Traded Mistakes

Chapter Nine: Spencer's Fear

It was such a beautiful setup that had a mother's touch, I noticed as we came upon the table in the dining area. There were candles, flowers in the center in a small bowl and the plates looked like they had just been made by a restaurant chef. I couldn't help but smile at this, my mom wanted us to feel like this was real. Like Spencer and I were on a real date.

I nearly forgot about what we were about to discuss because of how this was making me feel. But I remembered at once we were sitting down across from each other. We weren't at the long table that she probably used for feasts with some of her old friends. We had a small round table that was often used in fancy restaurants. She really wasn't holding anything back.

There was lasagna and garlic bread on our plates and the aroma wasn't far from heavenly. It nearly took me back to my family's Italian night. We often had themed nights, it was one of the things that I hoped to bring to my own family one day. Thinking about it now, maybe I could.

"Did you help her?" Was the first thing that came out of my mouth when I looked over at Spencer who hadn't touched his food yet. He was staring at me.

"A little. I tried to warn her that I wasn't exactly the greatest cook but she wouldn't listen. She had me do a few things. I hope it's okay."

"If my mom had any part of it, it is. Her cooking was always something I looked forward to when I came home. She also picked this dish because she probably wanted me to remember that she hasn't forgotten that it was my favorite night." Spencer gave me a confused glance. "We had different dish theme nights. I loved Italian night the most. No matter what she decided to cook, I always loved the Italian dishes the most. Maybe it's the Italian in me." I shrugged.

"I never asked what your ethnicities were…" He trailed off as I decided I might as well take a bite. I wasn't that hungry but I'd eat everything on my plate. "I'm half Italian and half American. My dad was the Italian and my mom is the Yank." I giggled.

"You've never used that term before have you?" He had a teasing smile on his face. I rolled my eyes playful at home. "No, I just felt like it this time. I love my father though. He was a true American."

"What do you mean by that? Did you live in Italy before?"

I shook my head. "No, I wish. I've never been there before. I just mean he has that comfortable aura about him that just makes you feel relax. I find that with some people it comes that same way…mostly Americans. Not that I can't find it in people that aren't from here. I just never really paid much attention to things like that much until now."

"I see. Tell me about your dad." I wasn't really sure how or what he wanted me to say exactly. But I would try to tell him about it all.

"He was a mechanic. I think that's all he ever did as long as I can remember. He enjoyed working on cars. Sometimes it would take it him days before he would come home because of the cliental. He got some pretty wealthy customers. He knew, or at least I think he did that he need to make sure he did everything right before thinking about sleeping. I think that's one of the things that probably upset me at times. He was a perfectionist when it came to auto related things.

He was perfect at other things too. He was the perfect dad to me and a perfect husband even though he spent plenty of time at the auto shop. Mom never complained though. They just understood each other so much that it didn't matter that he didn't sleep in the same bed as her every night or that he slept in any bed at all for days.

He was a nice man. I think he would have tried to roughen you up though if he got the chance to meet you. He called me his princess rebel."

He gave me that look again that told me that he wanted to know more. "I wasn't exactly very girly as a girl. Nor am I now, but somehow I was still a daddy's girl. So I suppose that's why he called me that. I never asked why he called me that. I loved it though." Spencer nodded before pushing his plate away. He had finished his food already. I still had half of my lasagna left. I was taking my time eating it, while talking.

"How'd he die? If you don't want to tell me, that's okay." He added quickly before I could answer him.

"He was protecting me. We had went out to the movies one night when he came home from work early. He had promised that we would go out just the two of us, since he had been spending more time with mom when he was home. I guess it was his way of showing me that he hadn't forgotten about me. But anyway, we had just left the movies and were walking back home because we didn't live that far away from it when he got jumped. It was because of me, though. They wanted me, but he wouldn't let them get to me.

He told me to run but I couldn't. I wasn't going to let him fight off all of them. There were three of them. After he had gotten one of them down on the ground and away from me or him he told me to just go that he would be fine. I was going to go but then I got shot. I could barely remember much of what happened after that, it was blurry. But I remember the police officer telling me that everything was going to be fine.

I trusted that police officer to make sure that everything would be okay. But he had lied for my benefit. So that I wouldn't go off running while I had a bullet in me to see my dad. He was gone, not that I could really see clearly."

"Is that what made you want to join the force? To protect people like the officer was trying to protect you from those guys and what they had done to your father?" Spencer asked after a couple of minutes.

"I suppose. I hadn't really thought about it much at the time. When it came time to think about college and what I wanted to do, working for the police seemed like something smart to do. Subconsciously I may have done it though. I never became a police officer though, I knew the risks of being one. I just settled for working inside the department though, at the time that seemed okay."

"Do you regret not being a police officer?" It was a bit unsettling that Spencer didn't ask too much about my father's death. He turned the focus back to me and my career.

"Not really. I was never that much of a athletic person, and I'd rather do some kind of desk work than be out running after people who could potentially end my life even if I knew that there was a chance of catching them. I'd rather leave that to the guys who are good at it. Like you." I laughed.

Spencer shook his head before he began speaking. "I never really told you the truth about my dad. I told you that he left when I was younger. That's technically correct, but it's not the whole story. My mom has schophrenia's and she was diagnosed when I was younger and he couldn't deal with that. So he left, abandoning us both. I took care of her though, up until I was eighteen."

"You put her in a home." I stated.

"Yes. I just couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I love my mom and I write her everyday. I just needed to move on and start living my life."

"Do you go visit her, often?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't have time."

"Spencer..." I sighed. Even when I was working I still found time to go see my mother. Maybe I didn't come often but I did at least try.

"It's not like I don't want to. I love my mom."

"Then you should make the effort to see her. You write, I know that but do you really think that's enough. She probably misses you."

"I doubt she remembers whether I come or not."

"That's not the point. When you get another day off we're going to Las Vegas to see her. I mean if it's okay for me to fly. If not we're taking another road trip."

Spencer frowned. "Nati, why are you doing this?"

"I'm not doing anything."

"Yes you are. You're trying to push me to see my mother. Why? From what I know you haven't been here all that much since your mom was diagnosed."

I ran my hands through my hair as I looked over at him. He was trying to turn this over on me. It was starting to piss me off.

"Now, why are you doing that Spencer? I have a reason for why I don't visit. I honestly don't think you have one. If the one you're about to throw my way is about your job, I can't say that's a logical answer. No matter what your job is you should always find time to be with your family."

"What's your reason?"

"She doesn't want me to see her when she's like this. If I had the choice I would be up here more than I am back in Virginia. Why wouldn't I want to be around her when she's sick? That would make me a horrible daughter, a horrible person. Do you truly think I'm that bad of a person?"

"No. That's not what I meant at all. I just didn't know okay? I know you're not a horrible person, Nati. I wouldn't surround myself with anyone that I didn't feel comfortable around. You're right though. I don't have a real reason for not going back to Las Vegas." He spoke in a hurry. I noticed that he did that when he knew he was in the wrong and was trying to fix it.

I nodded. I wasn't sure what more I could say. "We should turn in for the night. It's pretty late now. There is no telling what my mom has planned for tomorrow." I smiled as I began to get up from my seat.

"Okay. I'll put the dishes away."

"No, it's fine. I can do it. You did help prepare this." I swatted his hand away as I began picking up the dishes and headed towards the kitchen. I had to go back to the table to get the rest.

As I turned I nearly collided into Spencer who had the rest of the dishes it seemed. I backed up before he could drop anything and waited for him to put the dishes in the sink before by passing him to get out of the kitchen.

I waited for him near the staircase as he washed his hands off and then walked over to me. I let him hold my hand as we started up the steps going back to the room where I had slept earlier. Spencer decided to leave the room to change while I did the same. I didn't really see the big deal. I had seen him in less than just his boxers before. He was just being weird about things like that. He was weird about it when I slept in his bed and he was getting ready in the mornings.

It was just how Spencer was about things.

I brushed it off like I always did and climbed under the covers and got comfortable while he was changing. I was still pretty tired even though I had already took a nap earlier before diner. I slept a lot of the time now and it didn't look like that was changing much on this mini vacation of ours.

My eyes were closed but I wasn't asleep when I felt Spencer slid in beside me. He seemed a bit hesitant when he wrapped one of his arms around me a few moments later. I turned so that I was facing him and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer to me. I was used to having him hold me by now.

I wasn't sure if he was used to it though. "Does it make you uncomfortable when I do that?" I whispered, opening my eyes.

"No." He said in a high voice that made it clear that he was lying. I giggled a little before pulling away a little. "It's okay if you are. It's pretty obvious that you aren't used to being affectionate is the word I guess I'm looking for. You aren't used to be touchy feely with people. You don't have to be with me, if it bothers you."

He had intertwined our fingers as he grabbed one of my hands.

"It doesn't bother me as much as it did with other people. I like holding onto you. It makes me realize that you aren't going to go away."

"Is that what you're afraid of, Spencer? That I'll leave you?"

He didn't say anything but I knew. Spencer was afraid that I was going to abandon him, just like his father had. Like probably any other girl he had been with, if he had been with anyone else.

"I promise," I paused for a moment as I looked up at his face; specifically his eyes to make sure he was looking at me while I said this. "I promise I won't leave unless you want me to. Even if after I have the kids and we have some sort of bad argument and you want me gone, I'll leave. I won't take them away from you though, regardless of what you may think or what other may think we are in this together. We did get into this together. So, you're stuck with me until something happens that changes things. Okay?"

"Okay." I could see a faint smile on his face as he squeezed my hand.

I think we had made a little progress tonight, regardless of the instances where I figured we were going to break out into another argument we had started to fix things between. A lot of the things that we had been sealed off from each other had come out and I think it was one of the greatest things we could do.

As I shut my eyes from the fatigue that had been building from the day washed over me, I realized something. I was afraid of something too. I was afraid that one day Spencer was going to tell me to leave. Without knowing it, I started to actually care more about the genius. There really was no turning back now.

A/N: edit : this isn't a new chapter. I had to go back and fix a mistake I made. But a new chapter has been posted as well!

Date: 4.17.2012