caused her. "I can't remember having it put on me…" Skylar's voice was just a small whimper now. She was scared and it was impossible to hide knowing what fate had in store for her.

"A Werebear jumped us as soon as we stepped off the boat, there was no warning, nothing, it was like it was waiting for us… My guess is my father knew we were coming and this was his attempt to stop us." Serana murmured, wanting to pull Skylar onto her lap and cradle her in an attempt to sooth any fears that were invading Skylar's senses. She wanted to tell her that everything was going to be alright. She wanted to make everything better… She was Skylar's lover, was this not one of the things that she should have been able to do? Chase away all of Skylar's fears and worries? Why did she feel like she couldn't even so much as touch Skylar without fear of burning the girl with her touch?

Looking at Skylar was like looking at a wounded animal that was caught in a bear trap. She looked alarmed and ready to snap at anyone who got too close to her, even if they were simply trying to help her.

"Listen, Skylar… Please… You need to trust me." Serana began but she stopped herself from saying anymore when she realized that it looked like Skylar was not even paying attention to her. She bit her lower lip for a second before she reached up and cupped Skylar's face like she had done before, but this time she pressed her lips firmly against Skylar's warm ones.

She felt Skylar instantly tense up, she could tell that Skylar was about to pull away and that was what Serana thought she was going to do, or at least push Serana off her and then run away. But to Serana's surprise Skylar very slowly and hesitantly relaxed and melted into Serana's kiss.

Seconds later Serana felt those familiar arms of her lover's snake around her neck and pull her closer.

Skylar wanted Serana closer, no she NEEDED Serana to be closer. Having Serana close seemed to make everything seem a little less dim. But at the same time Skylar was mortified that she was going to lose control and hurt Serana. Having her that close was so risky… Anything could happen.

Serana deepened the kiss, holding Skylar close by allowing her hands to wander lower until she had her arms around Skylar's waist. She quite literally picked Skylar up and placed her right on her lap where she wrapped her arms around her in a silent promise that Serana was not going to let anything else hurt Skylar. As long as Serana was there she was going to fight tooth and nail to keep her safe and to get her better. She was not going to let her father have his way. Not in a million years.

Skylar had the overwhelming urge to push Serana away and run. But at the same time she wanted to stay there. She craved the contact, and she was craving more. Her head was spinning and she was finding it very hard to stay in control.

"Serana…" Skylar moaned into the kiss as her hands gripped the back of her lover's shirt.

"Hmm?" Serana hummed, nipping at Skylar's bottom lip.

Skylar shivered when she felt those wonderful fangs against her lip. "W-We need to…" She began after she pulled away. But she didn't get another word in before she felt Serana's lips trail along her jaw line and to her neck. She felt her lips find skin that was not covered by the cursed Collar where she began to place feather light kisses. Every now and then Skylar felt those fangs graze her skin and every time she shivered and a sound that she had never made before bubbled in the back of her throat. Skylar was craving more, much, much more. There was a heat in the pit of her stomach that was beginning to grow and little by little Skylar's grip on her control was slipping.

"Serana.." Skylar tried again, her grip on the back of her lover's shirt increasing as if she was holding onto her for dear life. "We… Can't… I can't…" She struggled to say as she shivered as yet again those amazing teeth found a sweet spot.

Serana's eyes widened when she realized what she was doing. All she had been trying to do was get Skylar's attention. She pulled away from her neck and bit her bottom lip. "Sorry…" She spoke in a soft raspy voice. "I think I got a little carried away…" She explained as she tightened her grip on Skylar. Not ready to let her go yet.

Skylar was blushing like mad, as soon as Serana pulled away she instantly buried her heated face into Serana's neck to try and cover it up and to try and cool herself off with the cool touch of Serana's skin. "It's ok…" Skylar's voice was muffled. She still had the overwhelming urge to get away from Serana but at the same time she just wanted to stay there just like that and not have to worry about losing control. Was that such a crime.

As Skylar was sitting there with her lover's arms around her she couldn't help but think if things would have been different if she didn't have that stupid collar on… Would she have had the courage to take that further. At the moment Skylar wanted to, but at the same time Skylar didn't know if that was her that wanted to take it to the next level or whatever was trying to control her.

Skylar was about to move off of Serana but Serana instantly tightened her grip when she felt her move. "No." Serana murmured.

Skylar looked up at her confused.

"Stay… Just… Relax… Please, try to sleep." Serana ran a hand over Skylar's forehead and brushed her bangs out of her face. "Please…" Serana basically begged her.

Skylar thought for a moment before she sighed and settled back onto Serana's lap. She leaned her head against her shoulder and bit her lower lip. She was still blushing and thinking about 'What ifs?'

Skylar also had another small thought hit her that she realized must have been the doing of the collar… She hadn't seen her Ghost companion. The collar was at fault.. She knew it.

Serana and Skylar were sheltered in a small cave where they stayed the night…

Serana dozed off at some point, sitting against a stone wall with Skylar on her lap.

But sometime during the night Serana's eyes snapped open…

Something was wrong.

Very wrong.

She jumped to her feet.

Where was Skylar?

She looked around for a few minutes before she ran to the entrance of the cave…

"SKYLAR!" Serana Called for her. She knew exactly what happened. She feared this.

Skylar had waited for Serana to fall asleep before she ran off… She couldn't risk Serana's safety…

She remembered almost hurting Serana…

Once she had untangled herself from her lover's embrace she took off running, putting as much distance between herself and Serana as possible.