Chapter 18:
Clarke watched as Lexa made her way through the crowd. She followed her, weaving silently between the merchants and customers. Clarke kept her hood up and her head down. She didn't want to be seen, not yet. She knew Lexa must have seen her already. Clarke only remained by the courtyard another second after she watched the boy strike her in the face. She had dove deep into the crowd and the city before slipping down and around an alley and beginning to follow Lexa instead of being followed.
The commander made her way back toward the city centre and the tower. Clarke was running out of time. She had to make her move soon, if she reached the tower it'd be too late.
Clarke slipped through the crowd closer to Lexa, she was a few feet behind her when she found an alley to her left. She made her move. Removing the dagger from her hip she rushed forward snagged Lexa brought her knife to her throat and pulled her into the alleyway.
They were alone, no one saw her make her move. No one was watching them. Clarke pressed the knife against Lexa's throat before adjusting and flipping the girl around to face her. Clarke shoved her into the wall and put the dagger back in its position at her throat.
Lexa made no move against her. She froze and let Clarke threaten her life. She blinked once as she stared wide eyed into Clarke's eyes. Clarke looked away and down the knife then back to Lexa's green eyes. They locked stares and Clarke felt her anger boil again, she felt Lexa's eyes looking deep into her own and she felt her hand begin to shake. Clarke tried to ignore the burning of her eyes that were now filling with unspent tears. Clarke broke their eye contact and looked briefly to Lexa's lips and then back to the knife.
"Clarke.." she heard Lexa say. Her voice as small as she felt in Clarke's arms. Hearing her name roll of Lexa's tongue was all the motivation she needed, Clarke's anger boiled again and she pressed the knife harder into Lexa's throat.
This time breaking the skin.
Lexa's eyes widened slightly but she still made no move against Clarke. Clarke could see tears welling in Lexa's own eyes and Clarke looked back to the knife. She saw a small cut forming and beads of black blood trickling down its blade and Lexa's neck. Clarke's eyes darted back to Lexa's, a single tear escaped her eye and rolled down her left cheek. She wanted to kill her. She wanted to end the sleepless nights the young woman had caused, she wanted revenge for being betrayed at the mountain, she wanted vengeance for Lexa forcing Clarke to be a murderer. Clarke was so certain Lexa needed to die and here she was about to have her revenge. But you can't do it can you? The voice in Clarke's head spoke up and she tightened her grip on the dagger attempting to reaffirm her intentions to herself.
"I'm sorry." Lexa whispered. The inflection of the sorry snapped Clarke out of her fury. She loosened her push against Lexa's throat the blade stopped cutting, she was locked in the girls green eyes and Clarke saw tears begin to stroll down Lexa's face.
Clarke understood. Lexa was apologizing. The sincerity and truth in her words struck Clarke like a baseball bat. She felt weak, her knees were shaking and she was clutching onto Lexa now to keep herself up. Lexa continued to watch Clarke but made no movement, afraid to upset Clarke again. "I'm so sorry," She amended.
With that Clarke felt her strength leave her. Her aching injured leg giving out beneath her Clarke began to fall to the ground. She felt Lexa's arms shoot out and make their way around Clarke catching her before she fell. Her arms were strong but soft and gentle, "It's okay Clarke, I've got you," she heard Lexa say before Clarke lost consciousness.
When Clarke woke she found herself in familiar surroundings. She recognized the ark. She tried to mentally shake the fog out of her head. That didn't make sense. The last thing she remembered was being in Polis...What was she doing on the ark? Clarke looked around, no one was in the infirmary with her. Clarke relaxed into her pillow again. Good. It should give her time to think.
Her mind began to reply everything that happened in Polis. That happened. It wasn't a dream, she was sure of it. She was certain she felt Lexa's body against hers, certain she heard her heartfelt admission of guilt when she apologized. There was no way she dreamt that.
The infirmary doors parted and Clarke looked to find Abby striding in. "Honey," she said with a smile, "you're awake."
Clarke smiled weakly as she felt her moms hand on her shoulder. She fought against herself to shrug away from the touch. She didn't want her concern. She didm;t want anyone's. The last time she saw her mother she had saved her from certain death in the mountain. Clarke winced involuntarily as the thought crept back into her head. This is why she didn't want to come back here. She didn't want this added burden, these people reminding her of what she had become.
Clarke sighed as Abby noticed her wince, "How did I get here?" Clarke tried to change the subject.
Abby adjusted her stance at Clarke's lack of warmth towards her. Clarke tried to ignore the pain in her mother's eyes. Abby blinked, "you don't remember?"
Clarke shook her head.
"You were in and out of consciousness when you arrived Clarke, it's okay hon, it happens with these types of injuries."
Clarke remembered her injured leg, she lifted her sheets and looked down, she was in a pair of short and she saw sutures on her wound. Clarke realized she had an IV in as well.
"You had an infection, your body was lacking fluids and nutrients and fighting a fever." Abby explained.
Clarke nodded in understanding, "yeah but how did I get here? Last thing I remember I was in Polis with..." she trailed off thinking of Lexa. Guilt filled her as she remembered threatening the girls life. Her chest felt heavy again as she remembered Lexa's words, remembered how she just stood there about to let Clarke take her life if she wanted it.
"With Lexa." Abby finished her thought. "Clarke, she brought you here, she brought you home."
Clarke looked to Abby, she found a curious look on her mothers face. Trying to ignore it Clarke said stupidly, "Oh...did you thank her?"
Abby looked at Clarke with a funny expression, "Yes, but you can do it for yourself too."
That stopped Clarke. "She's still here?" surprise coming out in her tone.
Abby nodded, "She only left the infirmary a few hours ago when I began working on your leg. She hasn't stepped outside the ark since you two arrived."
"The two of us? She didn't bring anyone else with her?"
Abby shook her head, "Indra and some villagers are outside the gates in the forest but they've been here for a week now. Lexa brought you in on her horse two days ago."
Clarke nodded in understanding. Abby watched her for a few moments before reaching out and squeezing her hand. "We are all glad you're okay Clarke. Raven, Octavia and Bellamy have all been by as well." Clarke stayed silent, her mind still on Lexa.
Clarke felt confused. She didn't know how she felt. She couldn't find her anger that she had carried like a shield for so long. It made her feel empty and hollow without it. It had been her companion through terrifying nights and Clarke felt exposed without it. Abby watched her for a few minutes before clearing her throat.
"I'll be back to check on you later." she said squeezing Clarke's hand and leaving the room.
Abby headed down the hall and found Lexa pacing back and forth in the corridor. Abby paused before taking any further steps. She watched the girl pace, eyes down and full of sorrow. Her face was drawn and covered with worry. Abby saw a woman in pain. Abby saw a woman in love. She continued forward and cleared her throat to not startle Lexa. It didn't work, Lexa's head whipped up to meet Abby instantly silently questioning the doctor, Abby raised her hand "she's okay, she's awake." Abby watched as Lexa caught her breath and steadied herself. She nodded and fixed her stance. Abby cocked her head, "you can go and see her now."
Lexa paused, "No, I don't think she would want that."
Abby took a few more steps towards Lexa, she could see the pain inside her, "she doesn't know what she wants right now" she said simply. "Go on, you both need it." She added grabbing Lexa's hand and giving it a motherly squeeze. To her surprise Lexa expressed her thanks with a small embarrassed smile as she walked passed Abby and down the hall towards Clarke.