Author's Note:

I've chosen to decrease the rating and instead put up a warning post if the chapter turns too gory.

Enjoy.

"Hey."

I looked up from my plate.

"Hey," I echoed and mustered up a weak smile.

Eren sunk down on the chair opposite to me, his brows furrowed with concern. It should have bothered me to be pitied at by someone so much younger than me but for the moment I didn't care. His sudden appearance was a much appreciated distraction; I was just about to give in and take a bittersweet walk down memory lane.

"Isn't it a bit late for lunch?"

He pointed at my half-eaten loaf of bread. I shrugged and put it down, sliding the plate away from me. "It's barely dusk." Then I realized what he had said and frowned. "Have you been spying on me?"

"Of course not!" he blurted with wide eyes. "I wanted to talk to you earlier, but you left before I could catch you. I've kind of... been searching for you," he admitted sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. "And since I haven't seen you around until now, I only presumed this was the first thing you've eaten since breakfast."

Smart kid. My posture slackened and I exhaled. "Right, sorry for being so blunt," I apologized. "I'm just a bit grumpy."

"Having a hard time falling asleep?" Eren asked softly. When I nodded he sighed as well. "Same here. Is it why you're writing?"

I instinctively closed my journal, unaware that it had been open, and nervously soaked my lips, afraid of what he might have been able to read. But his beautiful eyes were sincere and understanding at my uncivilized behavior, making me feel even worse of a person. I felt remorse bubble up my throat and decided to change subject to something less... private.

"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" I wondered, hoping to pique his interest. "It must be important if you've been trying to find me all day."

Eren shifted in his seat and averted his gaze. "About Sebastian and also… the corporal. You two… don't exactly get along."

It sounded like a question. I rubbed my hands together and tried to not look so guilty when I answered, "Is it really that obvious? And here I hoped we weren't that blatant."

So much for trying to keep the conversation flowing in another direction, I thought sullenly. But I can't blame him; I bet everyone is gossiping among themselves why he and I can't get along. Eren is simply the first one to ask.

The boy grimaced. "It's pretty clear to anyone, yes," he replied almost regretfully. "And it's strange since you guys also seem to know each other very well."

I stiffened at his words. "What makes you think that?"

"Well," he started and leaned back in his chair, "First and foremost, you call each other by first names. Secondly, you're constantly referring to the past. And it's evident whenever you argue with each other that you know exactly what to say to put each other out."

I paled. I hadn't been aware of it myself, but recalling everything Levi and I had thrown at each other since I'd arrived at the castle, I realized that Eren was correct.

"I guess we just can't be friends," I said and rose to standing. His eyes widened and I quickly waved for him to remain seated. "No, it's alright. I'll talk. But I definitely need something to drink before I get on with it."

Eren creased his forehead. "We don't have any alcohol here," he said in a wary tone.

I raised my eyebrows and smiled. "Oh, not that," I replied in amusement. Had he really thought I would drink here? Now? "I don't drink that toxicant anymore," I explained as I went to put some water on the stove. "I'm certain I saw a bottle of tea on the top shelf of this cupboard when I came to eat this morning. It looked like the nice, expensive sort. I hope it's still here."

"I really don't think you should touch that," Eren shakily answered and stood up as well. "There's probably a good reason it was put in that place… I think it's the lance corporal's."

"Levi's?" I pretended to sound surprised, spotting the dark bottle as I backed away from the cupboard. Of course I knew it was his. "But how would he be able to reach this high up?"

Eren laughed. It was brief, but bright and pleasant to hear. "Good point." He waited as I struggled to reach the bottle myself. "Do you need help?"

"I'm… fine," I managed to say between breaths. Even as I jumped, my fingers only barely grazed the wooden surface of the shelf below my actual target. For a moment I considered climbing up the cupboard but I as quickly gave up the idea when I couldn't find anywhere to put my feet on except the small knobs, and I highly doubted they would be able to carry my weight.

The water was starting to boil in the teapot and so was my patience. I leapt one last time before I threw my hands into the air and exhaled. I was determined to drink Levi's precious tea even if it would be the last thing I'd ever do.

"Eren," I said hesitantly, embarrassed to what I was going to beg him. "I'll gladly accept your assistance now."

He had been leaning against the table and gleefully watched my crazy acts. When I spoke he straightened, came to my side and examined our obstacle with skeptical eyes. "I don't think I can reach it either," he then said, his smile dropping.

"I-I didn't mean for you to try and grab it yourself." His confused gaze fell on me and I felt even more uncomfortable. "Could you… lift me up? Just a couple of seconds," I hastily added.

"Sure," he replied confidently. "Get ready."

"Hey, I'm not as light as a feather," I muttered as I looked at his arms. They didn't look too reassuring. "So just… just try to raise me now. A quick try and we'll see if you won't drop me. I do not want to wake up the whole castle because I somehow knocked down a whole cabinet."

"I won't drop you," he said with a crooked smile. "But fine. Put your hands on my shoulders."

I obeyed, too awkward to say anything. He was brawnier than I had thought and strong, lean muscles tensed beneath my grip as he abruptly lowered himself and hugged my legs. I started panicking when the ground disappeared beneath my feet and had to bit down on my lip to not let out a pathetic squeal. My fingers clawed into his flesh as he steadily raised me up until he stood erect.

"Everything's alright," Eren said, slightly breathless. "I told you I wasn't going to drop you. Now let's go."

"Careful!" I cried out as he took a step closer to the cupboard. "I thought we were only testing!"

I could feel Eren chuckle against my stomach. That's when I realized where his head was. My face flushed scarlet but I tried to keep a cool mind and focus on my goal: I wanted Levi's tea. I carefully detached one of my hands from his sure to be aching shoulders and stretched it towards the shelf. I managed to grab the thin bottle and was just about to ask Eren to let me down when a very recognizable voice interjected.

"Jaeger! Shouldn't you be in your damn cell? I've been searching every… What in the fuck's name did I just walk into?"

Eren gently lowered me but he looked as terrified as I was embarrassed. And I had never felt more embarrassed in my whole life.

"He—I…" I stammered, feeling the heat radiating from my face like a beacon, "We… I can explain."

Levi scowled and leaned against the doorframe. "This will be interesting to hear," he coolly replied. "And don't even try to lie; I'll know, trust me."

"I… I wanted to make some tea," I quietly explained and nodded in the direction of the stove. The teapot was boiling furiously, as if to agree. "So I asked Eren to help me reach up to the bottle and here we are. That's all."

"Use a fucking chair next time," Levi snapped and approached us. He snatched the tea out of my hand and glared me down. "And do not touch what doesn't belong to you."

He kept looking at me as he spoke, his annoyed, silvery eyes piercing into my very being, but I somehow felt like he was talking to my accomplice as well. I quickly waved it away as stupid, stupid naive fantasies—I was simply in a state of shock that Levi hadn't killed me right now and right there—but there was unmistakably something else hiding in his gaze.

I didn't have time to properly analyze his expression before he turned away. Even though there was an obvious length difference, Eren seemed to shrink in front of his superior as the latter eyed him up and down.

"And what are you doing here except for functioning as a stair, brat?" he asked, his voice lashing out like a whip. Eren flinched but didn't back down. "You're not supposed to leave the dungeons, or have you forgotten the agreement?"

I stared incredulously at them, my eyes darting between Levi's now deadpanned visage and Eren's nervously swallowing. "Is that where you stay?" I demanded.

The green-eyed boy simply nodded. Levi hadn't dropped his gaze from the recruit.

"No wonder you can't fall asleep!" I exclaimed. "And what's up with the 'agreement'?"

Eren opened his mouth to reply when Levi cut him off.

"None of your business," he said and went towards the teapot, turning off the gas stove. I grumbled in irritation while he rummaged through a cabinet and tried to gain eye contact with Eren, but the boy seemed to have found something very interesting on the floor. Looking down at the floorboards as well, I tried to find what had caught his attention and didn't notice Levi return to us.

"Here."

It sounded more of a command than anything else and both Eren and I took the cups of tea out of fear rather than gratitude. I regarded Levi in plain shock, my eyebrows shooting high into my forehead, and he snorted.

"It's not poisoned," he scoffed.

I raised the cup to my mouth and sniffed it suspiciously. It smelled sweet but not in the sugary way; I was pretty sure he hadn't put in anything extra but I could never be too careful with Levi. The steam caressed my nose and I wrinkled it. "You sure?"

His jaw tensed. "Tsk," was all he said before he abruptly seized the cup from my hand, his slender fingertips gripping the edges around the cup, and blew on the beverage. I was speechless as he soundlessly sipped it and then returned the drink to my cold hands.

"It's fine, stupid. If I wanted you dead, I wouldn't try to poison you," he mocked.

I gaped at the tea. What else could I do?

"Jaeger, we're supposed to be in the dinner hall," Levi went on, pouring up a cup of tea of his own. "Erwin wanted a meeting. Your friends will be there too."

"Y-Yes, Lance Corporal!"

"Let's go." He paused. "Aren't you going to drink that?"

I raised my gaze. Levi's face was expressionless but his tone had been challenging. Eren too seemed curious if I would, his body frozen in mid-stride and his green eyes rounding. My fingers clenched around the cup, seemingly unaware of the heat, and I contemplated my options. If I chose to drink it, I'd be dirtying myself with his disgusting saliva. Only the thought was enough to make my stomach churn but if I did what I actually wanted to do, which was to throw the now contaminated tea out the window, I would forfeit to Levi. And he would enjoy nothing more than that. My decision was pretty much obvious by then.

I slowly spun the porcelain tea cup and was careful to place my lips on the exact place Levi's had been. The beverage was hot, much hotter than I had thought it would be judging by the way he had tasted it, and I clumsily gulped it down.

"Thanks for the tea," I said and fabricated an innocent smile. "It's delicious."

Levi said nothing but turned towards the doorway. Eren gave me a smile in return before he followed and the two disappeared, most likely heading for the dinner hall. My smile widened into a grin as I finished and cleaned after me, and my cheerfulness remained even as I went to bed. The tea had been a small victory in my struggle to overcome my revulsion for Levi and I was proud of myself—I hadn't allowed him to make me snap.

For a second, a brief flash, I recalled the way Eren had held me. I blushed even though nobody could see me and hastily shook my head from side to side, ruffling my hair against the pillow. The last thing I needed was to think about him in that way.

You barely know him! A voice shouted accusatorily in the back of my head. He's barely more than a boy! How old can he be? Sixteen?

Yes, I know, I replied as I drifted towards unconsciousness. I'm miserable. It is nothing between us. He's a good kid; he only helped me.

Still, it was hard to forget his arms locked around my thighs.

"Come on, come on…"

The straps were tangled again. Again. I exhaled in frustration and threw my hands into the air. "I give up! Who even came up with this ridiculously difficult equipment?"

Someone knocked on the door. "Hello?" came a worried tone. "Is everything alright in there?"

I frowned. The soft voice was familiar but I couldn't really connect it to its owner. I carefully extracted myself from all the leather and scrambled to the door. The golden-haired boy stood on the other side, his large eyes anxiously looking at me, together with the girl with the raven hair. Her beautiful features were gathered into a calm, stoic demeanor but she, too, seemed wondering about my predicament.

"I don't mean to disturb," the boy politely greeted me, "but do you perhaps need some help?"

He gave me a meaning look as he noticed the rejected heap of straps and belts on the floor behind me. I felt my cheeks redden and grimaced. "That would be very nice, thank you."

The pair entered. They were dressed in both uniforms and 3DMGs and at closer proximity I was baffled by the difference in their physique. The boy was much skinnier than any of the other recruits, sharing about the same length and body type as I, but he wasn't abnormally slim. It was the girl that made my eyes go wide. Only two inches taller, she was a massive bulwark of muscle, power and grace. Although she wasn't even close to being as intimidating as Levi, she was striking and I was happy I hadn't met her in hand-to-hand combat. I didn't think I would lose, not with the way Sebastian had taught me, but I would definitely not escape unharmed. I suddenly remembered the fierce display of protectiveness in the infirmary, when I had thrown her out with the rest of the recruits to let Eren rest, which made me wonder what type of relationship the two shared since he had seemed unwilling of her care.

"Is the Maneuvering Gear the villain?"

The blonde roused me from my musing and I snapped back to attention. I could only hope they hadn't noticed me staring like a fool.

"Yes, I can't seem to get my legs into the right places," I replied and then recalled something I needed to say to the boy. My eyes met blue. "It's Armin, right? And Mi… Mikasa?" I quickly added.

"Yep," Armin answered and bent down to pick up the leathern mess. Mikasa simply nodded and helped him sort out the straps with nimble, well-practiced fingers.

"I'm sorry for yesterday," I began as I rubbed my hands together. "I wasn't ready and when you attacked me I merely… reacted. I didn't mean to hurt you… or knock the breath out of you."

"O-Oh, I'm fine, really," he said and smiled shyly. "You were really quick. I didn't even see you move out of the way."

"Still," I went on, his sweet face causing me bitter remorse. "I went too far."

"Well, I came at you with a knife. You only did whatever was most reasonable. Did you fix your side, Mikasa?"

The girl nodded again and let go of the harness. Quiet girl when she isn't angry, I acknowledged.

"Great." Armin faced me and held up what seemed like the main belt, the straps and metal belonging to the torso part snaking around his arms and the straps to the legs dangling just an inch above the surface of the floor. "It's easier to put it in on from here."

"Oh. I always thought you'd sneak into it from the upper part," I admitted sheepishly. "And kind of crawl into it. Somehow." I frowned. "That's at least how I did during the military."

He smiled. "Well, if you managed to pull that off, this shouldn't be a challenge. Here."

"Thanks," I replied and took the harness. After some helpful comments from both of the recruits, I managed to fit into the leather cage and to my surprise, it wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. The straps were a bit too tight around my thighs and as I adjusted the buckles, Mikasa came to me with the core of the Maneuvering Device and gently fastened the gadget to the two metal plates pressed against my lower back. The steel was cool even through the fabric of my blouse and she pushed the handgrips into their sheathes on my chest. I had to suppress a surprised yelp as the girl's fingers then worked on the belt around my hip and the straps surrounding it, understanding why she had taken the role to adapt me to the harness instead of Armin—she could be neither gentle nor modest with her tugging.

"These must be tight," she instructed as she crouched and secured the straps around my thighs. The leather cut into my skin but not enough to choke my blood flow. She continued to check my legs until she was satisfied and then surveyed the upper part of my body, pulling and straightening more of the seemingly endless amount of leather until it was evenly distributed over my body.

"It's hardest the first time," Armin comforted as he picked up the large metal scabbards resting against my bed frame. "When it's finally adapted after your body, it'll be no problem next time you wear it."

"Yeah, I remember hearing about that," I said numbly. I was starting to feel surreal where I stood, the pace of my heart increasing rapidly while Mikasa and Armin locked the surprisingly light sheathes to my sides. I wasn't aware of what they did and probably should have been if I were to ever get out of the Maneuvering Gear on my own, but my mind was pulling away into the distance.

I can't believe it, I pondered. I'm finally going to experience the Maneuvering Gear again. It's been so long though—will I be able to control it? I'm so excited and happy I could burst out into one of those weird, spontaneous laughters… but I'm terrified as never before. Everything comes down to this.

"There you are!"

The slender recruit with light ash-brown hair appeared in the door I hadn't realized been open. His eyes were relieved to see his peers but turned inclined as he met my gaze. It stung; I knew I had to find a way to apologize to him as well.

"The lance corporal sent me to get you guys…" he continued. "And he also wondered why it took so long."

"Levi clearly said before lunch…" I glanced out the window. "The sun's only been up a couple of hours. He really needs to take something to calm down his nerves."

"We should still hurry. I may have censured a threat or two." With my brows raised high I turned back towards the recruit. He averted his gaze. "It had something to do with personally teaching you how to walk on your bare hands."

"I can already do that," Mikasa quietly replied, her voice grave. I gave her a shocked look even though I shouldn't really have been surprised. She seemed physically capable of pretty much anything.

"On broken glass, blindfolded, gagged and with a broomhandle shoved deep—"

"Alright!" I interrupted. I could probably guess the rest. "Am I ready to go?"

Armin nodded. Mikasa rearranged one last strap before she also gave her consent.

"Thank you so much for the help, I really appreciate it," I told them and smiled. It was strange how much these people who were practically strangers could make me smile, compared to my aunt or even Miriam. It came so easily with them.

Is it perhaps because they're younger? I quietly wondered. More alive…ish? Or is it because I'm finally happy with what I'm doing? Because I'm in the Survey Corps? Or—

"Sera? We better leave."

Armin looked concerned. I cursed inwardly; I had been disappearing again and noticably, too.

"Sure," I said but this time, my smile wasn't genuine. His forehead smoothened and he turned towards the door with Mikasa falling behind him. I followed before I could change my mind.

"You look constipated."

I threw him an angry stare. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me. What's plugging you?"

I sighed heavily and resisted the urge to slap myself in the face. My head hurt enough already.

"I don't feel too well," I replied in a calm manner. Or, as calm as I could get. "Too well" was an understatement of the head-splittering pain I was in.

Levi kept looking down at me but said nothing. His handsome countenance was serene and his black hair was still in perfect shape even after the rough horseride. I doubted I looked as spotless.

"Lance Corporal? We've ran through the course again and it looks good. We're ready when you are."

Eren approached with the rest of the recruits, a friendly smile lighting up his features when he looked at me. I smiled back and tried to stand up, but the whole world started spinning and I gasped as I lost my footing. My hand immediately flew up to my cover my face and I stumbled against the tree I'd been sitting against, my side slumping against the hard trunk. Blurry, hazy images flashed before my eyelids, too fast for me to catch or remember any specifics but I recognized my father's grim look of determination before a slender but calloused hand covered mine. It was careful to remove my cold, stiff fingers and I could soon hear a soothing tone mumble in my ear.

"Sera? Hey, is everything alright? You're tearing off your face."

I quickly straightened and shook my head. My vision returned and although the headache remained, it was subdued.

"I'm fine," I snarled and averted my gaze. I didn't want him to see the terror in my eyes. "Let's go."

Levi was quiet. It surprised me since I had expected him to come up with an insult and I almost decided to look to see if he was alive when he spoke.

"Do you remember how to use the Operating Devices?"

I nodded, still staring into the large forest. I could feel his analytic eyes pierce through me and try to gain information from my posture. The recruits remained silent, probably wondering for the fifteenth time what kind of weird person I was. But I couldn't care about my reputation now, not when I had to focus on my task.

"Show me."

I grabbed the handgrips from their sheathes and gripped them tightly. It was a familiar feeling and a warm sensation spread through my body from head to toe. I felt better and the nausea was dampened.

"Equip the blades."

I obeyed. Their weight was something I would have to get used to but other than that I felt confident. I could do this even with Levi looking.

"Fire the grappling-hooks into that tree but don't take off yet."

I glanced over my shoulder to see where he was pointing at and did my best to try to avoid his gaze. I aimed towards the humongous tree to my left and pulled the main triggers in the handgrips, making two metal pieces shoot out from each side of my hips. The hissing noise of the steel wires made the hairs in my neck stand erect and I shivered in anticipation as the hooks soared through the air. They seemed to be travelling for an eternity but not more than a second could have passed as they dug into one of the tree's lower branches. I couldn't stop myself from grinning.

"Can I try it now?" I asked, glad that my voice had returned to normal.

"Listen now, stupid." I rolled my eyes at his condescending tone. He, too, was back to normal. "You won't stray from the course. The brats have put up some 'titans' for you to kill, though I won't tell you how many. Don't miss any and don't use up too much of your gas since what you've got carrying right now is what you'll have to work with. Kirstein will be your partner but consider him as horrible company and not a comrade. He will neither fight nor help you but you must still defend him from the aberrants."

"'Aberrants'?" I repeated, feeling anxious at the word. Even my brother had been hesitant to tell stories about them.

Levi snorted. "The rest of the brats will be aberrants and rush against you. You aren't allowed to attack them so the only way to get them off your back is to finish the course. The longer you take, the more of them will come after you and if they manage to catch Kirstein's cape, you fail."

I swallowed. Isn't this a bit too hard? I'm pretty much single against three and I must kill all these titans on the way.

"Got it?"

"Sure," I replied. I itched to be rubbing my hands together but the handgrips hindered me.

"Then get going. Kirstein knows the route. Let's see if you're still up for the Maneuvering Gear."

His mocking tone sparked a flare inside of me. I took a deep, calming breath before I kicked off the ground and clenched down on the secondary triggers in my handgrips.

Please, let me make it.