Tauriel watches as the King leaves, blinking her eyes rapidly, trying to clear the fog clouding them. Her knees wobble and she holds on to her bedpost to keep her on her feet.
Her maid comes in right as the King exits, and gives Tauriel an appraising look.
"Oh, my," she says quietly. "We had best get to work if you're to be ready in time."
Tauriel wants to protest, to say she doesn't wish to go anyway, but doesn't have the strength for it. Instead she lets the maid wrap an arm around her and lead her to the adjoining bathroom.
"What's your name?" Tauriel asks.
"Arodeth," the maid says, getting Tauriel to perch on the edge of a stool once they are in the bathroom.
Arodeth sets to work drawing a bath, adding scented oils to the water as the copper tub fills. Tauriel is lucky to be living in a section of the kingdom that has direct access to the flowing hot spring beneath them. Many other elves must make do with the communal pools and bathhouses.
"Do you need help?" Arodeth asks.
"No, I can do it."
Tauriel starts by trying to untie the lacing on her leather bodice, but her fingers fumble and shake making it almost impossible.
Arodeth places her hands over Tauriel's, staying them.
"There is no shame in needing assistance."
Tauriel looks into the other woman's eyes, and upon finding nothing but care and understanding in their dark hue, drops her own hands and nods.
The maid helps Tauriel out of her soiled clothes, and supports her elbow as she climbs into the bath.
"I'll have these cleaned," Arodeth says, picking up Tauriel's garments. "Or… burned," she adds quietly, wrinkling her nose.
The warm water is so soothing on her tired muscles, and the lilac scent so refreshing, that Tauriel finds herself lifting from her fog.
With her blood pumping and mind restarting, her thoughts drift once more to Kili. The tears fall freely, and silently, streaming down her face and dripping into the bath water.
"Oh, sweet child," Arodeth says, softly.
The stool creaks loudly as it is drug across the floor to sit behind the head of the tub, and the maid takes a seat. She begins humming softly as she sets to work washing Tauriel's hair.
The tune she sings is old, yet familiar somehow.
After a few more strains, Tauriel recognizes it as a lullaby. It's one her mother used to sing to her. At least, she thinks it is. Memories of her mother are so distant.
She tries not to think of it. The last thing Tauriel needs is to open old wounds while so grievously injured from her recent one.
Her eyes drift close and she blocks out everything but for that melody and the gentle tug of fingers working through her hair.
When Arodeth is done, she instructs Tauriel to clean herself, and then slips out of the bathroom to find a change of clothes.
Tauriel does as she's told, feeling somehow lighter than she had when she first climbed into the tub.
When she gets out and towels off her mind drifts again, the fog rolling back in. She's aware of being given clothing to put on, and Arodeth helping lace her up, but she's not aware enough to realize how ill-fitting the gown is, despite coming from her own tailored wardrobe.
Tauriel feels her hair being brushed and braided, but does nothing to help ready herself.
Then, the next thing she knows, she's being led to meet the King by the guard from outside her door.
x
Thranduil is already waiting in the dining chamber when the guard arrives escorting Tauriel.
They are eating in the third of three dining halls the King normally uses. The first two are much larger, suitable for hosting guests and foreign dignitaries, while the third is much smaller, intimate almost. It is rare for guests to be welcomed here.
He notices immediately that the problems he saw with Tauriel earlier go much further than poor grooming. Now that she is cleaned up, hair brushed, and wearing clean clothing, he can truly see the toll the last few weeks have taken on her.
The gown she wears Thranduil recognizes as one she wore a month previously to a full moon banquet. Where it had been quite tailored, hugging her form closely, it now drapes loosely off of her.
Her gaze is hollow, and skin ashen and pale, even by elven standards.
Thranduil swallows his anger, furious her condition was not brought to him sooner, but not wishing to take it out on her.
"Good evening, Tauriel," he says, approaching her.
With one nod the guard is dismissed, leaving the King and his Captain alone.
"My King," she responds, her voice hoarse.
Tauriel manages to give a clumsy bow, but Thranduil gets the feeling she isn't really there with him.
"Come sit and join me."
Thranduil takes his place at the head of the table and signals Tauriel to sit to his right. She does so, but refuses to meet his gaze.
The table is covered in a spread of different, hearty, dishes. Much more than the two of them will need, but he wanted to make sure there would be something that may appeal to her.
Tauriel keeps her gaze trained down at her lap, and unsure what to say or how to begin, Thranduil pours them each a drink.
Her hand is on her glass before he's finished pouring and she takes a deep drink, before promptly snorting into her cup.
"I did not think his majesty drank water with dinner," she says quietly, placing her cup back on the table as if it burned.
I think you've had quite enough wine, he thinks with a small smirk.
"Sometimes it is best to help keep a clear mind."
"And sometimes a clear mind can be a burden," she responds.
Thranduil serves himself a plate of rabbit stew, and nods in Tauriel's direction.
"Please help yourself."
She looks across the table but makes no movement to get any food.
With a long-suffering sigh, Thranduil scoops a large ladle of stew onto her plate as well.
"Eat," he commands.
At first he doesn't think she will obey, but after a moment a shaky hand picks up her spoon and she slowly begins to eat.
It's only once she is on her third or fourth bite that Thranduil himself begins to eat, watching her closely as he does so.
Something feels off. She is physically here with him, but he has the feeling she is still far away. This bothers him more than he can explain.
Doesn't she realize I am trying to help?
When se clears her plate of stew he passes her a roll.
"Eat," he repeats.
She glances at him briefly, but looks away as she takes the roll, tearing small pieces off of it and chewing slowly.
When she finishes she returns her gaze to her lap and doesn't speak.
For someone normally so outspoken, and full of fire and drive, it is disconcerting to see her so lifeless. Thranduil frowns, his stomach tossing at the thought of losing someone else after so much death and bloodshed already.
"Tauriel," he begins, but she does not look at him.
He reaches out and places his hand gently across hers.
x
Tauriel inhales sharply.
She jolts, and her skin prickles where his hand lies across hers. The fog that she had so welcomed begins to lift and she can see everything in the room with a startling new clarity.
She looks at where their hands are intertwined, and then looks up at her King. There is a softness she's never seen before in his face, and a sadness.
"Tauriel, I have been where you are," he is saying. "Now is not the time to give up. You must fight."
Her chest hurts.
"Why?" she asks, meeting his piercing stare. "What is the point?"
"You are needed."
She snorts, and gives a humorless laugh.
"To make an example of?"
"I'm sorry?" he asks, seeming genuinely confused.
"Is that why you invited me here? You just need me to eat and be healthy so it doesn't look as if you treat your prisoners poorly when I go on trial."
"What are you talking about? What trial?"
"My trial. For— for treason… or for threatening my King? I drew my bow and aimed an arrow at your face. In front of the company you were leading. I know I was wrong, so I won't try to sway you, and I won't ask for leniency."
"What? You are not going to trial," he says, incredulous.
"But I—but you… I was brought back under armed guard, and there is a soldier stationed outside of my room."
"I did not want you travelling alone back to the palace in the condition you were in, and the guard is there in case you need anything."
Tauriel stares at him in bewilderment.
"I don't understand. I disobeyed orders. I was banished. I threatened you."
"I think we both know you were hardly a threat," he says, cocking his head to the side.
She opens her mouth to make a snide comment, but closes it again and rolls her eyes.
"I don't understand," she repeats. "Why would you let my actions go unpunished?"
Thranduil's face grows somber.
"Because I understand why you did what you did," he says quietly, his thumb lightly stroking the back of her hand, "and I think you've suffered quite enough."
The compassion in his voice is something she has not heard in many, many years and it brings fresh tears to her eyes.
This is not the man I know.
"Even if he was only a dwarf," the King adds.
She's not sure why, but the way he says it, so dismissive, and dramatic… so Thranduil… Tauriel finds herself laughing.
This. This is the man I know.
She laughs long and hard until her mirth gives way to a fresh wave of sadness and her laughter turns to sobs.
Thranduil squeezes her hand and when she looks up at him he is holding out a handkerchief and giving her a sad smile.
"He was quite tall for a dwarf," he says softly, and she nods and responds with a watery smile.
Later, after he convinces her to eat dessert, the King himself escorts her back to her room.
"Thank you," she tells him at her door.
"What for?"
"For making me smile. For not prosecuting me for treason."
"Well, just try not to commit any more treason. I can't let it slide twice. People will think I've grown soft."
She gives him an exaggerated nod.
Retreating to her chambers, she is just about to close the door, but pauses.
"Does it go away?" she asks. "The pain?"
He shakes his head slowly, his mouth a thin line.
"No," he replies, "it is always there. Though, it does grow easier to bear with time."
"Thank you for your honesty."
Thranduil bows his head to her and then turns and walks away.
It is the first night since her return to Mirkwood that Tauriel goes to bed without a bottle of Dorwinion Wine as her companion.
Author's Note: Thank you guys so much for the amazing outpouring of support for this story. I am so glad you are enjoying it so far. All reviews are greatly appreciated, and I do read every one of them! I know things are dark right now, but they will improve with time. Please let me know what you think!