This story was previously called "Save You" but I changed the title to "Raging Fire" which is based off the song by Phillip Phillips. I'm glad so many of you are interested in the story and as I said before I already have the first few chapters written. I will update them once I get some more feedback and continue to write the story as soon as I can. I hope you continue to enjoy!
Luke felt like someone had punched him in the gut as he looked at her, tear marks ran down her face, her shirt was soaked and the imprint of Christopher's hand was still burning on her face.
"Lorelai…" He wasn't even sure if she could hear him because his voice cracked as he spoke, he couldn't hide the tears that were burning his eyes.
"Oh Mom…" Rory started to cry harder as she pushed past Luke and wrapped her Mom in her arms. "Mom I'm so sorry…"
Luke tried to ignore the fact that Lorelai seemed to wince as Rory wrapped her arms around her mother. He began to wonder just where else there might be bruises growing along her body. His blood began to boil again and the need to hunt down Christopher returned again. But when he noticed Lorelai staring desperately at him, he knew there was no where else he could go right now. He wasn't going to leave her side again…not until he knew exactly what happened.
But once he did…he made no promises that Christopher would end up unscathed.
"Mom what happened?" Rory cried as she held her mother tight, "I don't understand…"
Lorelai couldn't tear her eyes away from the man that was staring at her, "I'm okay…"
Rory shook her head against her mothers shoulder before pulling away, "No you aren't Mom. I can see that. Just tell me what happened and we'll-"
Lorelai pulled away from her daughter and tried to smile, "It was just a misunderstanding honey…"
"A misunderstanding?" Luke said as his eyes widened in shock, he stepped into the room ignoring the nervous look on Lorelai's face. "This wasn't a misunderstanding Lorelai. He put his hands on you. He dared to put his freaking hands on you!"
Lorelai stepped away and shook as he raised his voice, "I-I-please-please don't-"
Luke stopped walking towards her when he realized how afraid she was of him and his heart broke even more than it already was. He watched her step all the way back until she slammed into the wall before she slid down. Her body started to wrack with sobs again and he pushed past Rory to kneel down in front of her mother.
"Lorelai please look at me…" He whispered.
She had pulled her knees up against her chest, her arms were hugging them close as she buried her head in them. "It's all my fault. It's all my-my-my fault." She said as he body continued to shake.
Luke could feel Rory behind him but all he could focus on was this broken woman in front of him that he loved so much. "Jesus…" He let his knees crack as he put a gentle hand on her arm. "No. No Lorelai…this isn't your fault."
She stiffened for a moment as he touched her, but she relaxed when she knew he wouldn't hurt her. "It is. It's all my fault. All of it."
She refused to look at him and it hurt him more, he needed to see her eyes. He needed to see those blue eyes that always saw straight through to his soul. He needed to see them to know that she was going to be okay.
"Lorelai please…" He whispered softly to her, "Please just look at me…"
It took her a minute until she took a few unsteady breaths, she lifted her head and let her tear filled eyes look over his face. The first thing she noticed was that stupid black hat he had begun to wear after their break up. She hated everything about that hat, she wanted to see the blue one again.
She forced her eyes from the hat down to the stubble on his cheeks, the same stubble that used to tickle her as he kissed her. The same stubble that drove her crazy as he moved his lips down her body, nipping and nuzzling each part of skin he could reach. Her eyes scanned his lips and she wanted so desperately to kiss them to feel anything other than pain and fear that was erupting in her. But when her eyes finally moved up to those eyes of his, those eyes that read her like a book she melted and she let her legs slide down again, opening herself up to him.
"Luke…" She whispered softly. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for all of it…"
Luke shook his head and sighed, "That's not important right now Lorelai…"
She whimpered again, "But it is…it is Luke. Because if I hadn't of screwed it all up so badly none of this would have happened."
Luke licked his lips and turned from Lorelai back to Rory who stood nervously behind him. He watched the young girl nervously tap her foot as she held her arms tight around her middle. Her eyes looked from her mother to him and she nodded her head slowly back at him.
He sighed and turned back to Lorelai, he didn't want to have this conversation. He wasn't ready, and he definitely didn't want to have it in front of Rory. However, he knew that right now he had no choice if he had any chance of helping Lorelai…
"Lorelai it took me awhile to see it…but I realize now I pushed you to him." He swallowed hard and shook his head, "If it's anyone's fault that this happened…its mine."
Lorelai lifted her hand and wiped her tears away but winced when she touched the sore flesh of her cheek. "I was so scared…"
He sighed and reached up to pull her hand back to examine the mark on her face, "What happened?"
She licked her lips nervously and sighed, "He…he found the letter."
Luke's eyes went from mark on her face to her eyes, she could see the desperation there and she hated herself all over again. He felt sick to his stomach thinking this had happened because of him…
When Luke did respond to her mother's words, Rory stepped closer to them and spoke up, "What letter?"
Lorelai didn't take her eyes off of Luke, he sighed and turned back to Rory. "April's mother is trying to take her away. Your Mom wrote a letter to the court to help me get joint custody…" He shook his head and turned back to Lorelai. "I am so sorry…" He whispered feeling the pain bubble up in his chest. "God Lorelai I'm so sorry…"
"What happened?" Rory asked crouching down, she didn't want to intrude on their space but she needed to be closer to her mother,
The room was dark, Rory put her hand on her mothers shoulder encouragingly and waited. Lorelai sat in silence for a moment, trying to relish in the feeling of safety that these two people caused her. All she had ever wanted was to be with the two of them, but not like this…
She sighed and closed her eyes, resting her head back against the wall. "I was cooking dinner…and he came downstairs. He just…he started asking me about the letter. He was so mad…" She said as she tried to keep the tears in. "He just kept yelling at me and I didn't know what to do…I tried to calm him down. I have never seen him that angry…but I didn't think…"
Rory rubbed her mothers shoulder gently to try and soothe her, she glanced at Luke out of the corner of her eye and noticed just how tense he was. "It's okay Mom…keep going."
Lorelai swallowed hard again, "He just kept asking if I was in love with…if I was in love with…" She sighed and opened her eyes for a moment to look at Luke. "If I was in love with you or him…"
Luke inhaled sharply and just nodded his head to encourage her to keep talking. He didn't need her to answer that question right now…he didn't think he could handle the answer. No matter what the answer was…
"He pushed me against the counter and I couldn't get away…I tried to calm him down." She said as she closed her eyes again, to afraid to look at Luke. "I begged him to stop because he was scaring me but his hands were so tight around me. I couldn't get away…"
Rory wiped more of her tears away and she leaned in closer, "Mom…"
"And then he asked if I wanted…if I wanted him or you to be there and…then before I knew what was happening he hit me." Lorelai whispered softly. "And then he was gone…"
"God Mom…I can't believe he would do this…" Rory said shaking her head as she leaned it against her shoulder. "I just can't believe he did this…"
Lorelai sighed and leaned against her daughter, "It's my fault."
"No it isn't." Rory said lifting her head to look back up at him, "Mom…no matter what might have been happening…no matter what you may or may not feel he had no right to do this to you."
Lorelai licked her chapped lips and looked straight at Luke, "I hurt you both. I did this…I caused this and I can't even be mad at him for it."
Luke shook his head quickly, "No. You didn't. Rory's right. It doesn't matter Lorelai…none of it matters. He had no right to lay a hand on you…no matter how angry or hurt I was or might be…I'd never do this to you."
She sighed sadly, "I know…"
Rory watched for a moment as her mother and Luke stared at one another. Her heart ached for both of them and for what could have been if things had been different. But as she watched them she also knew that Luke would do anything for his mother…even now after everything that had happened. She knew he wasn't going anywhere…and her fear began to subside because she knew he would find a way to fix this just like he had always done.
"Mom…" Rory whispered afraid to break their connection, "Mom you need to talk to the police."
Rory watched as her mother flinched at her daughter's words and she quickly lifted herself up off the ground to move away from them. "No."
Rory looked back at Luke desperately but he was watching Lorelai as she moved out of the bedroom and into the hallway. He jumped up quickly and followed her making sure to keep an appropriate distance as to not crowd or scare her.
"Lorelai, Rory is right. You need to call the cops so that he can't come back here and do this again." Luke said trying to reason with her as he followed her down the stairs.
Lorelai walked from the stairs to the kitchen to look at the mess she had left there, "No. I won't. I won't do it. And he won't do it again. I know he won't."
Luke looked back in time to see Rory now standing behind him as they watched Lorelai take the dried out pasta out of the sink and walk towards the trash. "You don't know that…" He said softly.
Lorelai shook her head as she continued to walk around the kitchen, unable to look at them again. "He didn't mean to do it. I know he didn't. It will all be fine. When he comes back we'll talk about it and it will be done."
Rory stared in shock at her mothers words, she had never thought her mother would act this way in such a situation. "Mom you can't be serious. You can't actually think that you guys will get back together now."
"Rory you don't understand…" Lorelai said with a sigh as she moved nervously around the room, "It's complicated okay? Sometimes when you are an adult you just have to make sacrifices and-"
"Sacrifices?" Rory scoffed in disbelief as she stepped around Luke to reach her Mother. "Are you kidding me? Mom do you even hear yourself right now? This isn't you!"
Lorelai jumped at the loudness of her daughters voice, "I can't just walk away."
Rory stepped all the way up to her, "Why not Mom? We both know you don't even love him."
Lorelai felt the stab to her heart and she quickly glanced at Luke who seemed frozen in his spot behind Rory. "I do love him. I do-"
Rory shook her head, "No. You don't. And stop trying to force yourself to feel something you don't."
Lorelai could feel her lip starting to tremble again and she shook her head, willing herself not to cry. Rory sighed and put a hand on her mothers arm to try and soothe her.
"Mom listen to me…" Lorelai lifted her head slowly to look at her daughter, "When are you going to stop punishing yourself?"
Lorelai couldn't hold the tears in anymore and she began to fall apart. Rory looked back at Luke hopefully and he stepped in just as she knew he would, just as he always had.
"Rory, why don't you give your Mom and I a minute?" He whispered to her.
Rory looked at her Mother who was falling apart in front of her, she nodded slowly and then stepped away back towards the front door. Luke waited until he heard the door close behind her before he approached Lorelai all the way. She was crying hard again and he felt his broken heart beginning to rip apart even more.
"Lorelai listen to me…" He whispered, trying to sound stern but also trying not to frighten her, when she lifted her head he continued. "I need you to call the police and fill out a report about this."
Lorelai shook her head, "I can't."
He sighed and reached for her gently, his thumb began to rub soothing circles on her upper arm just as he always had done when she was upset. "Yes you can."
She stared at him for a moment before responding, "I deserved this."
Luke stood up straighter and felt his heart begin to pound again, he shook his head and led her over to the kitchen chair. When she finally gave in and sat down in the chair closest to her and pushed himself as close to her as he could get. She was staring down at her hands in her lap and he quickly reached for them, he felt her squeeze them back in response.
"You did NOT deserve this." Luke said as he bent her head towards her. "No one ever deserves something like this. But you of all people don't deserve this. Okay?"
She lifted her head and shook it, determined to make him understand. "But Luke I made him think I wanted him…but all I wanted was you. I hurt him just like I hurt you and I hate myself for that."
Luke sighed again, "Lorelai, Christopher is a grown man he could have made different decisions too. I don't know what happened that night when you went to him…" He closed his eyes, obviously in pain. "And quite honestly I don't want to know what happened but he had to have known you weren't in any state to make clear decisions."
"Luke I was just so…I was so hurt and so angry." She managed to get the words out despite the trembling of her voice. "And I needed to do the one thing I knew you could never forgive me for. I needed to make sure you wouldn't come back to me…"
Luke squinted trying to understand what she was saying, "Why?"
She wiped away more of her tears and hissed when she felt the bruise against her skin again, "Because it all hurt to much…you kept pushing me away and I was holding on for dear life. And then you…you just said no. You said you didn't want to get married and I-"
He shook his head, "I never said I didn't want to get married Lorelai. Never. I just couldn't run off like that."
"But why?" She asked pleading with him. "Why not? Didn't you love me?"
He squeezed her hand gently, "Of course I loved you." He paused when he saw the pain grow on her face. "I do love you…"
"Then why?" Lorelai pleaded again, "Why couldn't you marry me Luke? What did I do? Please tell me what I did to make you not want me anymore…"
"You didn't do anything." Luke said feeling confused by her words, "Lorelai I never stopped wanting you…"
"Yes you did." She said as she gasped for air as the tears continued to spill down her cheeks. "At least that's what it felt like…" She sniffled and closed her eyes tightly, "Before April I felt it…I always felt it…"
"Felt what?" Luke asked desperately trying to understand what she was saying.
"I felt that you loved me…" She whispered before opening her eyes, "With just a look or a simple touch I could feel it…I knew it. I was sure of it. I was sure of you." She said sadly, "But then April showed up and you just pushed me away…and I felt like I was just a burden to you then."
He sighed and scooted even closer to her, "You weren't a burden Lorelai. I was just so damn confused…I had all these emotions…all these feelings and questions and I didn't know how to deal with them."
"Well why didn't you just ask me for help?" She asked as she reached for him desperately. "You didn't need to do it all alone. I was there Luke…I was right there and I tried to help but you kept getting so mad…"
He nodded, "I know. I know. I just…I was angry at Anna for keeping her from me. And I didn't know how to let her into my life and I wanted to figure out how to deal with her before bringing her into our life. I needed to do that alone first…"
"But…I could have helped you. It's not like I didn't understand having a kid…and God Luke you helped me so much with Rory. I never would have been able to do it all without you…I wanted so badly to help you too." She whispered sadly as she reached a hand up to cup his face. "I wanted to help you…"
He nodded as he leaned into her touch, the same touch he had missed and craved for months. "I know you did. I know…I'm so sorry Lorelai. I just got so damn screwed up and I didn't even see you slipping away…"
She let out a shaky breath before continuing, "When you let me walk away that night…" She shook her head sadly; "I felt like someone had ripped out my heart…I've felt so hollow since then. So alone…"
Luke grimaced her words and reached for her hand on his face and put it back against his leg to hold it once more. "I didn't realize that if I let you go I'd lose you forever…"
"I tried so hard to love him." She whispered never taking her eyes off of him, "He was so sweet…I kept telling myself we would be a family. The family that Rory had always deserved…" She laughed bitterly, "But I was so wrong…"
"You can't force yourself to love someone you don't really love." He said before laughing sadly, "Just like you can't force yourself to stop loving someone you really love...believe me I tried…"
"I felt like if I couldn't have it all with you I had to just take what I could get…I didn't want to be alone anymore." She said hoping he would understand.
"I just hated that it was him…" He whispered sadly looking down at their joined hands, "I think I could have gotten over it if it was someone else…I would have been hurt but not like that. That was to much…"
"I know…" She whispered, "That's why I did it? I needed you to let go forever."
He lifted his head to look at her again, "I could never let go forever Lorelai…you have to know that by now." He scooted forward in his seat and pulled out his wallet, Lorelai watched in fascination as he pulled the worn out horoscope from its pocket again just like he had done on their very first date. "After you told me what happened…" He paused and ran his fingers over the faded paper, "And after I hit Christopher…" He sighed and handed it to her, "I went home and I lit a match to burn this but I couldn't…" He watched her eyes searching his hopefully, "I couldn't do it Lorelai…I couldn't let go…"
"Luke…" She whispered as her free hand reached for him again.
"I can't walk away again Lorelai and I won't. I never should have walked away the first time but I did. And I have kicked myself every day since then…" He sighed and took the horoscope back before putting it back in his wallet and throwing it on the table. "I don't know what the hell is going to happen or how we will ever get over all that stuff but none of it matters right now."
"Yes it does…" She said with a sniffle. "Of course it does."
He nodded his head, "It does but there are more important things we need to deal with right now."
Lorelai knew what he was referring too, she leaned back in her chair, pulling away from him as she wrapped her arms around herself suddenly feeling cold. "I'm scared…"
"I'm not going to let anything happen to you Lorelai…" He said with such honesty and confidence she felt like the million broken pieces of her heart were all melting into him again. "He will not lay another finger on you…"
Despite all the pain and the confusion, she knew that he meant what he said. Taking a deep breath she moved her feet so that she could stand up again. He looked up at her, the light reflected off the bruise still growing darker against her cheek.
"Okay…I'll do it." She spoke in such a soft voice he wasn't even sure he had heart her correctly.
After a moment he finally stood up to face her again, he reached out to smooth her hair away from her face. "Okay…"
She tried to smile but seemed to fail miserably, she didn't want to cry in front of him anymore than she already had. She turned slowly and began to walk towards the front door to find her daughter, Luke was right behind her giving her the strength she needed. At first she was shocked to see all the people sitting out on her front porch but then she smiled realizing just how loved she actually was.
Rory quickly stepped up to her mother and reached out to her, "Mom?"
"I'm so sorry to put you through this kid…" She whispered as her voice cracked and gave her away. "I'm so sorry."
Rory shook her head and pulled her in for a hug, "Don't you apologize Mom. It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay…we'll get through this just like we've gotten through everything else."
Lorelai nodded against her daughters shoulder before she pulled away to face her other friends, her eyes fell on Babette and Morey first. "Babette I-"
The older woman stepped closer to her, "I know I broke my promise Sugah but I just couldn't-"
Lorelai shook her head, "It's okay. I'm glad you called her…" She looked around the porch and let out a sad laugh, "And everyone else."
"I just hated to see you that way…" Babette said honestly as she reached for her hand.
Lorelai nodded in agreement, "It's okay. Really…I'm so grateful that you and Morey came to check on me."
Sookie stepped up to her best friend, "Oh honey…are you okay?"
Lorelai took a deep breath, "Uh no…" She laughed again but looked back at her daughter who had moved to stand beside Luke in the doorway, "But…I will be."
Rory smiled encouragingly at her Mother, "Are you going to call the police?"
Lorelai sighed and walked back over to her, taking her hand in hers. "Yes. I know I have too."
"It's the only way to make sure that he can't hurt you again." Sookie whispered sadly.
Lorelai nodded and glanced over at her, "I know…"
"Look Sweetie…" Miss Patty said as she made her way over to Lorelai, "I've been in a similar situation myself…"
Lorelai swallowed hard, "Which husband?"
Miss Patty shook her head and tried to smile, "Doesn't matter. All that matters is that you need to take a stand to protect yourself and your daughter." She said as she glanced over to Rory sympathetically. "Show him he doesn't have the power to hurt you like that…show him how strong you are."
Lorelai smiled at her and nodded nervously, "Okay…"
"Anything you need…we're here for you." The older woman told her, "Even if you just need someone to talk to you know where to find me…"
Lorelai felt her eyes begin to burn with tears again as she leaned forward to hug her, "God I'm so lucky to have you all in my life…"
Babette smiled at her neighbor and best friend, "It's the beauty of living in a small town sugah, everyone knows everyone's business so everyone makes sure to help them through all the bullshit…"
Everyone laughed softly in agreement, "Is there anything else we can do right now?" Jackson asked Lorelai and Rory.
Lorelai shook her head, "No…no you should all go home. It's getting late. Rory's here with me…we'll figure it out."
Luke stood up straighter and placed a nervous hand on her upper arm, "I'm not leaving you here."
Lorelai quickly glanced back over at him and smiled when she saw the love and concern in his eyes, "Luke really you've done enough…I can't ask you to stay any longer. The cops will be here soon and they will protect us-"
He shook his head adamantly, "It doesn't matter. I'm not leaving."
"But Luke-" She tried to reason with him.
He stepped, as close to her as he could and bent down to make sure they were at eye level. He noticed how she swallowed hard and wondered if she was afraid of him like she was afraid of Christopher. Pushing the thought aside, he whispered so that only she and Rory could hear him.
"I let you go once Lorelai. I'm not going to do it again." His voice was so clear and honest she wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and let him hold her until this terrible nightmare ended.
However she knew they still had a long way to go before they could be at that place again, "Luke…" She whispered with trembling words.
"I'm going to make sure he never hurts you again." Luke said searching her eyes before looking over at Rory. "You either Rory…"
Rory smiled at the man she had long ago come to love as a father figure in her life, "I know you will…"
Luke let the corners of his mouth curve up in a smile just slightly before he turned back to Lorelai, "So…can I stay now?" When he saw her begin to protest again he rolled his eyes playfully, "Even if you say no we both know I'll sit out on this porch until I know you are safe. Did you forget how stubborn I am?"
Lorelai laughed, the first real laugh she had produced in months and shook her head. "I didn't forget…"
He stood up straight again and nodded as he looked down at her, "Good. Then you know your options. Let me in and stay or make me suffer out here in the cold. And just so you know I forgot my coat back at the Diner…I was in kind of a rush."
Lorelai shook her head as she smiled. "Whatever you say Burger Boy…"
He couldn't help but smile back at her words, he watched Rory step closer to her mother encouragingly. Lorelai turned to the rest of her friends and gave them all hugs and thanked them for all they had done. After promising over and over to call if she needed absolutely anything, they finally all left the porch, even Sookie who had to be dragged by Jackson.
When they were all out of reach, Rory put an arm around her mother and cocked her head towards the house. "Come on…lets get you inside." She glanced at the black and blue bruise on her mothers face and sighed, "We should put something on that…"
Luke stepped aside to let them in first before he shut the door behind them and followed them towards the kitchen. "You have a steak or anything? That's usually the best thing to put on a bruise. That's what I did when I was a kid…"
Lorelai let Rory lead her over to the kitchen table to sit down again before she scoffed at him, "Get in a lot of fights as a kid Butch?"
He glared at her making Rory laugh as she sat down beside her Mother. "No. Got a few baseballs thrown at my face before I got the hang of actually catching them." He said as he opened the freezer to try and find one.
Lorelai shrugged, "Oh I just figured you were the tough guy on campus always fighting for some girls dignity."
Luke chuckled but didn't turn to look at her, "You're nuts."
Lorelai sighed and rested her unhurt cheek against her hand suddenly feeling tired. "I don't think there is any steak in there…I've been eating out mostly. You know I don't cook."
Luke grunted, "Really? I always thought you were a regular Martha Stuart."
She squinted her eyes at him, "Watch it Danes."
He laughed again as he took a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer and held them out to her to take. "These will do."
Rory, who had been enjoying the playful banter going on between her Mother and Luke scoffed when she saw the peas. "Since when do we have peas in this house?"
Lorelai shrugged, "We always had peas in the freezer."
Rory leaned forward and glared at her Mother, "Mom the only vegtable we have ever had in this house was potatoes and they came in the form of tater tots or French fries."
"You say that like it's a bad thing." Lorelai she said rolling her eyes as she lifted the peas to her cheek, as soon as they made contact with her burning skin she winced, "I hate peas."
Rory laughed again at her mother, "Then why were they in the freezer?"
Lorelai let her gaze fall down to stare at her knees, she knew her other cheek was now red and it had nothing to do with being hit. Rory seemed to understand what her Mom couldn't say as she glanced back at Luke who couldn't seem to take his eyes off of Lorelai.
"Oh…" She whispered before clearing her throat, she tried to think of someway to break the awkward tension. "Do frozen peas go bad?"
Lorelai's head snapped up as she squinted at her daughter, "I don't know. But does it really matter if your purpose for using them is purely medical rather than for nutritional value?"
Rory laughed again, "I guess not…"
Luke smiled at the two of them before shaking his head, he knew the peas were left over from when they had still been together. It seemed like such a simple thing but for some reason it warmed his heart. However, he didn't want to make Lorelai uncomfortable at the moment, she already had enough on her plate. She didn't need to add peas to it…
He took a deep breath and stepped back, "I should…call the police. The sooner they come over the sooner we can fill out a report and make sure that Christopher can't come back here."
Lorelai lifted her head to look at him as she still held the peas to her face, "Okay…"
He smiled encouragingly down at her before placing his big strong hand on her shoulder, he gave it a gentle squeeze before talking again. "Everything will be okay Lorelai. I promise."
As she looked up at him, she knew his words applied to more than just the situation with Christopher. She knew he meant that someway or other they were going to be okay…she trusted him to find a way.
Without saying a word, she just nodded her head, which gave him the strength to walk away to reach for the phone. When the girls were alone in the kitchen again, Rory waited until she heard Luke's voice signaling he was now talking to the 911 operator.
Leaning forward, she squeezed her mother's knee gently as she smiled lovingly at her. "You kept his peas?"
Lorelai smiled back weakly and let her gaze travel down the hall to stare at Luke's back as he continued to speak to the person on the other end. "Yeah…I kept his peas…"
Despite everything that had happened tonight and how scared she had been…she knew that no matter what Luke would keep her safe. She couldn't believe that she was in this situation, no matter how bad things had ever been in her life she never expected to be here. But through the pain she had a feeling she was somehow going to find her way back to the place she truly belonged…even if it meant she had to start eating peas again…
So what did you think? I hope you liked it. Let me know and I will post the next chapter as soon as I can!