"God, this is so nerve wracking." I groaned as I flipped through a two year old Highlights magazine.
"Why the hell are you reading that?" Rose hissed at me from the chair next to me in the bland waiting room.
"I don't know…it was on the table…remember this? Goofus and Gallant?" I asked her, pointing at the cartoon strip.
"Yeah. Goofus was kind of hot…"
"Only you would think that…"
"Put that magazine down and pick up something age appropriate!" Rose whispered out of the corner of her mouth. I sighed and traded the Highlights magazine for Cosmo.
"It feels weird being here." I told her as I absently paged through the thick, glossy book.
"It can't hurt to talk to someone about everything that has been going on." Rose said quietly. After Tyler told me about the bouquet from Aro, I immediately called Officer Uley, who I discovered was actually Detective Uley. The police contacted the flower company and attempted to track down Aro, but they only found dead ends. Aro had covered his tracks thoroughly. They couldn't even ascertain if he was still overseas or if he was in the United States. Detective Uley kindly suggested that I see a professional to help me deal emotionally with the situation and gave me a list of counselors and social workers in the area. I'd balked at first but made an appointment after my third sleepless night in a row.
"Isabella Swan?" the receptionist called. I stood up and walked to the front desk.
"You can go on back. The first door on the left." She instructed, smiling reassuringly. I walked down the short hallway and stood in front of the open door. Just stood there. Like an idiot.
"Isabella? Come on in!" A friendly voice called. I walked in and saw a pretty woman sitting casually in an overstuffed arm chair. She had long light brown hair, stylish glasses and a toothy smile; she appeared to be in her mid-thirties. She crossed the room swiftly and shook my hand.
"Nice to meet you, Dr. Weber." I choked out nervously. I had never been to a therapist before, not even after my parents died.
"Oh please, call me Angela. Sit." She said, pointing to the camel colored leather sofa against the wall. "Get comfy."
I sat gingerly on the edge of the couch. The entire room seemed to be decorated in neutral tones- browns, tans and creams. There were a couple of large framed diplomas bearing her name on the wood paneled wall of the small office.
"I see your arm is in a sling. What happened?" she asked curiously as she returned to her arm chair.
"Um…I was attacked a couple weeks ago." I mumbled.
"I'm so sorry that happened to you. Can you tell me what went down?" She crossed her legs and looked at me.
I went through the whole thing quickly, describing the stalking and the attack and the most recent threat.
"Wow, Isabella. That's quite a load."
"Izzy."
"Izzy." She said, smiling. "Any nightmares? Anxiety attacks?"
I shook my head. "I just haven't been able to sleep."
"I can totally understand that. How are you feeling?"
"Scared. Out of control." I admitted, words that I had never spoken aloud falling from my lips.
"That makes complete sense. In a situation like this, it's important to have a good support system to lean on. Are you close with your family?"
I shook my head. "Both of my parents are dead. No siblings."
"Oh, Izzy, I'm so sorry. Do you have close friends?"
"Yes. I am staying with my friends now. They have been so great. I feel so terrible imposing on them." I leaned back on the couch.
"Really? Why?" She asked, her brows knitted together in confusion.
"I mean, I am interrupting their lives for an indefinite amount of time…"
"You hate being a bother?"
"Definitely."
"But if the tables were turned, would you do the same for them?"
"No question."
"So why do you feel bad? This is what friends do for each other."
"It's uncomfortable…for me…to…" I couldn't finish my thought.
She looked at me closely. "Tell me about your parents."
"My mom died when I was eleven of cancer."
"Were your parents still together when she died?" I nodded.
"So when she died it was just you and your father?" I nodded again.
"What did he do for a living?"
"He was the chief of police in our town."
"So he worked crazy shifts, always on call... Did you stay with another relative or family friend while he was working?"
"No, I was pretty responsible and we lived in a small town. I learned how to cook and wash clothes and clean the house."
"So you did all of those things from the age of eleven for yourself and for your father?"
"Yeah."
"And you kept your grades up?"
"Yeah, graduated with a 4.0 and got a scholarship to NYU."
"So wait, tell me about the guy you are dating. Doesn't he work with the man who is stalking you?" She asked, switching topics suddenly.
"We're not together anymore."
"Does he know what happened?" I nodded.
"Has he reached out to you?"
"He hates me." I explained, hot tears of shame pricking my eyes.
"Why does he hate you?" she said, looking surprised.
"I…um…I slept with his brother. But then I felt guilty for betraying him and I ended it with his brother. But we ended up breaking up anyway. And Edward came to me while I was in the hospital after the attack and I told him that I wanted to be with him…" the words came out in a rush, all jumbled together.
"Edward is the brother?" Angela clarified.
"Yes. So when I got out of the hospital, I was staying with Edward. And then Emmett came by…"
"Emmett is your ex-boyfriend? The one who works with your stalker?"
"Yes. And Edward told him that we were together and they got into a big fight."
"Emmett wanted you back?" she asked.
"No, Emmett told Edward that I wasn't worth it. And he's right. So I left Edward's and went to stay with my friends."
"So how did Edward feel about you leaving? It seems he put a lot on the line for you…"
"I don't know how he feels." I said slowly, realizing that I'd never asked him.
She paused for a few long seconds. "You seem to be a very responsible woman. You've been taking care of yourself, not to mention your father, since you were eleven. You moved to New York for college and have a career that you enjoy and are successful. You don't strike me as an impulsive person. Why do you think you slept with Edward?"
"I don't know…I…I..I was lonely." I sputtered.
"If you were lonely in your relationship, why didn't you break up with Emmett?"
"I guess I felt like it didn't matter how I felt. Emmett was committed to the relationship and I didn't want to be alone."
"Even though you weren't alone, you still felt lonely, Izzy." Angela scooted to the edge of her chair. "Here's your assignment. When you feel an emotion, I want you to express how you feel to someone. When you are feeling scared, tell one of your girlfriends. When you are feeling out of control, let someone know. When you are feeling sad or lonely or frustrated, share it. At first it's going to feel awkward, but you can't keep things bottled up until they boil over because that's when complications arise. And also, you need to start working on believing that you are worth it. You don't always have to be the caretaker." She looked at me pointedly.
"I'll try." I said quietly. She stood up and I followed suit.
"Same time next week?" She asked brightly. I nodded. We said good-bye and I walked back to the waiting room in a daze. So many emotions were churning inside of me, things that had been buried deep for a long time had come to the surface during our session.
"How'd it go?" Rose inquired, throwing her magazine on the stack, her blue eyes trying to read my expression.
"I need to talk to Edward."