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Chapter 16
After chowing down on a cheeseburger at the local burger-and-milkshake joint, Erin joined Jay at the department store to go baby shopping. They had agreed that they should start looking for stuff to decorate their new baby's room. Although Erin had agreed with Jay's suggestion to get started, part of her refused to believe that everything was actually happening. Jay started to talk to Erin, and when he realized that she was staring off into space, he said, "Erin. Erin!"
"What?" Erin said, turning around.
"Did you just hear what I was saying?" Jay asked. "Pink or blue?" He asked, holding up two sheet sets for the white crib they had already picked out.
Erin sighed, looked at him, and said, "Pink or blue? We don't even know what the gender is yet."
"So?"
"Jay, I understand that you wanted to get some shopping done, but gender-specific stuff like sheets and clothes should wait until we actually know what the gender is."
"Erin," Jay continued, "You're right. Let's go to the next aisle then."
"But aren't there other things we need to buy here?" Erin asked, looking around at the blankets. "Maybe green?" she asked, pulling one off the rack. She felt the fabric, and upon finding it really soft, she suddenly realized that she couldn't remember having a blanket like this one when she was little. As she felt tears coming to her eyes, Jay turned around and said, "Erin? What's wrong?"
She put two green blankets in the cart and replied, "I just don't remember having these as a kid. I mean, so much for my childhood."
"Hey," Jay said sympathetically. He was about to continue but then Erin replied, "Please, Jay. I don't need the pity. I've accepted my past as my past and tried to move on from it, but, sometimes it just keeps reminding me in the present."
Jay, stunned, couldn't think of anything else to say except for, "Okay…is there anything I can do?"
Erin gave him a glare and said, "Just don't pick a fight with me over sheets for cribs, okay? Just…it's hard trying to come to terms with this."
"I know, Erin, I know," Jay said, "But look, you're not going to go through this alone. You've got me, and I'm going to be right next to you every step of the way, okay?"
"Ok," Erin said, putting one hand against the shelf and another on her belly, "Sorry, Jay, I didn't mean to…"
"Erin, like I've said before, you don't need to apologize."
On the way home to Jay's apartment, Erin asked Jay to stop at the precinct so she could pick up some files from Platt. Even though he was slightly suspicious, he agreed, and dropped her off in the back parking lot near the Intelligence garage. As Erin walked into the main room, she saw Kim Burgess sitting at Antonio's desk. "Burgess? What are you doing here?"
"Getting a few more shifts running phones for you guys," Burgess said, trying not to sound envious.
"That's nice of you," Erin replied, walking over to her desk.
"What brings you here on a Saturday?" Burgess asked. "How are you doing?"
Erin looked at Kim as she leaned against the desk. "Right now, I'm just feeling kind of lost."
"Figuratively or literally?"
"I just don't know if I'm ready to be a mother," Erin said. "And I can't find the blessed files that I'm supposed to look at before I go on leave."
"Oh, Voight told me to tell you that you can look at all the files waiting for you when you come in on Monday. He wanted you to rest."
"Oh," Erin said, "Thanks for that. I guess I'll go relax then." Erin had only just realized that Burgess wasn't dressed in her police uniform, rather, a nice flowy top with skinny jeans and boots. "You going out tonight or something?" she asked.
"Oh, I've got a date tonight, and I'm going straight over from here later," Burgess replied.
"Ruzek, perhaps?" Erin asked curiously.
"Wow, you have a good radar," Burgess confessed. Before she could say anything, Erin replied, "Don't be worried. I know you two care a lot about each other. You don't have to hide it from me. I actually think you're kind of cute together."
"Thanks," Burgess said, "If only Voight would look past that."
"Hey," Erin said, "You'll get in soon. I know it. Goodnight, Burgess." Erin smiled, turned around, and starting walking towards the door.
"Wait!" Burgess said. Erin turned around, and Burgess was walking towards her with three brown paper bags. "I know that you're a mom-to-be, and my sister offered up some of her maternity and baby stuff if you wanted to borrow it. But only if you wanted it, I can easily take it back."
Erin smiled and gave Burgess a hug. "Thank you, Kim, I really appreciate it."
"No problem," she said, smiling, Erin took the bags, said bye, and walked back out to Jay's car. After she stuck the bags in the back and sat down in the passenger seat, Jay asked, "What was that stuff?"
"Kim's sister offered up some of her maternity stuff for me to borrow."
"Wow, that's really nice of her."
"Yeah, it is."