Author's Note: I'd like to start off with an apology- it has been far too long since I have updated! There has just been so much going on. Since August, I've been juggling work, highschool, college courses and homework and had been under a tremendous amount of stress- and then my friend lost her battle with cancer and I crumbled under the stress. I'm just so sorry for not updating! I've just been both stressed and heartbroken, but I find this as a way to vent and cope, and I thank you all for being a part of that.

A few people have asked me about the music Alec listens to (the chapters are all named after songs) so I decided to add some links to the songs if you're interested.

Schism - Tool : watch?v=UhjG47gtMCo

Brain Stew - Green Day: watch?v=elnRbeNsNRk

Fuck the System - System of a Down: watch?v=Uu_VuxWCYhQ

Falling Away From Me - Korn: watch?v=2s3iGpDqQpQ

Negative Creep - Nirvana: watch?v=-5ijtz6Du_s

Bullet With Butterfly Wings - Smashing Pumpkins: watch?v=8-r-V0uK4u0

Head Like a Hole - Nine Inch Nails: watch?v=8-r-V0uK4u0

Interstate Love Song - Stone Temple Pilots: watch?v=yjJL9DGU7Gg

Wax Ecstatic - Sponge: watch?v=-NVO3cxTbxg

Careful With That Axe, Eugene - Pink Floyd: watch?v=tMpGdG27K9o

Machinehead - BUSH: watch?v=Er1bwzZCik0

Around My Head - Cage the Elephant: watch?v=TmHZDpvtppU

Hopefully the links work! Review and Favorite/Follow please :]

Chapter 12: Around My Head

Magnus couldn't remember ever feeling quite so anxious before. He kept fiddling with the thin rusty chain inside of his pocket, continuously talking himself in and out of what he wanted.

The morning sun had woken him, shining it's brilliant rays on his tanned skin. As he laid in the twisted yellow duvet, he thought of his Alexander. Where was Magnus supposed to take him today? What if he messed this up? Sighing, he flung the covers off of his thin body and swung his legs off of the mattress. As he padded to the kitchen to feed Meow, he saw the glint of something flash in his peripheral vision. He turned and saw his mother's ring- a thin golden band with a small elephant inscribed in it- on a rusty chain. He remembered the day he got it.

His Uncle Xeno, all gangly limbs and awkwardness like he hadn't quite grown out of his teenage years even though he was well into his forties, had knocked gently on his bedroom door and peeked his head inside, smiling gently. Xeno, whom he hardly knew, had been attempting to comfort Magnus for quite some time but Magnus kept shutting him out. It was just too much to try and pretend that his consoling words made a difference on the broken shrapnel lodged in his heart. Magnus felt his bed dip under the weight of his uncle but he kept his back towards him. "I know... how your heart feels right now. I know. But Magnus, it has been a long time since your mother has been gone and you are not coping. You know she wouldn't want this. She wanted you to feel every moment of your life and you are using things to numb what you're feeling. You are supposed to feel pain, you cannot neglect it," He placed his hand on Magnus's shoulder and turned him so that he was laying flat on his back, forced to look at Xeno. He dug in the pocket of his jumper and pulled out a rusted chain with a golden ring dangling off of it. "A mother elephant once walked across a country to find her babies who had been lost. She loved them so much that she couldn't continue life without them. She ventured away from her own herd because her pain was so great. After grueling travel, she found her babies bones. She wept and laid beside them. She did not forget her pain. But she also did not forget her love. It is so important for you to not forget, Magnus," Xeno placed the ring in his hand with the chain pooling in his palm. There, on the face of the ring, was an elephant engraved into the gold. He had seen his mother wear the ring before. When he looked up, his uncle was gone.

Soon after that, Magnus had moved out and tried to rebuild his life.

He gently ran his fingers across the grooves in the ring and thought about what Xeno had said. He felt the compelling need to give this to Alexander- to make him feel. The pain and suffering that he went through took such a toll on him that he just shut down. Magnus had watched the look on his face turn vacant and unassuming when he ever asked him what he was feeling or thinking- he shut down. Magnus just wanted to know what went on inside of his head. It drove him crazy, watching the thoughts flash across his eyes without knowing what they meant.

As he got ready for his date- spiking his hair into perfection and squeezing into his tightest pants- he kept finding himself looking at the ring.

When he went to grab his keys, he hesitated, and pocketed the ring as well.

Now, as he was ringing the doorbell to Alexander's (rather large and intimidating) house, he didn't know if Alexander would be weirded out by it.

The door opened to reveal Jace, who wore a white shirt that contrasted with his tan skin. "The princess is still getting ready, so do come into our humble abode." Magnus followed him into their living room and sat down on a white leather couch. Jace threw his body down into an armchair in front of Magnus, looking far too much like a lion for Magnus's comfort. "While you are here and Alec is not, I would like to point out a few things," he said, looking at his fingernails," One, the most obvious, if you hurt him, you're dead. Two, if he says no, it means no, and if you don't listen to him, you're dead. Three, if you out him to our parents, you both will be dead." Magnus couldn't help but laugh a little, as inappropriate as it was. "Well, I wouldn't do any of those things. I like living and I like Alexander more." Jace continued to look at his nails like he was too good for this, but he cracked a small smile nonetheless. Someone cleared their throat and he turned around towards the staircase.

Izzy was standing on the last step with a thousand watt smile on her modelesque face. "Okay, so here is the new and improved Alec!" She called Alec down and Magnus watched him walk down the stairs with a blush on his cheeks. He was wearing a pair of tight black pants and a blue long sleeved button down and his hair actually looked brushed for once. He must have thrown a fit, because he was still wearing his scuffed up Doc Martins. Magnus smiled at this and got up to meet him at the base of the stairs. "You look beautiful. You always do," he said as he grabbed Alexanders hands with his own. Alexander smiled and Izzy looked like she was watching puppies sleeping.

Alec took a bite into the greasy pizza and suppressed a moan- Magnus had insisted that Alec wasn't a "real American" until he had New York pizza. He also had said that it was the perfect cliche American date, so they ended up in a tiny pizzeria after driving around for an hour, just listening to music and talking and laughing.

Magnus was looking at Alec with a smile in his eyes and Alec felt his heart stutter. Magnus reached across the table and touched Alec's hand and Alec opened his hand up- thinking that Magnus wanted to hold his hand. Instead, he felt something cool being pressed into his hand and his eyebrows furrowed until he realized what he was holding. He touched the elephant gently and a smile formed on his face. "What is this for?" Magnus actually blushed. The boy who had no sense of embarrassment, who never knew when to not go there, actually blushed. "It... it was my mom's. I just wanted you to have it because it got me through a lot and made me remember that it was okay to feel what I was feeling, as long as I was feeling something and I wanted you to feel that too and I'm sorry if it was stupid or if you don't want it or anything you can ju-" Alec cut him off by leaning across the table and kissing him fiercely and frantically "Shut up, you idiot," he said between kisses.

Sebastian's mouth drew into a frown of disgust as he watched the freak kiss his boy toy. There was no way he was going to get away with that if Sebastian had anything to do with it.