The votes are in! Sophitz face it together wins! YAY!
Shout outs to:
To Willow, Annicat, and Sugarspice: YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND! IT'S HAPPENING! SOPHITZ! Thank you all so much for reviewing it meaning the world to this little writer's heart!
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee: Whew, I literally just counted all those e's. Fifteen, impressive. Thank you so much. You have no idea how happy I get when people say they like the story because you always doubt your own work so thank you! I hope you like this chapter!
BookButterfly11: AHHHHHHHHHH! THE EXCLAIMATION MARK ARE-TOO-MUCH-AHHHHH! Jk Jhave I ever told you your reviews are so much fun to read? They are! Like I never thought someone could get so excited over my writing! So THANK YOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU THANK YOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU! I'm so sorry/not sorry for the cliff hanger, I mean, wait until you find out what happens next! (hehehe) Definitely not a good idea to put your sanity in my hands though…just sayin'. Here's that update, hope you like it!
Pen . edge: Hi again! Yeah, it is kinda weird responding to you on here cause we just talked buuuttttt…HI! Just gonna say, you will have to find out for your self on that whole interpretation thing though…cause SPOILERS! But I really hope your soul doesn't dissolve…that would be rather unfortunate…I think I would cry! As for the structure, yeah that was on purpose, to show all the change in Sophie's emotional state that was happening. It also looks like Sophitz is happening but don't worry, I love Luc too much to just get rid of him…or do I? Guess we will have to see. And as far as coauthoring, yay we're writing a story! WOO WOO! Thanks for being so awesome that you responded!
SophieFosterRuewen: OHMYSWEETGOODNESS REALLY!? YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW SWEET THAT IS TO SAY I WRITE LIKE SHANNONI MEAN SHE IS LIKE MY IDOL! ASDDFGHADFHJ! Sorry about that.And forkle was intentional, as was Luc's awesomeness! Thank you so much for reviewing, and especially for liking my story!
JoySeph13: I don't know, is he? THAT WOULD BE SO COOL CAUSE HIS DYING REALLY HURT ME HERE TOO! TO AVIOD NOT-LITERAL-BUT-JUST-AS-PRESSING-DEATH I HAVE UPDATED! Thank you so much for reviewing!
Guest: Well, to be perfectly honest I don't know how to shout out to that. I feel like it disserves something passionate but simple…how about THANK YOU AND DITTO, DUDE, DITTO.
A special thanks to anyone who favorite/followed! I love all you guys!
When Sophie had agreed to work with Fitz to help them in the fight against the Neverseen, she had not had this in mind. Forming trust shouldn't be necessary to fighting bad guys. Really, how was knowing each other's deepest secrets going to change anything when it came to fighting an Elvin evil rebellion?
However Tiergan had insisted he would only help them fight if he felt Sophie had been adequately prepared for the struggle she was going to endure. Apparently, if Sophie and Fitz could form a mental bond strong enough, it could strengthen her own mind to resist Gisela, so there they were.
Over the past couple weeks while Sophie mentally prepared for the oncoming battle the Black Swan physically prepared. Well, expanded their forces, that is. Tiergan was one of many elves who had selflessly agreed-or volunteered like Grady- to fight along side the infamous rebels.
But despite the near-future fight, Sophie was having trouble forming the necessary mental bonds with Fitz. She had been too closed off for too long. She wasn't ready to spill her heart out.
More specifically she wasn't ready to adhere to the task at hand, the biggest hurdle they had yet to breach, which was fear.
Tiergan had said fear would be her undoing that fear was what Gisela would feed off of. Sophie was supposed to share her fears with Fitz, as he would with her, but she wasn't ready.
And apparently neither was he.
Because he was being even quieter than her, not once saying they should start like he usually did.
There seemed to be some sort of unspoken agreement not to make eye contact or acknowledge each other's existence at all.
And she certainly wasn't going to be the first to break it.
Which three hours later in the same positions felt pretty stupid.
Sophie wiped her hands on her knees, grimacing at her squeaky voice when she finally spoke, "Fitz…maybe we should just call it a day… I mean, look at us…" He voice trailed off.
Fitz shook his head, as if coming out of a trance. "No. No! We-" he paused as if trying to think of what he wanted to say. "Sophie, you're scared, and I'm scared too. Admitting stuff like this, isn't easy, if it were easy everyone would do it. But with all those fears we have out there, each other isn't one of them."
He held his hands out but Sophie hesitated to take them. What would he find if she let him in?
"I can't just tell you. It's deeper than that and you know it. It's more fundamental. I would have to let you in, you would have to feel what I feel, experience it, live it to understand it. I'm not sure I'm ready for that." Fitz reached out and took her hands in his, and looked directly at her.
It was amazing that after all that had happened, his beautiful teal eyes were still just as captivating, that they still made her heart race. "You think I'm not scared too? Sophie, my whole world has changed too, everything. I'm terrified to share those fears because it makes them so much more real. But we're doing it together. You and me. And we agree that, as a team, we can't just out and say our greatest fears right?"
"Yeah but what else are we supposed to do?"
He smiled, "Nothing. Just…open our minds. Don't try to talk to each other, don't try to tell each other what it is, just leave your mind open for access. Don't think to me, just follow the fear, and trust me, the other person will know."
She wasn't sure. "You think it will work?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. But it's better than sitting around hoping we will bond through osmosis. I can go first if you want."
Sophie shook her head. "No…no, if I'm going to do this it has to be now before I chicken out."
"Okay just…remember you're not alone…Good luck." He leaned over and kissed her forehead before sitting down and nodding once in reassurance. Time to begin.
…
Searching through your own mind is not fun. Especially when you have almost fifteen years of perfect memories. Because once you get to the bad ones, it's like living them all over again.
Once Sophie was surrounded by her worst memories, she dug deeper, until she was simply surrounded by the emotions of those memories. There, she decided she was ready. She knew Fitz could feel her fear at that moment, but she was ready to explain it. She was ready.
In their true bodies Fitz squeezed her hand, and that little bit of assurance gave her enough courage to begin. To admit her deepest fears not only to Fitz, but to herself.
…
I used to think I was a freak. I used to spend hours upon hours agonizing over why I was different. Why me? People used to tell me I was wrong, that I was perfect just the way that I was. I was special. No one bothers saying that anymore. I long for the days when I was wrong.
I used to be a highly intelligent human with overprotective parents. I thought being a social outcast with an odd ability was as bad as it would get for me.
Then I was an elf. I was different; I was something new in a society of constants. It made me something strangely exotic to be admired from afar. I thought the worst it would get was everyone knowing of me, but no one-myself included- truly knowing me.
Next I was a captive, the one that was taken. I was isolated, threaten, tortured, and starved. I thought the worst it would ever get was to be there forever, to be forgotten by those I loved.
But then I was an elf wearing a human mask, living another's life. I had a human's family, lived someone else's life, and fell in love with someone believing my own lie. My biggest fear was that I had lost something of myself. My biggest fear was that I had forgotten something crucial to who I was.
Then I was broken. I remembered when I saw someone I loved die, and my world splintered as I shattered. My biggest fear was the truth.
Now I am a warrior. I fight because I can't function through anything else. I may fight for a noble cause, but that is not the reason why I do it. I fight because I have turned myself into a freak and an outcast. I have secluded myself, changed myself. My loved ones have lost me, and I have forgotten myself. I fight because all my worst fears have come true and one worst of all has emerged. My worst fear is that all this change that has plagued my life will stop, that my life will be stuck like this forever. My worst fear is that everyone I care about will have to suffer through this demented reality with me, because of me. My worst fear is failing and causing everyone unending suffering and not being able to stop it.
Sophie…I-I just-I'm so sorry.
She had almost forgotten he was there. But she was so glad he was.
But she also couldn't stay there.
She retreated out of her mind and felt the enormity of what she had just went through overwhelm her as she collapsed to the ground. She was surprised to have landed on something soft, and it only took her a moment to figure out she was wrapped in Fitz's arms. Fitz was there to catch her, and she hadn't felt as safe as she did with him in months.
"Sophie, I'll always be here to catch you when you fall." He whispered, and she knew he meant it.
But…something must have changed because she definitely had not said that out loud. Judging by the look on his face he had heard that too…Or felt it. Tiergan had said they would be bonded in indescribable ways once they took down their walls for each other, and she couldn't feel Fitz in the same way because he hadn't broken down his walls yet.
But none of that seemed very important at the moment as all Sophie could do was curl tighter into Fitz's arms and cry as he rocked her back and forth. Reliving her worst fears just made them all the more real. Brought all her negative feelings to surface, and there were a lot of those feelings.
Fitz held her gently but tightly, whispering in her ear, "Sophie you are the strongest, bravest, kindest, most beautiful person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. When you were human you didn't belong not because you were a freak but because you were so much more than all of them. When you first learned you were an elf people were scared. When you were gone everything was a little bit darker, like the brightest star in the sky was gone. But no one ever gave up on you, and no one will ever forget you.
"It's impossible to not be changed by what you've been through. It's impossible to not be scarred. Physically and mentally. And it's even understandable that you feel like you don't know yourself. But I do. And I know without a doubt that you are not broken. You do have a future, Sophie, a good one. You're loved, Sophie, you're not alone.
"And you don't have to carry the weight of the world alone. You're barely fifteen; it's okay to be vulnerable or to need help once in a while.
"I can't promise a happy ending, nor can I guarantee everyone is going to make it out in one piece…Keefe is proof of that… But I can promise we are going to face them together, and I promise you, if we fail, it is not your fault. This isn't your responsibility. You had this thrust upon you, and you may have special abilities, but it is not your fault how any of this ends. Okay?"
Sophie reached out and wiped a tear from his cheek. In that moment she allowed herself to believe him and she felt better than she had since before Keefe died. She let herself forget for a moment how bad everything had gotten, and how bad it was going to get. She let herself forget what she would have to do, about how confused she was about everything, about Luc, about everything. She felt a bit like the girl she was before the world had scarred and maimed her. Fitz had a way of making her feel that way, like nothing else mattered.
For a little bit, nothing did.
"Fitz?"
"Hmm?"
"As much as I'd love to stay here, like this, we need to finish."
Silence.
Then a sigh.
Then an answer. "Okay. Let's get started then." Sophie moved to get out of his lap but he stopped her, "It's nicer this way, don't you think?" So she stayed.
…
The conscious mind is complex, it is not just one world, but layers upon layers of memories, emotion, thoughts and knowledge, abilities and powers. To get where they had to get where they needed to be Sophie had to get to Fitz's deepest layer, which is about as difficult as it sounds.
Traveling past memories and feeling their emotions associated with them, Sophie felt herself experiencing Fitz's life, knowing him in a way no one else did.
But behind every joyful memory hide an underlying darkness Sophie never could have imagined was inside of Fitz. Not evil darkness, and it certainly wasn't his prominent emotion, but it was still overwhelming.
Sophie was ready to cry once she felt all his fear in one spot. But he was ready to speak, so she let him. This was his chance to be weak, so she had to be strong.
People…have always had high expectations for me. I come from a prominent family that has been a major part of every historical event since pretty much the beginning of time. Everyone saw me as that legacy.
Everyone expected me to be perfect at everything and for the longest time I just wanted to prove the right. I felt like any failure would disappoint everyone, like I would be a disgrace. I tried so hard to be who they thought I was that I practiced day and night to have the control over my telekinesis and telepathy and light leaping that I do. Since people expected it, I was afraid to even tell them that I had worked for it.
When my dad had asked for my help finding you I did it to impress him. Keefe was really my only friend who I could be myself with because every one else saw me for something I wasn't. For so much of my life I was terrified to not be the perfect elf everyone expected me to be.
But then came you, and you came in and despite what everyone said about you, you never changed who you were for them. You were different, but in a good way. You made me feel like I wasn't so alone, like I didn't have to change who I was.
But then you were kidnapped, and everyone thought you were dead. Living as an elf no one ever fears death. It's kind of like, don't be stupid enough to die and you won't, so nobody did. But you were gone and nothing felt the same, I couldn't stop worrying about who was next? I wanted to protect everyone from an invisible enemy. I was afraid of losing more people.
Then I found out you were alive, and I found out about all the lies and the conspiracies. My life had always been constant. I was going to graduate, fall in love, become and Emissary or maybe a keeper. I was going to live my life in the perfect Elvin world. But then I found out the council was ignorant and blind, the social system wasn't fair at all, and that elves are not nearly as peacefully perfect as we claim to be. So I was scared that the life I've lived was a lie and the life I want is unattainable.
And honestly, I'm scared of death. It's unnatural for a person full of life to just…stop. What's after that? Where is Keefe now? Because I miss him like a part of me is just gone. I couldn't bear it if another person is gone too. I'm scared of dying, and I'm terrified of living just to see the Wandering Woods grow.
…
This time he wasn't holding me for my comfort, he was holding me like I was his Ella after I first moved to the Lost Cities, and I held him right back.
I could feel everything he was, knew what he was thinking. It was like we were two people, but one power. Everything was different; it was like he was an irreplaceable part of me now. Or maybe the reason that the bond worked was because he had always been a part of me.
Either way, as I held him, I knew, and I knew that he knew too, that what ever came next, we would face it together.
Hey so Pen . edge and I have published a collaboration story!
*gasps* WHAT!? Two of my favorite fan fiction authors in one story? Is it possible?! Will the universe implode from all this awesomeness in one place!?
Only time will tell! Go check it out cause I am so excited for you guys to see it! It's called "Love Obscured" by our joint name "Awesomely Edgy" (cool names right? No?! Humph, well I think so. )
Have an awesome reading time! J
(I will bribe you with virtual cookies if you read our new story!)