Chapter 4: Harsh Reunions

The wide dirt road parted and narrowed as our course led us to a vast forest. The sun had passed zenith two hours ago and my body was thoroughly spent. Far to the southwest I spotted the Gate of Trost and the town surrounding it before my view was replaced with a layer of thick, low-hanging canopy. A merciful gift, as I was boiling in the summer heat. Around me the wildlife was thriving and energetic, revitalizing to my bored eyes and ears and enough to attract my chill interest, but a heavy pain tugged at my heart as I involuntarily recalled the evening two months ago when my aunt had announced the reports from Trost.

I shoved the thought into the deepest part of my brain and bit down on my lower lip, this time without any interference from my horse's rickety movements. Wasting time to ponder over the alarmingly high death rate in my family was hardly going to help, considering where my future was currently heading. I just had to forget the past, somehow.

You're going to break every bone in your body while trying to use the Maneuvering Gear. Have fun explaining that to Lydia and Miriam.

I clenched my reins. Shut it. I'll make it for sure.

The sinister voice quieted but my stomach didn't. Neither did my back, shoulders, feet—every inch of my body was rioting. I wasn't one to easily give up but if we weren't going to reach our final destination soon, I would, without doubt, fall off. The reason I bit back any complaints or inquiries to when we were arriving was because I noticed how the party's mood had lifted as soon as we entered the woods, and increased the further we advanced into the forest. They were talking about casual matters as well as cracking a joke or two, and even the commander afforded to smile. It amazed me how relaxed they were on their horses; but then, they had been doing this way longer than. Having luckily persevered all these hours with no damage other than sore muscles was all thanks to my faithful mount.

Half an hour passed and I was just growing restless again when there was a hill, quick hooves handling the rocky path with ease, and we finally emerged from the forest realm. I forgot my weariness as I regarded the center of the clearing in awe.

Because in front of me stood a humongous stone castle. An absolutely enormous architectural wonder consisting of high walls and large extensions, black roof tiles and gray stone, dark windows and slender chimneys, empty arrowslits and well-reinforced battlements. The gatehouse fashioned a heavy wooden door and tall towers erected from the edifice in many. Vines and similar weed stubbornly clung to the foot of the fortress, but they were undermined and kept at bay. A quick overview gave me the impression that the building had been recently established, perhaps with only a decade or two on its neck, but as we drew nearer I saw that it was very old. What had fooled me was the fresh look on some parts of the stone construction; I noted that the castle's immense size must have been the result of aggressive expansion over the years. With that I could no longer put an age to it, but it was impressive nonetheless.

The commander came to a slow halt as we gathered outside the closed gate. A couple of voices from above shouted orders and soon we were allowed inside a wide courtyard by two soldiers, both wearing the symbol of the Survey Corps. I saw a vacant stable, a well and several entryways to the different parts of the castle, one being much larger than the gate we had entered. Examining the massive wooden gate, my best guess was that it was the main entrance. For some reason, we had made it in through the back.

The courtyard was deserted of people and the soldiers who immediately closed the doors behind us were most likely the only ones present. It was understandable; many of the Survey Corps liked to visit their families every once in a while and since the expedition through Karanese had seemed to gone even worse than normal—according to the Garrison guards this morning—the voidness was expected… and awfully reminding.

I shook away the dark clouds of depression and focused on what was happening around me. The new faces saluted and gave my traveling companions tender gazes and happy greetings but they, too, were instantly suspicious of me, seeing I was without both uniform and gear. I wanted to sigh in annoyance but refrained.

"Erwin!"

My head whipped around. Another pair of soldiers hurried down a flight of stone stairs from almost behind us, their jackets revealing them to belong to the same military branch as my party. I fleetingly acknowledged that everyone present were of the Survey Corps before focusing on the approaching members. I recognized them, but couldn't really put my finger on when and where I had seen them before.

The person who had called the commander directly by first name was an average-sized woman with auburn hair and squarely-shaped spectacles, a wide smile lighting up her otherwise rather serious features. The man falling slightly behind her was noticeably taller, with blond hair and a slight beard, issuing a calm expression on his dull visage. Neither of them carried any gear.

Erwin got off his horse and immediately, his entourage did the same. In the corner of my eye I saw some unsteady legs and grimaces, and I was content to know I wasn't alone to suffer side effects from the strenuous journey. A soldier took the commander's horse and Erwin thanked him before meeting up with the somehow familiar faces. He mumbled something inaudible to them, his lips moving fast but only barely, and they glanced at me before looking back at Erwin. Feeling uncomfortable again, I inched down the saddle and shakily breached the ground just in time for introductions.

"Sera."

I grabbed my bag as the commander, followed by the auburn-haired woman and the now very towering man, neared me. He gestured at the two in order. "This is Hange Zoë and Mike Zacharius, two of my squad leaders."

Of course, I thought as I bluntly saluted and replied with the proper words. I've seen and heard about them countless of times, whether it be through Sebastian, the gossip of the street or even the newspapers. They're amazing soldiers, amongst the absolute best. But why are they here? And if they are, is he—

"Nice to meet you, Sera!"

Hange Zoë promptly grabbed my hand and shook it vigorously. Her strength impressed me; she didn't look too physically capable. I opened my mouth to politely ask her not to rip my arm off, but she was quicker.

"Ah, I've heard so much good about you," she went on, cutting of my chance to reply. "You know, I never thought you were actually real and even though we've just met it feels like I already know you too well! This feels like a reunion!"

"Right…" I said, feeling extremely awkward. I had no idea what she was going on about. "Nice to meet you too… Squad Leader Zoë."

Her brown eyes widened but her grip hardened. "So polite! Just call me Hange. Your brother always did."

I suddenly grasped the contents of her earlier ramblings.

"You're gonna dislocate her arm or possibly the bones in her hand if you continue," a voice kindly reminded my assailant. Hange instantly broke free and gave a short laugh.

"Sorry," she apologized sheepishly.

"It's a-alright," I stuttered and gave the other squad leader a thankful nod before turning back towards the eccentric woman. "You… you were a friend of his?"

Her smile faded away. "Of course, amongst the very best. Told me practically everything about you." She hesitated. "He… he was a very happy soul. As annoying as he could be, it was difficult not to like him. Impossible, quite frankly."

Not exactly a trait we share. "Sounds like him," I quietly replied as I tried to remember if Sebastian had ever mentioned Hange before. I didn't think so. I knew of her, that was for sure, and meeting her in person only confirmed that the rumors of her… outgoing personality weren't being exaggerated. She was odd, but seemed nice. The same could not be said for Mike Zacharius, who abruptly leaned down towards me and sniffed my hair. It was beyond embarrassing as he then straightened and gave out a chuckle. I knew I was glaring at him, flustered and desperate for a wash, but I was too startled to make amends.

"Mike, I need to speak to you about some matters."

He left my personal space as soon as Erwin spoke and didn't even bother to look at me again. The commander locked gazes with Hange and wordless communication flowed between the two before he said, "Hange, could you help Sera settle? She'll be staying with us from now on."

"Of course."

She answered confidently, but her jaw was tense.

"Good. Find me later."

Erwin started away from us, with Mike matching his long purposeful strides, and left me without even saying goodbye.

"Let's go find everything you need."

I realized I had been staring after the commander and quickly turned back to Hange. She had carefully reassembled her emotions and was now giving me a friendly smile. I guessed she would simply deal with me the best way she could for now and patiently wait until Erwin shared all the details of my strange presence in private.

"I should probably tend to my godsend of a mount before we do anything…" My voice trailed away as I looked about and saw that not only mine but all of the horses had already been taken well care of; they were being led into the stables by the soldiers that had escorted me and Erwin.

"Already done. Come with me."

I obeyed and sprinted to her side. Hange led me across the courtyard and into the southern part of the castle, unlocking a door that lead to a spacious and cool hallway. There were no windows but our only source of light was a long trail of lanterns dangling from the arched stone ceiling. Nine doors greeted us, eight of them set deeply within the stone walls and opposite to each other over the path while the ninth waited at the far end of the hall. The air smelled of dust but the floor was surprisingly clean.

"This is where we store gear, old documents and the like. Only us squad leaders have access to this place on a regular basis, so if you ever need to return just talk to one of us about it beforehand and we'll lend you the key."

Hange somehow managed to jump and unhook the lantern from its spot high above the first pair of doors and opened the one to our left. She told me to hold it ajar as she went inside the darkness, swinging the light source in front of her. The room was much larger than I had initially thought; Hange continued searching for a good long minute, peeking beneath dusty old cloths and checking large boxes, but soon she vanished behind a shelf and made a whole lot of noise before she returned to the hallway carrying a gigantic, gray suitcase in her left hand and the lantern in the other. She handed the former to me before she leaped up to return the lantern. It wasn't as heavy as it looked but I still grimaced at its weight.

"There," she said as she brushed off something from her shoulder. Her eyes were glittering with excitement. "Your Maneuvering Gear. Full with blades and fresh gas containers. There should be a maintenance kit in there as well."

My heart started pounding almost painfully as I looked down at my load. I wanted to tear apart the suitcase, pull on the harness and then the device itself and run back to the courtyard to try it out, but I knew better. I was beyond tired now even though I couldn't really feel it; my body was running purely on adrenaline. Attempting such an extreme physical activity would surely push me past my limits and break me.

"Thank you, Hange," I said genuinely as my eyes met hers.

"Hmm…? No need to thank me for that," she replied although she sounded pleased. "Close the door firmly will you?"

I did what she said and then followed her down the rows of doors. She stopped at the third pair and repeated the same process as before, but this time she emerged with a uniform.

"This oughta be your size…" Hange began as she held up the easily recognizable jacket in her right hand, dangerously close to the lantern that swayed freely on her wrist. "And these too." She brandished a pair of dark, knee-high boots in her left hand. "And the cape shouldn't be a problem." The green material was swept over the same arm.

My throat tightened. "Thank you," I repeated. "Thank you so much."

Hange grinned widely but her expression quickly changed when she saw my tears.

"Hey, it's alright," she comforted as I diverted from her view, desperate to hide my face. "I miss him too."

I wiped my cheeks. "No—I mean, yes, but… I just got some dust in the eye," I lied.

She said nothing of it. I heard her jump again and the light flickered above our heads.

"We're done here," she said softly. "I'll carry the things. It's time you have a break."

I didn't protest. I followed her through the hall and we exited in the other end, entering a small courtyard leading to two other doors. There was another well here and I was tempted to pause and drink, but Hange seemed determined to keep on going and we trudged through another part of the castle. My tears were fought back as my eyes wanted to explore.

"This is the southern residential wing," Hange explained and then pointed at some of the doors we passed. "Laundry; you'll have to fix your own clothes. The toilets; the left door for women, the right door for men. The showers; same rule as the toilets. Here you'll also find a kitchen and a dining hall."

The kitchen had no door and I caught sight of a stove, several counters, some cupboards and a table with chairs for six. Everything was frugally decorated and mainly made sturdy and long-lasting, but it was fresh and clean—more than I could say about my aunt's kitchen. The dining hall hid—much as many other rooms in this castle, it seems—behind an unfriendly-looking wooden door. There were windows here, and the soft breeze was calming against my skin.

My question must have been evident on my face because Hange continued to elaborate. We headed up a staircase, ignoring the last closed door in the corridor.

"Of course, not the whole castle is being used, only the southern and the northern part where we've established a somewhat functional water and sewer system as of late. We haven't really used this place for a long time due to just those problems, so don't use up too much water. Anyways, I guess you've heard about the 'titan-shifter'?"

She glanced at me and I nodded. I didn't trust my voice.

"He's the reason why we're here." I understood the "we" she said meant the Survey Corps. "Actually, he's in the infirmary downstairs. You saw the door to the left of the stairs, right?"

My curiosity awoke and I swallowed hard. We reached the upper floor. "He's just below?" I asked, eyebrows raised. "What is he doing there?"

"He's suffered some severe damage and due to his… condition, he must stay here where his squad leader can supervise him." Hange answered and led me to a room, opening it for me. "The rest of the wounded are currently in Karanese where more hands can tend to them. The expedition yesterday… didn't go too well."

Don't talk about it.

I dragged myself after her and sunk down on an armchair, examining what would be my new home. The walls were of stone and the floor and ceiling were made of the same dark wood, similar as the door. There was a single bed in the left corner of the room with thin, white sheets and a matching pillow, next to a short, empty nightstand and the armchair I was perched upon. A wardrobe leaned against the wall by the door, opposite to the bed, and a worn desk and chair bathed in the sunlight from the naked window behind me.

I liked it. It was roomy and the furnishing was simple in design. Cleaning wouldn't be an issue and the desk was an unexpected perk.

"So…"

My attention returned to Hange. She smiled again but this time it carried a strictly polite nature, immediately causing me to be on my guard.

"What are you doing here, if you don't mind me asking?" She dropped the suitcase by the door and sat down on my bed, placing the uniform parts next to her. "I thought you were a normal civilian."

Her voice was bright and easy-going, but there was no doubt she meant serious. I rubbed my hands together and leaned back into the seat.

"The commander offered me a place as a medical officer in the Survey Corps," I replied curtly, cooling at her question. She would find out sooner or later, but I didn't want to say too much. "I need the money to sustain my family. That is all."

"Ah, I see. Do you have any military training?"

I nodded. This was easy to answer. "Yes, I went all three years but quit before it was time to pick a branch."

"Why did you leave?" Something dark flashed in her brown eyes. "Did you fail the top ten and by that your dream to enter the Military Police?"

The playfulness gone, she boldly met my frown with a steady gaze and intertwined her fingers beneath her chin. Her words weren't harsh or judging, but there was an edge to them. I was happy to prove her statement wrong.

"No," I answered and soaked my lips. "A fire took my father and permanently crippled my mother some days before the choosing ceremony. I left the military to take care of her at my aunt's clinic in Karanese, leaving my home and relatives in Trost, while my brother sustained us with what money he made in the military."

I hadn't realized how my voice had gradually turned hostile. Hange seemed surprised but she gathered herself in an instant.

"I'm sorry," she said.

I shook my head and decided to change subject. This was a bit too close to heart, especially with someone I had just met.

I cleared my throat. "So, when can I begin?"

She stared incredulously at me.

"Uhm… don't you want to rest?" she cautiously inquired. "Take a shower? Change clothes? Eat?"

"The latter three for sure," I agreed with a weak smile. "But after that, I better start working. I don't want to stay idle for the rest of the day. Free time and me doesn't go along well."

What I really meant was of course that I needed to keep myself distracted or I wouldn't be able to resist the 3DMG any longer. But Hange didn't need to hear my crazy tone.

She pressed her lips together, silently contemplating her options, before she replied. "Well, you are the only medical officer available now. And as much as I trust Mikasa's bandaging skill, someone experienced oughta check on Eren as well…"

"Mikasa? Eren?"

"Mikasa is a friend of Eren, who you most likely know as the titan-shifter."

"Didn't you say he was wounded?"

Hange chuckled and the tense atmosphere lifted. "Eager to see Eren?"

"I would be a liar if I said I wasn't," I admitted. "But that's not the main reason. I'm just a bit sore; I'm fully capable of tending to others. How bad is he? Does he need any medical attention?"

"A brief survey would be nice, but don't push yourself too hard." She rose. "I take it you remember how to find around here?"

I gave her a nod. "Yes, thank you for… everything."

Hange gave me a final smile before she left and closed the door behind her. I exhaled as I stood to stretch my arms and legs and when they didn't pop out of their sockets, I decided that I was good enough to go. My limbs still protested when I moved but I felt strangely renewed and too thrilled to lie down. So even though I knew I would regret my decision tomorrow morning, I hung my jacket over the chair, unpacked my belongings and assembled a new set of clothes to change into. I didn't dare look at the suitcase, afraid that I would find it too alluring to stay away from, and simply focused on my task. The painting of my family found its place on the desk together with my journal and pens, and my tiny collection of clothes was neatly arranged into the closet together with my bag. I also found some towels there and grabbed one before I seized my fresh clothes and went downstairs to the showers. My stomach rumbled, reminding me that I hadn't eaten anything in over seven hours, but I ignored its desperate calls for nutrition and busied myself with keeping my hair from getting wet. I finished up quickly and changed—fitting myself into the Survey Corps jacket and my new boots. Though I wanted to try on the cape, it was an unnecessary accessory indoors and would have to obediently wait in my wardrobe until I found a proper chance to wear it.

Sebastian, if only you could see me now, I excitedly thought as I hurried back into my room and threw my discarded clothes onto the armchair before leading my feet down the staircase again. I haven't been this overjoyed since… a very long time ago. I had almost forgotten the feeling.

I aimed my strides towards the infirmary, my heart positively drumming out of my chest. As I entered, a familiar scene greeted me; there were tall cupboards and shelves stacked with branded bottles and bandages covering the eastern wall, simple beds and nightstands with tiny wastebins settled into organized rows across the rest of the room and white, currently bundled up drapery that could be used to make privacy amongst the beds. Although the room was about six times larger than mine and four widely opened windows let in sunshine and fresh air, I could still smell the characteristic scent of blood-soaked dressing and old disinfectant.

What surprised me wasn't the fact that the only occupied bed there contained someone who was much younger than me, meaning that the titan-shifter was nothing but a boy. A recruit. I absorbed that piece of information in an instant as well as the startled gazes he and his friends—they, too, had barely grown up—shared when I burst into view. It was the incredibly cold, dagger-like stare from a pair of silver gray eyes I had never really been able to forget that completely threw me off guard.

I wanted nothing more than to just disappear right on the spot. Vanish, vaporize or the old cliche: force the earth to reveal a merciful hole I could fall into and seal after me. I had never understood how perfect the comparison was until now. I was too embarrassed, shocked, content and furious to even have the decency to blush as I stared at him. My thoughts and emotions swirled, tumbled and mingled drunkenly in my mind. Am I angry or delighted to see him again? Should I be either? Is he angry or delighted to see me again? Is he surprised to see me? Why didn't he come to tell me about Sebastian? What is he doing here? What am I doing here?

Even though I wanted to, I knew I couldn't just run away like the child inside of me wanted. Before I could act on my immature impulses—Get away! Hide! Scream!—I gathered myself. I was not going to let him corrupt my reputation and position at the Survey Corps and in all honesty, my sanity, for any longer. But in order to do that, I couldn't avoid him anymore. That was a crucial fact.

My lips parted in a stiff smile as recognition finally lighted his widening eyes.

"Hey, Levi."