'Click'
Disclaimer: I don't own Ghost Hunt, just so you know :-\
Gene: Finally...someone remembers me.
Me: Hullo?! Who called you?
Gene: *shocked* I thought I just lost my value...
Me: You did...for God's sake go back to the astral plane, you're dead anyways.
Gene: *frowning at insensitive attitude* Review, I have to talk to Noll about this, his attitude is lessening my fan club, I'm supposed to get more sympathy, not that idiot nerd!
Me: Yeah right...thanks for reading ;-) I slightly twisted the confession to my wishes so I could fit Gene in the idea.
Gene: I'm not particularly thankful Mari-chan. Anyways people, please read and review.
Summary: (Story 5) 'I know he's scared, I know he still has those nightmares, I know he's confused and I know that I'm nothing but a burden for him...it wasn't his fault that I got ditched in some lake and decided to die. I wish I didn't know all this and I wish I had never died...This was me. Dead, rotten, decomposed. Who'd love me? Who'd love a dead person?' - Eugene Davis.
'GENE '
He dreads sleeping, it's the same every night, not because he's afraid he won't wake...but because he doesn't want to see the same nightmares, because he has broken down, completely.
Completely...
I know he's scared, I know he still has those nightmares, I know he's confused and I know that I'm nothing but a burden for him...it wasn't his fault that I got ditched in some lake and decided to die. If you look at it that way, it isn't his fault at all...those nightmares, that damned psychometric ability of his and God knows what else that is on 'self-destruct mode'. One ounce of his power used and he'd die. He still yells whenever the vision is repeated, he still can't control his powers and he's not strong. He's just fighting it. Perfunctorily, like performing some duty.
I wish I didn't know all this and I wish I had never died...
Pictures, medical science and anything that depends on vision are the only objects that term us as 'identical twins', there's nothing 'identical' between me and Noll, he's always been all shadows, emotionally stifled and like a ramrod and I've been the exact opposite; the model boy any parent would have. I never thought life would take such a turn, it was impossible, that me, Eugene Davis would die. I was the better one, I was kinder, compassionate and everything you'd want in a boy and yet I was destined to be murdered. Ironical, isn't it?
Whoever said that' life works in strange ways' is a genius man, that dude totally wrote down my biography.
If there is something that Noll hates more than stupid people is comparison. He hated when people used to draw a line between the two of us, he hated it when people said that if not for me, Noll would never have been adopted. How do I know? I've seen it in his expressions, that tilted frown of his, his silent disposition. He's never been told that he's someone else than my twin, he's never been Oliver Davis and I know it since I've felt it in him. Nobody except Luella and Martin recognized him as anybody else than 'Gene's twin'.
Except for her, that brunette, Mai. She's always liked me but she likes Noll better, though I hardly see her point, what's so good in Noll? He barely speaks except to command people, he's rude, a total idiot, with no compassion in his heart. He hides the truth (lies!) and is dangerous for everyone related to him. Then why doesn't she like me better? Why does she prefer Noll in her thoughts and I know she's not confusing us, she's not as stupid as Noll thinks, in her imagination we're two different people in the same body. However, it's not that simple.
And yeah it doesn't help me when I'm in love with her.
It just makes me furious and jealous, which is totally unfair to Noll and unreasonable, since I'm supposed to wish for Noll's happiness, being his older twin and all. But then again loving a living person, who loves my brother, who apparently is fond of her too...it's too risky, it's like making your own death life more complex.
I want to tell her who I am...I want her to just acknowledge that I'm another being and I'm not Dream Noll, she compares me to him and this time I know how Noll felt when he was compared to me back in the good old days.
Jealousy...awful feeling really. Fighting over a girl wasn't on the things-to-do list I made with Noll, in fact it didn't even cross my mind that we'd fight over the same girl and when we're in such different positions. I'm bound to lose, really...since I'm dead and she's alive and somewhere in the back of my wild, irrational, pathetically-in-love mind...I don't want Noll to win her.
"There's no way that I'll confuse you and your brother, Naru!" Mai said, a frown etching across her face and I observe Noll's small smile...which is just showing bitterness, I think those years of being compare to me are finally catching up with his expressions.
"We were twins."
A slight hope dashes across me as I watch her expression turn to one of pure astonishment. Is she happy that I'm another person, not Noll? Does she love me, not Noll? Does she-
It's impossible.
"What was he like?"
Her question makes me happy, more happy than I should have been at that moment. Noll sighs internally and replies with a small fondness in his eyes.
"He was a lot like you."
"Eh? Me?"
"He was good, kind and compassionate and everybody liked him."
Her happy smile at the answer makes me want to push Noll out of the picture and stand next to her. If only I was alive...
"He seems nice." Her smile didn't fade and I find myself smiling back despite the situation.
"He's stupid." Noll's sour answer makes me copy Mai's expression. "He should have moved on."
Nervous laughter comes from Mai's side as she leans against the tree, her blush deepening as she fidgets and intertwines her fingers, saying something that makes something inside me sink like a wrecked boat.
"I like you."
He raises an eyebrow, not getting what she meant. I don't know where the knowledge gained from the romance novels I forced on him went? I was preparing him for this moment, although not for Mai but yes I wanted him to be able to recognize a confession without the meaning being spoon-fed to him. Slow poke. Idiot scientist.
He mumbles his reply and I watch the small blush adorning her features, taking complete control of her face as she sighs in frustration at his lack of understanding. He's stupid really, the person who gave him that degree in paranormal research must have been pretty blind not to see how much social skills he lack, even if they don't consider that in such a degree, but still-
"I like you...in a special way..."
It doesn't hit me, it doesn't hurt me...and I'm not surprised, it was always Noll...I had known that since the very beginning, from the start. I knew the facts and that made swallowing it easier, it was like I had submitted to the fact and deep down, I didn't want to die...I wanted to live. Whatever Noll was, he lived, he had a girl who loved him for his own self, not for his looks or his money or his fame. Loved him for being narcissistic, know it all Noll. Not for Oliver Davis. Not for Kazuya Shibuya. Not for anything materialistic and I want to be happy for him, but I can't smile, I can't even think straight.
Would she have loved me if I had been in Noll's place?
And then he says something that I'll never forget, something that will remain embedded in my heart forever.
"Me or Gene?"
I can't help that stupid tear and it escapes...
I'm dead...she couldn't love me, she didn't even know I existed till today, till now...how could – she love me back. How could she?! Noll that idiot!
"Two boys, same face, same powers." He states, crossing his arms. "One is good the other is bad, who would a girl choose?" I can see the facade he's ptting up the same indifferent attitude, the same cold, cool, nonchalant demeanour he thinks will help him recover from blows. He is wrong...he needs to talk it out.
His smile is small, understanding and sad, as if he had been expecting that and when she doesn't answer to his question I feel a small hope fill me up. Like something bittersweet, both good and bad.
Maybe...just maybe she loves me – it's impossible...unreasonable and irrational.
I'm dead.
It's never been me.
He's shutting me out of the telepathic connection and I know that he doesn't want to talk to me and now I know that he doesn't love her, why else would he reject her? Why else would he ask that stupid question, why else?!
She's crying.
And it angers me...I want her to be here with me, I want to comfort her, tell her that Noll wasn't probably the best for her, to just keep her with me with any lame excuse and yet...I feel bad for Noll, it's like he can never be happy and here I thought he loved this girl. Like really...Noll is not a romantic person.
They talk a bit but I tune them out, I'm angry, I'm confused, worried, frustrated and maybe...just maybe I'm hopeful. Then I see Lin coming out to inform them that my body has been found and I feel like I want to stay here for a bit longer, as if I want to stay here with her. But I know that I have to move on or else Noll won't go back to England. So I just watch them as they find a corpse wrapped in a sheet, soaked in water with black hair clearly visible.
This was me. Dead, rotten, decomposed.
Who'd love me? Who'd love a dead person?
And what about Mai, she'll feel broken when he goes away and just for this once I know Noll has been an idiot to not love a girl like Mai, extremely idiotic of him to not hold her close, although I was sure he was fond of her and may even develop feelings for her but I guess I was wrong, maybe he just thinks of her as a friend.
Noll reaches out to touch the rotting cloth that covers me but then withdraws his hand when he's just an inch away and I know he's feeling angry, his eyes scream angst. He doesn't want to deal with all this anymore, so he just turns around and starts to walk away...away from me. Now everything would go back to the way it was, Noll would go to London, Mai would find another job, SPR would disband and I would move on.
I hate this plan
And then Noll shocks me once more, I can feel the telepathic connection open, Noll didn't want it to connect with me but I think he got lost in the emotional thread and then when I hear his next thoughts, I know I've been wrong about Noll, I know I've been wrong all along and I know I've been nothing but a hurdle for both him and Mai.
I know...it's all my fault.
"I hate you Gene." He's thinking that, my own twin hates me. "You did it again, you won her Gene and I lost. I lost...once more...are you happy?"
He hates me.
He loves her.
And he thinks I've won...
It isn't his fault, it's mine...his life is messed up because of me.
I'm glad I died.
I'm glad I'm out of the way...I'm glad I'm found and I'm glad it worked out this way, he found my body and that I'm going to move on from my Living Hell.
I won...and it's no triumph for me. It makes me sick, sick to think that my other half hates me, that my other half has a ruined life due to me. It makes me sick to the pit of my stomach that he thinks I wanted Mai. I do want her...but not like that. Never like that.
He had the nightmare again tonight, he yelled again and I stood there watching him, enduring his yells, nobody hears him, Lin, Monk, John, Yasu; no one. He sobs in his dreams and no one cares. Because they've never seen him broken...they've never seen him helpless. I've seen him helpless when he used to perform Psychometry unintentionally, I've seen the emotions running through his blank eyes, I've seen him wrapped in emotions, screaming, yelling, crying, laughing maniacally. Nobody cares, all they see is the pale face, the blue eyes and the facade he puts up. Nobody knows, nobody cares to learn the truth, nobody wants to care.
I don't want to care too...I don't want to know the truth, it hurts, it hurts a lot. It's destiny, it's fate and I just watch like a silent observer, thinking over his words, twisting them around in my mind endlessly.
I won Mai and I don't know how to deal with that fact. I hate everything, every single thing I lay my eyes on, especially that covered dead-body, that rotten thing that has caused this much trouble, the thing that has twisted mine and Noll's fate with something nasty. And for once I can't smile, for once I look exactly like Noll does every day and it infuriates me, everything, every single thing that reminds me of my death, I'm beginning to hate myself but if there is a person I don't want to hate and yet can't help hating, it's him.
I hate Noll...for everything.
OOC? He doesn't seriously hate him, just so you guys know, just thought that angsty Gene needs to be written down. Wrote it at 1 in the morning, listening to a heart-wrenching song, so please review everyone or leave a follow/favorite ;-) Until next time in which we will present Ayako Matsuzaki!
- BoRnToFlYhIgH -