THEN AND NOW
Chapter 9: "What Is Courage?"
A Neo-Sailor Moon fanfic
By Bill K.
Ves had no sooner hit the quarters she shared with the other former members of the Amazoness Quartet than she lashed out at a nearby chair with her foot. The chair was propelled across the room and slammed into the wall, toppling over. The action did little to relieve the anger she felt, so she looked for something else to kick.
The door whisked open. Ves looked and found Palla-Palla there.
"Ves-Ves?" the teen asked anxiously.
"Forget it!" Ves rumbled. "I'm done with it! Done with all of it!"
"Maybe not," Palla-Palla began. "Maybe if Ves-Ves said she was sorry . . ."
"I'm not saying I'm sorry!" snapped Ves. "I'm out of here, Stupid!"
Palla-Palla's lip began to quiver. "But Ves-Ves, Palla-Palla doesn't want to leave! Palla-Palla wants to stay with the nice Queen! She doesn't want to go back to the orphanage! And she doesn't want to go back to mean old Granny Zirconia and mean old Queen Nehelenia! She wants to stay here!"
"Then stay here! Nobody's stopping you! But I'm out of here!"
Tears began to flow from the blue-haired teen's eyes. "But Ves-Ves, YOU PROMISED!"
Ves turned away.
"YOU PROMISED YOU WERE GOING TO TAKE CARE OF PALLA-PALLA BECAUSE SHE CAN'T TAKE CARE OF HERSELF! YOU PROMISED! YOU PROMISED!"
"Things change," grunted the girl.
"BUT YOU PROMISED!" Palla-Palla wailed hysterically. Ves grabbed hold of the girl's shoulders.
"Look!" Ves shouted. "This isn't going to work! I can't be what they want me to be, no matter how much training they give me and how many powers! And neither can you! I've just got the brains to realize it!"
"YES, PALLA-PALLA IS STUPID!" cried the girl, tears streaming down her face. "PALLA-PALLA CAN'T HELP IT, BUT THAT'S WHAT SHE IS! BUT AT LEAST SHE'S NOT A FIBBER!"
"I'm just telling you the way it is!" Ves shot back angrily. "You want to come, I'll take care of you like I said! You want to stay here, you stay here on your own!"
"FIBBER! FIBBER! FIBBER!" Palla-Palla screamed. Then she turned and ran out of the quarters. Ves let her go.
Then she picked up a computer station and hurled it against the nearest wall.
In their quarters, King Endymion and Queen Serenity were reviewing the day's events with Luna and Artemis. Dinner was finished (Usa, as usual, had eaten elsewhere) and everything was calm.
"Guest Palla-Palla desires entry," the environmental control computer suddenly announced. It was punctuated by frantic pounding on the door.
"Goodness, yes! Let her in!" Serenity gasped in alarm.
The door opened. A crying, hysterical Palla-Palla flew into the room straight for Queen Serenity. Endymion and the cats both crouched for action, but the teen fell into Serenity's arms and buried her face in the Queen's chest.
"Palla-Palla, honey, what is it?" Serenity asked.
"MAKE HER STAY, USAGI-MAMA! MAKE HER STAY!" wailed Palla-Palla.
"Make who stay?"
"VES-VES IS GOING TO LEAVE!" Palla-Palla cried. "SHE PROMISED SHE WAS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF PALLA-PALLA BECAUSE PALLA-PALLA CAN'T TAKE CARE OF HERSELF! BUT NOW SHE'S GOING TO LEAVE! PLEASE MAKE HER STAY, USAGI-MAMA! PLEASE!"
"Shh, calm down, Palla-Palla," Serenity said, struggling to quiet the teen. "Why would Ves-Ves leave?"
"BECAUSE THE PRINCESS DOESN'T LIKE HER AND SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE PRINCESS AND SHE DOESN'T LIKE PALLA-PALLA ANYMORE AND SHE'S GOING TO LEAVE MAKE HER STAY MAKE HER STAY PLEASE MAKE HER STAY!"
Serenity pressed her hand to Palla-Palla's forehead. The hand momentarily glowed silver. Palla-Palla quickly drifted off to sleep.
"Gracious!" Luna gasped indignantly. "Small Lady didn't act that poorly when she was two years old!"
"Luna, hush," Serenity replied curtly. The Queen was visibly upset.
"Did you put her to sleep?" Endymion asked.
"Yes. I was afraid she was going to have a breakdown." Almost moved to tears herself, Serenity took a moment to continue. "Maybe Small Lady was right. Maybe this was a bad idea. I was so sure that they could all find common ground with her and they could be the friends she's so desperately needed for so long. But all I seem to have done is make things worse."
"Serenity, it WAS a good idea," Endymion assured her. "I would have spoken up if I thought otherwise. Now we both know from centuries of experience that uniting former enemies in friendship doesn't happen immediately. Sometimes it takes years. Sometimes it doesn't happen at all. But the effort is never a bad idea."
"If you ask me," Luna added, "if there was an error in judgment here, it was in trying to force these girls together in the first place. We all know how stubborn the Princess can be when she sets her mind to doing something - - or in this case NOT doing something. And perhaps too much responsibility was heaped upon these foreign girls too rapidly. In retrospect, it would have been better to gradually ease them together and let them break down their barriers themselves. But what's done is done. You can put an end to this experiment now, or you can see it through. The result of seeing it through could be quite the trauma, or a wondrous success. Personally, I would end it now. But the choice is up to you and the King, Your Majesty."
Serenity cradled the sleeping Palla-Palla against her.
"I think you should continue," Endymion offered. "Call it an act of faith: Faith in our daughter to choose the correct action, faith in these four girls to find their way out of darkness," and he smiled, "and faith in the success of your intuition."
"If you have faith in the plan, I'd be silly not to," Serenity said softly. "Contact Mina-Chan or Mako-chan. Let's find out what caused this latest blow up and see whether we can repair it."
"At once, Your Majesty," Luna nodded and headed out of the room.
"And STOP calling me that," Serenity sighed. Luna merely flicked her tail as she left.
By now combat training had disintegrated. Minako had lit out of the gym on a mission of her own after talking with Luna. Usa left in favor of working out on her own with a martial arts holographic program she'd found. Bowing to the inevitable, Makoto released Jun and Cere. Jun headed out to check on Ves. But when Makoto turned back, she found Cere lingering.
"Something you wanted to ask me, Hon'?" Makoto said. One thing that remained constant over one thousand years was the look teens had when they wanted to ask something and weren't certain how to broach the subject.
"Yeah," Cere began. But her venture died from an inability to breech the looming chasm still between her and the vaunted Sailor Senshi.
"Go ahead and ask," Makoto gently nudged. "I'm here to teach you. I'll answer any question you want to ask. You can even get personal if you need to."
Cere inhaled and expelled the breath. "How do you do it?" she asked, her eyes seeking the floor in embarrassment. "How do you face something knowing that it could kill you? Aren't you afraid?"
Makoto gestured them to a bench on the side of the gym.
"Sure I've been afraid," Makoto told the teen. "Anybody who goes into battle and isn't afraid is either a fool or has a death wish. I think some philosopher said that. Ami could probably say who. Everyone who stands up to face down evil is afraid of what could happen."
"Then how do you do it?" Cere asked again. "When I was with Nehelenia, we didn't think about dying. We didn't think anything could hurt us. The power of our orbs made us feel invincible. But I don't feel that now. I worry about what could happen to me if I take a stray shot or run up against someone stronger than me. Or if I'm asked to," and she swallowed nervously, "to die so the person I'm supposed to be guarding can live. I-I can't do it! I've got too much to live for!"
She felt Makoto's hand close over hers. Cere looked up at the tall, imposing woman and found a very gentle, very sympathetic expression on her face.
"We've all got a lot to live for," Makoto told her. "I've got friends and family that are dear to me. I have new experiences every day that I'd hate to miss. It's a beautiful world. And it's up to us to protect it. And someday that may mean giving up my life and everything I love about it to make sure that world continues. And there are certain people that are so dear to me that I'd rather die myself than see them taken from me. Life's precious to me. But there are things that are just as precious, and for me to let those precious things be taken from me just because I don't want to give up my life, well, it seems a little selfish. And if all of those other precious things are gone, maybe the life I did save wouldn't be worth as much as before."
Silently Cere digested this.
"Here's a quote Ami told me once," Makoto continued. "I always thought it summed up the question best. 'Sometimes standing against evil is more important than defeating it. The greatest heroes stand because it is right to do so, not because they believe they will walk away with their lives. Such selfless courage is a victory in itself.*'"
Cere considered this. Was Princess Usagi really worth risking her life for? But what if it wasn't Princess Usagi that was threatened? What if it was Jun or Palla-Palla or even Ves? What if it was Queen Serenity? What if it was this modern society that she was so comfortable in or the works of art that were her secret love and passion?
"Courage isn't something you're born with," Makoto continued. "The natural response of a person is to protect and preserve their life. It's the way we're wired. Courage is setting aside that natural instinct to protect yourself, standing up and doing what's right. It's having the strength and conviction to do the right thing, especially when its easier to do wrong, or to just do nothing. And we both know what taking the easy way can do."
"Yeah," Cere murmured. Taking the easy way out had landed her where she was.
"It may be hard at first," Makoto advised her. "But the more you do right, the more you face life's challenges and the more you take on what's out to get you, the easier it gets. Courage is contagious, just like fear is."
Cere got up from the bench. "Thanks," she said. "I'll think about that."
"All I can ask," Makoto said. "If you need to talk about anything else, just let me know."
Cere stopped. This caught Makoto by surprise.
"What is it?" she asked.
"My Mom used to say that," Cere said, emotion in her voice. "God, I miss her."
"I know just how you feel," Makoto smiled sadly.
Ves sat in the middle of the room, the central room of the four bedroom quarters she shared with the other refugees from Queen Nehelenia. Most of the furnishings of the room were destroyed. Anything that had once belonged to Ves was now broken and her rampage had taken a good portion of the possessions of Cere and Jun as collateral damage. Palla-Palla's corner doll house, though, remained conspicuously untouched. Her anger dissipated, Ves sat in the middle of her wake of destruction and contemplated.
She couldn't leave. It wouldn't be loyal. Her concern wasn't loyalty to the Royal Family or their agents. In her mind, Ves owed them nothing. But she owed Jun and Cere and particularly Palla-Palla loyalty. They had befriended her in the orphanage when she had been separated from everyone who had meant anything to her. They had stuck by her, escaping the confines of the orphanage with her. They had looked out for her when they were serving under Nehelenia and Zirconia. And they had tried to look out for her here when her own temper had put her in a bad spot. Loyalty was something important to her. You didn't turn your back on someone who was loyal to you. It was against the code. It made you a punk if you did.
The door hissed open and Ves was afraid it was Palla-Palla. If it was, she hoped the girl would give her a royal tongue-lashing to make up for what Ves had done to her. She hoped Palla-Palla would even hit her, but knew that wasn't Palla-Palla's style. But Ves saw it was Senshi Aino-Sama.
"Been redecorating, I see," Minako quipped. "Love what you've done with the place."
"If you've come to talk me into staying," Ves began slowly.
"No," Minako interrupted. "I came to find out which flight you're taking, so I can be there to wave good-bye." Ves glared. "Don't give me that look. I'm through talking to you. You got a second chance gift-wrapped and handed to you and you're too dumb to take it. Your loss. Go back to Brasilia and be Queen of the Yakuza or whatever they call it over there and be dead by the time you're twenty-two. Maybe the other Amazons will miss you. I've got better things to do."
Ves burned. She wanted to say something, to save face. She wanted to smack the contempt right off of Minako's face. But she couldn't. If she hadn't already blown it, that surely would. She had to endure, for them. That had been one of the traits of the girl ever since she was running the streets with Rudolfo, Sancha and Marcelino: She would endure any kind of pain to help her crew.
And the ever-observant Minako Aino noticed.
"Or did you change your mind?" Minako asked. The teen's surprised reaction confirmed it to her. "It can't be because you're suddenly enamored with palace life or the discipline of being a senshi." She looked at Ves and Ves wondered if she could read minds better than Palla-Palla. "It's them - - the other Amazons. You're doing it out of family concern. Out of loyalty."
"Don't try to hold it over me," Ves warned.
"Well of course you'd think that way, considering who you last worked for," Minako surmised. She plopped down on the floor across from Ves so they were at eye level. "We don't work that way here. You want to stay out of loyalty to the others instead of Serenity and Endymion, that's fine. Good a reason as any." She smirked. "Hell, it's the first admirable trait I've seen in you since you got here. Up until now I thought you were just a selfish little thug."
"Thanks," grunted Ves.
"Now I'm beginning to see a little of what Serenity saw in you," Minako continued. "Offer still stands. You put in the work and we'll make you into something that you can be proud of. And more importantly, you'll be something that Palla-Palla and Jun-Jun and Cere-Cere can be proud of. You might even change Usa's mind."
"Yeah," Ves responded, unimpressed. She thought a moment. "OK, I'm in. You're right, the others are important to me. And they all want to stay, so I guess I will, too." She thought a moment. "Don't know how you knew it, though."
"I recognized the signs," Minako told her. "Once upon a time, a thousand or so years ago, I met four girls who were worthy of my eternal loyalty. I know how important it is."
"A thousand years? How old are you?" Ves questioned.
"How old do I look?" Minako asked with a cheshire grin.
"I don't know. Forty."
Minako choked for a second. "Gee, you sure know how to hurt a girl."
Then the door hissed open. Ves and Minako glanced over and found Jun framed in the doorway, a look of absolute horror on her face.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO THIS PLACE?" she roared. "VES!"
"Who said it was me?" Ves protested. Minako covered her mouth to hide her smile.
Serenity and Endymion entered the shrine located inside the palace walls. When Rei wasn't immediately apparent in the outer room, Serenity used her heightened senses to lead her to her longtime friend. They found Rei sitting in a room, sitting on the floor cross-legged before a jade talisman. It was a figurine of a dragon. From her lotus position, Rei was mumbling prayers to the talisman, oblivious to the world around her. The room was tinted in an eerie green from the faint glow of the talisman.
After a moment, the Royal Couple noticed a person standing against the wall to Rei's right. After straining their eyes, they could see it was their daughter. Usa barely acknowledged their presence, so involved was she in what the priest was doing. Serenity started to speak, but Endymion cupped his hand over her mouth and gestured to Rei.
"Never mind, she already broke the trance," Rei sighed.
"Mom!" Usa scowled accusingly.
"I didn't know!" Serenity alibied. "What are you doing here anyway!"
"Aunt Rei's got a way to track down and stop that Puppet Master demon," Usa explained. "She was preparing the way to trap it - - until YOU butted in."
"Brat," Serenity muttered.
"So you know what we're up against now?" Endymion asked.
"Yes," Rei nodded. "You remember where the last one came from?"
"If I recall, you said it was an ancient demonic spirit that had been bound to a jade dragon statuette. The statuette had ended up in a curio shop on The Promenade and the seal had been accidentally erased."
"Yes, it was a demonic spirit that fed on fear and chaos," Rei further explained. "And what better way to sow fear and chaos than to take control of a person and have them randomly attack people."
"But I thought we destroyed that spirit," Serenity exclaimed.
"No, we only destroyed part of it," Rei told them. "Through my contact with it, I learned that the holy man who originally bound the demon split it in two pieces first. It was so powerful and destructive a demon that it was split and bound into two jade dragon statuettes as a precaution. That way, if one part of the demon escaped, it couldn't cause as much harm as the original demon obviously did in the past. I did some checking around the curio shop after my last encounter with it and discovered the twin statuette in a storage room."
"So when do we go after it?" Serenity asked.
"First I have to prepare this figurine to receive the demon again," Rei told her. "Then we need a plan of action. This demon isn't just going to walk up to us and let us destroy it. We still have to figure out a way that will draw the demon to us."
"Let me know when you're ready, Rei-Chan," Serenity said. "I'll get the others and we'll get a plan together. But don't take too long. I don't want this thing to hurt anyone else."
"Neither do I," Rei replied.
The priest went back to priming the figurine to trap the demon. Serenity and Endymion turned to leave, plans of action already forming in their heads. But Usa lingered. She stared at the jade figuring, her upper teeth absently biting into her lower lip.
"Neither do I," she thought.
Continued in Chapter 10
*quote from "Dandelion Fire" (Random House, 2009) by N. D. Wilson