The Thulan, as he had told them was his title, led Kathryn and Chakotay out into a walled courtyard which contained some sort of water garden, with artificial pools laid out in an intricate pattern. There were water lilies and all kinds of other aquatic plants. It was really quite beautiful.

The Thulan motioned for them to join him at a triangle of benches which marked the centre of the garden. Around it was a mosaic-lined channel which was engineered in such a way that the water was flowing uphill on a series of carefully sloped channels.

"What you have seen of my world so far is the part which is very modern. But we are a people steeped in tradition and ritual. I am considered a sort of elder amongst my people – one who advises others on spiritual matters. I must admit to being fascinated by you Commander Chakotay - you who come from a culture similar to my own".

"I admit to also being keen to learn more about your planet".

"I am pleased to hear it. Tell me, your people have a ritual you refer to as a vision quest, yes?"

"That's right".

"We practice something similar, although we refer to it as Seeking the Path to Enlightenment".

"What does this - Path to Enlightenment involve?"

"Ah. Here is where my proposal comes in. I can do better than tell you about the ritual Commander. I would be honoured if you would agree to seek the path yourself".

Chakotay looked at Kathryn for a moment, then answered,

"Usually my people only go on a vision quest when they have a specific question or difficulty that they need an answer to."

The Thulan smiled broadly, "As do we."

Chakotay regarded the older man's calm and knowing face with confusion.

"Do you not have a specific question that you need answering?" the Thulan asked with a tone of surprise, "I suggested this course because I sense in you a deep conflict that requires resolution."

Kathryn rested a hand against Chakotay's arm, "Perhaps you should try seeking this path Chakotay. Who knows what you'll find?"

Both Chakotay and the Thulan glanced at Kathryn at these words, and after a few seconds Chakotay nodded,

"Alright, I'll give it a shot".

"Excellent. We will begin at dawn - you will need to choose a spirit companion to go with you on the journey. Get back to the festivities and take the rest of the evening to give some thought to who is the right person to accompany you."

Chakotay looked again at Kathryn as she turned towards him, love and hope shining in her eyes. She nodded at his unspoken question.

"I don't need to think about it. I'll take her with me."

This appeared to please the Thulan, and after standing he lifted the seat of the bench he had been sitting on and retrieved a matching pair of white linen outfits, handing one to each of them.

"Meet me here at first light and wear these".

The inside of the Thulan's cabin was like a treasure trove to Chakotay's anthropologist soul, his eyes feasting on the vast array of items adorning the walls and piled all around them. He longed for the time to catalogue them all, but as it was the Thulan beckoned for them to seat themselves on some cushions that were laid out on top of a rug in the centre of the room.

Chakotay smiled as he noticed there were some similarities in the style of decoration between this culture and his own. It instantly made him feel at home and more relaxed.

The Thulan took hold of both his hands, allowing their palms to press against each other's, Chakotay's facing downwards. After a few moments in what appeared to be a sort of meditation, he looked at Chakotay and stated,

"You are ready".

He reached behind him, retrieving a wooden bowl from underneath the table and placing it between the three of them.

He reached a finger into the bowl, collecting an amount of the stiff white ointment that was contained therein. He daubed the preparation onto Chakotay's forehead in a sweeping arc from temple to temple, before nudging the bowl in Kathryn's direction and intimating that she do the same.

"Is there any particular... pattern?" she asked.

The Thulan laughed slightly, "Whatever comes to you".

She began drawing on Chakotay's face, swirls and shapes; he tried hard to ignore the intimacy of the contact. After a time the Thulan stopped her. He appeared particularly intrigued by the last marking she had made on his cheek, but Chakotay had not been able to feel exactly what it was.

"Now, drink this", the Thulan commanded, passing a steaming wooden cup to Chakotay. He breathed in the steam, it was highly spiced, but when he sipped it there was also a strong flavour of something resembling mint, along with a more bitter taste that he couldn't recognise. Almost immediately he felt a lightening sensation in his body but it soon passed.

The Thulan handed a second cup to Kathryn, but there was no steam coming from this one. She drank it slowly, seeming to savour the taste before blinking a few times and then smiling.

"You are ready to begin your journey now", the Thulan said, and beckoned for them to stand and follow him to the rear exit from the room, "may enlightenment find you swiftly".

He raised a curtain and Chakotay gestured for Kathryn to precede him. The Thulan gently grabbed her arm and stopped her before turning to Chakotay.

"You must start as you mean to continue, young one".

Continuing to hold Kathryn's arm, he waited for Chakotay to step through. Looking somewhat reluctant, Chakotay was the first to step through the curtain then the Thulan allowed Kathryn to follow.

They headed off in the direction indicated by the Inerian elder. The footpath was roughly defined between undergrowth on either side, winding amongst trees. It was almost like a forest on Earth, but the plants were subtly different enough in hue to be obviously alien - faintly blue in colour.

As they walked, Kathryn reached down and took hold of Chakotay's hand. He glanced over at her and smiled, and yet again her stomach started doing somersaults. How could he make her feel this way? Like she'd never loved before?

She glanced back at him, his face looking disquietingly changed by the markings that she had made. She'd felt a little silly to be honest, finger painting on him like a child, but there had been a connection between them at the strange contact, even though she had been able to feel him resisting it. Why was he still holding back from her? If only she could be sure that he wanted her as much as she wanted him, but his reluctance left her uncertain.

Her eyes lingered on the final mark she'd made on his cheek below his right eye. She felt a slight burn of embarrassment rise into her face as the 'K' shape seemed to glare at her accusingly. What the hell had she been thinking? Marking him with her initial like some kind of brand – staking her claim?

She could only be glad that he hadn't been able to see what she'd written - certainly the Thulan had raised an eyebrow at the action.

Whilst she had been staring at him, he had likewise been watching her, and now he raised her hand briefly to his lips and kissed it. The shiver traveled all the way up her arm, but she was a little frustrated by the chaste gesture. Did her face betray her real desire? That he would grab her, shove her up against a tree and take her roughly? Apparently not. Sometimes she wished he would be less of a gentleman.

They continued to walk along the pathway, hand in hand.

The first indication that something strange was occurring came with a noise that sounded like a whisper. Chakotay instantly glanced around to see if he could tell where the noise had come from, but there was no sign of anything in the vicinity which could have caused it. He also realised quickly that Kathryn had heard it too, but neither of them had been able to discern what the voice was saying, if indeed it had been a voice.

They continued to walk, but the strange whispering continued and with it a wind began to blow. The world around them blurred slightly, but when Chakotay looked down at Kathryn her features were still sharp, and somehow more intense against the fading background. He tightened his grip on her hand.

The whisper came again, but this time it seemed as if the wind itself was speaking – and it spoke in his father's voice

"Why are you here Chakotay? What are you searching for?"

"Father!?"

Kathryn looked up at him when she heard him speak the word, and her hand moved to curl around his upper arm, palm resting against his bicep and squeezing it reassuringly.

The blurring around them deepened, and Chakotay began to see images of another scene overlaid with their surroundings. He squinted at first, attempting to work out what it was, but after a few moments it began to clear and he saw his Father sitting on the ground looking up at the sky. Next to him sat a smaller figure, a boy of about fifteen. It was himself.

Kathryn's grip on Chakotay's arm strengthened.

"I remember this", he said, "My father took us to Earth to witness the rising of the First Father as our ancestors must have done centuries ago".

Despite the warmth of the air, Chakotay shivered. He was cold, and his back felt cramped as if he'd been lying in an uncomfortable position for several hours.

"I remember what it felt like. I feel what it felt like. I know I didn't want to be there".

"This is the beginning Chakotay. Do you remember?"

The words didn't come from the man he could see, but echoed again on the wind. His father and the younger version of himself seemed locked in time, he could see them but not hear them and they were certainly not aware of him.

"I remember Father".

The scene swirled and was replaced by one of the two of them, along with about twelve others, trekking through the jungle.

Kathryn must have felt him stiffen at the recollection of what had happened next, because her hold on his upper arm shifted and her other hand rubbed comfortingly from wrist to elbow and back again. She hadn't spoken a word since the visions had begun, but just her quiet, calming presence was making the whole experience easier.

"I was afraid of snakes".

She looked at him now, questioning at the odd comment, but inviting him to continue.

"I guess it was just one of a myriad of ways that I felt like I didn't fit in at home. That I never belonged with my people".

He felt a hint of moisture welling in his eyes but he blinked it away. He turned away from the scene, not wanting to see the bloated snake stretched out on the forest floor. His head began to ache and an itchy sweat beaded on his skin where mere moments before he had been cold.

"Listen to him Chakotay. Do you hear what he says to you?"

Chakotay froze, stopping dead on the hazy forest path. A sudden ice had gripped his heart, a long forgotten and deeply painful feeling. Kathryn's arm jarred against his where she'd been unprepared for the sudden halt.

"I lied to him. I told him it was my idea".

Kathryn's eyes were on his face again, supportive, non-judgemental. There was an interminable pause before he continued.

"I lied to my Father and I don't even know why".

The vision before them lurched violently, causing a horrible wave of nausea to push through Chakotay's stomach and, judging by the colour her face turned, Kathryn was experiencing a similar sensation. The growing pressure at his temples began to throb.

When the sensation had passed enough that he could fully open his eyes again, before them was a windswept spaceport. The place was a bustle of Starfleet officers disembarking from a small group of ships that appeared to have just arrived. Chakotay watched his younger self walking across the clear sandy area in front of the docking bays and approaching a tall handsome officer in his mid-thirties.

There was another sudden change, as if someone had just un-muted the world and they could hear every sound from that other place, the wind, the roar of engines, the cries of birds from the nearby trees, the chatter of the new arrivals.

As young Chakotay raised his arm to shake hands with the man, captain as they could see from his insignia, something compelled the two of them to move closer and they stepped cautiously over the square, unsure if those from the other scene would now be able to see them.

Moving close enough to hear the conversation, it was apparent that they were still merely observers and Chakotay relaxed against Kathryn's ever calming contact again.

"Chakotay! It's wonderful to see you again"

"Likewise Captain Sulu. I see you've brought quite a number of people with you today".

"Yes, we're stopping off on the way to a muster point. We have intelligence that the Cardassians are planning an attack on a planet about 4 light-years from here and we're to form part of the defense".

"Sounds better than going on a dull trip to the rainforest on Earth with my father. He wants to see where our ancestors lived but I don't see how it could be much different from here. My tribe spent years trying to find a planet like their land on Earth before coming to Trebus".

"Maybe in a few years, you could join us. Have you considered applying to Starfleet Academy Chakotay? I think you'd make a great officer".

"You really think I could do it?"

"I'm certain you could. Heaven knows we could do with more good officers if this war with Cardassia continues for much longer. So what do you say, shall I get you the application pack?"

Young Chakotay smiled and nodded.

When the scene before them changed again, Chakotay turned away. He knew instinctively what was coming next and he had no desire to see the pain in his father's eyes. Now that he knew, now that he had been forced to remember that the decision to join Starfleet had been arbitrary, that it wasn't even his own and that he'd merely followed the will of a war-jaded Captain, the memory he knew would be awaiting him took on a new level of gut twisting poignancy.

It was Kathryn's firmly pressed hand on his lower back, willing him to turn around, that made him face that particular demon in spite of his reluctance. He was in time only to see his younger self dematerialising in front of his distraught parents before the vision was gone and they were returned to the blue-tinted forest of Ineria.

"What was that all about?" he asked Kathryn, although his voice had an ethereal, far away quality to it as if he hadn't quite returned to the real world yet.

"Patience Chakotay. You can't find the answer until you know what the question is".

He sighed.

"The Chakotay in those memories we just saw would probably have punched something if my father had said that to him".

Kathryn smiled and spoke for the first time,

"I guess that tells you that you've changed Chakotay. That you've grown". She raised a hand to stroke his cheek and he leaned into the contact, nuzzling against her bent fingers.

"It also tells me that there's still more to come. More to learn". He took hold of her arm, and they continued down the forest path.

"Who are you Chakotay? Who do you want to be?"

This time it was Kathryn who answered the ethereal voice,

"Nimembeh?"

Chakotay chuckled,

"Did he give you a hard time as well? When I heard from Harry that the old tightass had beasted him through the Academy too it made me feel a whole lot better about everything".

"He was hard yes. But not so bad on me. You know he was only hardest on those who..."

She was cut off as the roots of the tree below her feet snaked out and tripped her, causing her to fall painfully to the ground. Chakotay scrambled to help her up, and by the time she was back on her feet having inspected her injuries and finding them superficial, the roots appeared to have returned to their previous innocuous state.

"Only you can find the answers Chakotay".

Continuing to brush the dirt from her knees, Kathryn smiled albeit with mild exasperation,

"Well I guess that's me told".

Whilst this had been happening, they'd missed the woods once more morphing into another place and time, this one was a running track.

They watched in silence as another version of Chakotay completed lap after lap of the track, slowing with each additional pass as his feet grew more and more painful. As he ran, Nimembeh stood watching at the side of the track, and as younger Chakotay battled on, the expression on his face was a source of greater and greater astonishment to the older version. Pride.

"He was proud of me!? I thought he hated me".

Kathryn chuckled but didn't say anything, although she did offer a commiserating pat his to arm.

"Everything you seek is here. You just have to know how to look".

Chakotay didn't say anything else, but continued to watch himself shuffle around the track, the growing pain in his feet more than just a memory.

The fading of one scene into another was much more gradual this time around, and it almost seemed like he watched himself running over the horizon before he was looking at himself standing in his faculty advisor's office, nervously regarding the tutor as he peered at Cadet Chakotay over the top of the PADD he was holding.

"I'm glad to see you've chosen the Command track Chakotay. I think you'll make an excellent leader. And I know Captain Sulu is also pleased".

The younger Chakotay raised an eyebrow at him.

"Since he sponsored you into the Academy it's normal practice for us to keep him appraised of your progress. Now, let's see what other selections you've made... You want to major in anthropology?"

Chakotay recalled only too well the tone in the tutor's voice that accompanied this question. He could also feel Kathryn's eyes on him - she knew what he'd studied on his senior year, but they'd never discussed their respective stints at the Academy much.

"Yes... Sir". The young man's reply was fearful and, out of the corner of his eye, Chakotay saw Kathryn move as if to stretch out a hand towards the nervous teenager.

"Hmm, would you reconsider? You'd make an excellent pilot. I know piloting is competitive, but I'd write you a reference".

Chakotay watched as a little bit of his younger self died in front of his eyes.

"Put me down for piloting major sir".

Kathryn's hand was back on his arm, stroking, comforting, which was just as well since the worst part of the scene was yet to come. Again, Chakotay's recollection of what happened did not totally mirror reality, because as his younger self exited the office the pleased expression he'd remembered in the eyes of his tutor was in fact one of disappointment.

"This will be good for you Chakotay. You just have to allow it to reach you".

"How can it be good for me when all you're doing is showing me everything I've screwed up?" he bellowed into the ever blowing wind.

"Is that what you really think?" Kathryn asked incredulous as once again they were standing on a familiar path in a familiar blue tinged forest.

He seemed shaken by the strength of her reaction, but she was already biting her lip against saying any more, remembering the firm chastisement she'd received earlier.

"I'm sorry. This is all dredging up some... stuff."

"It's alright Chakotay I understand. Let's press on."

"Are you fighting for the right things Chakotay? The right reasons?"

They smiled at each other this time as a voice wonderfully familiar to both of them whispered amongst the trees. In mere moments they could see him as well, mopping the sweat from another Chakotay's brow as he leaned against the ropes at the side of a boxing ring.

"It all comes down to the heart. Do you have the heart for this?"

Chakotay stared at the ring and watched his younger self, willing him to make certain moves, cataloging his own mistakes as his compatriot weaved and danced around the tall and bulky alien he was facing up against.

"The real fight is against your own natural human desire not to get hurt..." Chakotay whispered into the air.

Boothby turned towards the real Chakotay and Kathryn smiling. He reached behind him and produced a single rose, seemingly from nowhere, then reached out and handed the rose to Kathryn.

"Look at you both. I can't help but believe this is destiny".

Kathryn took the proffered flower and the vision spun away from them like a cyclone where the stem of it ended. The rose however remained, and she lifted it to her nose inhaling the beautiful scent which seemed so very real.

When Chakotay looked up they were back in the jungle again, but subtly different jungle from that which they had visited earlier. Yet another version of Chakotay shimmered into being before their eyes. Before him was coiled a large green and yellow snake that seemed to regard the younger him with a critical look.

Chakotay smiled broadly, and he could feel Kathryn's eyes on him again.

"I remember telling her I didn't like snakes and that I'd rather have something else... like a bear". He put an arm around Kathryn, pulling her into his side, "Right back at the beginning of our journey you said the same thing - that you thought it would be a bear. That was the first time I knew there was a... connection between us. That we were somehow meant to find each other."

"Your spirit guide", she replied, and there was an air of wonder in her eyes as she dropped her head and snuggled it in against his chest.

A familiar laughing echoed around the forest clearing.

"This was the first time I spoke to her. I was trying to decide if I should return to the Academy".

"You weren't happy there?"

"I don't think I was happy anywhere. I'd hoped joining Starfleet would be the answer to everything, but I felt as much like a square peg in a round hole there as I did at home".

"This is your journey. It will be what you want it to be".

"I was accused by many people of being contrary. My father always said it was because I was born feet first. The grass was always greener on the other side, you know. I envy those who know what they want and go for it".

He gestured towards where the snake, having just caught and eaten a fish, had curled up and appeared to be settling down to sleep.

"I would rather argue with myself than make a decision about anything".

The snake lifted its head and winked at Chakotay.

"Head straight to the fall. When you get there you'll understand".

This time the scene didn't fade but merely vanished. One blink and it was gone and they were returned to reality.

"Is it love Chakotay? Does that frighten you?"

The scene that greeted them this time was indistinct - Kathryn could feel Chakotay tense against her, but it was a new kind of tense unlike the understandable uncertainty he'd shown up to now. He was genuinely afraid of what was to come - and that fear was not lessened by the familiar traitorous voice that rang out somewhat louder than the previous ones.

She held on to him as he watched the mixed up swirl of memories dance across the backdrop of the forest. It was hard to make out exactly what was happening, but there was a lot of panic, phaserfire and death. Perhaps Chakotay's own mind had mashed these months, possibly years, of his life into a blurred hell. Maybe he'd blocked out the details to spare himself the full horror of it.

After a while he clearly couldn't watch any more - the sight of a huge Cardassian bringing down his foot towards the face of a figure lying prone on the ground was too much. Chakotay pressed his face into top of her head as he clasped her to him, hot breaths coming fast against her scalp followed after a few moments by a dampness as his tears soaked into her hair.

"You have to forge your own path before you can walk it."

He continued to cling to her, so Kathryn looked upon the final scene alone - set apart from what came before it by the sharpness of every detail.

"Tell me when it's over", his muffled voice pleaded into her hair.

Everything was burnt, blackened, molten structures twisted into abstract shapes that had their own horrifying beauty. A village had stood here, a community, and life had thrived but it was all gone. He had never really fit here, but it had been his and now it was gone.

She watched a vision of him walk away from the scene, head bowed, fists clenched and a determination of steel carved onto his face by pain.

The sound of singing heralded another change of scene, and Kathryn squeezed his arm to tell him it was alright to lift his head. It was sunset at a towering ruin beside a forest, and they watched as two silhouettes met each other - there was a palpable air of electricity. Kathryn couldn't explain how pain or loss tasted, but she tasted them in that moment as Chakotay and Seska purged themselves of the immediacy of both emotions.

"I trusted you and you betrayed me" Chakotay shouted into the air as the scene slowly faded to blackness before them.

"It's all about faith"

As the voice echoed away into the breeze, Chakotay glanced down at Kathryn, face filled with apology.

"I never expected to be getting advice from Seska again. And I'm not sure how I feel about putting you through all of this."

"I want to be here Chakotay. I need to be here as much as you do." She squeezed his arm again as she encouraged him forward.

"Do you see now Chakotay? Do you know what you have to do?"

B'Elanna's voice made both of them smile, and there was such an air of motherly care in it, more than they had ever heard from her.

The vision took them much closer in this time, much more intimate. They were staring at the left side of Chakotay's forehead, to Kathryn the skin was strangely bare, empty and almost alien. She reached out gentle fingers to touch it but the real Chakotay grabbed her wrist, gripping a little too hard as the first needle pierced his compatriot's skin. He hissed close to her ear as he drew in a breath through his teeth, gritting them to stop himself crying out in pain.

They watched as little by little the tattoo took shape, Kathryn holding Chakotay's head against her shoulder, stroking his face against the edge of the pain.

"Why did you have it done like this? You could have used a dermal pigmentation device and saved yourself the pain". She knew the answer, but she was beginning to understand now that a large part of this journey was for Chakotay to think about what had happened and the choices he'd made, so she wanted to hear him say it.

"It's the way my father had his. It just seemed... right".

Her hand reached up to his face and brushed lightly over the inked lines - she was very cautious as if she expected it to hurt, but he moaned softly as if her touch was soothing him.

She continued for what felt like hours until the process was over, and there the familiar pattern was on the younger face - bright, new and outlined with red inflammation, not yet softly faded into his skin as if it had always been there.

Snap. Running, fighting, dirt and grime, the smell of burning. Chaos.

"You've just got to do your best. You can't let yourself give in to your fears".

"I'm not afraid!" he screamed it this time, but he sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than anyone else.

They watched as a broken and desperate people tried to thrash out a living on the fringes of society, always moving, always fighting; driven only by belief and anger. They watched him try to lead them, try to keep them moving through the hopelessness.

The tears ran down Kathryn's face. She'd known, much of what the Maquis had gone through, but seeing it; seeing him, understanding so much more now how and why. She didn't have any words, so she just looked into his eyes trying to convey her sorrow, hoping that he could sense what she was feeling.

He pulled her tighter.

It was brief - she knew he'd been in the Maquis for years - had his subconscious pushed the memories away?

The scene that replaced it was much more familiar. Very familiar, the sounds as well as the sights.

"At least the Vulcan was doing his duty as a Starfleet officer. But you, you betrayed us for what? Freedom from prison? Latinum? What was your price this time?"

"You are speaking to a member of my crew. I expect you to treat him with the same respect as you would have me treat a member of yours".

He was smiling. Just smiling, eyes locked on the scene before them but he was far away - transported back to that time more than he'd been at any other point.

"Who is she to make this decision for all of us?"

"She's the Captain"

He lifted her hand from his arm, raised it to his lips and kissed it. Then he dropped it and walked away. Walked forward into the forest without her.

She let him go, a force compelling her to remain where she was as B'Elanna's final words echoed the end of this memory.

"You're up against yourself. That's all you've got to remember".

He was still in sight when the wind picked up stronger and the forest began to swirl again.

"So what'll it be Chakotay? Indulge my feelings, hold fast to protocol? What?"

When she heard the sound of her own voice, Kathryn's curiosity compelled her to move forward, although she kept back from him a short distance.

He appeared cautious. As had been the pattern over the course of the visions, the images had become even less distinct this time, more jumbled; like whole series of scenes overlaying one another, and moving in fast forward. The only thing that was sharp and clear in each of the images was her face. She was at the centre of every picture.

"I need your guidance Kathryn. I can't do this without you", Chakotay spoke to the ethereal voice and for the first time, it answered.

"We'll face it together. You're not alone. You just need to find the answer and I'll be with you."

"But I don't understand the message. I want to understand. I know I've made mistakes but I want to move forward."

"The only thing that's keeping you from understanding is your own fear. Your fear of losing control. Your fear of the unknown."

"You're right, I am afraid. I've always been afraid."

"Fear Exists for one purpose; to be conquered."

"I don't want to be afraid anymore. Tell me what I have to do Kathryn."

"I can't help you Chakotay. You have to work this one out on your own".

Kathryn listened to Chakotay talk in riddles with another her and suddenly she understood. She knew now what this was all about, and her stomach turned over at the realisation.

It was no longer a question of if their relationship would progress to the next level; but of when. And it seemed that the answer to that question was up to Chakotay.

Her other self was right - she had to let him figure this out for himself. She'd had more of an insight into the psyche of this complex and private man than she ever thought possible; a window into what drove him. She knew his deepest flaws and she loved him even more for them.

That experience had taught her the only way they could be together was if he came to the decision on his own. He had to believe they could make it work; that they should make it work. She couldn't decide that for him. Decide whether he could risk his weathered heart one more time.

"Kathryn..." He had returned to her side when he spoke, breaking her out of her reverie, "the forest ends just a little further along this path".

His smile was broad and there was a strong aura of peace around him as he took her arm and led her onward.