THEN AND NOW
Chapter 5: "Failure"
A Neo-Sailor Moon fanfic
By Bill K.
Three years ago: Diana watched Usa throw herself onto her bed and clutch a pillow to her chest. The cat wanted to say something to assuage the boiling anger the teen felt, but didn't know precisely what to say.
In a way, she sympathized with Usa's attitude. What was the Queen thinking by trying to make those four girls Usa's senshi? Didn't she remember what had happened back in the twentieth century? Admittedly it was fresher in her mind than it might be for the Queen, due to her traveling back to the twentieth century. Yes, that had to be why she did it.
But on the other hand, maybe the Queen was just being her usual charitable self. Diana had once asked her mother about the Queen's almost obsessive need to believe the best of everyone. In return, she got a long-winded speech from Luna about how the Queen was acting for the betterment of the world, blah blah. Maybe that was it. Maybe the Queen saw something that they, as mortal beings, didn't see.
"My Lady," Diana began, the adult cat's throaty purr of a voice breaking the silence of the room. But she had no time to get anything else out. The door to Usa's bedroom hissed open and Queen Serenity entered.
"Well thank you for respecting my desire for privacy," Usa said bitterly. Diana immediately noticed the rage in her voice. She feared this was going to erupt into another shouting match between mother and daughter. It seemed to happen more and more.
"I'm sorry," Serenity offered. She glided over and sat down on the foot of her daughter's bed. "I'd also like to apologize for not taking your feelings into account when I decided to make those girls your senshi. Obviously I underestimated just how deeply their actions had hurt you."
"It's not the first time you've underestimated me," Usa replied.
"But if you could just get past what they did and look at them objectively, you'll see their potential," Serenity maintained. "Nehelenia saw it. That's why she recruited them. You and I both fought against them, so we both know how strong and resourceful they are. They were just corrupted by Nehelenia. She told them what they wanted to hear and used their youthful naivete to turn them to evil." She swallowed. "Doesn't that sound familiar?"
"Yeah, throw that in my face," Usa scowled.
"You made a mistake," Serenity assured her, "just like they did. And you're living with that mistake and trying to grow so that you don't make it again. Give them the chance to do the same. Honey, we all make mistakes. I know I've made more than my share. But our ability to get past those mistakes and achieve our potential lies in the capacity of other people to forgive the mistakes we make. And our ability to forgive our own. Give them the chance. Who knows, you might even come to like them."
"I'll choose my own friends, thank you," Usa grumbled.
"OK. You don't have to like them. But at least give them a chance to prove that they can be an asset to you. You will need help, as Sailor Moon, and eventually as Queen. You can't do it all by yourself."
"I already said I would," Usa fumed. "But I'm not backing down from my prediction. This is going to be a colossal failure. I just hope nobody gets hurt."
"I do, too," Serenity nodded. "And if it does go as you say it will, I hope you'll be able to find it in your heart to forgive me. I hope we'll see you for dinner."
The Queen got up and glided out. Diana looked at Usa, unsure about what to do. Then she sprang up onto the bed and padded over.
"Perhaps you could give them a chance," Diana suggested. "If only to give them the means to expose themselves for what they really are."
"Yeah, I guess you're right, Diana," Usa whispered. "What was the old saying: 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer'?"
Popping up suddenly, Usa bounced off the bed and sat down at her computer station. Diana craned her neck to see what she was doing.
"What are you looking for?" Diana asked.
"I want to review those self-defense moves Aunt Makoto taught me," Usa answered. "I get the feeling I'm going to need them."
Three of the four prospective senshi were gathered in the gym for their latest combat lesson. Palla-Palla watched from the sidelines, when her attention wasn't distracted by a movement of light or an odd sound. The rest seemed reluctant to be there. Ves was inattentive and Cere was trying to hide her disdain. Only Jun was really listening. Minako noticed immediately.
"Some place else you want to be, Cere-Cere?" Minako said suddenly. Cere jumped. Then she gathered her courage.
"Yes," she responded. "But those aren't the terms of our probation, is it?"
"Honest," nodded Minako. "I like it. But you're auditioning to be the soldiers and guardians of the Princess, so you might want to pay more attention. This stuff could save your life."
Cere just frowned.
"So why do I have to be here?" Ves grumbled. "I know all this stuff."
"Do you?" Minako grinned.
"Bet I could take you in a fight," Ves replied, rising to the challenge.
"Fine. Show me," Minako said. Makoto was off to the side and she tried to conceal her grin. But Jun caught it.
"Hey, Ves, there's no need . . ." Jun began.
"Yeah, give you another excuse to dump on me?" Ves said suspiciously. "Toss me out of here, maybe even hand me over to the police? I'm not that stupid."
"No reprisals," Minako told her. "Take a free shot. Teach me how you street thugs fight. I'm always looking to learn."
"Ves," Jun warned.
Ves faked like she was turning to leave, then charged Minako. She was fast. Makoto could see it. But she was all bull rush, all naked aggression. Minako waited for the right moment, and then executed a good hip toss, just like Makoto's martial arts teacher had taught Minako a thousand years ago.
The girl landed hard on the mat. To her credit, Ves was up and ready for a counter-attack in an instant. But Minako didn't stand and wait for her. She was already in Ves's face, attacking with karate moves that Makoto recognized. Ves was quick and didn't shrink from the confrontation, but a blow landed for every two Ves blocked. And when Ves was overwhelmed with just mounting a defense, Minako struck. She grabbed Ves's wrist, then somersaulted so the girl's arm was trapped between Minako's legs and then sat down on her shoulder. Ves was pinned, unable to relieve the pressure on her arm and unable to throw or escape Minako. Doggedly, though, Ves refused to surrender.
And then the pressure was gone. Ves looked up and saw Minako standing over her.
"How'd you do that?" Ves demanded angrily.
"I used something besides aggression and brute strength," Minako replied. "And I'M not even the best fighter here. That stuff might work on the street, but if you'd pulled that on Makoto, she would have tied your eyebrows into a knot. Now I can teach you that - - IF you're willing to learn."
"And if Ves still had her orb," Cere said, unimpressed, "she would have fried you, no matter how many fancy moves you put on her. And if all you're training us to be is cannon fodder to protect the life of a girl who hates our guts - - then maybe you should just ship me back to Brasilia right now."
Minako stared at Cere, but the girl didn't back down. She glanced at Jun and saw Jun was waiting to see if Minako could counter the argument. Ves was the same way. Palla-Palla seemed to sense the drama in the room and walked over to Ves.
"Nobody's keeping you here," Minako said. She shrugged. "It's your chance at redemption. I'm not going to force you to take it."
With that, Cere turned and walked out of the gym. After a beat, the others followed. Minako expelled a frustrated breath.
"So how DO we get to them?" Minako asked Makoto.
"Give them something they think is worth risking their lives for," Makoto answered. "It would really help if Small Lady would try to accept them."
"I think I'd have an easier time not being drop dead gorgeous," Minako frowned.
Walking down the corridor to their quarters, there was an awkward silence between the four girls. Finally Jun spoke up.
"You know," Jun began, "she is right. This is our chance at redemption."
"What, being human shields for the Queen's daughter?" Cere replied.
"Doing something good with our lives," Jun argued. "Making up for what we did - - and what we almost did. You know, maybe the Princess is right to hate us. I certainly hate what we did."
"We can make up for what we did in Brasilia," Cere responded.
"Can we?" Jun challenged. "Maybe you can. But Ves has already got two strikes against her there. And they'll just ship me and Palla-Palla back to the orphanage until we're eighteen."
"Palla-Palla doesn't want to go back to the orphanage," Palla-Palla responded anxiously.
"Look, you want to stay? Stay!" Cere snapped. Immediately she reigned in her temper. "I want to atone, too. But I don't want to atone with my life. Being her guardians is just going to get us killed. Or maybe used as blunt objects, just like Nehelenia did."
"Yeah, I've never been much for working on a team," Ves added. "Too many rules. What we ought to do is go into business for ourselves. Be our own blunt objects."
"You're the only blunt object here," Cere scowled. Ves glared. "Being some criminal gang isn't going to atone. The best thing we can do is go somewhere where nobody heard of the Amazoness Quartet and just live out our lives anonymously."
"Boring," sneered Ves.
"But Palla-Palla doesn't want to leave the palace," Palla-Palla countered. "Palla-Palla wants to stay with the Queen. And maybe the Queen will adopt her and make her a pretty princess."
Cere sighed as they entered their quarters. "Then you guys do that. I just want out of here."
And she disappeared into her room.
"What are you doing?" Hotaru asked.
Usa had invited her for a walk that had suspiciously taken them onto The Promenade. Now she was just wandering. Hotaru had thought they were going to look for signs of the Puppet Master demon. Then she thought they were just going to go shopping or have lunch to relieve the strain of the past few days. Now she didn't know what to think.
Shaking herself out of her deep thought, Usa looked at her friend like she'd heard her for the first time.
"Are you looking for that demon," Hotaru continued, "or are you looking for a way to keep Cere from quitting?"
"Yes," Usa scowled. "And I'm also wondering if I have the right to keep her from quitting."
"Not if it's what she really wants," Hotaru offered. "Are you sure it's what she really wants? Maybe she's just reacting to a traumatic event. Trauma makes people think about their mortality. It's sort of like what happened in the restaurant in Sao Paulo. That would have happened whether we were senshi or not. But I've noticed that I glance at the door whenever I'm eating at a restaurant now."
"Yeah," Usa replied softly, recognizing the gesture.
"Maybe she does still want to do it," Hotaru continued, "but that close call has made her think about her mortality."
"Well, she always was a pretty reluctant warrior," Usa judged. "She always seemed like she belonged on a beach in Brasilia with half a dozen guys fawning over her. I never figured out why she agreed to do it. I was just glad to have her." Usa smiled self-consciously as she looked down. "Eventually."
"See, she found the courage once to do it," Hotaru offered. "Maybe she can find it again."
"So what do I do to help her?" Usa fussed.
"Sailor Moon can't help everybody," Hotaru shrugged. "Neither can the Princess Usagi. If Cere doesn't want to come back, you can't just wave the Moon Tier and make everything better."
"Maybe you should talk to her."
"I will. I want her back, too. But it takes time to come back from a serious wound like that, physically and mentally. We can't push too hard or we'll drive her away."
Usa sighed. "You sure I just can't wave the Moon Tier and make everything better?"
"Positive," Hotaru smirked and playfully nudged her friend with her shoulder. "Now are you going to buy me lunch or what?"
Three years ago: Cere was still in her room wondering what she was going to do with the rest of her life. Already she missed Sao Paulo, even if not all of the memories from there were good ones. And there was little about what she'd seen of Japan that appealed to her, other than the lush garden she noticed outside of the palace itself.
The elders that were in charge of them said repeatedly that she was free to refuse to do anything. Was she free to leave? It was an avenue worth exploring. She was almost sixteen and she could pass for eighteen easily. She could make her way in Sao Paulo. She could get some money together somehow, open a flower shop, maybe meet some handsome guy. Repentance by leading a virtuous life; it could be done. Padre Santiago might even approve.
It would just mean leaving the others behind, because clearly they wanted to stay. Why did that mean so much? They weren't family.
Cere swallowed. Yes they were. Her parents were dead. She had no siblings. Her aunt had rejected her. And she needed to belong. Looking back, that's why Cere went along when Ves and Jun made their break from the orphanage. Because she needed to be loved, loved the way a good family loved and cared and supported each other. She couldn't just walk away from that.
But to stay meant she'd have to fight - - maybe die. And that fear of death was strong in her, stronger than the others. Palla-Palla didn't seem to understand the concept of death. Ves had faced so much in her life that death was just one more challenge. And Jun seemed to accept the inevitability of death, like some ancient philosopher.
But she was afraid. Cere rolled over. What was she going to do?
"Cere," came a voice at the door, followed by a knock. It was Jun. "You need to come out here."
Cere sighed dramatically. What was it, another petty dispute? Being the oldest, the others had looked to her to solve disputes. It was a burden she really didn't want. She was too young and pretty to be their surrogate mother. The door opened. She came out.
"Oh!" Cere gasped. "Queen Serenity!"
Standing by the door to the main room was Queen Serenity. Jun was awestruck. Ves didn't know how to react. But Palla-Palla looked like she had just been presented a gigantic bowl of ice cream. The girl walked up to Serenity.
"Pardon Palla-Palla, Miss Queen Serenity Ma'am," the girl began, "but are you really a queen?"
Serenity smiled with good humor. "Well, I've never really felt like one, but that's what they call me," she said. "And why don't you just call me Serenity."
"Oh, no!" gasped Palla-Palla. "Palla-Palla was taught never to call a grown up by her first name! It's not nice!"
Serenity knelt down so she was looking up at Palla-Palla. "Well I wouldn't want you to do anything you don't want to do. But that's such a mouth full otherwise. I'll tell you what: How would you like to call me Usagi-Mama?"
"Could Palla-Palla do that?" the girl marveled.
"Sure," smiled Serenity. Then she held up a cautionary finger. "But only in private. You can call me The Queen in public. Otherwise Luna will get upset. And you don't want to get Luna upset, because she's an old fusspot."
Palla-Palla cackled happily. Cere was privately amazed. Palla-Palla had already fallen under the Queen's spell. Even Jun and Ves were warming to her. As for herself, there was something about this woman. All the turmoil Cere had experienced in her room was suddenly gone.
"So," Cere began hesitantly, "what did you want to see us about, Queen Serenity?"
The Queen momentarily grew melancholy. "I wanted to apologize for my daughter's behavior. No matter the circumstances, it was rude." She thought a moment. "I also understand that you feel your self-defense training might not be enough to allow you to perform the job I'm hoping to give you. Your instructors have expressed the same concern."
"You're sending us back to Brasilia?" Cere asked, almost hopefully.
"If it comes to that," Serenity admitted. "But I haven't given up on this idea." She paused again. "Do you think you'd be able to do the job if you had - - superhuman abilities again?"
Continued in Chapter 6