Traded Mistakes

Chapter Four: Addiction.

The throbbing in my arm didn't go away as I sat up in my bed. I had been staying at Spencer's for better part of the week and the nightmares haven't stopped. I had a lot of skeleton's in my closet but the main one that has been bugging me lately was the one where I was addicted to liquid cocaine.

I didn't start my addiction on my own, it was forced on me before the beginning of college. Only one person that I talked to on a daily basis knew about it and how it happened. She was with me. This person was Meredith.

We got ourselves in a very dangerous situation during our junior year of high school when we went to the mall a day after mid-terms were over. We just needed some time to be free of books and lecture notes, but it didn't end up that way.

We had been doing fine just hanging out and shopping a little bit when we were barricade along with two other people in an elevator. I didn't want any one else to have to do the drugs, because they didn't deserve to go through that pain. I had seen it happen to people in my family and a couple of my friends. I had wanted to save them more than care what happened to myself. That was going through my head during the moments when I made the idiots who were later arrested giving me the majority of the drugs in my arm.

Even after the incident happened I felt that need for a fix of the drug. I never was that kind of person until after the incident in the elevator. It went on for three years before I knew I had to get clean. It was much harder than I could ever imagine, but I did it.

On and off for two years I was admitted again and again to a local rehab center. Meredith had watched me go through it all and she was still very cautious of me knowing that I had problems with talking about it plus there were the nightmares of course.

I was sweating and I hadn't realized it until I got up out of the bed and made my way out of my room and into the bathroom. I saw Spencer on my way across the hall. He was getting dressed in his room. He was most likely heading to the BAU or to the jet so they could flight out for a new case.

I shut the door quickly and rushed over to the toilet and heaved. The nausea had been coming early on in the morning and even had been waking me up from my nightmares nearly every day. I wiped my mouth with a piece of toilet paper before flushing and walking over to the sink to brush my teeth and gargle some mouthwash.

I looked at myself in the mirror once I was done and nearly flinched as I saw how pale I was. I turned the water on and splashed my face with some to try and cool down a bit. I had to calm down enough so that Spencer couldn't see it.

We hadn't exactly talked about much lately. He had been gone a lot, and I had to reschedule the appointment because I had gotten too sick to even go to the first appointment at my gyno's office.

I slowly opened the door and made my way out towards the kitchen, thinking that Spencer had to have already left. But he nearly made me drop the glass I had just got down from the cabinet when he spoke. "Are you okay?"

I used my other hand to grab it before it clattered to the ground. "I'm fine." I said quietly as I set the glass down and began to move towards the refridgerator.

He was still standing at the opening of the kitchen when I turned around after pouring some of the ginger ale. "Are you sure?" His head was tilted to the side as he began to walk towards me.

He was dressed as he usually did in his business casual wear. It always looked perfect on him. I gave him a smile as I nodded. "I'm fine Reid, it was just the morning nausea. You're gonna be late." I reminded him as he stood there.

"I'll call you when I get to Maryland to check on you." He said as he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. I hadn't even noticed that it had fallen. He noticed a lot of things that I didn't.

"Okay." I nodded as I walked with him towards the door. I figured he was just gonna walk out the door, that's what he usually did when he was about to leave. He surprised me when he turned around quickly and it looked like he was gonna tumble over as he leaned down and kissed me on the cheek.

I could feel my cheek flare up as I blushed. He didn't say anything but I saw a faint smile on his face as he walked out the door and shut it behind him.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I didn't understand what made him do that. It's not like I didn't like it, cause I definitely did.

The last time we had did something intimate like was before I moved in with him and I was the one who pulled him in for the kiss in Meredith's kitchen.

I leaned up against the counter as I sipped quietly on the beverage and let my mind wander to the day he had come back and we were moving.

Meredith had let him in like last time and I was just sitting down on the couch watching some soap opera that was on the televison. Something Meredith liked to watch, I'd much rather go to sleep rather than watch those things. But since it was my last day with her I was enduring it.

"Hi." I greeted him as he plopped down next to me. I was in a pair of cargo shorts and a white loose fitted t-shirt. My converse were on my feet and I was just relaxing.

"Are your things in your room?" He asked as he angled his body so that we were facing each other somewhat.

"Nope." I laughed. He seemed a little antsy about this whole thing. He was the one that offered the arrangement.

"Where are they then?" He gave me a funny look that was supposed to be him confused but it made me laugh.

"They're in her car. She doesn't have a lot of things." Meredith joined in the conversation.

"I'm not like Meredith over there. It would probably take longer if she was in my situation. She would have at least two U-Hauls full of just her clothes."

"Hey! There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good." She pouted, with her lips puckered out and everything thing.

"I didn't say that, those were your words not mine." I shrugged as I sighed. I was actually pretty tired. I had packed my things up last night and put them in the car a few hours ago.

"Whatever, you better take care of her though Dr. Reid. I don't want to have to become one of those criminals you're always after." I saw him visibly grimace before grabbing my hand and pulling me up as he stood.

"I think we should go before I make myself the number one on her hit list." I laughed at him, not knowing if he meant it as a joke or not. It seemed like to me as he smiled at Meredith as she glared at him.

"Ha ha ha. I'm gonna miss you though." She turned to me as we stood a little bit outside of the door.

"Eh, you could always find yourself another roomate." I said as I rubbed the back of my neck. I didn't even want to say goodbye to her even though I knew I would be seeing her soon.

"I would never replace you. No one can, anyway call me later when you're all set up. Tell me about any strict rules your nerd has." I laughed and shook my head as I gave her a hug and then made my way down to where Spencer was standing by his car.

He was talking on the phone and looking down at the ground. I guessed it was from his job by the way his expression kept changing. He said something quickly before looking up to see me. "Work?" I asked as I put my hands in my pocket.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll get you over to my place and show you around but then I gotta get to work for a little meeting about the next case." He sighed as he looked down at me.

"It's not that big of a deal, all I really need to know is where I'm supposed to be sleeping." I smiled as I made my way over to my car. He just stood by his car for a moment before shaking his head and getting in.

He really was a weird nerd.

I had been by myself a lot since moving in with Spencer. It seemed that the criminals seemed to just kill more at least from what I figured since he was barely around. I fended for myself a lot and with that came lots of thoughts of things I really didn't want to think about.

The nightmares were making me thinking about the genes that I was handing down to the baby. It could be possible that because I had an addiction problem at a time that it could have one too later on down the line. I didn't want that for the child, or children depending on how many were exactly in my belly to have it at all.

That also made me think about if Spencer had anything about him that I should be concerned about health wise. As I said we haven't really talked about it. I just hoped he would be open to talk about it soon.