Chapter 6: Trial of Skill

The oatmeal was tasteless. I mechanically chewed it down as I stared into my journal and tried to decrypt what I had written yesterday night. I gave it five minutes of deep brooding before I sighed and threw the leather-bound notebook on the desk, almost knocking down the picture of my family in the process. I sunk down further into the comfortable armchair and sat slumped like that, listening to the birds' eager songs in celebration of a new dawn and my grinding teeth and careful swallowing. It was peaceful, almost hypnotic in its endless repeating, and the bowl was warming my thighs and left hand even as it emptied.

My eyelids grew heavy and I could have fallen asleep if I wanted to—a rare, wonderful feeling for a restless sleeper like me—but simply balancing on the verge to the sweet, sweet realm of dreams was more than adequate for me. I had rested enough.

I was already dressed, washed and now full. Finally, I could head out to find the commander; I hadn't forgotten Levi's words and if my memory served correct, I remembered him to be a man of his words and stubborn like few. He would never come with idle threats.

But I'm not going anywhere. If he thinks he can throw me out without a fight, he's wrong. He has no saying in what I can and cannot do with my life, I thought as I finished the last of my dishes and wiped my hands on a towel that ornamented a hook by the window. At least my fear for the castle's level of cleanliness had been extinguished, thanks to Levi's hair-pullingly annoying presence. If anything, that man could definitely keep a good hygienic standard.

When I stepped out of the kitchen, I couldn't help but glance at the infirmary door. I felt remorse for Eren whom I had brashly overlooked due to my personal conflicts, which was unacceptable, really. My aunt would have scolded me right in front of all the patients if I had done the same in the clinic. It was Levi, though, so I hoped he would forgive me. Even Lydia would have.

Maybe I should take a quick peek, I pondered but then promptly shook my head. No, I'd better not. After all, I wasn't lying when I told the recruits he needed some sleep. I'll find him later when I've confirmed that I'm here to stay.

I headed out into the courtyard. The air was cool and I inhaled deeply, also taking the opportunity to stretch my aching muscles. I wasn't as stiff as I thought I would have been by now and looking up at a clear blue sky, I decided that today would be a perfect day as any to try out the 3DMG. If I would be able to convince Commander Erwin to let me stay, that is.

You'll handle, I encouraged myself as I entered the western door. The passage I had used yesterday was locked, just as Hange had told me, and I had to maneuver through an unknown part of the castle, simply hoping to reach the main courtyard before noon. It took me ten excruciatingly long minutes of perplexing orientation before I finally reached the large courtyard and another five to recall which door Erwin had disappeared behind the day before. When I was certain I was correct, I had to climb up several stairs, venture through dark, windowless corridors without any rooms and ascend another floor before I was greeted with the warmth of sunlight. I still hadn't met anyone and just when I started to think I had gone too far and gotten lost somewhere in the eastern part of the castle, I caught the sound of muffled voices. I stopped outside the room and put my ear to the door, curious if I had found whom I was looking for.

"I see. Are you sure of it?" It was Erwin. I was glad I had found him but my delight quickly turned sour as I identified the owner of the second voice.

"Absolutely. She's weak, hotheaded and impatient. She'll just become another snack for the titans."

Levi.

"Hmm… I trust your judgment, but have you read her military file? What's written down here doesn't really fit with your description."

"That was six years ago. Do you really believe she's still worth her spot? Tsk, she's probably nothing more than a bad joke now. I bet even Armin could take her on in hand-to-hand combat."

I burst into the room. I couldn't stop myself. Behind a large, mahogany table stacked with papers and books, Erwin raised his eyebrows at my sudden appearance while Levi, perched on a small armchair with one leg elegantly resting on the other, barely glanced over his shoulder. The commander was wearing his uniform but Levi was casually dressed as yesterday, honoring the day with a gray, fitted sweater and dark pants.

"Prove it," I snapped. I didn't even bother hiding the fact that I had been eavesdropping on their conversation. "You spiteful little—"

"Hotheaded, didn't I say so?" Levi interjected in a bored tone and raised a pale finger. "That's one."

"Please sit," said Erwin and gestured me towards the only free place to sit in the room: the second armchair in front of him. I obeyed and suddenly felt as if I were a child that had taken part of a fight and been dragged inside the house to be reprimanded by a parent. It was embarrassing to say the least.

I scooted my chair away from my opponent.

"How mature," Levi muttered under his breath.

The commander looked from him to me. "We obviously have some internal issues here," he stated. He looked as baffled by our negative attraction as the recruits yesterday. "Is there any specific reason you two can't get along?"

"Levi," I spat at the same time Levi coolly replied, "Sera." I glared at him but he held his gaze straight.

"I understand…" Erwin leaned back in his seat. "Sera, I've heard some none too flattering opinions from Levi regarding your strength and overall abilities. Personally, I think you're an asset to our cause and will eventually remember your training… but he isn't completely at fault. I might overestimate you due to your past and your brother's prowess. I'll have to reconsider your position here at the Survey Corps."

"Sir," I began. "With all due respect, I think it would be stupid to change your mind just because of what he said. I'm not as useless as he claims and I can prove it."

This caught Levi's attention. He glanced sideways at me with his brows furrowed. Erwin looked interested as well.

"What do you have in mind?" he asked.

I rubbed my hands together and smiled. Not even Levi would be able to argue his way out of this one.

"I'll pass the military finals again."

"How long until you're done, stupid?"

I finished plaiting my hair and took off my jacket, placing it on the bench in front of me. The excitement made me sweaty and my heart was accelerating like I had been sprinting all the way back to the center of the courtyard instead of jogging.

"Done," I replied as I reached the tiny group.

Erwin had put Levi in charge of my bold statement and although he was reluctant, he did what he was ordered to do. The first test would be in hand-to-hand combat, something that I knew I remembered. It had come to good use some years ago when Miriam and I frequently went to bars and a man was too drunk to listen, and although the amount of opportunities had dwindled ever since, I was still rather sure in myself. Levi had gathered the recruits from yesterday, all clad in uniforms and confused expressions, and even Eren was there, dressed and cleaned for unknown reasons. When I had asked him of his state, he had cheerfully dismissed my concerns as unnecessary since his titan-shifting ability included rapid physical recovery. It reminded me of something I had heard a long time ago but I lost the thought once Levi sneered:

"Oi, what the hell are you dreaming about? Get in position. Defensive first."

I gave him an evil look but readied myself in a good stance. A wave of exhilaration surged through my body as I inhaled deeply and shut my eyes. My heartbeats slowed in tempo and suddenly, my senses were pristine. I instantaneously analyzed my surroundings—steady ground, no breeze, no sunlight, normal body temperature, stiff shoulders—and when I felt like I was ready, I allowed myself to see again.

The golden-haired boy swung something metallic at me.

I wasn't able to process anything before my body reacted and avoided his rush. A hand—my hand, I realized—shot up, grabbed his wrist and wrenched it into a critical angle as my knee struck his stomach. He whimpered and dropped his weapon as if it were boiling hot. I couldn't believe what I was seeing as the item hit the dirt.

"Pass. Arlert, step aside. Next!"

"I'm so sorry! I wasn't ready!" I exclaimed and let go of the boy. My eyes found Levi's. "And why are we using a real knife? Someone could get seriously injured!"

He arched an eyebrow. "It's not like any future assailant will come against you with a wooden stick. Get used to it: the world is dangerous."

I understood what he was grasping at; he was trying to scare me. I would have to be more careful and strike first because as much as I tried to be valiant, I couldn't deny the fear that rose in my chest at the thought of the blade. I had punished countless of the men who tried to touch me and Miriam but I had rarely encountered anyone wielding a knife. The fact that my opponents were also all adept and trained in weapon usage didn't help my nerves.

The slender boy with light ash-brown hair switched places with the blonde I now knew was named Armin. The latter joined with his ranks about ten yards away where also Levi waited, while the former hesitantly picked up the knife and looked at me, his eyes revealing ambivalence. I tensed again, readying myself for another fight, but he didn't move.

"Kirstein, have you fallen in love?" mocked Levi. I heard Eren stifle a laughter.

"O-o-of course not, lance corporal!" blurted the recruit and glared over his shoulder. His voice then dropped low. "I… I just don't think I can do it. I can't just attack her with a sharp weapon. She's right; she might get really hurt after this."

Levi snorted. "I don't think Sera was talking about herself when she said that," he answered condescendingly. His reply astonished me; hadn't he been doubting my abilities in the first place? "But fine, drop it and attack her bare-handed."

The boy nodded and threw the knife to the side. He then settled his sight on me, no longer conflicted. My mind began to clinically size him up as we circulated each other. I wasn't going to go easy on him, especially since he had already deemed me weak.

Four inches taller. Twenty-five pounds heavier. Good physical shape but skinny. Long legs; probably a quick runner. Biggest weakness: emotional and taller; rely on counterattacks. Focus on the torso or the legs.

He then charged towards me with his fist held high, rapidly eradicating the small distance between us. I waited until I could count the hairs on his hand before I ducked and directed a punch at the upper part of his abdomen. When my knuckles connected with something hard but too soft to be his ribcage, I knew that I had hit the right spot. The boy slumped to one knee as he grabbed at his chest and gasped for air.

"Pass. Kirstein, walk it off. Next!"

He remained on the ground and for a brief moment I thought I had maybe gone too far. I hadn't struck him with full force but I had still put a good amount of strength into it, and it surprised me how long he was down. I was just about to crouch next to him and ask how he felt when the boy abruptly rose. He gave me a quick glance that made me stagger and the pride I had felt to have been able to dismantle his rampage with a single countermove immediately turned to shame as he dejectedly strode towards his peers.

He had looked… frightened.

I wanted to apologize as he stumbled away, his hands wound tightly against his chest, but I bit my tongue. This was a trial, after all. I had to show the full extent of my abilities because if I failed, I would return to Karanese. And that was an impossibility in my book. Having Levi as my judge also tripled the pressure since I was a hundred percent sure that he was regarding every move I made with overcritical eyes. I couldn't mess things up due to my empathy, even if it meant that the young recruits would take the consequences of my choice.

But I absolutely could not fight my third opponent.

I crossed my arms over my chest and scowled at Levi. "You must be joking, right?" I growled. "Because none of your jokes have ever been funny and you don't see me laughing now."

Levi didn't manage to come up with an answer before Eren did.

"He's not," he said and mimicked my posture. "And neither am I."

"I'm not fighting you," I replied stubbornly, at last realizing why he was in uniform as well. "You've barely recovered."

"Titan-shifting comes with its perks."

I sighed in frustration. "No, I won't fight you," I repeated sternly. "As sadistic as Levi has proven to be, I won't have him watch me fight someone already injured. I'd rather just be beaten up by him personally than stand for such a sick wrongness."

There was a familiar snort. The blood in my veins turned to ice as Levi approached us, something utterly maleficent glittering in his silvery eyes.

Why did I just say that?

"Then so be it," he stated, waving Eren away. "Move, brat. It'll be me against her."

Eren paled. He must have also seen the darkness in Levi's eyes. "L-Lance Corporal, I don't think you would suffice either," he quickly said and gestured towards the black-haired man's foot. "You've got it bad too, don't you?"

Levi looked up at the green-eyed recruit. "If you cherish your life, Jaeger, then get the fuck out of my way."

His visage was expressionless but it only made the threat even more intimating. Eren left but not until he had given me a sympathetic look; I wasn't going to win this. I could count myself lucky if all my limbs would still remain attached to my body after the fight.

"Don't worry," Levi sarcastically comforted as he turned to me, "I won't use the knife or any other weapon. Simple hand-to-hand combat only. Are you ready?"

I was nearly hyperventilating and it felt like I would throw up my breakfast. After all, the title as "Humanity's strongest soldier" wasn't just a courtesy—Levi was lethal in every way.

Don't be complicated. Blur out the details, said a calm, soothing voice. Forget all those things. He's an enemy, an obstacle and someone you must overcome. Breathe, Sera. Focus.

I inhaled deeply and shut out my swirling emotions, shoving them into the deepest part of my brain. My heart rate soon turned normal and I regained control over my body. I felt my features stiffen and I examined my new opponent with cold, calculating eyes.

Two inches shorter. Twenty-five pounds heavier. In excellent physical shape; strong, well-proportioned body. Could be surprisingly quick. Large hands. Biggest weakness: left leg; rely on your better mobility. Focus it down and the fight will end in your favor.

"Go for it," I finally said as I entered a good fighting stance, defensively raising my hands in front of my face.

Levi started advancing, his calm eyes locked on me, but it was impossible to predict his movements. His arms hung to his sides and his gait was confident but slow. I couldn't understand his body language and it made me shift uncomfortably. I didn't know if he was going to burst into a rush or continue walking, aim a kick or punch me. It simply looked as if he were taking a stroll in the city, his face devoid of emotions.

Doesn't he have a plan on how to approach me? I asked myself. He looks so… relaxed. Not at all like he's going to fight.

A yard away from me he carefully raised a hand towards me. I eyed it suspiciously and decided to strike him even though my instincts screamed that I should refrain. I had gotten enough of his passive demeanor and it drove me both restless and impatient and in all honesty, it felt like he was underestimating me. As if he took it for granted that I wouldn't be able to hit him first. But I was going to prove him wrong.

My leg moved and would have caught his left leg had he not stepped aside in the exact right moment. That's when I realized he had played me. I tried to block his counterattack but his kick caught my only steady foot and literally swept me off my feet. I lost my balance and clumsily fell backwards, my arms flailing wildly in every direction. A sharp pain coursed through my back as I landed on the ground and I groaned miserably.

"Hotheaded, didn't I say so?"

Levi repeated his earlier words with contempt and looked down at me with a sneer. "You're supposed to disarm and neutralize your opponent—not break their fucking bones. You aren't defending yourself in the word's proper meaning; you're attacking before you can be attacked and you aim for the weakest parts of the human body. Fortunately for me, you're easy to provoke and predict."

I blinked away my tears. "Whatever," I spat, grimacing as I sat up. I didn't need him to rub in how much more superior he was. "Did I pass or not?"

"Your technique is questionable," he replied, "and very hazardous. Kirstein and Arlert are happy to not have any permanent injuries, because that's what it's for, isn't it? To stun and;or cripple your opponent?"

I shrugged and tried to stand up. The leg Levi had booted wouldn't obey. "I don't know, I didn't really learn it at the military—" I cut off myself and anxiously raised my gaze to witness his reaction.

But Levi didn't even frown. "Sebastian, huh?" he quietly said as his eyes narrowed. "To protect you…"

I was too shocked to answer. It was the first time he had said my brother's name since I'd arrived. Levi started away and left me in the dirt, not bothering to help me up, but his rude behavior didn't irritate me for once. Because even though I didn't hear him finish his sentence, I knew how it ended.

To protect you from me.

And he was naturally correct.

"H-hey!" I called at him. "You didn't answer! Did I pass or not?"

Levi stopped and uncharacteristically raked a hand through his dark hair. I cringed as agonizing memories flowed through my mind: the movement was a sure sign that he was struggling with an inner turmoil. I immediately wanted to comfort him, put my arms around his strong frame and beg him to tell me of his quandary, but then cursed myself for being so weak. He wasn't mine to console anymore—in fact, he never had been mine whatsoever. He'd proven that clear enough.

"Sure," he finally said, rousing me from my glum reverie. His voice was cool and controlled. "The test is finished, you're all dismissed. Tomorrow will be worse—you'll be using the Maneuvering Gear."

He then headed towards the northern part of the castle and vanished from my sight.