Author's Note: Dude, I feel like I've been updating really fast. It's pretty rad. I apologize for the last couple of chapters- they definitely could have been better and they were rushed. Thanks everyone for the reviews! I totes don't own this even though I want to.
Chapter 11: Machinehead
Alec trained his eyes down towards his fork and knife, mumbling the words to a song. He had a half crazed look in his eye from not blinking. He had been staring at the cutlery placed neatly at intervals on the table for the past half hour, waiting for his father to come back in with his business partners. His siblings were all getting ready for the formal dinner, leaving Alec alone to cook in the kitchen. He had prepared a roast and potatoes as his father had demanded. Alec's thighs were burning and he could see the lines of blood seeping from his wounds into his jeans. He just wanted to die.
Before he had left to meet up with his business partners, he had called Alec into his office. Alec's palms were slick with sweat as he opened the dark wooden door of his father's office. Robert was sitting behind his desk with his hands clasped together in front him with his elbows resting on the hard wooden surface. Alec peeked his head in and cleared his throat. "You wanted to see me?," Alec asked quietly. His father's head snapped up at the sound of his son's voice and he gestured for him to sit down. He cleared his throat before looking at Alec. "Alexander, my colleges will be joining us for dinner tonight. I expect you to act like a good son should. I don't care if you have to act the part, pretend not to be a disappointment to me for one night. They will come here and think we are the perfect family and you will give them no inclination to think otherwise. You will play the part of the perfect son," his father finished with a hard edge to his eyes.
What little bit of confidence that Alec had built up in the last month or so was being ripped apart by his father's words. He nodded, not trusting himself to open his mouth for fear of breaking down in front of his father. "Now, I know that won't be too hard for you. You may leave," he added, looking away from Alec and down at some papers. Alec slowly got up from his chair, turning towards the door. "Oh, and Alexander, make a pot roast. Don't mess it up." Alec stopped for a minute and nodded, still turned towards the door. He finally gathered his wits and left the room.
He numbly walked through the maze of stairs and hallways leading to his room, opening the trap door and climbing up the ladder. His mind was in a haze while his body was moving of its own accord. The next thing he knew, he was on the floor to his bathroom, dragging a razor blade across his thighs. The blood was falling from the wounds onto the white tiles of his bathroom floor.
Why was he brought into this horrible world? He brought nothing but pain and disappointment to his family. He was a destructive force in this universe. He pushed the blade in deeper, wanting to destroy himself. As he tore his skin apart with the sharp edge of the blade, he didn't feel the usual numbing relief that it brought him. Instead, he felt hollow and guilty, wanting to just crawl into a corner and waste away.
Alec laid there on the cold bathroom floor before he decided to get up and fix the dinner for tonight. He bandaged his thighs and headed downstairs, keeping his headphones in. He had a vague realization that he had been playing the same song- Machinehead by Bush- over and over again, but he made no move to change the song. Instead, he focused on the tasks at hand. He only allowed himself to think enough to do the simplest tasks- cutting the vegetables, placing the meat in the stove, breathing. He hated that he had to even cook meat when his family knew how he felt about it. When he was 9 years old, he learned where meat came from. He cried for three days and ever since, he hadn't eaten meat.
And now, here he was, sitting at the table and studying the cutlery on the table. As the blood on his thighs began to spread more, he decided he should change for the dinner as well. He put on the smartest outfit he had- A blue button down and black slacks- and changed his bandages. Just as he came back into the kitchen and pulled out the cooked roast, his father entered the kitchen with two men. The first man had white hair and black eyes. His jawline was hard and his entire physic was threatening. The other man had swampy brown eyes and black hair. His chin was coated with a rather thick beard and his nose sloped crookedly. They both had a very hard edge to their faces, making Alec immediately not trust either man. "Alexander, these are my colleges. This is Mr. Valentine Morgenstern," he said, gesturing towards the man with the white hair," and this is Mr. James Blackheart," he gestured towards the man with the black hair. Morgenstern. So, he was related to Sebastian. He could definitely see the resemblance, not only in their features, but also in the way they clinched their jaws and the steely expression in their eyes. Alec plastered on a fake smile," Hello, it's very nice to meet you both." He shook both of their hands, putting in as much pressure as he could. Valentine was looking at Alec and Alec locked eyes with him until his siblings and mother came into the kitchen.
Alec's mother took the roast off of the counter and her children each carried the sides and sat the food at the center of the table. Alec was seated between Izzy and Jace with Valentine and James in front of them. Max sat next to them, and each parent sat at each end of the table. His mother had pulled out their fancy china for this occasion, the white ones with three rings of dark blue, and Alec repeated the pattern in his head. His father and colleges were currently having a discussion about whatever business proposal he had planned while the rest of the family served themselves. White, blue, white, blue, white, blue, white. Alec only served himself the side dishes. His father looked him dead in the eye. "Aren't you going to have some roast?," the way he said it was not a question. Alec looked over at Izzy and her eyes were wide. He cut off a small piece and put it on his plate. His father looked appeased for the moment and he served himself a portion. White, blue, white, blue, white, blue, white.
The sound of forks scraping across plates filled the air and Alec pushed the meat around on his plate, not eating it. He didn't care what his father said- he wasn't going to change Alec's beliefs. Valentine was currently talking to Izzy about her dance classes that his daughter, Clary, also took. While Izzy was explaining a very complicated routine, Valentine locked eyes with Alec. Alec gulped but held his gaze until Valentine looked away to answer Izzy.
After a discussion of business opportunities, they started discussing their family values. As Alec's father told them total bullshit about how he raised his children, Alec had to bite the inside of his cheek until it bled to keep himself from saying anything. His father began animatedly telling a story about how he had taught Alec to ride a bike. White, blue, white, blue, white, blue, white. When he got to the part about how Alec fell down and he helped him back up, Alec's body stiffened. James looked over at Alec and locked eyes with him. "You and your father have a great relationship. It's quite amazing. It seems like most teenagers nowadays don't respect their parents, what do you think boy?" Alec closed his eyes and took a deep breath. They didn't want to know what he thinks. They didn't want to know about the countless nights without sleep for fear of his father coming in and hurting him. They didn't want to know about how Alec hated himself because of the things that came out of that man's mouth. They didn't want to know about how he just wanted to die most days, because what was the point? His eyes opened and he plastered on another fake ass smile. "Yeah, he's a great dad."
His father and colleges got up from the table to go over some paperwork in his office. Alec let out a huge breath and closed his eyes. He managed to clean up the kitchen and dining room, then excused himself.
As he laid on his bed with his hands holding fistfuls of his hair, something flashed in the corner of his eye. He looked over to see his iPhone lit up, showing that he had a new message. He slid his thumb across the screen. Magnus: Hey sweetums, how's the dinner going? Just thought I would check in. Call me when you can, I miss you ;). Alec smiled when he read the short message and tapped the call button. It rung twice before Magnus answered. "Love!" Alec laughed at his greeting. "Hey Magnus. I just got out of the dinner," Alec replied. "Well, how did it go? You said that your dad was having some partners over or something," Magnus asked, genuinely curious. This was one of the things Alec really loved about him. He always cared about what Alec had to say. "Yeah. They were creepy. I guess the dinner went okay," Alec said. Liar. He hated lying to Magnus, but he didn't want him to freak out and tell anyone. He decided to water down the evening. "I mean, it just kind of sucks when my dad acts like he was so great during my childhood when my parents are gone all the time," Alec said lamely. Magnus made a noise of agreement. "Yeah, you said your parents are always on business trips. It must suck not being able to see them." Alec sighed," You would think so, but it's almost a relief. I don't have to worry about pretending to be someone else or disappointing them or anything. I get to be myself." Magnus laughed. "Alexander, I don't understand why you think your parents wouldn't love you for who you are. You're such a great person, but you worry far too much," Magnus paused," How about I take you out tomorrow on an official date?" Alec smiled wide and nodded fervently before remembering that he was on the phone,"Um, yeah. I'd really like that," He said quietly as a blush appeared on his pale cheeks. "Great, well I'm going to try and get some rest. Goodnight, Sayang," Magnus said. Alec swore he could hear the smile in his voice. "Goodnight Mags." Alec put his phone on his nightstand and laid down. As he drifted off, mischievous smirks and green eyes were on the forefront of his mind.
I feel like this chapter was a little better than the last few. I hope so. Any constructive criticism or review is very welcome! You guys reviewing and connecting with this story that is really close to home just means a lot to me.