Rated M for: Detailed descriptions of gore.

Chapter 14: Cracks

"Take care of the wounded first!"

I was blinking and rubbing my eyes to adjust to the humanly lit wall. I couldn't tell when exactly night had ensued but judging by my shivering body and numb skin, I guessed that it had been a couple of hours ever since. More voices, both comprehensible and mere mutterings of pain, joined with the first one and flickering torches danced across the concrete, shedding their warm light over the area. The wooden platforms were hoisted or being hoisted to the ledge on the southern—the titans'—side of the wall, and horses and men staggered out of them with blank, hollow looks across their faces, their sheathes shockingly empty and their clothes battered and soiled. I paled as the last elevator was raised.

They were so few.

"Help me with the horses!" screamed a tall, elderly man, most likely a veteran officer, while urgently putting a vacant hand to his mouth to amplify his deep voice. His other hand was clenched around two reins, matching two dark, sweaty horses. "We need to gather them and find some water!"

"I need a medic!" shrieked a red-haired woman, the beam of the torches breathing fire into her hair. Her large eyes were as round as a bird's and her gray shirt and brown trousers were drenched in blood; she dragged the limp, broken shape of a man after her, painting a glistening red trail after her. Both wore the emblem of the Military Police. "Please, he's hurt!"

I shakily got to my feet at the latter even though my eyes had already analyzed and concluded the facts of what I initially had thought: her lover was already dead. Nothing I did would reverse such a permanent sentence, but perhaps I could console her.

I started towards her, hope lighting up her blue eyes, but I had to look away when I spotted Eren and Jacob lower Mikasa on top of a stretcher. The girl's black hair was oily and damp and her eyelids were drooping, but she couldn't have looked more content at seeing Eren by her side. I, too, was relieved at seeing him all well and intact and trusted Jacob to be able to handle the two. Armin and Jean were also by their friend's weak form, as well as two more recruits I knew not the name of. Jean was the only one who seemed visibly injured and looked like he had taken a good pummeling; he held a soaked cloth to his split lips and acknowledged me with a hasty wave with his left hand, catching Eren's attention. The brown-haired boy turned to face me and a mutual amount of solace illuminated his dazzling emerald eyes, almost making me blush. Mikasa's dark gaze also switched to mine and she greeted me with the slightest nod, her half-lidded eyes somehow able to convey her satisfaction over Eren's return. I responded with a stiff smile; I became anxious at her stillness and watched as Jacob called a soldier to his side to help lift the girl into a wagon. Mikasa opened her mouth to protest but Armin put a gentle hand on her arm and shook his head, silencing her in an instant.

A proud, blond figure suddenly slumped, his left hand releasing a torch and his dirty gear clattering as it collided with the concrete. Four officers, all of the Survey Corps, sprung to his shrunk posture and one of them barked: "Commander, can you hear me? Sir?!"

Everyone whirled to see Erwin Smith's collapse. I was the fastest to recover from my shock and gestured for the appalled Jacob to continue with Mikasa while I sprinted towards the fallen man. Eren and Jean, too, rose to start towards their commander but Armin stopped both of them, mumbling something I was too distracted to hear. It didn't matter; I had only one goal in mind for now.

I grabbed the water bottle bouncing against my hip—only to remember that Hange had emptied it. Frustrated, I violently tossed it aside, not caring if the stupid thing slid over the ledge, and knelt by Erwin's side. His broad shoulders were quivering in an overzealous attempt to suppress any signs of pain and my eyes widened in dismay as I noticed the sickening void where his right arm should have been. Blood as thick as syrup, semi-coagulated yet bound to gravity's rules, dripped down on the concrete and I fought down the urge to retch. The officers eyed me suspiciously as I swallowed and mustered as steady a voice as possible.

"Get a wagon here," I ordered them, surprising even myself with how composed I sounded. "Fetch some water; bandage, compressors, cloth—anything, to strangle the blood flow."

My eyes darted towards the torch. For a moment, I considered burning the wound shut but then quickly dismissed the notion as I concluded that I had no adequate tools, no metal plate to heat up and press against the bleeding. Holding the cut off—or as I reckoned with a queasy stomach, devoured—arm directly into the flames would do no good but cause even more pain.

The creaking wheels of the wagon roused me from my musing and I swiftly backed away from the commander as he was carried and placed into the small space, his gear also being disconnected from his back. Two of the officers remained on the wall to organize the chaotic remains of the once large group while I accompanied the other pair down to the ground, my hands working to cover the severe injury with an insufficient bandage roll and someone's Survey Corps-cape. We were silent, unable and unwilling to speak lest we missed if Erwin's labored breathings would cease.

I was too busy to remember to be afraid of our dubious position on the elevator and also happy I had taken the opportunity to relax earlier. The two officers, one a petite woman in her later years and the other a gaunt man twice her size, fell asleep after only minutes on the bumpy road, their weariness succeeding over the rough path, and I found their even breathing oddly reassuring to listen to. I constantly checked Erwin's temperature, the tightly wrapped injury and his pulse, carefully maneuvering from my tiny spot in the corner of the wagon to where my patient rested. He, too, was thoroughly spent and couldn't have cared less about my anxious tugging at his wrapping or my cold touches.

At least a dozen more carriages trailed behind us, probably acquired from the stable I had seen at the foot of the wall, but all was spookily quiet. Nobody spoke or cried or complained. The torches were able to illuminate the ominous dark but that was all; a suffocating sense of dread filled the air, exuding from the soldiers that were still awake, and I wrinkled my nose as I reluctantly breathed it in, filling my system with the disgusting feeling of having missed something major. The weary soldiers had, without doubt, survived a tremendously horrible experience and I wished I could ask someone about it, curious to know what he or she had found beyond Wall Rose, but my instincts told me to refrain. I decided to obey, even though my brain heatedly protested.

At least Eren's back, I pondered as I curled into a protective ball, allowing Erwin and the two officers as much room as possible. The stout woman muttered something as she craned her neck to the other side and stretched out her legs on the now vacant spot, her feet knocking into my thighs. I tried not to care but it was hard; her boots were caked in what I at first had thought was mud, but what I now saw was a mixture of dried blood, dirt and mashed intestines. The crimson sullied my black trousers and something awfully similar to hair stubbornly stuck to the garment. I felt bile rise in the back of my throat but swallowed it, well aware that I needed to be strong. And the fact that I wouldn't have any water to cleanse myself with also helped me push down the urge.

I inhaled with my mouth, sipping down more of the ambient fear that enveloped the party, but the scent of iron fused with something rotting and sweet still managed to permeate my defense and made my stomach forcefully demonstrate against the sensation. I automatically raised a hand to cover my pursed lips when I suddenly realized that the bandages had come off. A shudder rolled down my spine as I blinked and held up both of my hands until the glow of a torch caught on my skin and I could have my observation confirmed.

The skin on my palms had healed.

I don't believe it, I thought and instantly buried my hands in the crease of my folded legs, digging them deep between the warm flesh until my fingertips grazed against each other. I clenched my legs together and desperately tried to forget what I had seen. Thus far, I had been able to somewhat ignore what Hange had told me. It had been easy to think of "Sera" as someone I knew merely through her, a friend of a friend, but now that I literally was staring proof right in its ugly face, I no longer knew what to think.

Should I reveal what I know? I wondered. Should I forget about Sebastian and the consequences and just tell everyone the atrocious truth?

I hesitantly allowed my dull fingers some space and sneakily peeked at them, immediately feeling nauseous when I saw the flawless skin. There wasn't even a scar left to remind me of what had happened. I remained as petrified until we reached Hermiha some hours after the break of dawn, although I occasionally recalled Erwin's critical state and surveyed him every now and then. I couldn't even enjoy the freedom I felt outside the walled districts or witness the change of twilight, the magical moment when night and day was equally present and the moon and the stars for once competed with the sun's relentless shine.

I was too afraid.

The great southern gate of Hermiha closed with an echoing thump after the last carriage and the already rather populated square we had entered was quickly enveloped with our glumness, troops from the Military Police and Garrison awaiting our arrival. The sun was almost in zenith but I was still cold to my very bones.

Frightened eyes regarded us from obscure windows and alleys. The first thing I did after the wagon came to a sluggish halt was to push my way through the two dozing officers and scream after some much needed bandage, since Erwin's had bled through. My call roused some life into the morose party and soldiers from all the three military branches mingled as they assisted in every way possible, unloading wagons of injured and bringing large water barrels and baskets of bandage rolls. The forces that had been guarding Hermiha were initially stunned at our small number and even though they fervently inquired to what had occurred outside the safety of the walls, I heard nobody who answered. Rapid footsteps over cobblestone and rough, determined orders filled the town plaza, joining with the horrified wails as someone discovered that his or her friend, family or lover had deceased in the most terrifying way possible: in the jaws of a titan.

Erwin was still unconscious by the time our carriage driver was replaced with someone who knew the city well and steered him and the two nameless officers towards the nearest clinic, escorted by a needlessly large squad. I declined the invitation to follow along but only because I caught sight of the most annoying and irresistible person I had ever had the misfortune to meet.

Levi was still wearing his expensive black suit, although I guessed that he had changed shirt once again. His ebony hair was neatly arranged in a typical hairstyle and the white cravat around his neck furthermore accentuated his proper appearance, clearly separating him from the crowd. He stood shorter than most but didn't have to veer away from his course one bit: nobody dared to cross his path and I, too, would have stepped to avoid him if it weren't for the fact that he was aiming straight for me. His silvery eyes locked with mine and the frigid hostility caught me off guard; I had forgotten how absolutely daunting he was and what cruel effect that piercing gaze of his had on my easily persuaded heart.

His gorgeous lips turned into a sneer when he reached me. People were open-mouthedly glaring at us, not even caring to conceal their astonishment at seeing "Humanity's Strongest" approach a mere mortal like me. Neither did they disguise their sympathy at the palpable tension that surrounded me and Levi. In closer proximity, I saw the dark crescents beneath his eyes, indicating his lack of sleep, and I fleetingly wondered how many pots of tea he had consumed for his gaze to remain as intrusive as ever.

"Now, don't you look like a pile of shit," Levi scoffed, his voice as sharp as the edge of a blade. He folded his arms over his chest, weighing on his right foot, and scrutinized me from head to toe. "What fucking disaster did Shitty-glasses drag you into?"

Before I was able to answer, he spotted the blood on my pants and pointed a slender finger in the same direction. "And what the fuck's that supposed to be?" he snarled. "Did you have some half-assed picnic with jam sandwiches out there?"

I rolled my eyes. It felt unusual to be able to direct my frustration at someone and I was, for a second, relieved to release some fumes. I preferred anger rather than confusion, as much as it proved Levi right by calling me hot-headed.

"Not at all. And I'm fine, thanks for asking," I replied in an aggressive tone and shoved my hands into my pockets, away from his perceptive eyes. "Seems you and I've established some kind of standard salutation already."

Levi scowled, making my heart skip a beat. "What happened?"

I shook my head and felt my ponytail disentangle itself again. "I don't have time to talk to you right now," I truthfully answered as my eyes scanned the square. I easily spotted Jacob with his conspicuous hairdo and heavily-framed spectacles but Mira was nowhere to be found. Apart from the those two, I saw no other medical officers and even though I trusted that most of the soldiers were trained paramedics according to standard military education, I knew that my presence would be appreciated.

But obviously, Levi begged to differ.

"Tsk. Don't even try," he snapped and grabbed my elbow. "Where's Four-eyes?"

I swallowed and returned to Levi, his touch causing my knees to weaken. "Hurt," I uttered, dismay coloring my voice.

The ice in his silvery eyes immediately hardened. "How 'hurt'?" he demanded.

"Pretty badly," I confessed, exhaling in the same breath. "But she refuses to admit it. Both she and Mikasa need help whether you want it or not." Frowning, I yanked away from him and started towards Jacob. "My assistance is required."

"Wait."

I spun around, my eyes widening at his tone. He had almost, just almost, sounded genuinely concerned. If it was for Hange or Mikasa, I did not know, but it piqued my interest nonetheless.

Levi's countenance was a handsome, emotionless guise, and his voice similarly as unreadable as he asked, "How are you?"

My throat immediately constricted with emotions. "I-I'm alright," I awkwardly stuttered, my cheeks reddening. I think, I silently added.

"Really?" His black eyebrows gracefully arched and he wearily took a step closer to me. "Sera—" I cringed, "—you're trembling."

I instinctively stiffened. "No, I'm not," I disagreed.

It sounded like a question. Levi reached for my arm again, a look of grave determination setting his features in stone, and I frivolously attempted to get away from his grasp even though I was well aware of how far superior his reflexes were compared to mine. He managed to seize my wrist and, in the process, clumsily pulled up my right hand from its burrow in my trousers. His eyes narrowed into slits as he noticed the mended skin and I froze in fear, terrified and appalled of what he would think.

"Your hands," he spoke, his voice too low for me to discern any specific emotions, "they've healed."

"I-I don't know how," I murmured, dread quickly debilitating my annoyance. "I didn't even notice it until we were on the road."

Levi examined my hand for a second longer, his slender fingers clenching around my forearm like a vice, but then abruptly let go and straightened. He raked a hand through his perfect hair and discreetly glanced from side to side.

"We cannot talk about that here," he said, finally taking note of our audience. The number had dwindled but some were still staring at us, most likely profusely amazed that I hadn't been mutilated yet. "Where did you send Erwin?"

"To the closest clinic," I quietly replied. "Please, you cannot tell anyone about this," I added in a plea, raising my hand towards him. "Especially not Hange."

He frowned and I instantly retracted my arm. "You know I can't promise that," he remarked. Shitty-glasses needs to know. We all need to know what's happening to you."

"Please," I tried again, my voice breaking. "Please, Levi."

His silvery eyes were solemn and clear like the surface of a still lake. I feared large amounts of water and I somewhat feared Levi—no, what he was capable of; the combined similarity should have terrified me but I strangely enough found myself lost in the contradiction of their shallows and depths.

Levi broke off and turned to face the direction Erwin had been taken. "I'll find you later," he coolly answered before splitting the crowd like a dark shadow, the soldiers dodging him as if he were a dangerous predator—a mixture of awe, respect and fright flashing across their faces—, and disappeared down the avenue. A piece of me was happy that he had left and commenced to soothe my rapidly beating heart while another part of me, a substantially stronger and larger part, longed for his continued presence. I didn't realize it until Mira shouted my name and dragged me back into the horridness of the situation, but Levi somehow made me feel a tad safer in this havoc of human life.

Armin was already sleeping by the time I found the right door. His soft breaths filled the obscure room with a comfortable aura and I felt myself automatically relax as I closed and locked after me, careful to step over the messily arranged 3DMG on the floor. My fatigued limbs slumped down on the only other bed and I stripped down and changed into a fresh set of clothes without caring much if the boy was feigning his slumber or not: I was too tired to even bother. With an exhale, I disentangled the damp towel from my hair and threw it aside before crawling beneath the sheets, ignorant to the fact that I was soaking the pillow.

It had taken all afternoon to take care of the wounded, write my short report of the "expedition" and help cleaning up the town square. To say that I was exhausted was an inadequate and much too gentle statement. I was thoroughly spent and wished nothing more than to sleep a day or two, but as soon as unconsciousness began tugging at the edges of my mind, someone just had to disrupt the appreciated development.

Knock, knock.

Curt and authoritative. I had an idea who it was even before I staggered towards the door, seeing as Armin didn't even react to our probing guest.

"W-wha… what is it?" I fumbled, peering through the gap I allowed between the door and the door frame. The hallway was only lit with a few occasional candles but I still had to blink a couple of times before I regained my normal vision. Seeing Levi's deadpanned visage made my mood sour and I had to resist the urge to slam the door in his face since, after all, I had asked him what he wanted.

"We need to talk. In private."

Great, I thought as I numbly met his gaze. His silvery eyes glimmered maliciously as he saw my hesitant shape and after a brief suspense, I sighed in resignation. "Fine, let me just grab my boots."

He patiently waited without an ugly comment and I was surprised at his silent demeanor as we exited the cramped inn and strolled down an empty alley. The evening was young, yet not inflicted by the dark of the night, but awfully lifeless. The whole city seemed sunken in despair and I could taste it in the air, a bittersweet corruption that seeped from the buildings. As much as I believed what Hange had mentioned earlier, I, too, was afraid that the Garrison had missed a crack somewhere and that there actually were titans inside Wall Rose, waiting, biding their time to launch an attack. I knew that there were no confirmed sources or documents that proved titans as intelligent, thinking beings, but the fear of the unknown was still rooted in me as a pure instinct. We knew too little about our foes to take them for granted.

Levi halted and turned around, his eyes clawing into mine. "I wasn't able to talk to either Erwin or Shitty-glasses," he announced in a neutral voice. "They've been out of it since you arrived."

"How are they?" I earnestly wondered, nervously rubbing my hands together.

"They'll manage." He averted his gaze. "It's kind of fucking weird seeing Erwin without an arm."

I nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah."

There was an awkward pause. I intertwined my fingers and rolled on my heels, grimacing slightly at the strain I felt through my legs. Levi didn't speak. We remained at a casual talking distance from each other, politely allowing the other person enough space to not feel invaded, but there was still tension in the air.

Electricity.

"So," I began as I glanced up at the clear sky. "What was it you wanted? Or did you call me out just to irritate me?"

He snorted. "There are many things I'd much rather waste time on than pestering you, stupid."

I expected him to continue but he stayed quiet. I took a deep breath; I didn't want to talk about it but I was unable restrain myself. His previous words had haunted me ever since he had uttered them and I needed some clarity.

"Levi, about earlier." I swallowed, hard. "Did you mean it?"

"Are you wondering about what I said before you idiots took off?"

I reluctantly lowered my gaze. His eyes were as cold as always and he stood with his hands in his pockets, gracefully radiating both confidence and nonchalance with a single pose. It felt wrong of me to press the issue but my heart begged for it. And in all honesty, so did my brain.

"Yes," I whispered, afraid of talking too loud.

We looked at each other in silence for almost a minute before he warily approached me. I tried to back away from him but my body had gone rigid in anticipation and fear. The air grew heavier and more dense with his every step and I found it gradually harder to breathe, an invisible weight burdening my chest. A thousand different thoughts rushed through my mind, some leaving larger prints than others, but I was unable to make sense of even one of them as a warm hand tentatively cupped my cheek. My nose was filled with the faint smell of tea, damp hair and aftershave; I automatically leaned into his calloused palm, my eyes fluttering shut, and couldn't help but to sigh in relief. His touch erased all my stress, frustration and dread in an instant and I enjoyed the feeling so much that I didn't even care about how angry this should have made me.

"I meant every damn word."

I opened my eyes. His silvery globes were uncharacteristically soft, which further brought out their unnatural shine, and his angular, chiseled features were relaxed for once. "I just want to keep you safe," he went on, his voice low. The pad of his thumb tenderly circulated my cheekbone and he tucked a wet strand of hair behind my ear with his other hand. "Is it really too much to ask for?"

I soaked my lips, trembling beneath his gentle contact. "B-but why?" I stuttered. "Why do you care so much about me?"

Levi arched his slim brows and skeptically scrutinized me. "Is that really a question worth answering?" he coolly parried. "Didn't think you'd be that stupid."

"I need confirmation," I meekly admitted. My cheeks flushed with color as his eyes narrowed. "I need to know I'm not just imagining things up."

He snorted lightly before leaning even closer to me, thus deleting the last barrier of air between us. His soundless breaths warmed my skin, making the hairs on my neck stand on edge, and pushed my heart into an unhealthily irregular and rapid pace. Every fiber of me burned as if on fire, a raging inferno consuming all common sense, but my movements were calm and practiced.

We were no strangers. We had done this before.

My hands moved of their own will and so did Levi's, and we greedily started examining each other's bodies with a savage hunger when a voice suddenly screamed at me to get it together, push him away and run. I roused from my dreamlike state as another call reminded me of all the pain he had caused me and I stiffened when a third presented how shamefully cowardly and weak I was who gave in so easily. I stubbornly, childishly tried to make the rioting notions disappear into the deepest part of my mind—I needed this, I needed him—but reason had already brought me down from my high and I knew I would regret kissing him.

Levi's lips were skimming mine, barely separated by a hair's width, when I abruptly shoved him away with both hands. He stumbled back but I didn't wait to see if he fell; I was already sprinting down the alley and back onto the open avenue, immediately finding the inn. My vision was blurry with tears as I scrambled upstairs, brusquely pushing past two female soldiers from the Military Police, and slammed open the door to my room. Too late, I realized that Armin was sharing it with me and I murmured a weak apology to the boy who instantly sat up and watched me with anxious, blue eyes. I locked the door behind me, kicked off my boots and dashed into the vacant mattress, happy to be able to hide my face even if it meant burying it in a wet heap of cloth. Hugging my saturated pillow closer, I counted the seconds until Armin's subtle snores resumed and only then did I allow myself to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart.