A/N: I'm back, after a rather chaotic month that offered no inspiration, whatsoever, and very little time to write. This chapter was particularly difficult and mostly filler but the next one WILL be better. I apologize profusely for the wait, but I just had a small break and I got two chapters, so expect chapter 10 within the week. I make no promises for anything after though...Happy Reading!
P.S. I recently published a fun little fluff piece involving Castle, Beckett, Gates and a boxing ring. Check it out! ;)
She was back in the alley, running and panting heavily. Shots rang out around her as she maneuvered her way around piles of trash. The sound of footsteps echoed through the alley and her eyes searched frantically for somewhere she could escape. Kate heard a body gaining ground on her and she sprinted forward until something grabbed her arm. She whirled around, coming face to face with a pale Castle. He was breathing heavily, bewilderment covered his face.
"Come on Castle, we gotta go," she said grabbing his hand, intertwining his fingers in her own, pulling him behind her. He was heavy and stumbling as shots continued to fire around them.
"Kate," he exhaled.
"No Castle. Look at me, eyes on me." Rick fell to the ground, pulling Kate with him. He landed hard on the pavement, while she landed mostly on top of him. Blood covered her hands and face as it began to spill out from his abdomen, pooling around him. "No Castle. Stay with me, Rick." She brought one hand up to cradle his face as the color faded even more while the other applied pressure to his wound.
"I love you, Kate. I love you," he whispered, breathlessly, before letting his head fall back, eyes rolled back, lifeless. A pair of arms wrapped around Kate as Castle lay dying. Kate craned her neck to view the figures. Black shadows that refused to show their faces pulled her away from Rick's body forcefully. She began thrashing and screaming, trying to loosen their grip. Her legs flailed and her arms jerked, resulting in Kate falling from the couch, waking her up.
Kate woke up in the dark living room of Castle's loft with tear stained cheeks and damp hair. She looked around frantically for a bleeding out Castle and was relieved to find the room empty. Alexis was missing. Kate assumed she'd gone upstairs to sleep in a real bed, turning off the television as she left. There was a blanket on the floor a few feet away. Using her powers of deduction, Kate concluded that it had been the arms that grabbed her. The realization did not put an end to the racing of her heart or the short pants of breath. Tucking her knees into her chest and laying her back against the couch, Kate buried her head in her hands. She did her best to wipe the sweat that had begun to form on her brow and calm the pounding of her heart. However, Kate could not stop the thoughts echoing in her mind. She was tired of losing him. She was tired of watching him die, tired of watching him suffer, and tired of the guilt that accompanied both. Kate hauled herself off the floor and padded over to the refrigerator. She squinted at the light but soon became acclimated to the bright and put her head in even further in an attempt to cool off. Kate got lost in thought as she stared at the array of food that sat before her.
"What is it about the refrigerator? Is it the light? The cold? Or a combination of the two?" Kate turned around to see Alexis leaning on the corner of the island.
"Hey, shouldn't you be asleep?"
"I heard a clang and wanted to make sure it wasn't Dad again."
"He was up already?"
"Yeah, about an hour ago, he wanted food. He loved your meal choice for him, by the way," Alexis informed. Kate smiled.
"I'm glad." Silence filled the room. Alexis dropped her gaze from Kate and started to fiddle with her hands. Kate's gaze wandered around the room, landing eventually on Alexis when she finally spoke.
"Dad was asking about you. He said he wanted to remember," Alexis whispered, her eyes on her hands. Kate focused hard on the girl.
"And what does that mean to you?" Kate questioned, unsure of what it meant, even to herself.
"What if he doesn't remember what you two had together, Kate? How do you feel about that?"
"We agreed we won't tell him about us working together." Alexis gave Kate a look.
"That's not what I meant. He cared about you Kate. I'm sure that feeling is still in there somewhere. But, how are you going to feel if he never remembers?" Kate paused for a second, really thinking about Alexis's statement.
"We were just friends, Alexis. What we are doing is best for him and if that means we have to find our way back, we will, we always do." Kate felt a pang in the pit of her stomach, but it didn't read on her face and Alexis looked content.
"Why are you awake anyway?" Alexis asked, the question having been stirring in the back of her mind for a while, Kate could tell.
"I…kind of… fell off the couch," Kate laughed and Alexis joined in.
"Good. I was worried it was a nightmare or something."
"Nope, I'm all good," Kate lied, not wanting to worry the girl.
"And on that note, I'm going back to bed. Night, Kate.
"Goodnight, Alexis," she whispered back, getting left alone with an open refrigerator. Kate watched Alexis ascend the stairs before turning her attention back to the refrigerator. She stood there a few moments more, mentally debating. After deciding it was a combination of a little light but mostly cold, she closed the fridge and turned to the coffee maker. There was an array of buttons lit, and Kate stood dumbfounded. She quickly gave up on the dream of coffee and began pacing around the dark kitchen. The flashes from the city outside and the faint glow from the digital clock provided the only light, but Kate took to pacing anyway. She ran her still shaking hand across the countertops and counted how many steps it took to walk around the island, all while ruminating over Alexis's questions.
"What if Rick never feels the same way again?" she whispered aloud. "What if while I'm dragging my feet, he calls that nurse and they go to dinner and fall in love? Or worse, what if he calls Gina? I mean he already dated her, married her, divorced her, and dated her again. Isn't that enough? I don't think I could handle that again…Or is Alexis right? Is his love for me still inside him…somewhere? Or will I just fade into the shadows watching and wishing from afar. I even feel like I sound like him, sometimes. But is all of this love?
"Do I love him?" She asked the dark kitchen. Her feet slowed until she was no longer pacing, instead she rested her forehead on the cold granite and resumed thinking. "Sure, I've never laughed more and I've never had anything close to this much fun. Then, there's the fact that I haven't felt like this much a part of a family since Mom…Martha and Alexis are so wonderful and I can't help but cherish every second with them. I should have done that with him…
"Even now, even though he doesn't remember me, I still get butterflies every time I see him. And no one's ever smiled at me like he did, and I've never wanted to see someone smile as much as I want him to. Plus, there's the way his eyes light up when he smiles. I've never seen more gorgeous blue eyes. And his hands are so perfect. When he gives me coffee in the morning and our hands touch, I swear electricity courses through me. Is that even possible? I hope so. Does that make it love, though? Geez, Kate," she sighed, frustrated. She turned to the sink and turned the water on, cupping her hands and wetting her face.
"I sound like such a girl. He does that to me, yet I don't really mind…But then he had to get shot. Why couldn't he just be normal? Why does he have to be this charming, sweet, loyal, unbelievable man that can't stay put? And then, he gets amnesia. Who does that? I guess it is my fault though. Why did I let him get involved? Why did I let the world's greatest father and sweetest son in harm's way? Why does my job have to be so dangerous? Why can't he just be safe so we can all be happy? Why?" Kate let out a groan and resumed pacing. "And look at this. He makes me talk to myself."
Kate brought her still shaking hands to her face. She pressed her palms into her eyes and rubbed, then running them through her hair. Her hip caught the corner of the island and she hunched over onto the floor, clutching her side. She stayed like that for a moment, pondering all the questions she'd just asked herself. It was a moan from Rick's bedroom that got her to stand up. Another moan led her to cautiously walking to his door. It was the third, she decided to go in and make sure he was alright.
At the sound of Kate's footsteps disappearing into Rick's bedroom Martha carefully rose from her spot on the steps and stopped. Martha contemplated whether to go down or go back to bed. She decided to return to her room, excogitating over everything she'd just heard.