"Never again!" Jane exclaimed, throwing her handbag down on the table. She pulled off her coat and scarf and threw then down beside her bag. "I don't care if Pepper does give me the PIN number to the Amex Black - never again!"
"Come now, Jane, surely it was not so very bad?" Thor asked, opening a packet of chips and pouring them into a bowl and offering the snack to Jane.
"After that, I do not want children. It completely puts me off having children," she grumbled, taking a handful of chips.
"Now, now, let us not rush into things," Thor said soothingly.
"Ah, you're back, Jane. How'd it go?" Tony asked, entering and heading over to the fridge.
"It was horrible! Uh! It was the worst. Seriously. Oh my god. It was just - the worst."
Tony took the milk out of the fridge and flicked the switch for the jug. "Can't be that bad," Tony said, giving Thor a wink when Jane wasn't looking. Thor bit his lip to stop himself from smirking.
"I mean, it really only could have been worse if I had taken Loki too!" Jane exclaimed, "Sorry, Thor."
"That is fine," the Asgardian said, brushing chip crumbs from his mouth, "My brother always caused stress for our mother whenever she tried to get him new garments fitted. If it wasn't black or green, he wasn't interested."
"So what did your mother do?" Tony asked, searching for his favourite mug.
"You saw my brother. She gave in of course. Loki harboured particularly strong views on what garments he would wear, and that was that."
"Thor, that story really isn't helpful," Jane said, munching on some chips.
"I did not mean for it to be."
"Ugh," Jane sighed, exasperated, and sat down at the table.
"How many sugars?" Tony asked, having found his mug at the back of the shelf, where Barton had taken to putting it in order to force Tony to stand on tip-toes to reach, and grabbed one for Jane as well.
"Three!" Jane exclaimed. Tony pulled a face at Thor, who nodded back conspiratorially, trying to compress a grin.
"Did you manage to buy what you set out for?" Thor asked, as Tony handed Jane the cup of tea before sitting down opposite her.
"Yes, but my goodness…"
"Surely Darcy was a help?" Thor asked, taking another handful of chips.
"No! No, definitely not!" Jane exclaimed. The boys looked at one another and silently agreed to let her rant. "Ok, I feel as though I have just spent the last almost four hours out shopping in New York City, on the weekend before Thanksgiving, with two giggling teenagers, albeit one with some pretty serious PTSD, personal-identity and body-image issues, who just want candy and to look at sneakers and giggle at ladies underwear and check their watches every ten seconds to make sure that we get home in time for the game, and a five-year-old with a four second attention span!"
"So you killed them all?" Tony asked calmly, sipping his tea.
Jane made an exasperated sigh. "They're all in with Natasha, Clint and Sam and the food watching the game. Seriously though, Tony, next time just get your tailor to come in. Experiencing rush-hour shopping the Sunday before Thanksgiving is not something those guys need to 'experience' in order to understand 21st century life."
"Jane, truly they have run you up the wall," Thor laughed.
"It's not funny!" Jane exclaimed, "It's very stressful. Even with an Amex Black," she said a little sheepishly.
"So you bought Cap and Bucky candy on my Amex?" Tony asked.
"And Darcy," Jane added, "She wanted what the boys were having. We went to M&M World."
"But you got the suits?" Tony said.
"TOUCHDOWN!"
"Already?" Tony asked no one in particular, looking at his watch, "Uh, yeah, nearly fifteen minutes in…"
"Yes. We got the suits," Jane said, ignoring Tony's last comment and the cry coming from down the hallway. "And shirts, and ties, and spare shirts and two alternate ties. And socks and shoes and cologne, and cufflinks,"
"That's excellent," Tony said.
"And a pair of new runners for each of the boys," Jane continued, "And purple Converse for Darcy, and really horrible Christmas sweaters. For all three."
"On my Amex?"
"It's very kind of you, Jane," Thor said, giving Tony a kick, "Few would have the patience."
"Ugh," Jane moaned, "Sometimes I just want to be able to study astro-physical anomalies without all the weirdness!" She stood up, grabbed her cup of tea and marched out of the kitchen.
Tony chuckled, "You owe her, man."
"Did she truly not know what she was getting herself into?" Thor asked, "Not even my mother, who was nothing if not patient, would tackle those crowds with that group of people."
"Ah, don't worry about it," Tony said, "Pep gets mad at me all the time for similar things. Soon it'll just be another funny story. Now let's go watch some fit men run into one another."
Thor smiled, standing up. "She really should have known."
"Of course," Tony said, "Even Natasha bailed out of that task."
"FALSE START!"
"I do not understand that Migardian sport, no matter how many games of it I watch," Thor said, picking up his bowl of chips and following Tony down the hallway.
"OH, COME ON!"
"Just drink beer, eat pizza, yell when the rest of them yell, and you'll be fine, big fella," Tony smiled, patting Thor on the back, "But don't expect your chips to last."