Blair doesn't sleep much that night. She tosses and turns, the ghost of Dan's kiss on her lips, and she can't stop aching for his touch. Her mind races, going over every moment of that night, replaying Dan's words in her head over and over again.
I have never stopped loving you.
Blair is happy, lying in her bedroom, watching the cast on the wall by the moonlight, listening to the dampened sounds of the city outside her windows. She should be thinking about answering emails and fashion week and the next marketing campaign and finding models for their next show, but instead she is thinking about his hands on her back and the way he smelled, clean and spicy and like a small piece of heaven.
It's so right.
She laughs into the silent room and thinks that she's crushing on a boy like she's thirteen again, and it's so ridiculous but it feels good, and she's lighter than air, and all because Dan Humphrey is back in her life.
Finally her eyes cannot stay open longer and her mind becomes soft and fuzzy, drifting off into her dreams and she falls asleep with his name on her lips, wishing he was there by her side.
She is woken by Dorota tapping her lightly on the shoulder and Blair's eyes fly open as all of her responsibilities come crashing down around her. Emails, marketing plans, voicemails, conference calls. Her work is never done, and she is gripped with panic and trying to figure out what Dorota is saying to her at the same time.
"...Mr. Dan."
Huh? Blair blinks, attempting to make sense of Dorota telling her something about Dan.
"He's downstairs."
Blair bolts upright.
"Dan is downstairs?"
She sees a smile spread across Dorota's face as she sees that her employer finally understands what she's been trying to tell her, why she's been shaking her awake. Dan is downstairs.
"Shit." Blair is leaping out of bed, rushing to her vanity, smoothing her hair, pulling off her pajamas, throwing on a dress, searching for her lipgloss.
Dan is downstairs.
Her heart is pounding and everything but Dan is forgotten, pushed to the back of her mind, and Blair knows she might regret this later, but Dan is downstairs, waiting for her, and this moment is all she can think about.
She grabs a pair of flats from the closet and turns to Dorota.
"How do I look," she gasps. Dorota has her hand over her mouth, hiding what appears to be laughter.
"In love."
Blair glares at her maid.
"You are insolent, Dorota."
Blair rushes out of her bedroom then slows when she comes to the top of the stairs and makes her way down slowly, like meeting Dan Humphrey in her foyer is an event that happens every morning, and that thought makes Blair's heart clench because maybe that's actually what she wants.
He is standing in the foyer holding two coffees in his hands and glancing around. She sees him before he sees her so she has a chance to study him. He looks mostly the same, but he is a little sharper around the edges, the plains of his face a little harder. There are fine wrinkles around the edges of his eyes, like he squints in the sunshine too much, and she thinks she might suggest sunglasses if she was around him longer than a couple days. His hair is even curlier and more unruly and she can see that there are some strands of silver here and there. He is wearing a red plaid shirt and Blair thinks that some things will never change.
Blair reaches the bottom of the stairs and clears her throat and Dan turns to her and smiles. She feels her heart lift and float away.
"We didn't agree on what time our date would be," Dan says, walking toward her. "So I thought I'd start it sooner than later."
Blair smiles and takes the coffee that he's handing her, then she steps toward him, stands on tiptoe and places a perfunctory kiss on Dan's cheek, her lips feeling its roughness. She pulls back and notices that he is blushing.
"Good morning." Blair murmurs, then takes a sip of her coffee and it's perfect.
She had responsibilities, work to do, but as she stands there with Dan in front of her, she decides that work can wait. This is what's important. They are important.
"Did you sleep okay?" he asks as they walk toward the living room. Blair glances at him.
"Not really." She confesses. Dan smiles.
"Me either. I had a lot on my mind."
Blair feels like she can't stop smiling as they engage in mundane conversation that seems meaningless on the outside but is deeply meaningful underneath its boringness. She likes the idea of neither of them sleeping, tossing and turning, thinking about each other.
"Me too." Blair demurs. She had a lot of Dan on her mind, his touch, his kiss, and even when she'd finally fallen asleep, he was still there and she'd been restless, her sleep tinged with anticipation of what was to come next.
"So?" Blair says, watching him, waiting for what comes next.
"Time for our date." Dan answers, and that smile is back, creeping across his face, full of happiness.
As dates go it's not the most romantic she's ever been on. Chuck has surpassed most notions of romance Blair ever had, flying her to exotic cities, paying string quartets to serenade her on rooftops. If there was one thing her ex-husband could do well it was romance. It's not even the most creative date. But it's probably the best.
They don't really do anything. Dan asks if Blair wants to take a walk in Central Park and she says yes, and Dorota materializes next to her with her coat, and Blair realizes she's been lurking on the other side of the door, listening to their conversation.
As they walk Blair links her arm through Dan's and she's close to him, her hip bumping his now and then, and they talk.
Blair tells Dan about life in Paris. She tells him that she loves it there in the winter when the tourists aren't in full force and she can enjoy the city unimpeded, and that the food is out of this world. She tells him about the ballet and the museums, both things she doesn't get to see enough of. She tells him that she loves her job, that she is finally the powerful woman she'd always dreamed of being, but it's taken a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice. She tells him that it's a good life.
She doesn't tell him that she's lonely sometimes.
Dan asks if she misses New York and Blair shrugs. Not really, she answers. There is nothing left in New York for her. There hasn't been for a long time. She left that behind.
Dan tells her about California, the beaches, the strange L.A. culture, with strip malls and donut shops and beautiful people, the wide gap between those who actually make it and those who just keep struggling. He tells her that he doesn't like the veneer of Hollywood and he really wants to go back to writing books
Blair says that his home is beautiful, and at first Dan is confused but then he remembers that she read the magazine.
"It's a nice house," Dan shrugs. He lives by the beach and drives to L.A. when he needs to attend meetings, and he agrees that the kitchen is amazing.
"But it's not my home." he tells her.
Blair asks Dan where home is and he answers that he doesn't know. He hasn't known for a long time.
"You've done well for yourself," Blair says, looking up at him as they continue walking.
"I've made a living," Dan agrees. "But is it everything I wanted? Not quite."
Blair doesn't probe further. She's not sure if she wants to know what is missing from Dan's life. She suspects the missing piece might bring all the guilt crashing down again. She suspects it might be her, because she's also beginning to understand that Dan is her missing piece.
They stop by the duck pond, one of Blair's favorite places in the entire world, and find a bench to sit on. She gazes out at the water, not saying anything. Dan clears his throat, and then he speaks, his voice a little shaky, and Blair realizes he has been steeling himself for what he's about to ask.
"What happened with Chuck?"
Blair looks away. She's not sure she wants to talk about this. Not with him. She decides to anyway because Dan deserves to know the truth.
"He loved his business more than me." she says, staring into the distance, "and I don't think I really loved him at all, so it was only a matter of time before everything collapsed."
Dan doesn't say anything. The silence stretches between them and Blair waits for his indignation over the fact that she left him for Chuck and now was saying that she never loved him in the first place. That she didn't give Dan a chance fifteen years ago. Dan reaches over and takes her hand in his and they sit there, ruminating on the past.
"I've learned a lot since then." Blair finally says, her voice squeaking a little. "I wish I'd done things differently. If I had, we could have, we wouldn't have lost so much..."
Her voice trails off and Dan squeezes her hand.
"It doesn't matter." he says finally. "We're here right now. Isn't that part of taking this day by day? Not worrying about the future but also not living in the past?"
Blair turns her head toward him. He is smiling and this time it's not a smile filled with happiness, but one that's tinged with sadness and regret.
"What have I done to deserve you walking back into my life, Daniel Humphrey?" Blair murmurs. She scoots closer to him and leans her head on his shoulder, and his hand comes around her shoulders and his fingers stroke her arm.
They have lunch and they keep talking, sharing their favorite movies and books, reconnecting, and after all these years, Dan and Blair are both surprised how they can just pick up where they left off, discussing, arguing, bantering, like they saw each other yesterday, not fifteen years ago.
After lunch they wander back towards Blair's penthouse, holding hands, fingers intertwined, and Blair is sad that their date appears to be coming to an end. They reach the front door to her building and she turns to Dan.
"I'm flying back home tomorrow." Blair says, her eyes stinging with unexpected tears.
"I know." Dan says, his voice a little sad. "I have to get back to California."
She doesn't want him to go, doesn't want this day to end. Neither does Dan because instead of leaving her at the door to her building, he gets into the elevator with her and they are silent as they ride up to the penthouse, their hands still linked.
They step into the foyer and the doors slide shut behind them, and Blair turns to Dan and takes his other hand in hers.
"Stay with me." she says, hoping he will answer yes. She sees a flicker of something in Dan's eyes, a wisp of lust, and it makes her insides tighten. He squeezes her hands tighter.
"I can't Blair." Dan says. "Remember how I said I want to do this right? That means no sex on the first date."
Blair doesn't hide her disappointment.
"Then kiss me." she counters and Dan frowns a little.
"I won't be able to stop, Blair."
His voice is hoarse and she knows that was what she was counting on, because the ache has started again and she knows what will release it.
"Then this is it?" Blair asks. They're going to say goodbye and go to different ends of the world, and leave with nothing. Well, not nothing. One day, one date. That's all they'll have.
She wants more.
"One day at a time." Dan says, smiling. "There's always tomorrow. But I know one thing that I would like to do now."
"What?" Blair asks, wondering what there is to do besides kissing and fucking.
"We never really got to finish our dance last night."
Blair smiles.
"No, we didn't."
Dan steps towards her and his arms are wrapping around her, and Blair winds her arms around his neck, her fingers finding the curls at its nape and tangling in them. She can feel his body against hers, warm, and she softens against him, letting him take some of her weight, and she is practically vibrating against him. His lips are in her hair and he is whispering something she can't make out. His flannel shirt is soft against her cheek and Blair closes her eyes tightly and commits everything about this moment to memory as they sway together slowly in the silence of the foyer.
She will fly home and go back to meetings and agendas, fashion shows, conference calls, but Blair pushes all of that out of her mind. Right now she's going to dance with Dan and later she'll worry about tomorrow.
TBC